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 quickfix13
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 1
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Asking girl to take my virginityPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So I'm 22 now, and I'm starting to feel a bit anxious regarding my virginity. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I've tried to date girls, but it never lasts long before we break up. I think the problem is that I expect sex to be the outcome of the relationship. Meaning I have to put up with all the dates and small talk so we can work our way up to sex. I haven't even thought about love yet. I really want to find love, but sex seems more important to me now. I am thinking that if I have sex a few times, all the mysticism regarding it would disappear. Then I could go about having relationships with girls without the overhead of sex hanging above my head.

I have this friend that talks openly about sex. One day when she brought it up, I let slip I was a virgin. After that she started acting kind of strange. Like making sexual innuendos, but in a nice way. I've known her for awhile, and I know she's not dating anyone. So I was thinking of bringing this up very subtlety. I do like her as a friend, but I don't want to have a relationship with her. I don't want to take advantage of anyone. But if it's like a mutual agreement, where she wants to have sex just for fun, then is there any harm?

What do you think of this idea? I mean I want to take charge and be assertive, something that I've never done. Being too passive is what got me into this situation in the first place. Do you think after I've had sex a few times that I can be more successful with women?
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 2
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/20/2010 11:13:06 PM
What is you definition of success with women?

Come on, spell it out.

Describe a situation that illustrates you being successful with one woman or a plurality of women. Use adverbs, if possible.

On the face of it you sound like someone who is babbling randomly because nobody yet has taught you the wisdom of simply speaking your mind with women, who, contrary to what you may have heard, are actually people, just like yourself.
 Elgalawaat
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 3
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Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 1:13:19 AM
It is very simple. Get a Hooker. She gets the money she gives you the sex and no question asked.
 harmonyharvest
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 4
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 4:00:09 AM
Don't do it, Don't do it!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 5
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 4:17:53 AM
OP - I'd say, go for it. This is probably your best chance to lose your virginity in a way that doesn't end up in either heartbreak or marriage because all of the emotional stuff that goes along with sex in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. In other words, if your first experience is with a girlfriend, having sex will create more bonding between the two of you, which could end up in getting married just because you had sex or a more difficult break up. Here, you know the rules going in, so you can try to keep the emotional aspect in check to some extent.

It is very simple. Get a Hooker. She gets the money she gives you the sex and no question asked.

Personally, I think that would be a bad idea for a first experience. Paid sex is very different than real sex (i.e., someone you know). In particular, having a first experience with an escort is more likely than not to give a person a weird view of what sex is all about that carries over into real world relationships. Pay for play sex is better left to guys who have enough sexual experience to understand what they are paying for.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
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Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 5:18:45 AM
OP, if she wants to have sex and doesn't see it as more than that - then I say go for it. However - be conscious of the fact that you may develop feelings for her based on the sex if it's a first time for you and you continue sleeping with her - especially in a situation where you're trying to avoid the complete opposite. Life bites you on the ass like that. Make sure that doesn't happen to you.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 7
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 5:43:24 AM
OP...sex is part of a relation, but if your coming on like sex is all there is to a relation, then girls looking for more out of a relation are going to move on.

If your just wanting sex with someone...its better just to be upfront about it. But in reality, its better not to just walk up to people and say that is what you want...lol. Also many women and girls want a man with experience. So, that presents a problem or two.

But this female friend and her innuendo's in a nice way, sounds like she is interested. So, when it appears she is in one of those moods, take the initiative and get the ball rolling...even a kiss is a great start. Don't make it seem like a contract or arrangement, just mention along the way, this is just for fun or something to that effect. She will probably laugh and take advantage of you...if it turns into a regular thing will depend on how much fun it was for her...don't you think? She sounds experienced, learn from her how to please, etc.

Will this help in your future relationships? probably, most women want a man with experience who can please them, and don't want someone desperate for sex. Especially if so...that is all they are after.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 8
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Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 6:13:38 AM
the thought that "having sex" will make you quit thinking about sex is
downright hilarious!!
if you think you want it bad now........wait till you actually have some!!

anyhoo........I say go for it.
Discuss it with her and see how she feels about having a FWB thing with you.
 pitchawangdangdoodle
Joined: 7/16/2010
Msg: 9
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 8:23:41 AM

I have this friend that talks openly about sex. One day when she brought it up, I let slip I was a virgin. After that she started acting kind of strange. Like making sexual innuendos, but in a nice way. I've known her for awhile, and I know she's not dating anyone. So I was thinking of bringing this up very subtlety. I do like her as a friend, but I don't want to have a relationship with her. I don't want to take advantage of anyone. But if it's like a mutual agreement, where she wants to have sex just for fun, then is there any harm?

Harm? Hell no! Talk about it with her, and if she's into it, go for it. At worst, maybe it makes things awkward for a couple weeks if she's not interested. At best she jumps you immediately and helps you get over the jitters. Because it is a lot of pressure being with somebody you "love" the first time. Sex and love are different things, and the earlier in life you learn that lesson, the better-adjusted your love-life (and sex-life) will be going forward.

My advice.

1) Get condoms. Get a 12-pack. Your very first time will be over in probably <30 seconds, and you will want to go again. Plus, they're easy to screw up if you haven't worked with them before. If you're fortunate enough to be big, get Magnums... much more comfortable for the large man. This is non-negotiable, even if she's on some kind of birth-control, diseases are a factor in modern life, as you should already know from school. Even diseases that don't harm men (like HPV, for example) can be very dangerous to your future partners if they are pre-disposed to cancers of the cervix.
2) Get a private place where no interruptions or distractions will be possible. If you both live with your parents, a decent hotel room can be inexpensive with Priceline/Hotels.com/whoever. If you (or she) have room mates, arrange a time when they go out (as a group or separately) and make it understood they aren't to disturb you when/if they return before you guys are "done."
3) Lubricant! KY, whatever. Even if its not her first time too, she might be nervous about it being yours and need a little beyond what she naturally produces to accommodate your action. Believe it or not, women get performance anxiety too, sometimes.
4) Be hydrated and well -rested before hand. If you're going to have a couple drinks to smooth out your nerves, make sure its only a couple and that you're not "wasted" when the time comes to do your thing. I suggest sharing a bottle of wine--its enough that you'll both have rosy cheeks (and lower inhibitions,) but not so much to get in the way of any fun.

Good luck, man. Let us know how it goes!
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 10
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 8:34:27 AM
oh the folly of youth
 revoskeepnus
Joined: 5/30/2010
Msg: 11
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 1:31:14 PM
I'll take it for 300 bucks... and you will be benefit a worthy cause: prevention of prostitution through dance. :)
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 12
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 3:49:44 PM
Perhaps you should instead save up your money and hire an escort (not a street prostitute) and get the loss of your virginity out of your system....I warn you though....once you start............

If you have sex on the brain now as a virgin, it is likely going to get worse, not better after you discover just how good it feels. As for whether or not it will make you more successful with women, who knows. If it gives you more confidence, it just might because we like confident men.

first time sex with friend....bad idea because emotions may form for all the wrong reasons.
 Caitbait
Joined: 7/8/2010
Msg: 13
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 4:49:08 PM


So I'm 22 now, and I'm starting to feel a bit anxious regarding my virginity. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I've tried to date girls, but it never lasts long before we break up. I think the problem is that I expect sex to be the outcome of the relationship. Meaning I have to put up with all the dates and small talk so we can work our way up to sex. I haven't even thought about love yet. I really want to find love, but sex seems more important to me now. I am thinking that if I have sex a few times, all the mysticism regarding it would disappear. Then I could go about having relationships with girls without the overhead of sex hanging above my head.

Your problem mate is that you're hung up on the sex idea - sex is not the outcome of a relationship, merely one of many enjoyable parts of one. You'll maybe think it cliche, but really, there is a world of difference in simple sex and actual making love.


I have this friend that talks openly about sex. One day when she brought it up, I let slip I was a virgin. After that she started acting kind of strange. Like making sexual innuendos, but in a nice way. I've known her for awhile, and I know she's not dating anyone. So I was thinking of bringing this up very subtlety. I do like her as a friend, but I don't want to have a relationship with her. I don't want to take advantage of anyone. But if it's like a mutual agreement, where she wants to have sex just for fun, then is there any harm?

What you're talking about is commonly called a "Friends With Benefits" scenario, or FWB - and there's nothing wrong with it provided it's what you *both* want. But if she does want a relationship, it would clearly be wrong for you to take advantage of her - but then you know that - I get the impression you're a decent sort of bloke...


What do you think of this idea? I mean I want to take charge and be assertive, something that I've never done. Being too passive is what got me into this situation in the first place. Do you think after I've had sex a few times that I can be more successful with women?

Personally, no.

Learn to be at ease with women, and learn to be a genuine friend to them as well. When women can see that you are not just there for the one thing, that you've grown to the point of seeing them as equals, you'll find someone like you becomes very attractive to them.

Caitbait.
 gliding262
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 14
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/21/2010 7:43:57 PM
You can ask her but I wouldn't. She was probably just toying with you. If it were me I would probably try and find a date, besides there are plenty of less experienced folks at your age, should not be hard to find one.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 15
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Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 6:37:01 AM
if you do it.....you will go blind!!
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 16
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Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 6:37:55 AM
oh wait....thats masterbation!

ummm..

ponders.....

never mind
 revoskeepnus
Joined: 5/30/2010
Msg: 17
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 6:37:58 AM
Actually, don't listen to anyone else.

If you are still a virgin, it's because you actually place some value on the act of sex. That is a rare quality today, and you should cherish it. Hold out for someone that you love, and no matter what you do, you're gonna suck at first. Practice makes perfect, but don't rush it... hell, I wish I were still a virgin most of the time.

like others have said, you don't know what you're missing until you get it

Good luck...
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 18
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Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 6:40:57 AM

If you are still a virgin, it's because you actually place some value on the act of sex. That is a rare quality today, and you should cherish it.


umm....nope! I dont think thats it!

I could be wrong....but I think the lad just wants to do the nasty so he isnt a virgin anymore..I dont think the cherished the act of making love..
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 19
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Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 6:41:55 AM
edit
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 20
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Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 11:33:51 AM
I am thinking that if I have sex a few times, all the mysticism regarding it would disappear.

Haha nope. In the immortal words of Ron White, "once you've seen one woman naked, you... wanna see the rest of 'em naked".


If you are still a virgin, it's because you actually place some value on the act of sex.

Even bigger "nope". Did you read what he wrote? He is still a virgin because he hasn't succeeding in otherwise.
 Lindseeeey
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 21
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 12:54:37 PM
I am in the exact opposite relationship with my best friend!!!

He's 23, and he has been the butt of many jokes for being a virgin. Its constantly up for discussion, like where Jeff can find someone to take it, where he can meet a girl etc. I feel really bad for him, especially since all his friends know and talk about it when theres a lot of people around.

Sometimes I really debate taking it or just offering to you know.. I was dating someone for awhile so I doubt he even considered it. I wouldnt want it to be weird for us though afterward, and I have absolutely no sexual attraction to him.

I dont think it would hurt for you to ask her. If it happens, let me know how it goes! I am starting to feel Jeff might ask me himself. :S
 Korotky
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 22
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 1:17:49 PM
I recommend losing your virginity in one of the original Austin Mini's, which is precisely what I did, all the objects you will collide with as you attempt it will take your mind off the ethical and emotional issues completely, and if you're really unlucky you might end up with first, second, and third, tatooed onto your ar$e in bruises...
 a_lonewolf
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 23
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 2:20:26 PM
If you think that having sex a couple of times is going to get it out of your system, think again. At your age, it will be back in your system in about 10 minutes tops.
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 24
Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/22/2010 2:41:47 PM
Do not do it.I wish I waited for my husband.you should wait for the right person that you love and are in love with.sex and love is the key.sex with out love makes you feel empty.But sex with someone you love and are in love with is awesome.
 tallshyman
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 25
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Asking girl to take my virginity
Posted: 7/23/2010 12:08:51 AM
I was Depressed after losing my virginity because I had to want a long time to meet a woman.
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