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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is online dating a waste of time for men?      Home login  
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 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 1
Is online dating a waste of time for men?Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
So I have spoken to a few girls that have told me that their inbox is flooded with messages on POF. They are getting maybe 10-15 messages a day. In 10 days thats about 150 messaged. In 20 days thats about 300 messages. The average guy on this site seems to not get many messages at all. I do fairly well for a guy I may get 1 or 2 messaged a day but I have male friends who have never received a single message. So if there are in fact twice as many men on here than women it seems women can have their pick. So since the odds are not good for your average Joe should average men even bother with online dating?
 brattymx3
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 2
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:05:35 PM
i'd like to know where all these men are!!!!??? cause they aint here!!!
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 3
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:12:35 PM
Uhmmm....if you believe that the women are more "successful", who do you think they are dating??? MEN! Thus, it is not a waste of time for men.............
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 4
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:12:50 PM
Did the women you talked to explain, or did you ask, about the CONTENT of those messages, or the PROFILES of the men messaging them?

If your regular email account gets filled up with
offers from Big Box Electronics Retailer
offers from Amazon
offers for lotteries
offers for Viagra
offers for "sexy time web cam"
offers for elementary school teachers
offers for discounts on school supplies
offers for new credit cards
etc
... do you treat those the same as messages from old friends, new friends, colleagues, family members, anyone interesting to you?

My point is that a large to huge percentage of the messages most women get on here are likely not of interest, and she's not acting on them. The sheer volume is not a reflection of much of anything that matters *ultimately*.
 a_lonewolf
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 5
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:21:24 PM

So since the odds are not good for your average Joe should average men even bother with online dating?

Easy there big guy, I wouldn't be putting myself on such a tall milk crate if I were you, they can give way pretty quick.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 6
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:26:02 PM
Women get more messages cus guys spam.
As in I'll send out 50 "hi babe" emails to fifty girls and hope for the best.

Women seem to be more selective
and email only someone they are potentially interested in.

So getting more messages doesn't' mean women get more dates.
They just get more mail from folks they don't want to date then guys do.

It's still a problem for em.
Having to wade thru all that spam to get to your message.

My advice.
Ignore the odds.
Quality always does well.
Be a quality guy and eventually you'll meet a quality girl.
Till then, don't be a player and use the force only for good Luke.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 7
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:28:26 PM
"So since the odds are not good for your average Joe should average men even bother with online dating?

Easy there big guy, I wouldn't be putting myself on such a tall milk crate if I were you, they can give way pretty quick."

Sorry that wasn't meant to sound arrogant.
 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 8
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:38:32 PM

The average guy on this site seems to not get many messages at all. I do fairly well for a guy I may get 1 or 2 messaged a day but I have male friends who have never received a single message.


Online dating is pretty backwards IMO. You expect it to work one way like its a no brainer... and you quickly find out that the math is all backwards (for both men and women)

When i was ''looking'' & msging women... i got no replies. No big deal.

Now that my profile clearly says ''not here for dating.. just for the forums'' and now that i'm dating in the real world, i'm getting pm's for dating pretty often and i don't even want 'em. i'd rather just come for the forums.

funny how that works.


So since the odds are not good for your average Joe should average men even bother with online dating?


If online is all they're using? no. they shouldn't bother.

They should have other ways to meet women other than 'online dating sites'. Nothing beats the good ol' face 2 face way.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 9
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:38:52 PM

They are getting maybe 10-15 messages a day. In 10 days thats about 150 messaged. In 20 days thats about 300 messages.


How many is that in 30 days? Don't start something and then just leave us hanging.
 MrFication
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 10
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:43:58 PM
I've read once upon a time that the women that get the most emails like you describe are approximately 21 years old.....and they get the average amount at age 26. For guys it doesn't get into 'prime-time' until about 27-36. That is just messages, not quality of messages as some of the others have pointed out. Most of the young girls are getting an onslaught of messages from the dirty old men and the young horn dogs.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 11
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:58:29 PM
True, the women I have spoken to about this are in their early to mid twenties and I don't think the majority of messages are quality ones. That being said the gender ratio on this site and most dating sites except for eharmony is about 30 percent women and 70 percent men.
 Purr Heart
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 9:06:07 PM
People buy lottery tickets and some people actually do win....most don't ...the ones that don't are wasting time and money, here they're only wasting time....

For me this site is like a twilight zone episode : every woman I find attractive ? Not mutual and vice versa ... I agree with Mr. TNT, the real world is best but if you're the kind of guy who finds it difficult to approach that woman looking for cucumbers at the supermarket you're kinda screwed....and here I am...still....

Hmmm..........time for one of these :
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 13
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 9:18:04 PM
Men want women. Women want babies. Men are necessary to have babies. Once the baby comes, a man mows the lawn and fills the car with gas, and sometimes he might bring home meat. The baby grows up, the man fades into obscurity, the woman becomes a grandmother and discovers sex is for fun, too. They get divorced.

Young men and women are able to imagine romance being about like they want it. They can because of inexperience. The women sit there looking desirable, and the men go for it.

If women wanted men in the same way that men want women, then you would need brigades of chaperons with fire hoses to keep them apart in public, or anywhere. The world would be total chaos.

To prevent that, nature gives men the large share of desire and makes women indifferent to men, except as fathers who might as well be husbands, too, if they have a good job.

Online dating is only a waste of time for men if men could be doing something else that wasn't wasting time. Men can't, because they are too distracted by women, so whatever way they go about it, huge amounts of time are wasted pursuing women. It is a waste of time, but that time is bound to be wasted somehow toward the same end. That would be the end she sticks up in the air if the 3rd date goes well.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 14
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 9:28:22 PM
The average Joe's chances are totally dependent upon his ability to write good prose. At least with me they are. OK, an occasional verse would be acceptable too.
The "Your cute" or "wanna ride" or "what's Up" leave me cold.

 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 15
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 9:38:50 PM
OP, the odds are about the same in any venue.
Online, bars, out in the world.

Ignore the odds.
Cus the guys who can't get a date will always outnumber the ones who can.
That covers about two thirds of the male population.
LOL
When you think of it that way,
the numbers are in your favor.
:-P

However, if you're emailing only the hotties....
who get alot of mail from all over....
you're not helping yourself.
That's a newbie in the candystore mistake.

So I suggest spreading your email over a broader assortment
of women who you find attractive and have similar interests.

And be ready to present yourself well when they reply back.

good Luck!
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 16
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 9:45:36 PM
I got 1 (in words ONE) message recently. That makes it hard to establish a 'per'. Yet, it led to three dates and quality time at the opposite end of the spectrum from 'waste'. Although it did not work out, it enriched my life beyond that time. No mean words were spoken, nor was there a need for it. I prefer a rather empty mailbox with the occasional quality mail over a deluge of junk mail, and the resulting meeting has more sincerity to it.

"I do fairly well for a guy"
I'd say the same about my one message...
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 17
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 10:03:20 PM
I want to take that "I do fairly well for a guy" quote out because it sounds arrogant when I am not. I should not have wrote that. But the general consensus seems to be if your getting any mail at all as a guy that is good. But I understand the points about junk mail and I am happy I do not get that.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 18
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 10:06:40 PM
yes yes yes, its pathetic
collect your red flag now, and call it a weekend
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 19
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/10/2010 10:23:24 PM
Well jamisond, you are young reasonable attractive and have a well written profile. I would guess that some of the guys that are complaining, have about two lines on their profile. I see a lot of that. One of the supposed advantages to internet meeting is we actually get to see if we have any common ground. Many guys just do not say anything to respond to or to spark any kind of conversation. As far as odds, what is the big difference between internet dating and dating in general? The odds of me at my age finding a mate, well I have a better chance of being struck by lightening. But people DO get struck by lightening, so why give up? A lady older than myself says she was single for 35 years and she has been with a fellow for about a year now, they are both crazy about each other. The internet increases the odds. I think many people have a Cinderella mindset towards internet dating. If we are seriously looking for a relationship, the odds are the odds. It doesn't matter how or where we initially meet. People are all different. The average Joe or Joline has a better chance of meeting someone real and maybe wont' have to go through 50 players like someone much better looking. It is sorta like I said when we were house hunting, we only need one, right? Who cares how many message us? I will again say, check out the profile, take some time on it. Try to say who you are, put a conversation starter in there. Maybe that one message you get...will be the one you are looking for.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 20
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/11/2010 12:07:06 AM
to the above posters who claim that men have success is true but understand that there are alot more men on these sites to women so think about all the men that miss out due to the number's game.

also alot of guys don't complain and just discontinue their online dating venue quietly, we only hear from the guys who do complain and there is never even a shortage of them. so yes online dating is a waste of time for alot of men, but dating in general can be a waste of time, can't it not?
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 21
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/11/2010 12:40:54 AM

if you're the kind of guy who finds it difficult to approach that woman looking for cucumbers at the supermarket you're kinda screwed.

If a woman is into cucumbers, then why does she need a man?
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 22
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/11/2010 3:13:58 AM
op, if you're looking for a morale boost, you're in the wrong place. you'll read very few success stories here. mostly it's griping by the ill-equipped, the rurally isolated or those who refuse to admit they've given up.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 23
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/11/2010 3:39:50 AM

That being said the gender ratio on this site and most dating sites except for eharmony is about 30 percent women and 70 percent men.


hey guess what, that's because 40% of the men here are porn dogs looking for an easy piece of azz. as a thousand women will attest to, when they start counting about all the "u r hot" emails they get. so in the end, the demographics you pointed out are not *nearly* as relevant as you think they are.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 24
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/11/2010 4:11:28 AM
And ? They are getting hundreds of mails and ? They are still here, aren't they?
Quality over quantity.
 letsgocanes11
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 25
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/11/2010 6:19:34 AM
Well I would like to shed some light on this topic. Usually I will get a girls number within the 4th or 5th message. Just be sure to include substance in your messages. Don't bother with 1 or 2 line messages back and forth include substance and good questions/conversation material. Weed them out and see if they're actually worth your time and she will do the same. if she is really interested in you she will respond. People are very wired these days and can check messages from almost anywhere.

I don't send out many messages maybe 2 or 3 in the last 2 weeks and I have gone on 3 dates with each of the people I have messaged. I'm not trying to brag but are your messages including good material/substance worthy of responding to? Also are you aggressive enough to sense when the right time is to ask for the girls number? if she gives it to you it's game on.

To answer your question. No, it is not a waste of time. I have made some really great friends from this site in many different ways. There have been several people that I facebook and we actually end up hanging out weeks to months down the road. Theres people I hang out within the first week of contact and then theres the ones who seem to only want to chat. Those are a waste of time. Just be yourself, keep fishing, and eventually you will find a good girl that will be worth your time. Keep your chin up and stay positive. Best of luck!
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