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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CompletelyArbituary
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 1
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?Page 1 of 1    
Okay, I wanted to ask this. Since I always notice that whenever a male asks what womens opinions on older men being virgins on these forums. You tend to see a comment from the women that wouldn`t date a virgin. Along the lines of not wanting to ``train`` a male that is a virgin and wanting experience.

Now, maybe im stirring the pot and I sincerely hope im not being redundant. Yet, I always found this to be really offensive and a selfish attitude. It`s like me saying I wouldn`t date a woman for a more silly or immature point. Like lets say I wouldn`t date you because you earn more or because you earn less.

It`s not the same in my opinion as when a man is reluctant to date a woman that has children. Although I think that can be mean in it`s own way. Or the same as when a woman won`t date a man that dosen`t have a car. I mean a car can be seen as a necessity at the very least.

I just find that it seems to smack of a form of snobby elitism. Where, it`s like, I had those experiences already so your not at my level. I never really could get that. It`s like I told a woman that because she didn`t have the same life i`ve had that their not fit to even be given a chance as a prospective partner. I fail to see how it`s not secretly, well that guy must be a loser if he hasn`t gotten it by now.

I can understand how sexual pleasure is an important part of a relationship. Yet, I doubt any man would do this to a female that is a virgin and that makes it seem all the more cold. I have trouble seeing how it just has to do with the desire for an experienced partner. After all if you find someone to not float your boat you can dump them and women screen men more harshly than men screen women at least that seems to be the general rule.

I`m just wondering do most of you ``see`` it as a selfish reasoning but just are apathetic to that fact. Or is there a more reasonable and rational reasoning behind it.

I can`t help but for the life of me see it as a creul double standard that seems to just self perpetuate the virgins are loser guys myth without anyone really wanting to be honest that thats what they actualy think. And, yes I know guys have creul double standards as well. Yet, it`s always something thats rubbed me the wrong way and kind of has lowered my opinion of women. Like relationships are more based on selfishness of the recipient and not on getting to know the other person and seeing if they have any merit or value before judging them. Aren`t we a more civilized society by now where we don`t have to always assume the worst of other people based on how they have lived their life up to a certain point.

I realize this is men too that can be bad in other kind of ways. Yett, I`ve always seen that as something that is sort of creul and selfish of the opposite sex and I have trouble seeing an actually rational reasoning behind it.
 CompletelyArbituary
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 2
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/11/2010 11:16:43 PM
I just wanted to add more. I mean, I can`t justify the stigma thrown at females that their sluts if their heavily promiscuous. It`s an old and tired stereotype that has to go to the wayside. I mean sure hteres a difference between a healthy form of promiscuous lifestyle and then a unhealthy type of promiscuity.

I mean, I think theres more of an actual bad thing to someone being irresponsibly promiscuous. Like lets say never using condoms, and other things that could make promiscuity a bad thing. But in todays modern age if someone is promiscous but responsible. I don`t see that as a woman who has led a promiscous lifestyle as damaged goods. Since, it`s something natural healthy and normal as long as the person has followed a good code of moral and ethical conduct. And, im not talking religous when I say that. I mean following the proper safety rules when engaging in sex.

Just like, lets say if we were to do away with religion I don`t see how maintaining virginity is actually a moral thing either. Nothing wrong with it but if your not religous theres no real moral value to it beyond it being a persons lifestyle choice.

Also, it may perhaps be better in some sense because the person is less likely to have a disease and may be less likely to cheat on future partners. Although that last part is not neccessarily true.

So, it really just makes me curious. Why do we break people into labels and categories instead of just getting to know them first before judging them. Its really odd in my opinion.

Although, I would agree it`s tactless to tell someone too right away in the relationship your relationship history and whether you have had sex with other partners or not. But, I still have to say I find this to be an issue where I can`t understand that stance.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 3
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/11/2010 11:19:22 PM
Pffft. I've been on these forums for two years, and your "issue" is definitely not gender specific.

I can't even begin to tell you how many men wouldn't date female virgins because of their lack of experience. Or it could be that the woman is saving herself for marriage, and has decided to remain celibate. Maybe even perhaps waiting until she gets into a stable, loving and healthy relationship. Is it a double standard? Not. Is it selfish to prefer an experienced partner? Not even.

Would I date a male virgin? Probably. It would all depend on why he has remained a virgin. After all, I was a virgin at one point but I generally prefer men that are already sexually experienced. In which, you seem be complaining about.

OP, you are 29 years old. It is completely normal for women to wonder why you haven't jumped in the sack yet. But don't worry, you'll get your socks knocked off eventually.
 CompletelyArbituary
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 4
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/11/2010 11:34:45 PM
Well, the intent of the thread wasn`t really my personal sex life. Although, I haven`t had sexual relations with another person as of yet. Even if I did have sexual relations. I`d still be annoyed by that fact. Although, I didn`t know women experienced that as well. I thought it was something that specifically happend to only males.

It shows my ignorance I suppose. But either way it has nothing to do with my personal sex life. I guess I just have always hated things that don`t make sense to me. Rationally whether I like it or not I can`t expect anything from other people. I just think that it`s somewhat cruel and it seems selfish to me but I could be biased in opinion.

Well, thats because of the way my life has panned out. I don`t actively pursue women that much, and I work really late hours. At this point in my life I have no interest in clubs and bars that much. Due, to working for so many years and little else, I feel out of place in those enviroments. Women feel intimidating in public places. Im not shy about talking to women but I don`t like how rude women in bars and clubs are.

Any time you try to talk to those women they instantly assume you just want sex or that your some piggish guy and it`s frusterating if you just want to talk and get to know them and don`t expect anything out of it. So, I really don`t like approaching women in public places. Since, most of my freinds don`t know a lot of women there aren`t many females to be introduced to. So it`s difficult for me.

Also, im very wary and particular. Since I was made fun of when I was younger, I`m not too trustful of people I don`t know. I like to talk to women first to see if their a nice person and whether they have a respectful personality. In terms of kindness towards other people before I show interest. I find that when I do talk to women on here. If their polite and open with me I feel more comfortable and confident and I am much more patient and nicer to them. The ones that seem aloof are a turn off to me and I tend to suspect their not really interested and I can evne lose patience over time.

It`s hard for me to find women that I feel are genuinely interested and that I feel comfortable and happy with instead of like im walking on eggshells with them. So, i just don`t bother with dating at all and you know it`s not easy on POF to get dates to begin with. Even though at the very least you can screen people better.

Also, im more open and talkative than most people, maybe that seems desperate and clingy but honestly, I use the computer a lot late at night because theres nothing to do when you come home from work late. Also, I have an Iphone and that keeps me online and im rather simple. I don`t see the point in having to feint aloofness just to look more desirable. If I have to do that to make someone feel attracted to me their probably not worth it.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 5
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/11/2010 11:37:23 PM
too much to read...

men love virgins, why? its an ego thing and we love to be the only man she's had.

women are not so much into virgins, why?
because they love dominant men, leaders....these men know what to do to a woman and how to open up new things with a woman and to take charge of their bodies.

virgins typically do not.



bottom line:

women's egos are les driven then men's egos are.
 CompletelyArbituary
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 6
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/11/2010 11:40:50 PM
Yeah, but in modern times should it even matter to a man anymore if a woman is a virgin or not. I mean me personally I could care less. The thing about men being leaders, sounds like a dumb excuse. Thats like saying that because you never drove a car before that you`ll never learn and it perpetuates the very thing that makes the guy unattractive to women.

It`s like, im fat because I eat, I eat because im sad. So to me it just seems absolutely silly.

Just like the importance that a male has to have his ego stroked. That seems pretty stupid and illogical as well.
 CompletelyArbituary
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 7
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 12:16:28 AM
If a guy is going to think sex is the same like how it is in porn you`d have to be pretty stupid and naive lol.

I`m not crying over it. Honestly I could care less about whether im a virgin or not. Sex isn`t that important to me.

I just meant the fact that it`s more stinging in the sense that it makes it that much harder to find someone to maintain a relationship with.

I can totally understand not wanting to date someone that won`t engage in sexual behaviour that your into. Like the not wanting to date women who wont go on top of you.

That, I can understand. It still dosen`t make the not wanting to go out with women who are virgins make sense to me. Beyond it having to do with if they were virgins for religious reasons. Since you said it has to do with not having your desires delayed.

I mean I can understand if it has to do with personal sexual interests that not everyone has. I mean, theres things I like that not all women like.

I just think whether you had sex never or not is different. I mean, even if I were experienced, wouldn`t the woman still have to give me an idea of what she likes. Wouldn`t a man have to say that to a woman as well.

And like I said I didn`t mention the virgins as losers because im hung up over it.

Like I said I really dont see sex as that important. Really I could jack off and leave it at that to be honest. When it comes to being with a woman it`s more the desire to be loved and found attractive by another person thats important to me. Not that im not a sexual person or wouldn`t want a healthy sexual relationship. It`s just that it`s not the losing my virginity part thats important to me.

I just find it personally annoying the idea that lets say, you just went through five hundred rejections and now you meet this great woman and both you and her get along. You finally get lucky enough for it to go into the relationship stage. You both love each other at least as much as you would in the beginnings of a serious relationship and then she finds out that your a virgin and dumps you.

Your telling me there isn`t something to it that dosen`t seem horribly stupid and illogical.

Now if she had sex with me a few times and found it unsatisfying and then dumped me. That, I can so much more understand. Since why should a person be in a relationship where they feel unsatisfied.

I wonder if this makes my point of view more clear. I just think, it`s immature to just dump someone for something that to me seems no different from seeing your date sneeze and not cover their mouth while doing it. I guess other people see it differently but this is what I guess im trying to convey.
 scarlet tanager
Joined: 8/25/2010
Msg: 8
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 12:16:47 AM
I agree w/ FranklinLA :


- You're not a loser for being a virgin. You're a loser for having it affect you (not sure if you're a virgin but I meant that to be the general case). There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. More power to you. Usually your first love is the best so when you a virgin finds someone they love enough to be with intimately later in life, it will probably be the best relationship of their lives and as adults will most likely succeed as a LTR.


OP I think perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions about sex & experience is that the more partners a person has had = the more "experienced" or "skilled" a person will be. Fact is: NOT everyone's body is tuned the same so what satisfied girl A. doesn't necessarily mean it will also satisfy girl B. I'm pretty sure the same could apply to men too. ... To me, what matters more is how in-tuned a person is with their partner. Being able to communicate what one likes and doesn't like. Being able to listen to one's partner and willing to try what works is the REAL key to the so-called "being skilled" in the bedroom. I broke my virginity much later in life. I'm glad I waited to share it with the right person in a responsible manner and not just bc "everybody else was doing it".

Besides this, preferring someone who's had multiple partners is only asking to up one's risk of contracting a STD, but ignorant people will think "experience" trumps the risk.

Quit fretting about it cos when you meet the right woman, it won't matter. If it matters, then she's not the right woman for you. Like another poster said above, everyone was a virgin once and everyone had to start somewhere.
 CompletelyArbituary
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 9
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 12:30:20 AM
Also, once again I don`t get what this has to do with the personal life of the poster or how important maintaining or losing their virginity is.

Like I said a good and happy relationship with another person is much more important to me than sex will ever be. It`s to the point where if I didn`t have a lot of sex with my partner but we were happy toghether for other reasons. it wouldn`t bother me in the least.

But, thats far from the point in this discussion. Like I said I understand people wanting pleasure, in their relationships, and wanting a partner thats a good lover. As well as someone that meets your personal sexual tastes when engaging in a relationships. These things I definately understand.

Like lets say if I had particular fetishes for example, I would definately agree that I would try to meet a woman that shared those fetishes. Yet lets say she was a virgin and it wasn`t necessarily by choice and she isn`t sexually experienced but has the same sexual interests that I do. Does thaat make that woman any less worthy of the oppourtunity to engage in a relationship than a woman that fits the same criteria but has had sex. This is why im saying it seems like an irrational double standard.

Maybe I should have said that it`s lowered my opinion on people instead of women. It`s not about the losing virginity thing. It`s just that it seems like an illogical standard by the people who are more sexually experienced. Thats what i mean more or less.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 10
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 4:57:41 AM

I`m not crying over it. Honestly I could care less about whether im a virgin or not. Sex isn`t that important to me.




OK why the thread? Shopping ? I don't get it.


Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?


Who said that?

Are women looking at your profile and thinking OMG ..virgin?

YOU are making an issue of it.

Training a virgin is easier than a man trained by another woman that doesn't like what you do and loves what you hate.

That is re training..much harder esp after 40.
Not all of of need our azz spanked or like being choked..Try to get that out of some guys head.



You shouldn't mention it so soon..If you aren't about to take that step..why?
 jenniferw83
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 11
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 5:25:36 AM
To tell you the truth, I can give two sh*ts less if the guys a virgin or not. If we have good chemistry and mutual attraction, experience can be learned.
 CompletelyArbituary
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 12
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 5:32:42 AM
Shopping,... Should I bang my head against the wall. Why, are these things always made personal... Sheesh... There, always must be some evil sinister ulterior motive because the penis rules the mind. I swear... I`m just curious about peoples cultural attitudes and what I think of them. Can, a thread about any subject be started without it having to be personal, or about personal gain.

Grow up!
 CompletelyArbituary
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 13
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 5:40:15 AM
``You shouldn't mention it so soon..If you aren't about to take that step..why?``

Once, again, not... about... me... Man, you people really read into stuff.

I don`t tell anyone on here about my sexual experience when I talk to them. I don`t mind disclosing my virginity on the forums because most people don`t read the forums anyways. But this wasn`t meant to be personal or about me. I just was curious and felt like making a discussion about this because I remmeber this being mentioned in older threads about older people being virgins. Frankly, I was just curious about, this issue and what people would say. Way to go reading too too much into it.

Interesting point about not having to re-train, a man. Never heard that one before. I suspect though, that most women with the opposite opinion won`t touch this thread.

Feels, really pissed off that people are reading too much into this thread and thinking it`s a pity thread. When I just wanted to talk about social stigmas, as well as say my opinion on them. As well as see what women have to say on those social stigmas.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 14
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 6:16:09 AM
The virgin thing wouldn't bother me as much as the whining thing.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 15
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 6:22:29 AM
A person having sex for the first time is probably going to be kind of shy or nervous. Those are traits that men might find cute in a woman and they might even get off on that. But rarely do women find those traits appealing in a man in the bedroom. Also, if a woman is a lousy lay, the sex can still be pretty good for the guy. But if a guy is lousy in bed, it's miserable or possibly even painful for the woman. So my assumption with a virgin is that the sex would be bad, which would be a total turn-off that would make me not want to see him again so why even bother hopping in bed with him? More than that, I'm 39 and any virgin I'd encounter is either way too young or he's missing some essential social skills.

A guy doesn't need to advertise his virginity. He doesn't need to confess it's his first time having sex any more than she needs to mention it's her 645th time having sex. If you're anxious to lose your virginity, forget about analyzing why women act the way they do and just focus your energies on getting laid.

Oh, and for future reference-- when you post in a forum that only allows 21 replies, you might not want to take up most of those slots by yourself.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 16
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 6:55:59 AM

A guy doesn't need to advertise his virginity. He doesn't need to confess it's his first time having sex any more than she needs to mention it's her 645th time having sex. If you're anxious to lose your virginity, forget about analyzing why women act the way they do and just focus your energies on getting laid.


I'm a born again bachelor, does that me close enough to be a born again virgin? any takers! lol

Yes the op is diffidently shooting himself in the foot! lol

To pigeon hole the wimins cuz of your negativity& hang ups will not get ya any points for sure let alone getting laid.
ps call Dr. Phil....
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 17
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 7:24:02 AM

Yeah, but in modern times should it even matter to a man anymore if a woman is a virgin or not.


modern times, these past few decades has yet to overcome cultural normals the world over since the dawn of time- especially since Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed!



If a guy is going to think sex is the same like how it is in porn you`d have to be pretty stupid and naive lol.


actually, as a guy, if you think sex cannot be like porn- then you don't know what you're doing and perhaps you need some training...
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 18
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 7:40:01 AM

Well, the intent of the thread wasn`t really my personal sex life.


Of course it was about your personal sex life.


Even if I did have sexual relations. I`d still be annoyed by that fact.


If you weren't a virgin, then this thread wouldn't have existed, no?


I just think that it`s somewhat cruel and it seems selfish to me but I could be biased in opinion.


Yes, and it's called being narrow-minded.



Any time you try to talk to those women they instantly assume you just want sex or that your some piggish guy


Well, for the most part, a club isn't really a good spot to meet quality people.

*Side note*

I was talking to a supposed virgin whom I met via POF, and planned to have a meet & greet with. He told me that he was practicing celibacy but I also found out that he was psycho. Hmph. That would explain why he's still a virgin.
 Eowyn1776
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 19
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 8:12:26 AM
Have you ever had bad sex??? Do you know how ****y it makes a woman? That is a huge reason they won't date virgins. I've done it/them, and since they have litterly nothing to compare it to, they think every move they make (which is usually limited) feels awesome. It really doesn't. If I am sleeping with someone, virgin or not, and the sex is bad, I just can't keep seeing them, I get flukes, ect, but if it is a pattern of bad sex, then that tells me we are not sexually compatable. I would really have to like him, and he would have to really really listen to what I said, and would have to have some stamina, if he were a virgin. Plus it would make a difference what his reasons were for being a virgin at my age, if he's never had any relationships, and I am the first, again I would know we were not on the same page.

My .02 OP, is that its a personal choice but if it is an issue with women, why do you keep bringing it up, before they even consider sleeping with you? Just get in there get your feet wet, er well you know what I mean, and watch a lot of instructional video's.

cus as BDS says:


actually, as a guy, if you think sex cannot be like porn- then you don't know what you're doing and perhaps you need some training...


Just saying...........
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 20
Why do women say they hate ``training`` virgins?
Posted: 10/12/2010 8:17:05 AM
A thread is ALWAYS personal
I call BS , everytime a persons says
"this thread has nothing to do with me"

I've had sex with men who have been having sex for many years
and sometimes it's pretty bad
I've had sex with a virgin and it was almost as bad, but it was over a lot faster
so I would take the virgin, just because it was over fast

So, I would be more concerned about the "poor me, I'm a virgin attitude"

If you are expecting women to be wanting to teach you and be all welcoming
of your "condition" I don't think you'll find that.
But keep looking
There is always someone out there looking for someone they can fix
and they get to feel like a hero
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