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 Lybragh
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 1
Why does he ignore me?Page 1 of 1    
I've been in this bible study group for a few years and this guy is in it. He only talks to the other women in the group and basically ignores me and doesn't even look at me. He says hello and stuff, but when I tried to have a conversation with him, he stiffened up and would not make eye contact. I sensed that he was uncomfortable that I was sitting next to him and that he did not want to talk to me. Does he hate me or something?
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 2
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 12:05:25 PM
A better question is WHY do you need him to like your or pay attention to you? Maybe he doesn't like your opinions in Bible Study and has decided to turn the other check rather than argue religion with you.

Get a life outside of your inner-inner-inner circle of friends.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 12:22:35 PM
That's one of those fifty-fifty deals.
Shy people react exactly that way when they are attracted to someone. They are afraid to show that they DO like you, in case you are offended.
I've been on both ends of such things. The look of fear in a person's eyes when they are afraid you ARE attracted to them is exactly the same as when they are afraid you ARE NOT. Best thing to do for now, is stay the course, until you can collect some more "intelligence" on him. Is he gay? Married? Nervous? Offended somehow? Attracted? We'll see!
 dpl313
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 4
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 12:34:48 PM
I was wondering why do you need his attention? Also, have you ever went up to him, and asked why does he do that to you?
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 5
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Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 1:06:18 PM
You don't have much information about him. Is he gay, married, single? Perhaps he's attracted to you and doesn't want to get involved, he's there for Bible study and prefers to keep his mind on the Bible and not on s-e-x, who knows. It's funny how we always get curious about the one person who ignores us.
 dmd7
Joined: 6/13/2010
Msg: 6
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 1:10:27 PM
C'mon now guys. Just because she asked a question out of curiosity why assume she " needs " his attention?

She finds it strange that he talks to all these other women but not her, that doesn't mean she needs anything.

None of us has a clue why he acts that way toward you. Maybe you should strike up a conversation with him and see what happens.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 7
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 1:36:45 PM

when I tried to have a conversation with him, he stiffened up
That is usually a very good sign. But it was during bible study. He is conflicted between piety and lust.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 8
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Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 1:41:30 PM
Regardless of why is acting this way, what does that tell you about his interest in you?
 Rebluez
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 9
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 1:59:09 PM
Seems pretty simple to me... either you intimidate him, to some degree, or he likes you and just doesn't have the confidence to go one-on-one with you. I mean, let's face it, if he talks to the other women in the group, but not you... he doesn't feel threatened by them, or isn't thinking of them the way he thinks about you. I doubt that you've done anything that would have upset him (unless you previously dismissed some attempt on his part to get closer to you) so chalk it up to a bad case of nerves.

As for needing his attention, I agree that's not what's motivating you... more that you notice he's like this with you (and not the others) so you're naturally wondering why.

Maybe taking him to the side, asking him to join you for a coffee after the meeting, would help both of you get things out in the open.


Bluez
 woodduck87114
Joined: 6/29/2010
Msg: 10
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 2:20:09 PM

I sensed that he was uncomfortable that I was sitting next to him and that he did not want to talk to me. Does he hate me or something?

Could be he's attracted to you, and acting like that to force you to ask "what's wrong with you/me" whereby he gets attention without having to take responsibility for being the first to talk.
IOW he "chases" you indirectly in order to manipulate you into "chasing" him directly.

He's got a christian self image of holiness and good to maintain. So maybe he wants you to get off your painted Jezebel ass and ask him out, then he can feel superior to you because girls aren't supposed to ask out boys unless god tells them to.

Could be you farted by him once and that's all he thinks about when you are near.

Could be he farted near you once and he's worried you are going to make fun of him for it.

Could be he is gay or desires to be the prettiest one in the class and you threaten that.

Could be he knows your family and got into a fight with one of your cousins one time.

Could be in 4th grade you made him eat a worm.

Could be he doesn't think you are very smart when it comes to the bible.
Could be he thinks you are smarter than he is when it comes to the bible.

Could be his sister is a lesbian with your sister, so he thinks your family is evil sinners.

The possibilities are endless without any real information provided.
 A-Womans-Best-Friend
Joined: 7/29/2009
Msg: 11
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Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 2:59:18 PM
I am pretty sure he is attracted to you and feels nervous to talk to you, he stiffens up and will not make eye contact because he is shy around attractive women he likes, even if he is married he is attracted to you and trying not to act on his emotions.

If you can get him alone and tell him you like to get to know him over coffee he will agree and start to loosen up if he knows your interested.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 12
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 3:09:22 PM

ignores me and doesn't even look at me.
when I tried to have a conversation with him, he stiffened up

Despite my non-existent experience with bible study groups, I risk to assume that to him,
you are the incarnation of temptation to sinful masturbation, that could lead him to condemnation to eternal sulfurous burning and flagellation without hope of redemption or salvation.
The fact that he stiffens confirms exactly that...

 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 13
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 3:40:03 PM
He is so taken by your beauty
Your brains
Your opinions, every time you say something
in bible study class
he stops thinking about the word of God
all he can think about is YOU
You are to him like the sun
He can only take a glimpse of your face at the time
or he is blinded, that's why he looks away so fast

There, is that what you wanted to hear?
Have a nice Sunday!
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 14
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 4:13:07 PM
OP... I guess as a christian I would come out and ask him since, there is aproblem whether it is shyness or what. I think if it was me I would very quietly ask him for a moment of his time. Take him aside and ask him bluntly "have I offended you in anyway?" If so lets get this resolved if I haven't then what is up it appears I make you uncomfortable in some way. Let's resolve it since it is distracting me from the reason I am hear.

OP there could honestly be a hundred reason that his behavior is that way after you try to resolve the matter let it go.
Good luck.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 15
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 4:56:48 PM
Not your fault, but being attractive and sitting next to a shy man IS very stressful for him.

It sends the hormones flowing and he has to counter that somehow, sometimes by focusing his attention elsewhere on someone he DOESN'T find so attractive.

A study was done where a model sat next to unsuspecting men in a waiting room, then they took a blood test and nearly ALL the men had an elevated level of the stress hormone cortisol.

If you want that specific man's attention, dress frumpy with no makeup, talk to him in private about something he is interested in. S

P.S. Other possibilities could be that someone jealous told him gossip or slander about you, to try to divert his attention from you, or he mis-perceives you as a harlot..

 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 16
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 5:55:21 PM
Sounds like someone needs to slap him in the head with a bible. As some of the others have said if he is ignoring you, he is probably afraid to look at you. You are very attractive and that is very intimidating.
 Willys Wild Wheaties
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 17
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Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 7:33:51 PM
Some people have personalities that rub each other the wrong way....like somebody said about the coffee or you are simply going to have to go out of your way a bit to figure it out...Ever thought to include him more in the study and compliment him a bit....

Take any small group and there is always clashes....
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 18
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 7:43:17 PM
Stop making him pray an extra ten rosaries for his impure thoughts - leave him alone... And don't turn THAT other cheek, or it's twenty rosaries.
 a_lonewolf
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 19
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 7:54:05 PM

Does he hate me or something?

I'm guessing he might not like you. You probably rub him the wrong way somehow. He says hello to you and stuff probably due to the fact that you are in a bible study. What else is he going to do, start a war? He seems to not have a problem talking to other women, so even if he liked you, I'm sure he would be able to talk to you as well without stiffening up. Unless he is 12 years old or something. (hmmm, as I type this just realized you never said what "stiffens up" exactly on him. I could be way off base)

Either way, if he is going to talk to you, he will. If he doesn't, he won't. Not too sure what the big deal is here.
 artist_48
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 20
Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/25/2010 8:25:28 PM
I think it's apparent to him that you like him and he is avoiding talking with you so that you aren't made to feel bad. Just my take on it. His mode of dealing with it is avoidance. I would just go enjoy the class/ group and focus on something/ someone else and allow him the space to get to know you as a friend if he gets to a place where he's good with that. Best wishes.

Haven't you ever had someone who liked you and the feeling wasn't mutual? I think that's the case here. Focus on the ones who also have interest in you.
 raxarsr
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 21
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Why does he ignore me?
Posted: 7/26/2010 2:07:30 AM
op........i'd say.take sassys advice......seems to me he likes you......

you could get one of the other women to ask him what he thinks of you.........i'd pick someone i could trust completely................simply tell her the same story you told us

however..this advice.....as well as most posted here.....is assueming that your attracted to him..............................if your not however..........then just treat him friendly and politely


i heard a line on a tv show once that might apply here............."cant like everyone".......could be.......he just doesnt care for you.............[though i doubt that]......who knows......maybe you remind him of a teacher he disliked?
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