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 SingleGuy81
Joined: 10/6/2010
Msg: 1
Future childrenPage 1 of 1    
Hello ladies,

So I'm 29, single, no children. I recently had a pregnancy scare with a girl I was dating turns out she wasn't pregnant. Ever since then I've been thinking about getting a vasectomy. I toyed with the idea when i was in my early 20s but everyone convinced me not to do it because I might change my mind. Well its several years later and this recent experience has shown me that I have not changed my mind about children.

Would any of you ladies date and possibly marry a guy that you knew could not have biological children?

Thanks,
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 2
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 7:15:50 AM
There is someone for everyone out there. You're the one who knows if you want kids or not. I would say be really sure about having the procedure done- they are supposed to be
reversible but there are no guarantees. What if you marry one day and change your mind? Just putting it out there-
Most young women will want children but there are always those who don't.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 3
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Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 7:23:09 AM

Would any of you ladies date and possibly marry a guy that you knew could not have biological children?


Well of course there are. In fact it should not hurt your DATING much at all. I would think it will restrict your marriage possibilities but you will still have some options.

There are other forms of birth control. If you are convinced you simply never want children than do it. If that is not the problem than consider other solutions.

Cowboy
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 4
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 8:22:40 AM
I wanted to get myself "fixed" when I was in my early 20's, but just like you everyone told me no and that I might change my mind.

Like cowboy pointed out, you shouldn't have any issues with that while merely dating but when it comes down to long term relationships, and marriage, you might have a problem. Then again, maybe not.

Remember, men can go on with having kids because they don't bare children like women do. So, it's not like they have a ticking biological clock like we do for example. Therefore, you might want to give it some more time and think very hard and clearly about meeting someone in the future who could possibly want children and you having a change of mind. In the end, your decision is all up to you.

Good luck.
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 5
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 9:33:13 AM
There are women out there who are feeling the same as you, when it comes to kids.

Getting a vasectomy is serious decision to make... you need to be 1000% + more sure it's what you want...
 pitufina_77
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 6
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Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 10:10:31 AM
Cowboy and Rushluv nailed it for you. I would say that you are still quite young and the fact that you had a "pregnancy scare" with a girl you felt not very attached to shows you are still inmature.

So I would leave heavy decisions out whilst you are still in this stage of your life.

Of course, you will find people who don't want kids and would be ok with you if you got yourself done. Personally, and as far as marriage, I would need a very good reason to consider marrying a guy who has made a decision to not have kids.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 7
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Posted: 10/10/2010 10:45:18 AM
My 2nd husband was in his late 30's when we got married. Said he never wanted kids and got a vasectomy to prove it. 4 years later he decided he wanted kids.

You never know.
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 12:32:20 PM
if you don't choose the vasectomy, just make sure you ALWAYS wear a condom, no matter how drunk you are. pay for her birth control pills if you have to, and if she claims pregnancy, don't take her word for it. demand a doctor's visit to verify (pay for it if you have to) and access to the paperwork. and don't forget the DNA test.
 CaRo78
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 9
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 12:50:37 PM
spend some time trying out different brands of condoms..... most men dont like them, but most men will find a brand/fit that work for them....... take some counselling before jumping into a big decision about having a vasectomy.......

I was convinced I didnt want any more children (i have one aged 14) for the past 14 years, until i met a wonderful guy a little while ago...... my mind totally changed and i reconsidered - unfortuntely he is now history along with my ideas of having children again, but it goes to show that even the most resolute of mind sets can change in a heartbeat!

Caro
 SingleGuy81
Joined: 10/6/2010
Msg: 10
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 2:14:55 PM
Hey thanks for all the advise everyone. This isn't something I'm just going to rush into and then regret, and this doesn't have anything to do with not wanting to ware condoms or anything like that. I like children, I'm just not sure if its for me. Most of my friends have children and they are a lot of fun, but I like that I can just hand them back to their parents, or just go home when they are to much to handle. I'm not sure how everyone else felt when they found out they were pregnant for the first time, but this scare literally terrified me, and it was a huge relief when I find out she wasn't pregnant. I think she really wanted to have a baby, and probably part of the reason we aren't together anymore was because I was happy that she wasn't pregnant.

Anyway I have a lot to think about. Thanks everyone!
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 11
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 2:24:01 PM
If you do get a vasectomy make sure the woman you choose to date knows that you can't get her pregnant, and continue practicing safe sex too.

I know a guy who did have a vasectomy because he doesn't want to be responsible for any kids or want to marry anyone,
Then he goes and dates women who he knew from the start, they wanted to have a family, he wasted a couple of years of their time and then told them he had a vasectomy years ago, they never forgave him for that.

Also he has contracted many STDs because he thinks, he can't get them pregnant is a license to practice UNsafe sex, so he never uses condoms and he has multiple sex partners, he has also given those stds to his "dates".

It's a miracle he still alive, with all the STDs and women who HATE him
because he not only lied to them but also gave them the gift of herpes and
who knows what other little gifts left them with

Although one day he woke up from being in a party the night before and someone had
shaved the word " douchebag" around his skull, complements of a pretty skilled cosmetician he was dating at the time, she also glued false purple eyelashes on top of his and shaved his eyebrows tattooing permanent high eyebrows, the purple fingernail and toenails just completed the look.
He looked like Mommy dearest in drag.
When he called me over to help him, after I stopped laughing, I didn't know where to start.
I told him this was mild compared to all the suffering he had caused to many women.



 Zikoris
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 12
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 5:09:15 PM
I only date guys who don't like or want kids - because I had a tubal a few years ago and am 100% certain I never want kids.

That said, you use words like "toyed with the idea" and "people convinced me not to" - I wouldn't call that having strong conviction on the matter. Also, remember, when people like you go in, have it done, then go back a few years later looking for a reversal, it makes things 10X HARDER for people like me(who know what they want and aren't wishy washy about major life decisions) to get it done, because "You might change your mind"
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 13
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 5:15:46 PM
OP: It appears you've made your mind up on children (according to your profile). Don't have children because you think you may meet someone who does. There are young women who don't. If you aren't 100% sure then that's another story.

Considering your age...I would hold off and use condoms (not that they are 100% either) so you don't have any unwanted children.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 14
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 7:43:40 PM
If you know you don't want to be a parent, then for the love of all that's holy DO NOT become a parent.

Who really cares what some random women on the internet think? This is an extremely personal decision that you need to make for you and no one else.

Parenting is the one SINGLE job you dont ever want to do half-assed.
 Gashlycrumb_Briny
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 15
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 8:49:43 PM

this scare literally terrified me, and it was a huge relief when I find out she wasn't pregnant. I think she really wanted to have a baby, and probably part of the reason we aren't together anymore was because I was happy that she wasn't pregnant.

Anyway I have a lot to think about.



Yes, finally, someone is thinking about the children!

The tricky part is, is figuring out if you were happy she wasn't pregnant because you don't want any children with any woman ever, or if it was just because you didn't want children with that woman in particular, and were relieved to find a way out of that relationship.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 16
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 10:51:09 PM
OP, do as you like. I've never wanted kids, and at one time I had a girlfriend who couldn't have any more, but she asked me every few months if I wanted kids. Again and again.

Holy crow - sometimes women feel they have to "deliver" to prove they love you.

Remember, you can adopt or become a foster parent.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 17
Future children
Posted: 10/10/2010 11:13:54 PM
^^^If OP adopts or become a foster parent, then he might as well have kids of his own.


Who really cares what some random women on the internet think?


It's not just women over the net, but women in the real world as well.
 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 18
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Posted: 10/10/2010 11:55:10 PM

^^^If OP adopts or become a foster parent, then he might as well have kids of his own.


Or, you know, he could adopt or become a foster parent (reiterating ThNewDeal). Have the joys of having a kid without his s/o being pregnant and pushing one out, or if he meets someone unable, but willing to have kids.... Plus there's plenty of kids out there that don't have picket fences and all that good stuff. Plenty of good reasons to not have biological children.

Also, what if you meet someone with kids already? Being 29 that's a good possibility. I'm agreeing with the majority here - hold off on making a decision, but know that there's plenty of opportunities or alternatives out there worth exploring.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 19
Future children
Posted: 10/11/2010 1:00:05 AM
At your age, yes, I would have dated someone who'd had a vasectomy. Worry-free sex would've been a plus, and it is now, too. Never wanted to bear children myself, though adoption might appeal in some circumstances. That hasn't changed.

I would've had a tubal ligation, once laparoscopic procedures came into common use, but everyone convinced me I might change my mind. They were wrong, and now I'm not a good candidate for it. Not that using birth control is the end of the world, but it's oh so nice not to need it!
 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 20
Future children
Posted: 10/11/2010 5:57:06 AM
I'm 53 and still capable of having a child according to my Doctors. I would never have unsafe sex unless I was SURE the man had a vasectomy.... but I am 53.

I think you maybe to young to make such a permanent decision. There is a lot to weigh out. It's not something that the docs can reverse .

I also know someone who regrets having it done most sincerely because he said it
ruined his ability to perform. It caused some ED.
I'm not sure if there are any stats about vasectomies and ED.... but I would rather have a penis with a condom then one that couldn't stand up long enough to put his raincoat on.
 tinainhouston39
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 21
Future children
Posted: 10/11/2010 6:37:33 AM
Hahahah I might be the wrong person to poll...I'm 40, so you can prob guess what my answer is...lol What you should know is that there is still time to change your mind. I think unless your DEAD set on never having children for extremely personal reasons, you should always leave your options open. There are thousands of men out there looking to have children in their mid 30's.
I think by keeping your options open, it also forces you to have safe sex. Indeed I would date and marry a man who is unable to have children, but wouldn't date or marry a man with an STD :)
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