| | what do I make of this?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | me and my girlfriend were each other's first true loves, graduated high school together and have been together monogamously & consistently for three years. as it stands right now we are both college students and have both just turned 20.
things began to get rocky when we endured a 2 year long distance term but we made the sacrifices necessary to keep it afloat and I'd say the distance showed us a lot about ourselves and each other. during this I got her pregnant twice one child resulted in stillbirth, the other miscarriage.
about 5-7 months ago a friend introduced her to another guy (22 y/o) with the same name as me. her friend used him as a "means of transportation" around, and even my gf would when in the company with the female friend as well. they got closer as friends of course.
things became rocky (her apartment + job + school) we had some issues. she had just got accepted 2 a school that's back in our rightful city. but after our last argument I checked her facebook & it said she was in a new relationship with the guy and soon they'd be moving in together in an apartment & going to the new school together.
immediately after being dumped -- she proposed the least I could do is "be her bestfriend afterwards" (bullshit). I refuted that & basically went NO CONTACT strong for a month without conversation. she called me every other day (if not everyday) and I just watched the texts/calls/voicemails build up. sparsely we talked -- but nothing too much.
OUT OF THE BLUE - about a week ago she threatened me with suicide, and I'm 99% just for attention but I responded 2 her a few times 2 let her know 2 leave me alone. she begged me to call her that day and I refuted. she went away again.
originally I blocked her (and him) on facebook -- then a few days ago she logged into my e-mail, set my password back to my older one and unblocked them both and added herself to my page. I re-blocked both soon after.
If that wasn't enough two days ago she sent me a picture of my driveway. I had to respond to this because I wanted an understanding of not to bring that shit to my parents. and just a few hours ago she unblocked herself again -- probably just going to delete that page.
where is this going? I don't care about a "second chance" it's just damaging 4 this person 2 keep thinking they can walk back into my life like this. | |
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az109
| | Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 2 | |
| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/9/2010 9:07:32 PM | | On the face of it, you sound like an immature and heartless SOB. I'm sure there is more to you than that. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/9/2010 9:23:19 PM | Lesson 1: Never share your passwords.
Lesson 2: When you have a batsh1t crazy ex-girlfriend that you want "NO CONTACT" with, actually have NO CONTACT with her. You invite trouble by having any contact whatsoever with this woman.
Lesson 3: Find a dictionary and look up the word "refute". | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/9/2010 9:47:17 PM | @2nd poster:
might've possibly mistaken "refute" for another word; oh too tired to look it up in a dictionary though.
@1st poster:
should be obvious when you take into account the medium's a message board. surely there's more to a bona-fide human being [you don't know] than a screen-name and whatever else they may type with it. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/9/2010 11:56:59 PM | Here is the summarized version
She dumped you for another guy
She wanted you to be the back up guy
The grass on the other side wasn't greener, it turned out to be brown
Now she realizes she fecked up and is using any means to get you back
where is this going? I don't care about a "second chance" it's just damaging 4 this person 2 keep thinking they can walk back into my life like this.
I can't say where this all going but you should be very cautious. I am sure if you think back, you will find that you ran past several red flags. The pregnancies could have triggered some emotional issues in her. It sounds like she is headed toward being a bunny boiling, stalker type.
The solution?
Delete your facebook page or change the password to something more hack proof using random letters, numbers, symbols. You can store it in a notebook file and cut and paste it in as needed. Scrub your facebook page, reset the various security settings, get a new email account.
CUT OFF ALL CONTACT PERIOD. You may have to move too, block her on your cell phone and avoid going to places where you might run into her. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/10/2010 4:48:17 AM | | oh, please. true love my ass. if it were true love do you think she'd be stalking you and do you think you'd be ignoring her and then answering her calls and then blocking her again when she escalates things a bit? a picture of your driveway? omfg. you're almost as a big a drama queen as she is; you just have a slightly different game. where is it going? where are you going to take it? try calling her mommy & daddy! in the meantime, notice how she gets exactly what she wants from you, which is *any* kind of a response from you at at all, if she just turns up the volume enough. here is your next clue for ZERO contact (but in doing this, realize she is probably going to escalate things a bit more in the near term in an increasingly desperate attempt to get your attention). | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/10/2010 5:25:05 AM |
where is this going?
You know what OP?
It's scary that you even need to ask. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/10/2010 7:43:57 AM | #post:6
"true loves" was used as past tense in that one sentence, obviously if we were still in love with one another we'd be together. she also does not have parents and I like to think 20 year olds with their own means of transportation/households could actually be responsible 4 self.
appreciate all comments thus far. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:52:14 AM | So here we have your side of the story, which sounds pretty painful, and I am genuinely sorry that you had to go through that, simply because you're a fellow human being, and I hate to see anyone in agony. I understand that right now, you're feeling hurt, bitter and angry, and really having a problem seeing anything outside of that.
Your post is extremely vague, in terms of what exactly transpired between the two of you that brought you to this place, but it's clear that you feel strongly that she is to blame for whatever "things became rocky" means in your mind.
I always wonder, how things would look, if only we had the opportunity to hear the other party's perceptions. Without that, it's impossible for any of us to make an accurate assessment as to what actually caused the breakdown, or where things might be going from here.
I think it would be helpful for you to spend some time trying to understand how all of this may have seemed and felt, if you were standing in her shoes. Personally, I have found it much easier to release bad feelings I have towards another person, once I am able to look at the situation with an open mind and open heart, and own the responsibility for the part I played in the breakdown.
From the little information you've provided, here's what I think: You spent three years together, from the ages of 17 to 20. No offense, but you are both still very immature in terms of understanding relationships, and the dedication to one's partner, and repricocity necessary to create strong, healthy bonds. It's completely typical of people in that age range to approach relationships from the standpoint of 'what's in it for me' and give very little thought to what they bring to the table to offer the other person. The end result of a liason like that is never happy.
Additionally, it's unrealistic to except other people to consistently behave in whatever way we think they 'should'. Now is a good time for you to really grasp the concept that all people behave as THEY think they 'should' and our only options are to take it or leave it. If we have the ability to communicate well, we may be able to reach some compromise that works for both people, but in the absense of that, it's overstepping our boundries to try to place people into our little box we've build for them of 'acceptable behaviors".
I will agree, that the behavior you're describing on her part does sound highly unstable, and she is probably in desperate need of some kind of help, from someone. (Funny, you describe her as the love of your life, then turn your back on her completely when she turns to you for some form of help or compassion)
You mention she has no parents...what a scary world this must be, at twenty, with no place to turn to for a little shelter from the storm. Especially to have had to endure the loss of not just one, but two children, at her tender age. And she can't even turn to the other party involved in those losses for a little understanding, compassion, or comfort? I can only imagine how alone and abandoned she must be feeling. I think trauma like that would be enough to make anyone lose it, at least a little bit.
You're just a young pup yourself, and you certainly don't have any legal obligation to step up for her in her time of need. Still, I personally think it's rather heartless of you to turn your back on her under such circumstances, knowing she has no one else to turn to. I hope and pray that if I were ever to find myself in such a place in life, there might be someone who cared about me enough to intervene, in some way, and help me find the assistance I so desperately needed, or at the very least, a moment of peace.
It's true, her issues are not yours to deal with, regardless of whether you feel you played a part in bringing her to where she is or not. But while you're ruminating in how ugly you feel towards her for whatever damage you feel she's doing to you, try to dig a little deeper, and find a little compassion for the damage that's been done to her as well. If nothing else, it will help ease your own bitterness. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/10/2010 5:01:51 PM |
OUT OF THE BLUE - about a week ago she threatened me with suicide, and I'm 99% just for attention
You should have blocked her... here's the mistake you made :
but I responded 2 her a few times
you keep filling up her tank with fuel when you respond and keep contact.
stop it.
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/10/2010 6:01:35 PM | | Refuse to have any contact with this person. Sometimes it take awhile for others to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Explain to your parents that the two of you have broken up and make them aware of the situation, be honest with them, they are your parents after all. I would most certainly refuse to contact anyone who behaves the way you have described this women. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/10/2010 6:44:53 PM | | Two pregnancies ... one resulting in stillbirth and one in a miscarriage. I felt sorry for her up until the point of the FB and driveway thingys. So, are you sure she was even pregnant or did she tell you this from a distance? | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/11/2010 2:59:12 AM | Pain of the past notwithstanding, anyone who publicly posts their new relationship status before telling you you're demoted is burning their bridges. Unless you take some shadenfreuden pleasure in torturing her, just keep saying no.
Oh, and NEVER share ANY of your passwords with ANYONE. Simple rule for modern life.
ED BEAR | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/11/2010 9:51:27 AM | I got her pregnant twice one child resulted in stillbirth, the other miscarriage.
No wonder she's a little nuts, what the hell were you to using for birth control, Mr True Love?
She's baiting you and you are taking it you pretending not to care but you show every sign of being jealous as hell. Stop stalking her FB page and cut off all contact, but don't be so surprised as to why she's the way she is, you were part of her break down. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/11/2010 6:18:42 PM | yeah, I'm positive about our pregnancies. I'll keep the password thing in mind, I scheduled a deletion of my FB page so we'll see how that goes.
@Carolann0308:
1) um, the purpose of ME blocking her on my FB was to prevent me from wanting to look at her profile.
2) I never contacted her on FB, she always contacted me via phone. yet insisted on [unblocking herself] by logging in mine.
3) she wore a patch and we were mongamous. sorry.
4) examples of "jealous as hell" please, thanks in advance.
5) I'm not surprised to why she's the way she is. I know fully of her trials and tribulations so I'm not surprised but outside POVs are all greatly appreciated even if in disagreement on my behalf. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/12/2010 4:54:17 PM | Motown cowgirl, you are the Queen of sarcasm and telling it like it is. I love your posts LOL.
As for the original poster, sometimes I wake up and see the wrinkles starting around my eyes and I wish I was younger again. Then I read posts like this and I am sooooo friggin happy I am not 20 anymore that it is not even funny. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/13/2010 10:25:43 AM | Hey Bro...
you're being played with the "friends card".
I checked her facebook & it said she was in a new relationship with the guy and soon they'd be moving in together in an apartment & going to the new school together.
STRIKE ONE
immediately after being dumped -- she proposed the least I could do is "be her bestfriend afterwards"
STRIKE TWO
you are correct.....bullshit. actions have consequences. The friends thing is just to keep you on the line. Unless pain is something you enjoy, never settle for second fiddle.
OUT OF THE BLUE - about a week ago she threatened me with suicide,
STRIKE THREE.........She's out!!!
I had a woman pull that crap on me once. I offered to loan her my pistol. The game stopped right there.
Cut her off. stick to your guns, that is an unhealthy situation. | |
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My I
| | Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 20 | |
| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/13/2010 5:38:11 PM | I sat with a male acquaintance for several hours one night. Like the OP, he kept carrying on about this nutjob he broke up with. I was believing his story for a while. I became suspicious an hour into this story. Menaing, he was doing an awful lot of talking about this nutjob he dated but then, at the same time, he kept letting her contact him and he carried on conversations with her.... it didn't make sense in the end.
I thought of my experience with him as I read your story. I want to believe it is the girl who is a stalker and a crazy woman. But the things you describe seem so similar to the male acquaintance I was stuck listening to. You keep talking about her bad behaviour and then you keep opening the lines of communication with her. She does something stupid and you contact her each time so it kinda indicates that you are maintaining the lines of communication.
The male I speak of did the exact same thing. It's peculiar you had to block the guy she is with - I'm beginning to believe they both blocked you and you're pissed. I don't believe she has the control over your facebook account as you suggest. The fact that you've still not deleted it or complained to the site administrators is peculiar as well.
I maintain that you are the one doing the stalking. If she has moved on with another guy without telling you, I think the reasons may be quite evident as to why she wouldn't want to tell you - you're the crazy one. But then.... who knows anymore. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/13/2010 5:47:44 PM | I didn't just block the "other guy". I blocked both of them as they were both on my friends list prior.
it takes up to 2 weeks for Facebook to actually "delete" an account, mine has been processing the "deletion period" since I said I was going to do it on here.
she just wants to be nosy and see who I'm dating or if I'm mentioning her at all on my wall - which I haven't.
meanwhile, I didn't drive to anyone's home nor take a picture of anyone's driveway, nor have I tried to manipulate anyone via suicide threats. thank you. | |
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My I
| | Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/13/2010 5:55:49 PM |
I didn't just block the "other guy". I blocked both of them as they were both on my friends list prior
My bad....... I didn't pick up from the following that you were friends with him:
about 5-7 months ago a friend introduced her to another guy (22 y/o) with the same name as me. her friend used him as a "means of transportation" around, and even my gf would when in the company with the female friend as well. they got closer as friends of course | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/13/2010 6:46:49 PM | | it's cool man, I tried to summarize and short-hand as much as possible so some misunderstandings are a given. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/21/2010 11:10:22 AM | You are likely facing a false Domestic Violence charge in the near future. Never go anywhere without some type of phone that can take pictures and ideally record sound.
Never meet this person alone and if you do, get out fast.
Contrary to what the feminists want you to believe, there are some bats#!t crazy harpies out there wanting to drag good and generous men into their psychoworld. | |
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| what do I make of this?
Posted: 9/29/2010 2:04:23 AM | | once a cheater always a cheater...once a liar...always a liar...need i say more...peace... | |
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