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 erica363
Joined: 4/6/2010
Msg: 1
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How to cure my "bad boy" addiction?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
After talking to a few friends who have the same problem, I've realized that a lot of the stress and confusion in my life comes from dating "bad boys"- you know, the type that always have an exciting date planned out, keep you laughing, and never make you feel creeped out by their clinginess. Unfortunately they're the same ones that vanish after a month or so because they're met someone younger/prettier/more exciting. I've met a few nice guys too but I always tend to get bored after the first few weeks because the novelty wears out and all you're left with is a repetitive cycle of dinner and movie dates.

I know I'm capable of being in a long-term relationship. My four year relationship ended a few months ago because our paths were diverging but him and I are still great friends. I just want to know how I can stop being so enamored by the charm of the "bad boy" and find someone that I still have a great time with but that respects me. I'm sure some of you ladies have been able to work through this
 jdufhefdjnd
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 2
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 3:24:28 PM

you know, the type that always have an exciting date planned out, keep you laughing, and never make you feel creeped out by their clinginess


ah so that's what a bad boy is. Yeah that's very bad.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 3
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 3:28:49 PM
Well I'm confused, what makes that a bad boy?
 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 4
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 3:32:02 PM

"bad boys"- you know, the type that always have an exciting date planned out, keep you laughing, and never make you feel creeped out by their clinginess. Unfortunately they're the same ones that vanish after a month or so because they're met someone younger/prettier/more exciting. I've met a few nice guys too but I always tend to get bored after the first few weeks because the novelty wears out and all you're left with is a repetitive cycle of dinner and movie dates.


I've always thought a "bad boy" was something else. I've heard at least 15 different definitions of a "bad boy" ....but anyway...



If you are looking for a quick way out... there is none.

You will always be attracted to bad boys until you outgrow them and really really sinscerely had enough of them...

...how will you know when you are at that stage? easy..... you'll stop dating them.

 SilentInk
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 5
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 3:33:41 PM
I must have the wrong mental image of what a bad boy is in my head. A bad boy to me is a druggie, all tatted up, perhaps on a motorcycle, perhaps in a chevy on 34 inch rims, user, abuser, curses like a sailor, doesn't spare your feelings.

Takes you on nice dates...makes you laugh...You make a bad boy sound like a saint. If that's the way bad boys are now days I wouldn't mind dating one.
 erica363
Joined: 4/6/2010
Msg: 6
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 3:40:40 PM
Okay I should give a better definition of a bad boy. They do take you on nice dates, but that's after they've canceled 2 or 3 times and show up 30 minutes late. They probably smoke/drink/curse too much and they have a group of friends that do the same. They're inconsiderate of your feelings and only keep you around as long as you serve some purpose to them. Despite all that, it's usually fun while it lasts (except of course the crying and stressing out).
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 7
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 3:44:57 PM
You can't control what you're attracted to you or what attracts people to you for the most part. I'm a firm believer of similarities being a medium for people to attract to each other and connect. Meaning, if you only attract and find it desirable to be with a "bad boy" (whatever the hell that is) then SOMETHING about you must be 'bad'. In this context, what's "bad" about you is that you enjoy having dates planned out, laughing and feel comfort by having your own space between dates. O___o

One other thing too. Labels like 'bad boy' and 'nice guy' are so trite that they really don't mean anything nowadays. You can switch their definitions at will and more confusion happens. The 'bad boy' that you're attracted to CAN be thought of as the 'nice guy' in the sense that he's the only type that you desire. Then again, the boring 'nice guy' can be thought of as the 'bad boy' because he's the worst guy you'd ever want to be with. It sounds silly but then again labels are silly.

Edit: Now that you've provided a definition of the bad boy then what's "bad" about you is that you love the novelty and fun of being lead on (which is thinking the guy actually cares about you but clearly doesn't).
 Rebluez
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 8
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 3:46:09 PM
"bad boys"- you know, the type that always have an exciting date planned out, keep you laughing, and never make you feel creeped out by their clinginess. Unfortunately they're the same ones that vanish after a month or so because they're met someone younger/prettier/more exciting.


Ahhh, that's horrible!! Meeting someone younger/prettier/more exciting is the devil at work, I tell ya! A nice girl like you deserves better!!


I've met a few nice guys too but I always tend to get bored after the first few weeks because the novelty wears out and all you're left with is a repetitive cycle of dinner and movie dates.


Ahhh, that's horrible!! Don't nice people know they have to keep things fresh and exciting in order to keep your attention??

Wait a minute...
Is that an epiphany knocking at the door??

hehe

karma's a bltch, ain't it!



Bluez
 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 9
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 3:50:12 PM

I must have the wrong mental image of what a bad boy is in my head. A bad boy to me is a druggie, all tatted up, perhaps on a motorcycle, perhaps in a chevy on 34 inch rims, user, abuser, curses like a sailor, doesn't spare your feelings.


Thats one of the definitions i was thinking of too...

also added :

loves to parade around with no shirt on (or wear a wife beater in public)
has a criminal record, brags about it and is proud of it
loves to fight random people in hopes to impess the ladies
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 10
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 3:54:22 PM
"How to cure my bad boy addiction?"

Get yourself a time machine and go back to being an infant and then make sure
you have a good father

or

Go to theraphy and find out what ever happend to you growing up
that you think is perfectly acceptable to have a relationship with men
that jerk you around.


or


Just accept this is the way, you will always be and choose the
"bad boy" you like the most
 uniquechic911
Joined: 2/28/2010
Msg: 11
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:16:13 PM
I absolutely understand what you are saying I was in the same dilema for years. Its all about the guy.
You need to find an average looking guy who is smart, and funny who likes to do a variety of things. Who has a few close friends.
This type is the best... He's not too into himself. He will have a great career, funny to make you laugh and too keep life lighthearted. And a few close friends so that is world has more in it than just you.... therefore not too clingy....

This guy isn't usually found in a bar, he is found on a ski slope, tennis court, in the gym, or anywhere that involves an adventure....

This type knows what he has too offer, an is secure enough in himself to still put you first. And can let you have space to do what you need to do.

Take time to test the waters..... watch for the signs.... if you have to wonder when he'll call forget it.... If he calls you everyday in the beginning forget it....

Only see him a couple of times of week and when you do don't go to dinner and/or a movie go for a walk, go to a musuem, go play a sport......

This way you get to know him pretty quick and don't waste all lot of time on MR.WRONG.
 JakeAO
Joined: 8/8/2010
Msg: 12
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:32:10 PM
Age. No doubt there is some evolutionary or psychological explanation, but women in their early 20's are attracted to that type. It wears off with time, generally.

Anyway, it sounds like the 'nice guys' you've dated suck. Lots of guys out there are respectful without being doormats or dull - just keep looking.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 13
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:44:32 PM
A good book to read is "Are you the one for me", by Barara DeAngelies, Ph.D.

This book will help you understand why you are attracted to these types of men, and know what to look for in order to build a healthy long lasting relationship.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 14
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:50:30 PM
I've met a few nice guys too but I always tend to get bored after the first few weeks because the novelty wears out and all you're left with is a repetitive cycle of dinner and movie dates.


Then maybe you should take some ownership in the relationship instead of treating guys like they are your personal entertainment director.

You bored with endless dinner and movies date, then YOU make some suggestion on what YOU want to contribute to the dates.

Unfortunately they're the same ones that vanish after a month or so because they're met someone younger/prettier/more exciting.


Or maybe , just maybe, they are tired of doing the "heavy lifting" in the relationship.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 15
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:57:32 PM
Op you're a very young woman with your whole life ahead of you. Why exactly are you so worried about this right now?. Have yourself a blast dating who you are attracted to. Save the " Nice guys" until you're ready to settle down and raise a family.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 16
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:57:59 PM

You need to find an average looking guy who is smart, and funny who likes to do a variety of things. Who has a few close friends.
This type is the best... He's not too into himself. He will have a great career, funny to make you laugh and too keep life lighthearted. And a few close friends so that is world has more in it than just you.... therefore not too clingy....

This guy isn't usually found in a bar, he is found on a ski slope, tennis court, in the gym, or anywhere that involves an adventure....

This type knows what he has too offer,


Do women really think men like the one described above are really that stupid? Do you think these guys (with all the same great attributes) who didn't have a chance of showing up on her radar before really want some "bad boys" left overs now that the excitement with those goes are over.
 candlelight and roses
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 17
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:59:43 PM

and the n word repeatedly


ok, so whats the 'n' word?
 justbunky
Joined: 4/3/2009
Msg: 18
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 5:01:08 PM
I don't get your definition either! I have the same problem - but my "bad boys" have been smart, sociable, funny, and one step away from getting arrested! They've gotten me in trouble by association, gotten into fights, driven too fast & snapped the rear view mirror off my car, and taken other chances that a "normal" guy would not take! They have a cadre of lovable but pseudo-shady, offbeat friends who also get into trouble, love their mothers, defy authority, quit jobs, are impulsive to the point of being irresponsible, are PASSIONATE about their loves and their interests!

So, when you find out how to id a nice safe bad boy - let me know!


and ^^^are you kidding? What's the n-word??? Hellllloooo!
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 19
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 5:17:53 PM

Then maybe you should take some ownership in the relationship instead of treating guys like they are your personal entertainment director.

You bored with endless dinner and movies date, then YOU make some suggestion on what YOU want to contribute to the dates.


Shhh, don't imply that its not all about her! Can't go there y'know.
God forbid she should have to take responsibility for keeping the relationship "un-boring" too y'know, that's obviously only *his* job.
 06mc69
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 20
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 5:51:36 PM
I am sorry, but your definition of bad boy is not a bad boy. The type of man you are describing is one which is not totally into you, bored with you, and stuck with you long enough to find someone more suitable for him. A bad boy is one who smokes, who has a criminal record of some sort, does drugs, drinks, tats, and the list can go on and on, but you catch my drift. Karma is biting you in the ass, since you ditch the good guys because the novelty wears off , well your novelty is wearing off with these men, and they are doing the exact same thing to you
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 21
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 5:56:44 PM

Unfortunately they're the same ones that vanish after a month or so because they're met someone younger/prettier/more exciting.
How can you learn to like men who don't want young, pretty and exciting women?

....

I'll have to give this some thought. It may take me a while.
 Ideoform
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 22
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 6:01:40 PM

"...the type that always have an exciting date planned out, keep you laughing, and never make you feel creeped out by their clinginess. Unfortunately they're the same ones that vanish after a month or so because they're met someone younger/prettier/more exciting...."


Maybe the reason they vanish after a month or two isn't that the girl is younger/prettier, but that they run out of good ideas, and since you haven't come up with any interesting suggestions of your own to do next, they move on with the same set of interesting ideas that the next woman will experience with fresh appreciation.

Maybe it was when you stopped laughing. You can only keep someone laughing for so long and then it feels like work.

The type you describe is a type that perhaps has a bit of ADD. Short attention span...to begin with. And perhaps the reason you hit it off with them is because you have a bit of a short attention span also.


"I just want to know how I can stop being so enamored by the charm..."


Up until now, you primarily valued charm and entertainment, like he's a television show and you are the audience. But what happens when the show ends? Is he still charmed by you?

Now you value respect, so to get respect, you need to offer respect. To respect him, learn what he values. Are you charming? Are you respectful? Are you able to make him laugh?

Guys learn to be charming and even a bit "bad" in order to get a girl's attention when they are not being all that attentive. Learn to pay attention. You might be surprised what you see in men when you pay attention more.

You might see the invisible men who have more social skills than shock value. They might not be as easy to spot at first, but might be able to sustain your attention long term when it matters most; when you have a cold and they bring you soup, when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, when they work an extra shift to get the downpayment for the house.

Notice the quieter things that matter, and appreciate them. Guys like to be noticed and to be appreciated. Then they might stick around and be charming longer.

Women say they want equality, and in a sense they are already. But we have to rise to the occasion in some areas where we have been lacking in practice and experience. A mature relationship is one of equals. Not that you are copies of each other, but that you equally find an interest in what the other likes and wants to do and enjoy being together as equals, not as one only existing to entertain the other, for favours implied or received.
 SilentInk
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 23
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 6:02:07 PM

Unfortunately they're the same ones that vanish after a month or so because they're met someone younger/prettier/more exciting.


OP, you are 21 years of age. What's younger? A girl that's still in diapers and plays with barbies. I understand a woman in her late 50s saying something like that, but in early 20s? That's just weird. I have never had a man leave me for someone younger, because excuse me but 20s is pretty damn young.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 24
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How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 6:04:27 PM

Unfortunately they're the same ones that vanish after a month or so because they're met someone younger/prettier/more exciting


Considering you're only 21, OP, it makes me curious how much younger these men who are vanishing are actually going, to find someone "younger/prettier/more exciting". Usually that's something women much older than you would mention, and you are only 21 after all so, are they looking for 18 year olds? 19? Sorry but, the way you phrased that made me giggle a bit at my age.

So you're asking how to break form from dating men who constantly stand you up, aren't interested in anything overly serious, is that it? Well for the men that stand you up, that's easy. Don't answer the phone next time or be so available. For the ones looking for something serious? I'll sound like an old fart again but, why would you want that at your age anyway? Go out, have fun, date, and don't take the whole thing so seriously at this point in your life, would be my advice. Fulfill your own goals and dreams, education, and don't make finding a long-term relationship a priority.

Besides, from what my old fart brain recalls of being 21, not many 21 year old boys were looking for anything long-term serious anyway.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 25
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/18/2010 6:09:02 PM
I'd love to help, but first I need a new dictionary and remedial arithmetic lessons.
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