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 RandomGuyNo_5
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 1
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Why is it so hard to get a date!Page 1 of 1    
I'm fed up with online dating - its just does not work for me
I can't remember the last time anyone contacted me and when I do try messaging people I get read deleted. I appreciate that women must get loads of messages every day but it would nice to a message my way occasionally!

Anyone give me any advise.
 You go first
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 2
Why is it so hard to get a date!
Posted: 8/22/2010 8:50:10 PM
It could be anything - it could be nothing. Who knows with women.

For me, I looked at the photos to make sure it gave a good idea of what the guy looked like. I was only disappointed once. A good gallery also helps.

Then I checked the Interests to see if they were generic: Music, Movies, Travel, Sports ,
or more specific: Rolling Stones, Classic Rock, Action Films, Australia, Hockey.
The more specific Interests fields were more - interesting - for lack of a better word. It gave me an idea right away of the personality before I read the profile.

The profile body needed to include basics about work/employment, personality traits, and who they were looking for. If someone worked in humour and details, even better.

If there were a list of 'requirements', gone.
If there were a litany of complaints, gone.
A profile filled with cliches says nothing about the guy - you seem to avoid pretty much all of them, but I don't recall humour.

You have a good skeleton, you just need to add some flesh.

When you are sending introductory messages, keep them short and light-humoured. Make the first sentence and subject line specific to her profile so she knows you're not just sending 'spam' messages to a hundred women. Ask only one question so she has an easy way to respond. Sign only your first name - do not beg them to check you out and email you back. If you are wondering about your first contact messages, feel free to use my profile as a test sample and send me a 'typical' message for practice and private comment.

Some guys switch out their main photo every couple of weeks so they appear 'new'. This could work in your favour. A big smiling head/shoulders shot is always best for the main as it makes you seem friendly and approachable.

It took my guy a year and half for me to find him. Don't give up yet.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 3
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Why is it so hard to get a date!
Posted: 8/22/2010 9:29:53 PM
Pics: Try at this. Read up about it. While yours are not bad get at least 5 that are better. Its easier than finding a good cup of coffee. I was the biggest proponent of "it doesn't really matter- people see through that". That is not true.

Maybe look at your strengths. You're near one of the most sought metropolitan centres on this planet, you've what seems decent prospects, can dress well, aren't off of athletic and have height. Your age is in the best zone for many single women and you can compose your thoughts. There's a hint of humor in some of what you're up to. Travelling seems a commonplace thing.

Nevertheless I'm sure I know folk who could get fewer read deletes typing out messages using their tongue while under heavy guard and bandaged up in a maximum security prison (surprising how many dates prisoners get).

What I'm trying to get at is that you can emphasize your strengths better.

To start your About Me starts off depressing, negative and, - its not sort of true.
"Like most of my thirtysomethings singleton friends I wonder how hard can it be to meet someone nice?"

Provide examples of adventure and specifics. Show its fun but not clowning. Use specifics that people may by accident share something with you.
"I'm a closet extrovert and given the chance like to express an adventurous side. Although I may give the appearance of a sensible individual most of the time.
Music and travelling makes me happy. Its nice to stop the clock and really relax and do the simple things."

This dancing could work with examples of where you've done some of this
"I like to strut my stuff on the dance floor, be that cheesy disco or ceroc / blues dancing for which you need a partner ? its related to salsa. I've been doing ceroc for 6 years.

This next could be better with details
"I like to learn some of the language when I visit a new country."

The following is mixed negative. You do not need restrictions. Don't ask people not to contact you. It will piss off those you'd like to hear from. You're less than 30 miles from London. Are you so much buried with hits from foreigners that a little negative spiel is needed?. I'm not fond of the "I'm this so you also be" argument. It may appeal to high school vice principals but grates dating.
"I look forward to hearing from you but please only get in touch if you live with in 30 miles and have a photo on line, after all you know what I look like! Thanks"
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 4
Why is it so hard to get a date!
Posted: 8/23/2010 5:43:48 AM
It's short, vague on what you look like and who you seek, a job title and stats are dry.
Women look for personality compatibility, and sense of knowing what you are like before they'll warm up to you--what you like to do, your likes, what will you do together?
Films<--this and others--be specific. She wants to know now, and won't ask later: what do you like to cook, where do you walk, pets? hiker? yoga? books, tv, music? etc. Details help her put the pieces together.
More pics will help you, more smiles.

About Me
Having the appearance of a sensible individual most of the time, I'm
a closet extrovert and like to express my adventurous side, via
music, travel, dance--from cheesy disco to ceroc / blues dancing for which you need a partner, really relaxing and doing the simple things, learning some of the language when I visit a new country.
I seek...
First Date
A drink somewhere, like a pub, coffee shop or bar, somewhere with comfy sofa chairs for a good chat.
 TAries4gsds
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 5
Why is it so hard to get a date!
Posted: 8/23/2010 7:00:21 AM
It's just too short and needs more meat to it. You have been alive for 37 years... I'm SURE you have more to say about you than THIS!

Here's the thing... if women see you don't put very much effort into your profile (which should be like putting your best foot forward), they are also going to figure you're not going to put much effort into the relationship.

Also, your first messages are critical. I can't tell you how many I read/delete. I've even changed my settings so that the first message must have more than 2 words in it... and I still get first messages that are total crap. I have so much that a man can talk about on my profile and all he can come up with is "You're pretty"?? NEXT!!!! I don't know what you're sending... I'm just letting you know what women don't want.
 IsThisNameTakenAswell
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 6
Why is it so hard to get a date!
Posted: 8/23/2010 7:39:02 AM
To tell you the truth big fella, I would take the "read-delete" any day. If you suddenly become a top bloke by changing your profile and start scoring dates - they're just gonna end up cancelling on ya. Amazing how many women catch colds on the day they were supposed to go out with you.

My advice - give up and start giving profile reviews. This way, you can be rest assured that all the good advice you give others to help them score dates will result in them being stood up - not you.

All the best,
Cracker
 DTFan88
Joined: 6/8/2010
Msg: 7
Why is it so hard to get a date!
Posted: 8/23/2010 9:40:17 AM
You should check out tips from someone like David DeAngelo. He has a system that is supposed to help you get a better than average reply rate. He is a big proponent of the "cocky-funny" attitude of talking to women (basically a form of teasing). I haven't bought any of his material yet, but get his free newsletters and they are quite interesting with good advice. Another great website to check out if you have been "too nice" most of your life (like me) is nomoremrniceguy.com. It teaches you confidence and how to stop being a people pleaser,etc.
 --JimmyJames--
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 8
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Why is it so hard to get a date!
Posted: 8/24/2010 9:39:46 AM
David D has great videos. When watching his videos keep in mind, he is still single, and most of the guys who do appearances on his show are single. Sure they have met thousands of women, but they're still single. Why? because the techniques they use are simple mind tricks, they can win over almost any women, so they have to sift through all the women they now talk to, to really find a match. They teach you how to change your train of thought, a lot of psychology behind it. Sure you will probably learn great things, but don't get too overly "cocky". I can tell you that after I watched a ton of his videos and read a bunch of books he suggested my success rate on this site changed dramatically. I went from having talked to no women, to having talked to 20-30 in the last 5-6 months and met a few. I have had 12 or so message me first in the last few months. His DVD set "Deep Inner Game" is one of the best ones. Once you have watched his videos, remember to be yourself.
 gavreel
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 9
Why is it so hard to get a date!
Posted: 8/24/2010 1:03:45 PM
From my experience, it's best to just be yourself and focus on that. Every lady you meet is different and comes from different backgrounds. What one woman finds interesting and exciting another won't. You have to focus on being happy and enjoying yourself, around women. If your truly having a good time, deep down inside yourself, mostly likely the woman your talking with is, also. It will project as confidence, and stability in her eyes and she'll be drawn to you, like a magnet. Forget about what's she thinking and wondering about you. Only concern yourself with what you think and feel about yourself. Now I'm not suggesting becoming selfish. Only that you do what you truly believe inside and what feels right to you. If walking with her, you suddenly feel the passion to open the door for her, then do it. If you don't feel that, let her get to the door first. If it's you to always, open the door for a woman, then always open the door, but be you. If she suddenly says something you don't like, and it makes you feel anger, than let her see you angry.
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