Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Response to first contact means not interested or?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 EzillyAmused
Joined: 8/5/2010
Msg: 1
Response to first contact means not interested or?Page 1 of 1    
Hello Fishies,
Fellas....I am just curious about your responses to first contact. I have recently sent a few different styles of message to a few of you. All of them asking questions that could not be answered with yes or no lol. I got nice responses that answered my quiries but did not engage me in conversation ie: did not ask any questions of me they simply answered my questions about them. I have taken this to mean that they are not interested. Am I being too black and white here or....am I right in thinking if they were interested they would try to engage me in conversation by asking questions about me?
Just curious...been out of the loop for quite a while !!
 Thundercat2010
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 2
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 10:26:00 AM
The only way to find out is to go deeper and inquire further regarding the responses
you received.

At least one of the guys that answered should be interesting enough to query.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 3
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 10:40:50 AM
You have no picture..


I vote not interested.


they would try to engage me in conversation by asking questions about me?


At the least,if not down right ask you what time and where.

Get a profile review esp if you actively put an effort out there and send out first e mails..

Good luck!!
 MrABQ87114
Joined: 7/29/2010
Msg: 4
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 10:40:54 AM

Am I being too black and white here

Yes.
The only black or white response is no response at all.
There is either not interested, or interested for any of various number of reasons, shown in any number of ways.

And in that range is "meh, they haven't blown my skirt up yet, but this is just emailing."
So they may be saving their interest interest for when you are actually face to face.

But don't forget just because they respond to you, and that does show some form of interest, don't take it to mean they are interested in what you want or how you hope they are interested in you.


am I right in thinking if they were interested they would try to engage me in conversation by asking questions about me?

Far as I know you can think however you want to.
The only one that can tell if you are "right" is the other person. Not a bunch of strangers.
Maybe they are trying to communicate via indirect communication.

I mean instead of coming onto the forums you could have brought this conversation up with him, thereby he shows interest by trying to get you to come up with something actually worth talking about rather than continuing or reinforcing the exchange of inane questions.And maybe he knows you well enough just from your profile and email that you would take him bringing this up with you directly as a form of attack, as though he's calling your email vapid and meaningless, and then you'd run away thinking that he is insulting you.

Of course maybe he just likes the attention, but really doesn't care if you pursue or not.
Like he's thinking "hmmm, no picture, so she's probably fugly, buuuuut no one else is first contacting me, so what the hell, let's see where this goes."

Or he has some sort of "game" plan, like acting aloof and not too interested because, with internet dating and 99.9999% of the people not really here for anything truly meaningful, every time he shows interest they run away.
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 10:57:48 AM
As guys we get lectured by women about how we need to make our messages more interesting and relevant.

We appreciate women making first contact but if you are going to do it .. the same rules that apply to men apply to women.

Make it interesting. Ask closed questions you might get closed answers.

Guys can reply as you recount because . they are being playful, they are dumb, they are niot interested, they are not sure if they are interested, you say you want friends on your profile etc etc..

Some women back off a guy that answers extensively too.

And you have no picture .... come on ....

If you get a reply and it isn't a thanks but no thanks ... etc ... keep going.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 6
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 11:21:40 AM
A reply of any kind that is answering questions but not proposing their own questions shows somewhat a possible lack of interest. Yet without a picture, the fact you even got a reply is a miracle in itself. Now I use a picture and my biggest problem is the women whom are signed up are never around. They don't check their email on a regulare basis. So either they have money and travel a lot or they have other hobbies but they don't seem to be in any hurry to check their email. I have had to pace myself to not even bother to look for a day or two just keep up with their response time. I have had to send emails out to five at a time instead of one and am now thinking maybe ten at a time, lol. They don't care, they aren't attention starved. May as well turn them into bots and carry on a one way conversation.
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 11:23:13 AM
not everyone is comfortable communicating in writing. not everyone shows interest by asking questions, since not all conversation is question and answer. one response doesn't provide much evidence by which to gauge interest. that being said, i wouldn't try more than twice unless someone looked really special.

you might try not emailing a question. make a statement. then the guy will feel less socialization impetus to answer solely from politeness, so a response might more clearly indicate interest.

by the way, thanks for having the backbone to make the first move. good luck to you.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 11:30:10 AM
Even if a guy WAS interested, and wasn't asking you anything - would you want to date him if that was his method of conversation or natural level of interest in you? I vote it doesn't matter. What you want is someone who can meet you toe to toe. Seek that out.
 EzillyAmused
Joined: 8/5/2010
Msg: 9
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 11:42:57 AM
Wow lots of varied and interesting responses...thanks to all who offered advice!
I was just dipping my toe in the water a couple of times not making any big steps forward. I understand about the no picture issue...to those who said that may be the reason. I suppose if any of the few I contacted really interested me I would make a second contact and your answers have helped....now I think I possibly would try a second time and attach a picture to the second message if the person really intersted me. I just wondered since the replies were polite but not engaging if any more contact from me would be bothering someone who is not interested. As many said...only one way to find out and that is to send a second message. I am thinking in many ways its easier to meet someone in person since you have the unspoken cues ( body language) to help too! I love reading the forums.....thanks again fishies!
 MrFication
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 11:57:57 AM
I find that an interested person will usually ask at least one question to continue the dialogue. If you get a nice response, but no question...my take would be not interested or playing hard to get.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 11
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 11:59:22 AM
I possibly would try a second time and attach a picture to the second message if the person really intersted me.


Most in POFerland are not easily amused by text alone, since some blank profiles are fakes.

Especially when they are brand new profiles, post and then disappear quickly...
Maybe fun for some- teenagers likely..

IF you are serious about possibly finding someone compatible, post your picture.

IF you have a picture posted and get no response, then you have a better idea of what it means... S
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 12:03:35 PM
I posted something similar to this a while back. Here is the thing, if a man pursues he is supposed to keep you engaged until you accept his date. On the other hand, if a woman pursues the man is still required to do the same. Apparently, women have no accountability when pursuing a man. From a woman's perspective, when they pursue someone it is not to get a date, but to find out more about that person. On the other hand, a man's main objective is to get the date, after which they will get to know that person.

So, if a man just give you the answers you need then, according to the POF majority, he is giving you everything you need, you know know him a little better at that point.

Common sense would dictate that the next step would be to ask him for a date, correct? Wishful thinking, women do not do that!

EDIT: To answer your question, it does not necessarily mean he is not interested.
 snipehunter77
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 13
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 12:16:44 PM
Really hard for a guy to respond to a female that has no photo, we are so visual.

Generally I'm open to conversations with women who I will probably never meet. But I think I'm a little weird that way. If the guy is here to find miss right or miss tonight then he is gonna be quick to respond and keeping the communication flowing if he is interested.
 harmonyharvest
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 14
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 12:34:13 PM
I would venture that they could have been busy when they read your email or are not the type of person to ask questions upon first email. These people you refer to did write you back and did not say they were UN-interested did they?

Ask more questions, ask what they are looking for and maybe you will discover one who intrigues you...give it time.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 12:38:01 PM

Even if a guy WAS interested, and wasn't asking you anything - would you want to date him if that was his method of conversation or natural level of interest in you? I vote it doesn't matter. What you want is someone who can meet you toe to toe. Seek that out.

i dated a gal for a while who worked as a writer. she was great on email. things went thunk when we got to the phone stage, because she wasn't a phone talker. i had doubts about her, but then we met, and things picked back up again. we stopped dating because i went exclusive with someone else.

point is, this post brings to mind picking up a book in a genre i like, liking what i see in the flyleaf blurb, then tossing it aside if the first sentence isn't most gripping i've ever read.

when people are bombarded with offers - slender women with bikini shots, say - they can afford to eliminate candidates at the first hint of imperfection. the op doesn't fall into that category, presumably.
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 1:43:09 PM
You have no photo and your profile seems to be hidden, that might turn off a few people.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 1:46:52 PM
You would be correct in that if they don't engage you in asking about you, they are simply not interested. They may nopt be interested in engaging you because you don't have a picture or, other.
 NiceandEdgy
Joined: 7/13/2010
Msg: 18
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 2:21:27 PM
I respond to all that message, does not matter if I am interested in them or not. If I am interested in a woman... believe me she will know it as I am not much into ambiguity.

But that is just me.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 7:25:43 PM

when people are bombarded with offers - slender women with bikini shots, say - they can afford to eliminate candidates at the first hint of imperfection. the op doesn't fall into that category, presumably.

Hey, I don't tend to care about offers, who they're from or how many I have to choose from - assuming I get any. I just like what I like. I could have no offers and still have preferences. To me lack of conversation isn't a hint of imperfection.

Honestly, I've never met a guy who was stumped for conversation in e-mails or IMs who was then a social genius in person or on the phone, so I'll stick with my theory. If it narrows down my dating pool to little or nothing, than so be it. Men are a bonus for me, not a requirement, If there's no one I want to date out there, then I just won't date. Saves time. *shrug*
 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/11/2010 10:00:54 PM
no response = not interested....granted I didn't read how long it's been since you sent the message and now, but if it's been "read" and not replied to within a day or two....not interested...if it's only been a day or two, give the guy the benefit of the doubt....he could have just been busted at work or something and not had a chance to reply.
 24beach
Joined: 8/5/2010
Msg: 21
Response to first contact means not interested or?
Posted: 8/12/2010 5:39:38 AM
Depends on the length of the email conversation. If this was the first email, then I would send him another email. Perhaps he was very busy and only had a few minutes to check his emails. Or he wasn't quite sure what to say at that particular moment. But if this was happening for several emails, then I woud think ke's not interested.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Response to first contact means not interested or?