| | confused ?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | When i joined POF i was committed .....yes i had guys send me messages and i told them i was in a relationship and here for the forums and they appreciated my honesty....yes a few we did talk about present,past on each sides.....
But this guy caught my attention why ? i'm unsure.....
" I'm not into talking like highschool girlfriends and telling my biggest, darkest secrets to someone that isn't interested in a relationship "
But yet we have emailed back and forth for like 2 months now and he send me messages like this..........
thank you for your nice messages. i know what you mean about the "crazies" you meet on here!! I only lasted a week on this site and then had to take my profile off. you have been one of the only people who have contacted me and of coarse, your in a relationship and not available! but unlike alot of the girls on this site, you were straight forward and didn t lie!!! major turn on!! but then again, you are sitting in a church on your profile pic! lol you should get some updated ones when yougo to the wedding this weekend....maybe get caught smooching with groom!!! lol lol
anyway enjoy your wedding and again, thank you for the sweet messages. its a treat to read them.
once again, your ****in adorable!!
and also messages like this ........So sorry once again and I hope you get whatever it is you are lookin for out of this site and if your interest ever changes to "looking for relationship",
hopefully you keep me in mind.$$$$$ xoxoxoxo
SO my question is now i'm single and i did return the favor and drop him a message and i have yet to hear back from him........
any advice ?
any ideas why ? | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/12/2010 8:48:17 PM | | Maybe he hasn't logged on, maybe moved on to bigger and better things. How long ago was this? | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/12/2010 8:53:26 PM | | we have been talking for like 2 mths faithfully everyday but i haven't heard from him since last Fri..... | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/12/2010 9:24:21 PM | Maybe he's sick... maybe he's away... maybe he met somebody... maybe he's just been busy.
Who knows? Gee, it's only been a few days! | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/12/2010 9:35:17 PM | | This is an online dating site. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/12/2010 9:56:58 PM |
we have been talking for like 2 mths faithfully everyday but i haven't heard from him since last Fri..... Maybe he had a good weekend. What's the big deal? Leave the ball in his court.
I sort of think one shouldn't correspond with flirters if one is not really available. That sends out mixed messages. Kind of like having your cake and eating it too. Sort of dooms the current relationship to fail, and sets up the new relationship on the wrong note.
Some folks can juggle more than one love interest at a time until some acceptable form of commitment exists. I can't see why someone supposedly "committed" should reasonably expect an "uncommitted" person to be waiting around for their beck and call.
Don't know if the OP exchanged phone numbers with this dude. I guess the OP can just hope he returns the ball into her court. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/12/2010 10:02:46 PM | | no never exchanged anything with him only talk on here only......by emails... | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 8 | |
| confused ?
Posted: 10/12/2010 11:11:46 PM | SO my question is now that i'm single and I did return the favor and drop him a message and i have yet to hear back from him
Sounds like a classic case of you both being in different places at different times. When he told you to keep him in mind if you ever get single, he was single. But he was not waiting around for you to become single also no matter how much he liked. Now you're single and it looks likes he is now seeing someone. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 12:09:33 AM | WTF? Why should this guy answer your messages at all?
You've already proven you will flirt with other men no matter how "committed" you say you are. HE KNOWS YOU WILL GO BEHIND HIS BACK.
You may as well be lying in a damp bed with your ex still in the room putting his shorts on, and you look at your POF penpal and say "NEXT!" while the guy behind him is mumbling "Hurry up, I want my turn!"
== This is the IMAGE that could be in your penpal's mind right now. Whether it's true doesn't matter, it's the impression you've already given him. Ain't that swell? == | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 2:27:38 AM | Hmm talking with a woman in a relationship...
Thinks highly of you does he?
Think again.
He has moved on op.
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 4:35:49 AM | | hard to say. did he read your message and then not respond? because the whole thing sorta comes across like "wow my fiance' just dropped dead.... oh well.... hey, let's go out on a date!" yeah that would be +1 for "honesty" but -1 for "helllooo!!". maybe you freaked him right out. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 4:56:55 AM | | After reading your post a couple of times it would appear that you may have made first contact even though you were in a relationship. Even if it were the other way round why would you continue to exchange "nice" emails with someone when you are IN A RELATIONSHIP. Just here for the forums means just that. It doesn't mean just here for the forums unless something better comes along. You ask for any advice, start by not sharing other peoples emails. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 8:03:04 AM | you were 'safe' to chat with and flirt with while in a relationship-
now you're available, yet he knows that you were chatting it up with a guy while in a relationship.... | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 9:09:26 AM | All you can do is wait for him to go online again.
But to be actively contacting people on a dating site while in a relationship even if you are honest about it, just seems plain weird. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 9:20:22 AM |
any advice ?
Don't date people you build up an online pseudo relationship with over months.
any ideas why ?
Because he wanted to date you 2 months ago.
Because if he is the standard online person he doesn't want to be in a relationship, he just wants to know he can be in a relationship, that he has value of someone wanting to be in a relationship with him so he can feel "normal."
Because online it was safe, it was a safe fantasy online relationship. Now it has to potential to turn "real." And that means responsibility and commitment and change. It means he has to live up to the personality he got you to see him as over 2 months of emailing.
Can't have that. That's too much work, and responsibility, effort, commitment, and change.
So time to come up with a story, and he just needs time to come up with something good to continue the fantasy, or make sure it leads to solely a short term gratifying relationship where its failure is either your fault, or no ones fault (but really your fault in his head).
Or he simply disappears because the fear of it becoming real is too much for him. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 9:20:25 AM | Well i did just that i waited for him to come aline and all my message said was
" Hello the nice warm sunny weather brings a smile to my face.....just like it does reading your emails "
he read and deleted my email but no reply.... | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 17 | |
| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 10:05:55 AM |
he read and deleted my email but no reply
Maybe I am being overly pessimistic, but I would view this as he is just not interested. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 10:25:56 AM |
Because online it was safe, it was a safe fantasy online relationship. Now it has to potential to turn "real." And that means responsibility and commitment and change. It means he has to live up to the personality he got you to see him as over 2 months of emailing.
Can't have that. That's too much work, and responsibility, effort, commitment, and change.
So time to come up with a story, and he just needs time to come up with something good to continue the fantasy, or make sure it leads to solely a short term gratifying relationship where its failure is either your fault, or no ones fault (but really your fault in his head).
Or he simply disappears because the fear of it becoming real is too much for him.
Sounds like a load of bull to me. Where do you get this from? A bit too intricate from the shallow details give. Are you the guy? Guy's wife? Cousin? It seems you got this dude on lock, to the last bit of his thinking. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 11:10:27 AM |
Well i did just that i waited for him to come aline and all my message said was
" Hello the nice warm sunny weather brings a smile to my face.....just like it does reading your emails "
he read and deleted my email but no reply....
And no wonder. This doesn't exactly give him a clue that you're single and interested now! Without telling him that, it looks like you just want a chat buddy, when he's already closed that conversation, and said clearly that he'd like to hear from you if you're looking again. He's not a mind-reader. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 11:26:32 AM | I'm confused by people in committed relationships who join POF "for the forums". | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 12:33:28 PM | some people are perfectly willing to chat with people who aren't a threat ... i.e., not available ... in a "relationship" ... just flirting ... just having fun ...
if the person they had been flirting with suddenly BECOMES available, they run ...
these people could be commitment phobic ... not really interested in a commitment ... not interested in a relationship ... maybe even married and just flirting with a "safe" person online ... or an emergency came up that s/he had to attend to NOW ...
the reasons a person would read an e-mail, learn the "safe" person is not available and delete the e-mail after flirting for a period of time ... those reasons are too many to count!
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 2:26:48 PM | Well i did just that i waited for him to come aline and all my message said was
" Hello the nice warm sunny weather brings a smile to my face.....just like it does reading your emails "
he read and deleted my email but no reply....
Welcome to plenty of fish...so many different things could be the cause, no sense in trying to rationalize it..If he read/deleted then move on. | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 7:56:23 PM | | thanks for all your responses i appreciate it :) | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 9:28:16 PM | Helen0426 :
to clarify So sorry once again and I hope you get whatever it is you are lookin for out of
this site and if your interest ever changes to "looking for relationship",
hopefully you keep me in mind.
Cheers back to ya!
$$$$$
and i did inform him i was single
Hello i'm getting ahold of u for a reason i'm single.....
reread my profile kk | |
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| confused ?
Posted: 10/13/2010 9:41:27 PM | OP- you joined a dating website and you say you were committed.
ya right. | |
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