Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 brads82
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 1
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?Page 1 of 1    
I met a young lady at the beginning of this year working for a company that she also worked at. After a month of asking around I found out that she was already taken.

At the end of my contract for this company, I had to at least tell her that I liked her quite a bit. I knew nothing was going to come from this, I just felt like she should know.

Today I found out that she has broken up with her boyfriend and has stated she is single on Facebook. I would like to say something to her like "Sorry to hear about your relationship not working out", but she would think I'm already trying to make a move.

How long should one wait before even attempting to ask someone out after they have had a break-up. I guess it is a bit of a gamble if you wait quite a few months, cause another guy could be in the picture before I even had a chace ...... or you ask to soon and it's considered wrong.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 2
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 2:27:41 AM
Please tell us how she reacted when you told her that you liked her quite a bit.
How long ago was that?
Did you tell her in person?
What did she say/do?

Any contact with her since then? What has that been like?
How would you get in touch with her now? phone? facebook? in person?

That info will help us help you.
 brads82
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 3
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 3:09:19 AM
Please tell us how she reacted when you told her that you liked her quite a bit.
How long ago was that? - I told her at the start of April this year.

Did you tell her in person? - I told her via Facebook

What did she say/do? - She said that she was very flattered and that she hopes I find someone.

Any contact with her since then? What has that been like? - I have been working at a different company, so have not been able to see her face-to-face since April. No real contact has been made.

How would you get in touch with her now? phone? facebook? in person? - I don't know her mobile number and would not be able to get into where she works easily .... so it would have to be facebook I guess.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 4
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 3:15:20 AM

Today I found out that she has broken up with her boyfriend and has stated she is single on Facebook. I would like to say something to her like "Sorry to hear about your relationship not working out", but she would think I'm already trying to make a move.
Why mention anything about the boyfriend? Just start paying more attention to her on facebook or whatever. (I can't believe I just said that, I so hate the whole narcissistic quality to facebook) Comment on her pictures, leave random messages on her 'wall' or whatever... You can express interest in her as a person and get some dialogue flowing without coming across as insensative or inappropriate. Just start talking to her, and see what develops. I hope it turns into something wonderful for you.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 5
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 3:41:01 AM
Okay, given what's gone on so far, I agree with anonymouslyme^^^.

It's hard to tell if she was just being polite back in April, and would have said the same thing regardless of having a bf or not.

Don't say anything about her breakup. Post/comment/send emails/chat through FB as a start. Starting now!

Are there any group events you two might have in common? If she posts that she's going to some public thing, then go, too.

Start with FB, since it's what you have, and the try to move to in person, or at least phone.
The time frame is really dependent on how she responds to your first FB efforts.

Good Luck! Glad to see you have a positive attitude and are ready to take action!
 Baber.
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 6
view profile
History
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 4:18:09 AM
Totally agree with Jinx on this one. She pretty much hit the nail on the head, in summary show some serious interest in her by giving her some attention.

Examples such as posting on her pictures, leaving her a message, etc. But don't over do it, otherwise she'll think you're crazy or like her too much, and as terrible as it is to say on here.. but they kinda like to chase as well.


Asking her out for something is straight up (women are used to be asked out) but try to talk to her first online. If she doesn't bite, as someone else said, ask her out for a friendly lunch to talk.

And when the opportunity rises, flirt with her. Hint that you find her attractive, mention what you are looking for in a person, tell her you like spending time with her, etc. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Whether it's too quick or not concerning her recent break-up, figure this.... if you don't hit on her hundreds of others guys still will! Who knows, maybe she is ready to move on right now and hates her ex but got messaged by someone else because you decided to wait?

Good luck.
 brads82
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 7
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 5:50:16 AM

but hell let me tell you what your here to hear...... go for it! now. you have nothing to lose, only reality to gain


I'm not looking for what I want to hear ..... I want what people think is a good time to wait before doing anything. Making moves on women who have just been in a break-up is just wrong and taking advantage of.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 8
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 7:02:10 AM
Brad, are you ready for some experienced advice?

Did you join or start any local special interest social groups as I advised two months ago?

Do you understand why some people may think it is funny to try to put you down?


Agree with those who say start now, with facebook or give her a call when you can, ask her out to lunch or to one of your local special interest social group gatherings.

Know that 8 out of ten times you ask women out, most will demur in some way.
That is about the NORMAL ratio, so accept those demurrals as normal behavior. Two may say yes!

Stay active in your special interest groups, and make friends there over time. When a girl knows you more, they are more likely to accept an invitation to dinner.



Making moves on women who have just been in a break-up is just wrong and taking advantage of.


So make a casual invitation to an event you share a common interest in, not a "move".

Never talk yourself out of taking a reasonable action, despite what others may think. S
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 9
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 9:28:48 AM
Someone once gave me advice with respect to a woman I wanted to go out with when I mentioned that she had a boyfriend: ``Just make sure you're next.'' So, go for it. He who hesitates is lost.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 10:45:18 AM

Please tell us how she reacted when you told her that you liked her quite a bit.
How long ago was that? - I told her at the start of April this year.


Strike one: You never tell a woman you like her quite a bit. The whole object of dating is that everything is implied. You asking her out implies that you like her, no words are needed other than the asking part. Don't do t hat again!


Did you tell her in person? - I told her via Facebook


Strike two: This is almost as bad as asking a third party to ask her out for you. Unless you have some disability like deafness or communication issues, ask you dates out in person if you know them personally.


What did she say/do? - She said that she was very flattered and that she hopes I find someone.


Ball one: See the above for the foul you just hit..... (And, NO you don't get to first base with these!)


Any contact with her since then? What has that been like? - I have been working at a different company, so have not been able to see her face-to-face since April. No real contact has been made.


Line drive: This is probably the smartest thing you did. Don't pester a woman who tells you she, "hopes you find someone"


How would you get in touch with her now? phone? facebook? in person? - I don't know her mobile number and would not be able to get into where she works easily .... so it would have to be facebook I guess.



Point blank ask her out.. Be specific, date, time, place and clothes she will need if it is a nice place.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 11:19:53 AM

I'm not looking for what I want to hear ..... I want what people think is a good time to wait before doing anything. Making moves on women who have just been in a break-up is just wrong and taking advantage of.


Dude, stop being a SNAG! You are not hurting women by asking them out! In fact, by not asking them out, you are denying them the opportunity to go out with a decent guy!

Write this on the back of you hand: I will not deny another woman a decent guy again!!!!
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 12
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 11:37:23 AM
"I hope you find someone."

That means: NO

No is the answer that tells you to stop thinking about how to keep trying, so think about something else, like the fact that there are other women who have not already told you no, and how to find one of them now that this one said no.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 1:33:49 PM

"I hope you find someone."

That means: NO


Not necessarily. If I understand it correctly, this conversation took place at the time when the girl was still with her bf, which is at the start of April when the OP's contract with the company was over. I'd have expected nothing but a gentle and polite brush-off under the circumstance, which is what the OP got.

OP, I would also agree that you should make your move right away. You don't have to be pushy. Just state your intentions clearly and let her know in no uncertain terms that you are interested, and ask her out if she seems receptive. Women generally appreciate a man who is decisive and not afraid to take charge. Well, at least that's what I've been told!
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 14
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 4:04:57 PM
hi OP:
dont wait and dont say you are sorry about her other relationship. better not to even mention it.
like you said yourself..if you wait someone else Will ask her out before you get the chance.

are you saying that you are wanting to know how long because you do not want to be a rebound for her?
forget about that and just ask her.
 tarotdream
Joined: 10/12/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 4:10:41 PM
Wait until you get the wedding invitation. Then go for it. Either way, it'll be a great movie of the week.


Don't wait.

Don't talk about anybody but her or you or you and her.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 4:26:34 PM
Well...you would be already trying to make a move. Why woudn't you want her to know that?

If her Facebook page says she's looking for a relationship, go for it. Like the other posters said, he who hesitates is lost.

However, the "I hope you find someone" does not bode well for you. In plain English it likely means "I hope you find someone...else".
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 6:14:14 PM
Although I have a Facebook presence, I would not tell someone my personal feelings for them through that venue. That's something I would do in person. She told you she's flattered but wished that you might meet someone . . . else. If you want to try again, CALL her up and ask her for a proper date. And don't wait forever.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 18
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 6:46:12 PM
1) Don't mention the old boyfriend - EVER. It only gives her a reason to shoot you down, i.e. "I'm thinking of getting back together with him, actually...."

2) The fact that you found out she was free from a POSTING is bad news for you. If she is BROADCASTING her single status, she actually broke up with the guy a long time ago. If she wants another BF, she's been on the hunt a long time BEFORE she posted being single.

This means that she ALREADY has a certain guy(s) in mind as a replacement. You have to beat out men she has pre-selected as prime candidates, people she may have ready access to, and may ALREADY be dating!

Additionally, you have to beat out the 20,000 other Facebook doofuses who have contacted her after seeing on her profile that she was single!

GOOD LUCK!!
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 19
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/14/2010 8:38:42 PM
a true player is THE reason she broke up ;)
go read all the forums about the 'nice' guy that waited, or the polite guy that thought she would come around......
you have already lost if you havent made contact by the end of the night.
Chances are there are four other sharks already in the waters lurking.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 20
view profile
History
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/15/2010 2:06:57 PM
How long do you wait? OMG, this reminds me of that scene from "When Harry Met Sally" and the girls are out. Sally tells them she and Joe have broken up. The one friend puts a card file on the table that is full of men's names. They have the discussion about not being ready.

Marie says, "But don't wait too long. Remember what happened to David Warshaw? His wife left him and everyone said give him some time, don't move in too fast - 6 months later he was dead."

I say go for it or you could lose out.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 21
She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?
Posted: 7/17/2010 7:53:21 PM
I would like to say something to her like "Sorry to hear about your relationship not working out", but she would think I'm already trying to make a move.

Well, you would be, right? I mean, you don't want to rush her, but you'd like to know if you might have a shot at such time as she's ready - and I think you could very reasonably say just about exactly that, right now.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > She broke-up with her boyfriend .... How long do I wait?