| | Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Sorry new at all of this but I think I just scarred off a beautiful lady by telling her my situation so I had better get my act together ASAP! I live in Ontario/Canada.
My wife ran away 3 months ago (with OM) at which I filed for a Legal Notice of Separation. We were living apart for well over a year at that point anyway - although in the same house. I consider W and I to be well past the one year point of separation. Does this mean that I am legally separated from her or do I have to continue with the full BS with the lawyer in order to qualify here on these forums as being "Legally Separated".
After what she did (2 affairs in all) I desperately want to get out and start a new relationship no matter how long it takes. Do I really have to wait until the courts decree that I am separated or can I run with that title for now????
Thanks for any help....... I need to restart my life | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:19:49 PM | My question is..."Why a realationship so soon?" I've been apart for quite some time and when I run into certain types of women I have suddenly have no inclination to go there. lol There are plenty of decent women though.
You restart your life when you say...ok, I'm restarting right now. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:28:49 PM | | I know exactly what you are saying but............ I was into this M for far too long and was being used emotionally and financially by a woman who had co-dependency needs and a midlife crisis added on top. I considered myself "divorced" from her for quite some time and at this stage I'm actually glad that she ran off. So for me I really haven't been with a woman for some time. BUT I do know what you are referring to about (the time line) and that could be scarring off the women - which is obviously not a good thing at all. Its a sad thing when you realize just how lonely you can be within a marriage. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:38:54 PM | http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/alternativestodivorce/p/legal_sep.htm
There is an article on legal separation. According to that article, legal separation is for couples who no longer want to live together but would rather stay married. Or how they put it, do not want to end their marriage.
Does this mean that I am legally separated from her
Well, from what I've read, legal separation is a court ordered process, so if the court hasn't recognized your separation. The answer is no.
I would also like to know why you are in such a hurry to jump into a new relationship. Need a rebound to help you forget about the pain, and suffering you endured while married? | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:40:32 PM | It certainly does seem like you're in a bit of a rush, but only you can determine that. Usually six months after you thought you were ready if you're at all like me. *grins*
In Ontario, a legal separation outlines exactly how things will be split on divorce. So it ties up all of the loose end issues - house, finances, support - the whole nine yards. Then you wait until you've been living apart for one year before you can apply for the final divorce decree - which is really just executing the separation document. (In Ontario there is a required waiting period before one can divorce). The distinction of legal separation vs "just" separated is that with the one you have a legal agreement of how things have been split up. Which means all of the arguing and emotional mess of working out any property divisions has been sorted out. "Just" separated means that wrangling has yet to happen.
So, have you reached an agreement and both parties have signed off on it? | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:43:47 PM | OP- laws are different everywhere...where I live, in Texas...there is no such thing as a legal separation.
you either file for divorce you or you do not.
and even once you file for divorce, you are still legally married and subject to the laws of a married couple until the day of your legal divorce.
since she filed for a legal separation.
why don't you just file for divorce?
especially since i guess she's left you for another man? | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:46:34 PM | A legal separation is a legal document signed by both parties that outlines, division of assets, child custody, and child support. All terms must be agreed upon by both, and both must sign and their signatures witnessed. This agreement is then filed with the courts and an uncontested divorce can be filed for at the one year mark. Depending on how busy the courts are, it may take 4-5 months for the final decree.
You may be separated but until all terms are negotiated you're not technically "legally separated". | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:48:08 PM |
and even once you file for divorce, you are still legally married and subject to the laws of a married couple until the day of your legal divorce.
^^ A legal separation in Ontario means you are no longer subject to the laws of a married couple. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:48:24 PM |
Thanks for any help....... I need to restart my life
Contact a lawyer?
I thought canadian rules were if you both agree to mediate it you draw up a notice of separation, but if one person is being a bytch/dyck you went with a divorce application and went to trial.
And if she ran away with some Other Man, sounds like it's not an amicable parting of company.
Don't you want to get this behind you before trying to find the time for a date?
Do you want your wife to come up with some plan to show that you dated too soon so she should get more of something?
Personally, I would focus on getting a divorce finalized before going after a romantic relationship.
Sorry new at all of this but I think I just scarred off a beautiful lady by telling her my situation
She probably figured you were
A. Lying, just giving her a bs separation story and she's dealt with too many married/separated guys trying to use her, as a rebound or for what their marriage lacks, or come up with "my wife and I are getting back together...there's too much history."
(yeah yeah, you'd never get back with the crazy bytch...but your date doesn't know that, no matter what you tell her...easier to just find someone that is single)
B. Going to be going through a bunch of lawyer crap and frustration tracking the wife down, and going to end up complaining to her about it.
C. Was looking for any reason to bail.
D. Potentially going to be sucking her into your drama and having to deal with your ex.
E. Not in a place to date, only you didn't realize it because you are lonely.
F. (Some form of) All of the above.
Not to mention
I desperately want to get out and start a new relationship
is generally a repellent to women. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:54:38 PM | Thanks for the reply Margo,
No we have not reached any agreement that is signed off, only the financial statements are done. I'm close to buying out the house however.
From what I have read under the Family Law Act/Ontario the one year date actually starts when the couple have "officially" separated their sleeping arrangements. This can start actually within the same marital home. There is also a 90 day grace period within which recon may occur but within that time period it does not extend the one year date. So I am past the one year time line - but have not signed an agreement (yet).
That is really disappointing news for me. So I really should not have my status listed as "Legally Separated" - but there is nothing else I can do???? So really I am still married??
And then should I then pull my listing off POF ???? Sad news. Any insight is appreciated.
Thanks. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:55:39 PM | I can tell you that when I was married and wanted us to part ways, we had the choice if getting separated amicably or legally. Being separated amicably simply meant for us signing an agreement and then parting ways, saving us all the lawyer fees. That was we did in the beginning but after a while, I thought “If I die and she's still living, there's nothing stopping her from wanting ALL my possessions claiming that we were never separated legally” so, I got a lawyer and he divorced us.
Was that a “non-warranted fear or was it actually a real fear” I don't know but all I know was that I could have gotten ALL that information by asking a lawyer and it not costing anything.
So that is what I would recommend you do. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 8:14:33 PM | Not sure how they run the shop in Canada, but here in the States when you are legally separated you are still married.
In other words you split, but you tell the judge, and the court tells you what obligations you have towards each other, the kids if any, and what arrangements you have regarding your possessions.
But basically you are still married, until they tell you that you are not.
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 8:14:39 PM |
So really I am still married??
I thought couples had to get a divorce, in order to no longer be married. Since when does separating legally mean no longer married? Am I missing something here? | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 8:23:21 PM | Yes you are technically married until you are divorced.
My ex and I agreed on all the terms on our own. We mutually decide that we would be really stupid to allow the lawyers to profit from our fall out. I got a template for a separation agreement from Grand and Toy,($35), drew it up and we both signed it and had it had our signatures witnessed. We took the agreement to a lawyers to have all the name changes and division of assets as we had agreed on. The divorce went through a year later . All in all it probably cost us $5000 in total legal fees which we both split.
Once you have all your assets separated and the "legal separation agreement", just file for your divorce. When all this is done a woman will look at your situation differently because you'll be able to honestly say that all your issues have been dealt with and you're just waiting for the courts.
As a woman, dating I find myself avoiding men who have been separated for years and still have their issues unresolved. Too much potential for drama. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 8:23:53 PM | Thanks again all. It seems that the laws are different for many of us. Where I am the notice of legal separation is the first stage of divorce and is done in any event. The final stage is the divorce itself and I may need correction but yes it seems like its a one year wait AFTER the notice of separation has been signed. There were some here who indicated this correctly. Again these laws vary every which way depending on where you live. Oh well at least its started I guess.
As for my intentions and scarring off a potential woman - Yes I see your point and it could be taken that way but those were the last things on my mind. I do agree that some women may think that way but I am a very sincere and mature person and would never drag any new potential relationship into that kind of dirt. I was surprised to even have thought of anything like that happening. However thats me as an independent, confident and mature adult - of which I can see that any woman who obviously does not know me may be scarred off. To that I thank you for your comments, but disagree being who I am. In my case this situation was long overdue. I am taking advantage of W running off with the immediate filing - thats why I'm looking now. My M was over some time ago. And yes I am lonely, can't deny that. But at least I'm happy with who I am. I feel like a kid waiting outside a candy store only being told that the store does not open for a few more months. Aaaaaaah. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 8:33:33 PM | Smarts and heart,
Thanks for that info! So you are saying that it is obviously important for a woman to see your situation clearly first before she would consider you as a partner/dating/etc. It seems so obvious but in my excitement to restart things I guess yes I have overlooked this. A woman has probably had enough drama and does not want to have any more - issues need to be resolved first. OK that is a real no brainer. Thanks. Not sure why I didn't think of that before but it helps when someone else tells you this. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 9:36:05 PM | | A legal separation is when the law says so. But in POF terms, your honest designation would still be the same: "separated". You can take a gamble and change it to "divorced" but many women would drop you as soon as they learned you deceived them. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/18/2010 10:22:30 PM | Here is a good place to get started..
http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/divorce/
Take a look at the section called Family Law Information Centres (FLICs). It's there for you.. use it.
Mary | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/19/2010 12:14:12 AM | In the State of Maryland legal separation is really just an "understanding" of how everything is going to be settled once the divorce is final. Agreements such as no longer being responsible for the others purchases, bill payments and vistitation rights can be agreed on perior to formal court hearings (if needed).
Separation is where you no longer formally live together. If you can come up with a witness to testify that you haven't been living together and you both are also in agreement, then you can file the papers for divorce whenever you want. Or you could do it by the book and wait for the amount of time that is required in that area.
IMO the separation period is a good thing. It takes time to let the hard feelings wear off so that you can make better decisions.
As far as the issue with scarring off women based on your relationship status. Read what you wrote in your post.
I was into this M for far too long and was being used emotionally and financially by a woman who had co-dependency needs and a midlife crisis added on top. I considered myself "divorced" from her for quite some time and at this stage I'm actually glad that she ran off. So for me I really haven't been with a woman for some time. BUT I do know what you are referring to about (the time line) and that could be scarring off the women - which is obviously not a good thing at all. Its a sad thing when you realize just how lonely you can be within a marriage.
You've been hurt. It's understandable that you would want to jump back into the dating scene. Afterall, your ex has someone. Why not you? The fear these women have with you is that you have unfinished business, emotional baggage and drama that they would rather not have to deal with.
Afterall, they do have plenty of fish in the sea in which to fish from.
And so do you. Just be honest. People will respect you for that even if they choose not to date you. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/19/2010 3:09:16 AM | ItsMargo has given you some great advice, OP, and she's also from Ontario.
(In Ontario there is a required waiting period before one can divorce).
The only thing I wonder about is this ^^^....in BC (where I'm from), that one year waiting period is 'waived' for certain circumstances, two of those being if you file for divorce on grounds of abuse, or adultery. In your case, check into it, but if Ontario is similar to BC then you could likely file any time now on grounds of adultery. | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/19/2010 3:52:52 AM |
That is really disappointing news for me. So I really should not have my status listed as "Legally Separated" - but there is nothing else I can do???? So really I am still married??
And then should I then pull my listing off POF ???? Sad news. Any insight is appreciated.
Thanks. You'll find a huge number of people on here that state that until the divorce is finalized, you are still married and shouldn't be dating and while their concerns are valid in many instances, there are also the situations where it's just a matter of time for the divorce to come through. This needs to be a personal choice and not one that is made by others. The only thing I would highly recommend is that you check with a lawyer and see if there are ways to expedite the divorce process and move forward actively pursuing the divorce... and whatever you do, don't lie on your profile and list yourself as divorced unless you are in the eyes of the law. You are only divorced if you are free to marry someone else after the three day sobering up period is over... | |
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| Dumb Q - What is a legal separation??
Posted: 10/19/2010 6:51:09 AM |
We were living apart for well over a year at that point anyway - although in the same house.
That's the problem. Living together even if you are not sexually involved is still living together. Follow the local rules, it's all you can do.
PS: Change your locks so she cannot get back in. | |
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