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| | more blonde jokesPage 1 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) | A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!” 
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After 300 posts we have selected
The TOP 10 Blonde Jokes
(submitted so far)
As requested, here are the top 10 blonde jokes after the first
300 posts;well, I'm a blonde so here are the top 11 lol. Enjoy.
Thanks to all of my pof friends for their contributions.
1. A blonde was sitting in class when the professor asked her if she
knew what the Roe vs Wade decision was.
She sat there for quite a while pondering this very profound
question and finally said,
"I think that is the decision George Washington made prior to
crossing the Delaware."
Contributed by sowrite
2. A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she
decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the
country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a
flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have
a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked
like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog
back?"
Contributed by Sabrosura
3. How does a guy know hes dating a real blond?
She complains the green W&Ws aren't as good as the brown ones.
" M & Ms upside down."
Contributed by Peppermint Petunias
4. Two blondes were on a long flight. At one point the captain
announces: "Please don't panic anyone. We just lost 1 engine but
we have three others so we should get there about half an hour
later. It won't cause any trouble."
After a while the captain announces: "We have lost a second
engine, it may take an hour more but we'll get there. We aren't
in any kind of danger".
One of the blondes starts getting all agitated and anguished. 'Oh
my, she says, I hope they won't lose the remaining engines, we'll
be up here all day!'
Contribute by Dan99993
5. A blonde is driving down the road and sees another blond sitting
in a canoe out in the middle of a cornfield.
She stops the car, gets out and walks to the edge of the field
and yells...."What the hell are you doing?...It's blondes like
you that give the rest of us a bad name...if I could swim I'd
come out there and kick your ass!!"
Contributed by MsMicki
6. There is a blonde a redhead and a brunette in the first grade.
Which one has the cutest butt???
Well the blonde of course..... she's 18.
Contributed by Cowboy
7. A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan
officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks
andNeeds to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security
for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes
Benz SL 500.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the
title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the
car collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at
the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a
$5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the
bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later,
the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which
comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we
are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and
found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my
Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when
I return?"
Finally... a smart blonde joke.
Contributed by IgorFrankensteen
8. Three pregant women - a blonde a brunette and a red head are
waiting in the obstetricians office and they start talking about
what they expect there baby will be.
The brunette says - when we were trying to concieve I was on top
each time and my husband pulled back when he came and since male
sperm swim faster we figured if they have to swim uphill and
farther then we would have a better chance at having a boy.
The redhead added - when we were trying to concieve I was on the
bottom and my husband was deep inside me when he came giving the
female sperm a better chance so I think we are going to have a
girl
The blonde was in tears after hearing their explanations and they
asked her what was wrong. She said sobbing - I'm going to have
puppies.
Contributed by Paddy_O_Lantern
9. A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about their
daughters. The redhead says, " I was going through my daughters
drawers, and I found a bottle of beer. I can't believe my
daughter drinks."
Then the brunette says, " well I was cleaning my daughters room,
and I found a pack of cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter
smokes."
Then the blonde says, " I was making my daughters bed, and I
found a condom. I can't believe my daughter has a penis.
contributed by oldhippie1952
10. A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long
flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if
she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take
a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to
catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game
is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a
question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and
vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some
sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you
don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the
answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a
blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the
blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to
this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the
earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to
her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the
lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What
goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his
laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the
Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of
Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and
friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes
the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500
and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde
and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the
blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back
to sleep.
Contributed by verygreeneyez
11. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm
not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
Contributed by Mrs_MacGyver
AND NOMINATED AS THE TOP OF THE TOP 10 CLASSICS:
A man got on a bus with both of his front pants pockets full of
golf balls.
A blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets,
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf
balls."
The blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally
asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow? | |
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Posted: 10/13/2010 8:27:46 PM | An 'Intelligent" Blonde joke:
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. | |
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Posted: 10/13/2010 8:30:40 PM | A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."  | |
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Posted: 10/14/2010 7:47:18 AM | A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the****it and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot returns to the****it and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit." | |
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Posted: 10/14/2010 12:19:16 PM | ah, a true conniseur ;)
let me try another-- if it bombs- please share one :)
Blonde Logic
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!! | |
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Posted: 10/14/2010 12:24:06 PM | Pearly Gates
A blonde, brunette and redhead passed away in a car accident.
They arrive at the pearly gates and they are told they will be told a joke every 10 steps and they must make it up 100 steps. If they laugh they will not able to get in.
The brunette went up 30 steps and laughed. The redhead went up 50 steps and laughed. The blonde got up all the way to the top and then started laughing hysterically.
When asked "Why did you laugh when you got to the top?" The blonde replied, "I just got the first joke!" | |
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Posted: 10/15/2010 9:33:30 PM | I went to a football game tonight and it reminded me of a joke:
A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!" | |
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Posted: 10/17/2010 8:09:09 AM | I like them. I've heard some before (there's a long blond joke thread here), but hadn't heard a couple. I also note that many of these could be retold as "overly literal genius" jokes. That's speaking AS an overly literal genius myself (and no, that's not conceit, it's the annoying fact that I've been labeled that way by so-called experts. If being smart CAUSED money, I'd be rich. Unfortunately in my case, it just means that I have fun laughing at my misunderstandings of the world).
Keep them coming!
Oh, and I ESPECIALLY liked the INTELLIGENT blond story. | |
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Posted: 10/17/2010 5:51:08 PM | Msg 8 and 2 combined:
"What did you not understand ?"
"Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5." | |
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Posted: 10/17/2010 5:59:00 PM | | Thanks for the comments Igor---I heard crickets in here before you showed up. I love humor and I think it's great fun to laugh at ourselves; hence the blonde jokes. I'm trying to put new ones in here, but it's a bit tricky, but at least a few people can have some fun reading them. I can appreciate your comments and laughing at the misunderstandings of the world- I fall prey to that quite often myself. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement with this seemingly one woman show. I always enjoy the insight in your posts. | |
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Posted: 10/17/2010 6:02:29 PM | One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."
The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"
"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"
“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd. | |
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Posted: 10/17/2010 6:05:13 PM | Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.   | |
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Posted: 10/17/2010 8:56:13 PM | A classic:
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble.
Her business has gone bust and she is in financial straits.
She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray... 'God please help me,
I've lost my business and if I dont get some money,
I'm going to lose my house as well.
Please let me win the lottery.'
Lottery night comes and someone else wins.
She again prays...' God please let me win the lottery.
I've lost my business,my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'
Lottery night comes and again someone else wins.
Once again she prays...My God why have you forsaken me?
I've lost my business my house and my car,
I dont often ask you for help and I've always been a good servant to you...
Please let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.'
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the voice of God himself....
'Sweetheart, work with me on this....Buy a ticket.' | |
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Posted: 10/18/2010 7:01:12 AM | fredhh--lol- that's funny. thanks so much for sharing!
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her "What happened?"
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"The person called back." | |
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Posted: 10/18/2010 12:36:55 PM | | A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has spread the puzzle all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything that resembles a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to sit and relax and lets have a nice cup of tea, and then," he sighed... "lets put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box." | |
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Posted: 10/18/2010 1:53:59 PM | You want the truth: 
I'll reciprocate:
Blonde Inventions
1.Tricycle kickstand
2.Solar flashlight
3.Fire proof matches
4.Inflatable dartboard
5.Glass hammer
6.Black light bulb
7.Boomerang grenade | |
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Posted: 10/18/2010 7:45:48 PM | | All of these are funny. My ex actually sent me that one I posted and she's a blonde herself. Just like you she is able to laugh in spite of that fact. | |
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Posted: 10/18/2010 8:43:54 PM | That's pretty good. Being a blonde, I've heard/ been told blonde jokes all of my life. To make matters worse, I went to A & M, so I know a lot of Aggie jokes lol. I'll be the first one to admit that I'm a bit goofy- intelligent and goofy...aye yi yi.
Here's a re-make of an oldie but a goodie:
This blonde walked into a party store and asked the cashier if he had a hanger or something to unlock her car because she locked her keys in the car. He nodded and handed her a hanger. She thanked him and went outside to set to work. A little while later the cashier decided to check on her and saw her working at it and another blonde in the car was saying "a little to the left...no, a little to the right..." | |
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Posted: 10/20/2010 4:54:27 PM | A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?" | |
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Posted: 10/21/2010 3:05:49 PM | A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." | |
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Posted: 10/22/2010 9:54:49 AM | A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.
So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes." | |
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Posted: 10/24/2010 8:28:51 PM | what's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
locking the car door  | |
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Posted: 10/25/2010 1:36:58 PM | Q. Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages. | |
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Posted: 10/26/2010 6:48:50 AM | Q. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A. She moved. | |
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