|Couples 45+Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4)|
|Last Saturday early afternoon, I went people watching at the Farmers Market at Union Square in Manhattan. It was a beautiful afternoon, and there were thousands of people there over the course of time. |
I specifically chose to watch obvious Couples over age 45. The Farmers Market is not a dating event in any sort of way, but rather a place where Couples sharing one roof might go.
First off, it became obvious there were two distinctly different types of Couples in that group. The first type was Couples who appeared to be long term, probably years and decades and decades. The second group was Couples together seemingly recently, maybe two years or less.
Long Term Couples were recognizable by the casualness they had for each other's presence, and their close physical proximity, without constant attention. ALL Long Term Couples I saw the man was as trim or more so than the woman, not that either was necessarily trim. NO heavy men at all in LTC's. None. Though some women were heavy enough to cause their doctor's concern. Am I guessing when I wonder if trim married women won't put up with a fat husband? I dunno, but I didn't see any.
Recent Couples seemed acutely aware of each other's presence and stand/walk closer, talk more frequently, pay more attention to the other, turn to face each other when talking.
First notable regarding Recent Couples. In ALL but three(*), the man was more trim physically than the woman. Not all men were trim (by any means) but in all but three the man was MORE trim than the woman. This tends to be at odds with the "common wisdom", indeed very much so. NO trim woman was with a heavy man. Not one. Hmmmmmmmm.
Second notable. In virtually all Recent Couples, each and both were attractive at a level of 7 or 7-1/2 higher on a 0 to 10 scale. No heavies, no gargoyles. Again, no men less trim (*) than the woman he was with. Some of those women were exceptionally trim, yet all had a man more trim or at least as trim. All.
Third notable. All Recent Couples were well groomed, with decent to higher quality clothing. Generally not particularly expensive, but certainly better quality.
Fourth notable. ALL Recent Couples seemed to be quite nice people, the kind of people you'd be glad to sit next to on a cross country air flight. Decent, personable people.
Fifth notable. No man but one(*) in a Recent Couple was anything but trim, and even that one looked to be a long term athlete running a bit to seed.
The pattern was consistent. Recent Couples (less than two years or so together) were good looking people, well groomed, AND trim.
After a bit, I began to notice there were a number of Solo women who seemed to be interested in meeting a new guy at some point in the near future. Mostly these women were trim (some unusually so), and all wore clothing to separate themselves from the women who did not seem to be "trolling".
........ there was "something" different in those Solo women compared to the women in Recent Couples. Some close watching showed the Solo's had an edge to them which gave me pause, where the women in Recent Couples did not. The Recent's seemed, well, just nice. The Solo's seemed to bear watching and require extra caution. Something. Just a sixth sense, but something.
Chicken and the egg. Did the Solo's turn mellow as part of a Couple, or did the mellows become part of a Couple? I suspect the second.
Late in the game, I began to notice the Solo guys who seemed to be trolling. Two things. One, they seemed confident with no particular edges, and two, they seemed to all wear high quality shirts. They may have, and often did, wear K-Mart quality blue jeans, but their shirts were Brooks Bros style. The shirt seemed to be the "identifier" chosen to express their availability.
My take-away. No man past age 45 has any chance in hell of effecting a new Relationship unless he is trim, perhaps exceptionally so. A warm smile is required. A Brooks Bros shirt is an effective mating signal, a sweatshirt is not. Good grooming, i.e. recent haircut, hair combed, fresh shower/shave, is required.
It appears no woman -- herself fat or otherwise -- will accept any man but a trim man. It appears no man -- himself fat or otherwise -- will accept any woman but a trim one. And the trimness was distinctly notable.
One sunny Saturday afternoon, one park, one city. Perhaps if it were raining results might have been different? Perhaps in Austin Texas, a quality Stetson separates the qual's from the non-qual's?
(*) The three Recent Couples where the woman was more trim than the man in each case they were married, each had both people wearing quite expensive clothing and in each case the woman was wearing a rock notable at a distance. Even then, the man was only a little bit less trim than the woman, ten maybe fifteen pounds max, except for one running-to-seed athlete type. I suspect in even these cases the men were trim when they married. Only three women in these couples, but they didn't seem to look as happy as the other women in Recent Couples.
I'm going to keep on people watching, but the sample size I saw Saturday afternoon was more than large enough to be statistically significant (meaning "measureable with a high degree of confidence", as opposed necesarily to "large" or "substantial").
Posted: 10/4/2010 12:56:18 PM
|Unfortunately, none of your observational information is useful, because you started by ASSUMING you could tell at a glance who was a couple, who was a long-term couple, and who was a recent couple. Had you been able to actually verify who was who, your observations might have been illuminating about THEM. Since it was not possible to verify, instead all of your observations illuminate only YOU.|
Posted: 10/4/2010 1:09:19 PM
you started by ASSUMING you could tell at a glance who was a couple, who was a long-term couple, and who was a recent couple
Welllllllll ........ what I did for a living, a good living BTW, for 34 years was to observe people. As Dlck Cavett said, "It's surprising what you can see when you just look."
You are welcome to take the data and use it to effect (this is what you might want to do if you are not satisfied with the status quo), or dump it in a wastebasket as might be your pleasure (if you are satisfied).
Long Term Couples have a casual acceptance of each other's presence and physical proximity. They talk to each other without necessarily turning to face each other. He turns to find she is not there, so he slows his pace or stops until she catches up. She looks to see he is not there, so she goes to where she expects he will be and waits. They meet up, and they continue.
Recent Couples are accutely aware of each other's presence, usually standing closer to each other, often bumping into each other at the hip or shoulder, often touching each other with their hands, more likely to touch the other's face or hair, talk more frequently, and turn to face each other as they talk. They smile at each other more often, sometimes with a sexual smile. They are more likely to sway when talking to each other. They are more likely to be intent on what the other is doing at the moment.
Posted: 10/4/2010 1:29:53 PM
|Really? This doesn't happen with couples under 45?|
Sorry WWW, but I started a thread this morning that did actually relate to over 45 dating and it disappeared. Of course it wasn't bashing one gender over the other.
As to your OP, I see the opposite is true in my area in relation to the weight issues.
The solo women had an edge to them? As in focused and hunting their prey?
Yes, men looking to date should pay attention to their grooming and hygiene, so should women.
Posted: 10/4/2010 1:31:57 PM
|I stopped reading this pretty quickly.|
It was apparently based on one afternoon of watching couples,
picking and choosing who to notice and who to write about.
I watch people all the time, mostly for my own entertainment.
I certainly don't post it on a blog for all to read as evidence of
my astute observations because it would probably be just as
boring as this was.
I did notice that weight was once again mentioned though.
I'm going to the fair tonight....I'll watch everyone there and get
back tomorrow with my findings.
Posted: 10/4/2010 1:38:17 PM
|amusing how the responses on the thread are already matching the observations of the op. griping about a deleted thread, griping about references to body composition.|
Some close watching showed the Solo's had an edge to them which gave me pause,
Posted: 10/4/2010 1:42:59 PM
amusing how the responses on the thread are already matching the observations of the op. griping about a deleted thread, griping about references to body composition.
What is amusing is how the responses on the thread could possibly match the
observations of the op as the setting is entirely different, he is actually confronting
the people on the thread asking for opinions (I'm pretty sure he didn't confront the
people he was observing) and he has no idea of the "body compositions" of the people
responding as he's not met them.
*imagines some people going to the store for oranges and coming home with apples.*
Posted: 10/4/2010 1:49:48 PM
Of course it wasn't bashing one gender over the other.
Seek and you shall find.
Yes, this is a not so cleverly disguised bashing thread so it shall go on for pages and pages.
We women get it, we are suppose to be put down right and left and just accept the nasty attitude that is constantly displayed by men here.
I am old, fat, ugly, nasty towards all men, unintelligent and delusional to think that any man would have an interest in me especially since I cannot produce another offspring for him.
Come on ladies let's just all agree with them so maybe these forums could actually move on to subjects that would be helpful to dating.
Posted: 10/4/2010 2:18:27 PM
|^^^^ If you'll notice, my statement was that my observations showed women 45+ seemed to have an absolute problem with a man's excess weight.|
I saw NO trim woman with a heavy man. None. Not in Long Term Couples, nor in Recent Couples. I DID see LTC's where the man was trim and the woman heavy, sometimes to the point her doctor might be upset with her weight.
Just an observation ...
My take-away. No man past age 45 has any chance in hell of effecting a new Relationship unless he is trim, perhaps exceptionally so.
... to whit, single women seemed to form no relationships at all with men who were not trim. That is their choice to make. What THAT means IS a single man who wants a relationship with a new woman must trim down, or be left behind.
A man can accept a woman's choice or not. THAT is HIS choice. However, if he knows the outcome ahead of time, he either works the system or he fights it.
Another observation. Each and both can be personable, or not, as is their choice.
Again, if either knows the outcome ahead of time, each and/or both work the system or fight it. Personable was an observed fact on BOTH parts in ALL Recent Couples.
Don't rightly reckon jes how that'sa bashing of anys ones.
We all gotta play the cards we're dealt. Fighting the system is fighting the system and usually doesn't work.
In the world of business there is a phrase that goes, "FIRST you identify the problem, THEN you look for a solution."
If one wants to go dear hunting, one has to go where the dear are.
Posted: 10/4/2010 2:19:56 PM
|Yep, I agree blue eyes. Die all female fatties!!!! You are not worthy...|
Seriously - women put on weight much more easily after menopause, especially around the midriff. Blame those male hormones - yes, it's your fault.
I know heaps of women who are battling this ...and it's harder for them to lose it. It takes longer to build up muscle, it takes longer to lose the midriff bulge.
Just one question for our sociologist OP: how can you tell how long the couples had been together? Maybe they get casual after a year or so? That's still not long-term.
maybe these forums could actually move on to subjects that would be helpful to dating.
I wonder how many of these so-called observant men realise how damaging it is to women to read over and over how unnattractive we are? These threads are certainly not helpful to dating. In fact, I find they could actually turn me into the man-hater I'm already assumed to be because I'm over 45.
Posted: 10/4/2010 2:24:13 PM
What THAT means IS a single man who wants a relationship with a new woman must trim down, or be left behind.
Or, go to the same gym, join the same fitness program, socialize and walk many miles with motivated groups where you meet, make friends and form relationships with LIKE-MINDED people..
Likely where those healthy couples met and/or how they supported each others healthy eating habits
and exercise activities over time...
Within one year most anyone could trim down and build muscle to shape themselves as they want to be..
These threads are certainly not helpful to dating. In fact, I find they could actually turn me into the man-hater I'm already assumed to be because I'm over 45.
Actually listening and ACTING on what works IS helpful.. If one aspires to be athletic but never walks 8 miles..
As I did with a dozen friendly health seekers yesterday- then no cause for complaint...
Posted: 10/4/2010 5:03:10 PM
|^^You're assuming I need help with diet and exercise. I don't. I was referring to the constant put-downs I read here. See, you automatically assumed I was overweight.|
Posted: 10/4/2010 5:50:59 PM
Chicken and the egg. Did the Solo's turn mellow as part of a Couple, or did the mellows become part of a Couple? I suspect the second.
I suspect 50/50. You would be amazed how a woman can change when she is with a right man… If you only paid attention...
By the way what’s your definition of “trim”? Sounds like you equate it to “slim”, or at list “slim” is a necessary component of being “trim”.
Posted: 10/4/2010 6:11:24 PM
If this turns into another fat bashing threads or gender bashing threads IT WILL BE DELETED !! I am watching it closely
Posted: 10/4/2010 6:35:21 PM
|Too funny. . . . |
When I lived in NYC, we *didn't* spend the weekends at the farmers' market at Union Square, we spent it in bed, making mad passionate love. . . . Or, alternatively, having wild monkey sex.
OPie, you might want to consider your sample skewed. . . . .
Posted: 10/4/2010 9:15:54 PM
|I think the observation was probably correct on any random day in that locale.|
I could see 45+ newly dating and trim doing something outdoors to be with each other.
Whereas the 45+ long termed and trim together were just there to buy greens(probably to stay trimed). So these folks had a more defined purpose than each other.
Doesn't mean the non-trim are miserably alone.
Just doing other stuff.
Maybe even cooler funner stuff...
Observing a tiny slice of life is just that.
So edgy women hang out in farmer's markets?
Next week give us an observation at the classier locales.
symphonies or museum.
OR maybe at a fun place like the beach.
And I don't think it will interrupt your science if you
interract with the subjects of your observations.
Cus you may have to do closer research on the cuter non edgier subjects.
Posted: 10/4/2010 9:26:47 PM
|Maybe you did observed people for a living for 34|
That's exactly what you have done, without pay
You have no idea how old were they or how long have they been together or if they
were even married or just friends.
Great you were out people watching
some people are trim , others not so much,
Everybody likes people who are in shape
better than the people who are not,
didn't we all know that?
Older guys have more money and taste
so they wear nicer clothes
Others are waiting to get in a relationship
and once they do is a license to EAT
what else is new?
Are you also going to tell us
45+ men like brightly colored convertibles?
45+ women, wear flats more than high heels?
Nice try OP
Nothing new here to see
Posted: 10/5/2010 3:51:50 AM
My take-away. No man past age 45 has any chance in hell of effecting a new Relationship unless he is trim, perhaps exceptionally so
that would be a questionable conclusion based on an extremely un-scientific set of observations. and you can't claim "statistically significant" results at the end without having a more objective means of defining your observations at the beginning. so, the whole gist of your post boils down to this: "my observations match my presuppositions". thanks for proving my theory. hahahahaha!!!
... to whit, single women seemed to form no relationships at all with men who were not trim.
meh, why would they? and are you saying that it took you an entire afternoon of astute observation to arrive at this scientific conclusion for the first time ever in your life, or are you merely saying you already suspected it to be true and then went out and found many unconfirmed examples to fit the idea you already had?
Posted: 10/5/2010 4:08:28 AM
|Mere Speculation on your part, with no conclusive evidence that anything you said are in fact worthwhile facts... as for statistically significant... I honestly don't think so. Wouldn't it have to be measureable rather that subjective hearsay?|
I think your imagination got the better of you...
I like to make up stories in my head while on a plane for 8-10 hours... It makes the journey go quicker. There is no way in hell I could make it into a valid study though.
Nice way to spend a Saturday people watching, I wish I had time for that.
Posted: 10/5/2010 5:41:32 AM
|Who here among us would say they are satisfied with the state of their social life, as it stands today? Some ... in committed relationships, perhaps, but who else? And of course, some who want to take a breather in their social life for a bit of time.|
Probably none, for that is why most of us are here.
It is a truism that if we do what we've always done, we can expect the results we've always gotten.
THAT is why we are here. Either to perfect "what we've always done before" to obtain "better results" THIS time, or ... to try a different approach, the old approaches not working as well as might be hoped.
The data I observed was the data I observed. Everyone is free to use that data to any advantage they might hope to find, if any, or dump the data in the wastebasket because they feel it has no value to them.
I learned something I feel might be useful to me in my quest. If nothing else, I learned just how common Brooks Bros shirts are to men looking to meet a new friend. Useful? I'll see.
Good luck to all.
Posted: 10/5/2010 5:54:31 AM
|and how did we get from being uber-trim to wearing BB shirts as the secret to a middle-aged man's success, i ask you? this is an entirely new development!|
god i hate BB shirts, and i hate the men who wear them with their freakin rolex watches (oh! also notice the mont blanc pen displayed casually in the pocket, oh! ah!) like little beacons announcing their success, a.k.a. mannish desirability. it's vulgar. god i should be sooo hot for you now because you're just glistening with money... not! meh i've met a ton of men like this... they are all over the place in the business i'm in... you can smell their testicles upwind at 20 paces... and they are all boring, ostentatious wankers down to the last. personally, i would be much more impressed with the man who chose something just as good for a fraction of the price, and actually had an interesting personality, not just an interesting accoutrement or two as a superficial substitute thereof.
jerking your chain.
Posted: 10/5/2010 6:58:26 AM
|I agree with stray cat. This was a sample of people at a farmer's market- people who get out and about and are likely more interested in eating healthy and living a healthy lifestyle.|
I was at an Oktoberfest celebration Sunday. There was a huge mix of people there and I can say that LTC couples and new couples--well, there were many differences in them overall. Overweight men with overweight women; overweight men with trim women, and vice versa. Trim men with trim women. All were there to have fun though. ;)
Me personally- I have dated all kinds of men physically- from washboard belly's to a bit of a tummy. I'm very active and fit and I'm going to be dating people who are at least as active as I am; therefore, they will likely be fit. That doesn't mean that I'm seeking someone who's trim--they just will likely be trim do to activity.
Posted: 10/5/2010 9:35:47 AM
|OP, I'd also think those who shop the Farmer's Markets would be more health conscious hence the thinner couples..|
As for the thinner man with the heavier woman here in the Midwest that's not necessarily the case, I see all mixtures of couples.
It's impossible for me to tell the newly coupled from the long-term too many variables in that scenario, but you can pick out the dominate member of the pair ( male or female ) in some couples, but I don't see those as healthy or happy relationships.
Then there's what we all search for, the couple that's totally content with each other you can see the correlation, balance, equilibrium that flows between them, this is what a relationship between a man and woman should be, it has little to do with weight.
Not criticizing you OP just adding my 2 ¢
Posted: 10/5/2010 10:18:27 AM
|"The data I observed was the data I observed." |
You don't have any data, as in,
a collection of facts from which conclusions may be drawn.
You don't have any ages, marital status, FACTS or numbers.
You just sat there on a weekend and watched people go by
I'm glad you had a nice day out and that you found out putting on
a nice shirt might get you better luck than wearing your stained favorite T-shirt
Posted: 10/5/2010 11:13:27 AM
|I don't think anything in the original post is all that controversial. Once you eliminate the details, it boils down to saying that people who are fit and dress well have a better shot at a relationship. Anyone who thinks that's controversial isn't living on the same planet I am. The only thing that might be (somewhat) surprising is that fit men seem more willing to date somewhat heavier women than most women believe. I'm not sure that surprises me, either. I've noticed that men are not THAT hardnosed about a few extra pounds, especially men who like women with large breasts.|
Who here among us would say they are satisfied with the state of their social life, as it stands today? Some ... in committed relationships, perhaps, but who else?
Well, I am. Although I now have a fiancee, I was satisfied with my social life before I met her. That is to say, I enjoyed meeting the women I met here and wasn't in any particular hurry to get into a relationship. It just happened and I was happy to be in a relationship. I do miss being able to meet women and date here, but not enough to question my decision to marry my fiancee.
For the most part, I thought what you observed was rather obvious. Being in good physical condition and dressing well is going to give a person more options in dating. If that bothers people, they should really be bothered by the fact that they have a better chance of swaying a jury if their attorney is tall, fit, good looking and well-dressed. That's just reality.