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| | Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibilityPage 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | I realize that I can start a really big fire here, but here goes. I am not entirely opposed to the idea of dating a single mother that is of college age (21-25), but I feel that I do have a few legit reasons why I prefer to stay away from young single mothers, especially on this site. I actually did contact one who is 23 and has a 3 year old son and we kept exchanging emails and text messages over the next few days. At first, I thought nothing of her having a child, but now she tells me she is pregnant again, and we have not even met each other in person. Now, more than ever I am even more opposed to the idea of dating a single mother. I just have the feeling that some young single mothers on this site are not yet beyond the stage in their life where they want to go out and party on a regular basis. It has given me the impression that some of these women are just looking for a man to babysit their child while they go out and continue to partake in irresponsible behavior. In my opinion, if a woman has children, she should not be going out on a regular basis to get drunk and hook-up with random guys. After all, didn't such a thing lead to them having a child to begin with? I don't mean to suggest that all women in their early-to-mid 20's are like this. I am sure there are quite a few that have learned from their past and truly are ready to put that kind of life behind them and just settle down and raise a family. But, lately I have been paying very close attention to the age of a single mother when looking at profiles. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/24/2010 12:38:58 PM |
In my opinion, if a woman has children, she should not be going out on a regular basis to get drunk and hook-up with random guys. After all, didn't such a thing lead to them having a child to begin with?
You are assuming an awful lot about how those women became single mothers. Just because someone has a child at a young age does not mean they got preggers because they were out partying and hooking up with random men. I had my daughter at 22 which was the result of a committed relationship (I was far past the partying stage). I became a single mother because the idea of a family appealed to him more than the reality of one.
Furthermore, there are some women (and men) of any age who go out partying and hooking up with random people and don't have children. Does that make them any better than the person who had a child (possibly as a result of this behaviour, but just as likely not a result)? Would you date a woman who is out partying all the time and hooking up with random guys so long as she doesn't have children?
Age has nothing to do with one's maturity. I've known several over-30s who still engage in this behaviour as I also know several in their early-20s who do not. Perhaps if it is the behaviour that bothers you (not so much as the being a parent does), then don't date women who are still into that scene, regardless of whether they have children or not. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/24/2010 12:56:08 PM | Thank your lucky stars for the timing, because this girl probably doesn't care if she gets pregnant when she sleeps with some guy. A few weeks earlier, and you could have been the proud (*cough*) father on the hook for support for the next 18 years, and maybe while she's out looking for daddy #3. Remember to wrap that rascal!  | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/24/2010 2:39:15 PM | I dont think he was specifically looking at only dating single mothers, just that he didnt have any problem with it if he did run across on,e but is now rethinking because he met one that sent up some red flags.
Anyways, OP, it is the character, not the age. There can be excellent mothers that are in their 20;s and crappy mothers in their 40's.
So she is pregnant again, so she has obviously been seeing someone else very recently. So either she habitually engages in one night stands, or she is rebounding from a broken relationship.
In my opinion, if a woman has children, she should not be going out on a regular basis to get drunk and hook-up with random guys I agree, i am kind of old fashioned, in that i actually think people who have children, should care for them and not have partying on the forefront of their life.
It has given me the impression that some of these women are just looking for a man to babysit their child while they go out and continue to partake in irresponsible behavior In this case you might be right.
But not all single moms are like that. Take each person as a case by case basis. many are good mothers, independant, responsible, and would amke a great girlfriend or wife. And some, will be women with no interest in parenting and leave their kids to be raised by others. Dont prejudge the whole demographic, but do go in with your eyes wide open. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/24/2010 10:46:51 PM | | age has nothing to do with it. 20 or 50 male or female, kids no kids. If they party now and hookup with random strangers for sex, chances are they did that before they had kids and will continue that behavior after they have kids. Some people never grow up. | |
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| is there a question? what is the question?
Posted: 10/25/2010 6:22:49 AM | thanks for stating your opinions about what other people should and should not do who have clearly failed to consult the "s225ironman Book of Rules for Unwed Mothers". i think they need another book to tell them what book they should read as the definitive answer to life's burning questions. of course, this assumes they even know how to read anything beyond the sale sticker and the expiration date on a box of condoms. you might help save the world if you were to post what you just wrote on your profile. at the very least, think of all the single mothers you could definitively avoid while at the same time, instructing them on how to be accountable.
At first, I thought nothing of her having a child, but now she tells me she is pregnant again, and we have not even met each other in person.
you probably aren't the father. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/25/2010 6:13:28 PM | | I apologize to those who may have been offended, but if you read carefully, I did not say that ALL young single mothers are like the person I described. I actually believe that quite a few of them are more mature simply because of the experience of being a mother. I actually have read through some profiles on this site of young single mothers who are actually more established than I am since they actually own a house. I am not going to let one person completely change my views on possibly dating single mothers, but I must admit, deep down, I would prefer to get involved with someone without kids so that we both can focus on raising our own children. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/25/2010 11:07:59 PM | | I tottally agree with barefootkitten on this. beacause I had my son with my ex-husband I was emancipated at the age of sixteen never was a party girl. I don't drink I work forty hrs a week and go to school. I hate staying out past midnight because of work and other responsibilities far as bills and my son. even on my 21st birthday I was home at midnight with my son and I only went out with my immediate family age as nuthing to do with it but being shallow and spending time on looks and not personality affects anyones judgement. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/25/2010 11:12:41 PM | OP.....
go for single women...no attachments, no children
don't settle.
in 10 plus years, most all women will have had children. so your pool of single women with no children will be somewhat limited.
but don't be a putz and take a girl who some other guy has already saddled with his seed.
go forth and enjoy your bondless options.
i don't care how good she rocks ur world...
find another girl.. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/26/2010 11:14:00 AM | Sadly, I've met a few single mothers who didn't bother in using contraception because, with the benefits system, ultimately, another child meant a bigger house and more money to live on, all at the taxpayers' expense.
I've met women like this who, in their thirties, never worked, only have the basic studies, and have been living from the system since they brought their first child into the world.
I blame education for this, but also a system that allows this to happen. In Spain, for instance, where the state tells you to f-off and solve it yourself, this problem is a lot smaller.
I don't know what the solution is, a it's not an easy one, but I will reinforce what others have said: be careful and try to learn as much as possible about the person before you get yourself emotionally or financially involved. Not all single mothers are bad or irresponsible, but there is a bunch out there who give the rest of us a bad name, and there is a reason for that. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/26/2010 9:05:32 PM | | I know you didn't in any way attribute this kind of behavior to all young single mothers, but it does seem that you're applying a different standard based on whether or not a person has a child. If someone is promiscuous and prioritizes partying, that's usually not magically going to change when she has a child. Since you obviously have some standards about that, you might want to avoid women who fit that profile altogether, not just the ones who already have kids. While there are occasional exceptions, typically a person who lacks personal responsibility in other areas isn't going to become responsible simply because a baby appears on the scene. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/28/2010 3:29:02 PM | At first, I thought nothing of her having a child, but now she tells me she is pregnant again, and we have not even met each other in person. Now, more than ever I am even more opposed to the idea of dating a single mother.
Soo.... it would have been better if she didn't already have a child THEN turned prego? Look dude, she could have had a boyfriend or an ex.... or a FWB and something fell through... a gal can end up disappearing because a better option came along. It's not because she already had a kid -- statistically speaking. The chances that she's trying to get prego for $$ is slim.
In my opinion, if a woman has children, she should not be going out on a regular basis to get drunk and hook-up with random guys. After all, didn't such a thing lead to them having a child to begin with?
Same point: Why is it okay for gals without kids to be in party environments where they could get pregnant, but gals who have had kids and have learned a lesson about that already, can't?
You're taking your one experience and assuming that's the way it is. Yes, a gal who has a kid and parties is more likely to have random sex without protection/pill than a goody-goody girl. But a gal who never had a kid and parties like a rockstar is more likely that the gal who has had a kid.
Sure, that "lesson" may not be learned by all -- but you have to understand ... many women put more thought into preventing it from happening again.
You're basically saying all relatively younger women who have a kid are hos. lol | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/28/2010 5:44:19 PM | The OP is probably pointing out something quite a few have missed,,,including himself. And I'll throw a little "sorry" out there before I comment,,,but really, I'm not,,,but it will make the people that are pissed a little happy.
I don't think the OP is suggesting that young women that get pregnant are hoes. Stupid maybe,,,,but not hoes. Or would we define that as "ignorant" instead of stupid???? Or could we define it as, badly "misinformed"????? Or could we call it "wishing on a star"?????
In this day and age, in North America, you will have to do a pretty good search to come up with the few excuses(sorry,,,reasons) why a young thing should become pregnant. Yeah, yeah,,,,I know,,,we'll hear all about them in the next little while.
Like,,,,I was soooooooooo in love with my partner when I became pregnant at 16. Really????? At 16 you knew alllllllll about love????? Hell,,,,some of us at 5o don't can't really tell ya what love is. An example of a fairy tale that someone fed somebody. Or we could the religous pathway and tell us that "birth control" is not looked to kindly upon because of my religous beliefs????? Yet,,,no problem doing the deed,,,,correct????? We could almost go the another route and blame the parents of said young thing, because they didn't "inform" her of the consequences of having intercourse. In this day and age,,,that one "almost" could be used. Or how about,,,"my Mommy" did it,,,,so can I?????? I love that one.
I've worked with a few young things that decided to keep their child, and very FEW, understood or could even fathom the responsibilty of the surprise gift they were given. Actually,,,not a clue. I would say one,,,maybe two out of ten had an idea. The rest,,,clueless,thus their little predicament. But ya know,,,the fairy tale says everything ends well,,,correct????? Again,,,somebody feeding another a line of ca ca. The gift of a child should not be something that is messed with. And undestand this people,,,,the young females are now "able" to become with child at a very scarey age. It's at the point now, that the scientists are running around trying to figure how this has happened in the last couple of decades.
I would suggest very few of the young things would take on the responsibility or job as a mother if they actually knew what it was to BE a good mother,,,which every child deserves.
ANYBODY CAN BECOME A PARENT,but not everybody can be a Mommy or Daddy. Parents TALK your children ,,,,,,very early in their lives!!!!
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/28/2010 6:16:53 PM |
more so that these particular women he has met are irresponsible and probably shouldn't be parents in the first place
Or is he asking/suggesting why the hell they are on here looking for another when they have something given to them that can NEVER be replaced by a man/boy????? As in,,,,,,finish the job you started,,,,before you try and start another. If you have the gonads to decide to have a child without the father included(for whatever reasons) you better have the brains to understand what it involves,,,,,fulltime,,,,for at LEAST 18 years. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/29/2010 4:13:07 PM | The problem I have with your post, OP, is that it APPEARS to me that it is in essence, an attempt to EXCUSE yourself from dating a small group of women that you aren't interested in. Nothing more.
Your youth suggests to me that you MIGHT be caught up with the common college-age subconscious belief that all rejections of strangers must be EXPLAINED, so that you wont be accused of being "prejudiced." If that's the case, I suggest that you will find in a few years, that there never WAS such a requirement, nor is there any reason there SHOULD be .
In other words, there is no reason for you to try to find a SCIENTIFIC reason for you to ignore profiles of ANY person, for ANY reason. Your lengthy explanation of why you wont try to get involved with some single mothers is thus unnecessary, as there is no "date court" waiting to charge you with "refusing to date without good cause." | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 10/30/2010 7:12:01 AM | You are entitled to your preferances, and if you have only had shoddy experiences with single parents, than that is your experience and a smart person should learn from those experiences. Just be careful not to brush all single parents with the same brush.
I maybe go out dancing once a year...but if you met me on that night you'd ASSUME I was a single mom who party's at the bar every weekend. Not at all the case.
The only way to know if someone handles thier responsibilities is to get to know them...parent or not.No one group of people will always act a certain way. There are individuals who will never be a stereotype....they do exist...just the general stereotype people get all the attention. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 11/10/2010 10:48:25 AM | Hey, if you don't want to date a single mom, then don't. That was easy enough. You're not asking for advice in this, you're spreading your opinion: "I'm right, you're wrong." You yourself stated this was going to cause a commotion and that's exactly what it did. By the mere fact that there was no question asked, I can only assume this is what you WANTED to happen.
And you are right sir, you did say that not ALL single parents were such, but the tone and presentation of your comment negate that short snippet.
It is not THAT uncommon for women on the pill to get pregnant. Check your statistics. Women who are in ill health (i.e. malnourished, sleep deprived for extensive periods of times, obese, etc.) are even more likely to have an unplanned pregnancy. You act as though women who get pregnant unplanned are stupid. While some ignore the need for contraceptives, some just get pregnant anyways. I know, because I'm one of them. I'm certainly not stupid, nor am I uneducated on the risks of the pill. I was on it for quite some time. However, I was working two jobs and going to school. I spent every penny I had to pay for classes, which left little for food. I was 19 when I got pregnant. I had been on my own for over two years. In fact, I was one semester away from my B.A. When I went to the doctor I thought I had the flu. They put me on all manner of dietary regimens and vitamins because I was "mal-nourished." My son’s father stepped up to the plate, for that I will always respect him. (And no, he wasn’t some random guy. We were together over two years before this point.) He’s one of the main reasons I have my degree. I was never a “party girl” for the aforementioned reasons. After I got pregnant and had my child I’m even less so. The number of my sexual partners is quite small, especially in comparison to women my age with no children. However, when I have a weekend that I’m not mommy (my ex has our child) I do go out. I get a little wild and have a good time. That is the only time I can. I work two jobs to support me and my son and refuse to take any more time away from him. I’m not drunk every weekend, I DO NOT sleep around. You’re casting an unfair judgment on single mothers. You have no children. You don’t understand the responsibility, love, adoration, etc. that we have for our children. Who are you to criticize when you have no understanding?
While I have met many a single mother (and father) who are completely irresponsible (they are poor parents and poor role models) I can, at least, understand some of their need to do what they were never allowed. Others, well they are just pitiful excuses for human beings. However, I understand each case, each parent is different. You cannot judge thousands for the sins of one.
Here a couple of sources for you to check into:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/contraception/contraception_birth.html#
http://ezinearticles.com/?Getting-Pregnant-While-Taking-Birth-Control-Pills&id=1737052 | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 11/10/2010 5:15:13 PM | Do you honestly want to be dating a woman who is currently pregnant with another mans child? I can't imagine very many men out there getting turned on by the thought of screwing a pregnant woman if the child is not even theirs.On top of all of this she apparently does not now how to use birth control since she is now pregnant with her second child from a different man.
Do yourself a tremendous favor and run far far away from this woman or any other women like her. | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 11/16/2010 6:26:11 PM | You will find plenty of older single mums doing the same.
ultimately single, single mum or not people are different and yeas age has a lot to do with experience and maturity but so does family history and upbringing.
Try not to assume too much but you really don't have to be worrying too much about anyone for long term or even exclusive if you don't want to.
re pregnant .... no thanks .. some people never learn or are on a completely different set of standards. Again decide what yours are and maintain your integrity but expect the same from a potential partner.
I know you didn't in any way attribute this kind of behavior to all young single mothers, but it does seem that you're applying a different standard based on whether or not a person has a child.
I think one can. It is (I think) common for women with children to be concerned about the different men that come an go in a childs life if they are dating. So a single mum out partying and shagging loads of different guys is perhaps expected to adhere to a different standard than a women with no children (or grown up ones)
Do you honestly want to be dating a woman who is currently pregnant with another mans child? I can't imagine very many men out there getting turned on by the thought of screwing a pregnant woman if the child is not even theirs
It would seem, that for the good of the species, many men are capable of such depravities (even though they make most men wonder why) .... | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 11/16/2010 10:03:34 PM | My 2 cents...IMHO
I've read all the comments above and thought of a question for everyone...what is your picture of a respectable, responsible parent, single or otherwise? Parent #1, the one who stays home and considers baby/family #1 in their world? Or Parent #2, the one who goes out on a regular basis to get drunk and hook up with random people?
CAN a young parent have both worlds? The world of parenthood mixed in with the "I'm young so I have to get in all the partying I can"? Sorry, but I don't think so at all. Voluntary part-time parents do not a family make. Going out once in a while to have a break or just to get out of the house, I can understand...been there, done that, wrote the book, sold the movie copyrights. But on a regular basis? Red flag city there...
I understand your concern, ironman. I get the impression you want to do the settle down and find a good woman thing. You thought you found one, but you weren't comfortable with what you saw, or what she told you. Nothing you can do but walk away from that one. Am I saying stay away from single moms? Hell no...there are some out there who are decent and can make that right decision and do the right thing. So don't lose hope... | |
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| Single mothers, their age, and level of personal responsibility
Posted: 11/17/2010 12:03:48 AM | It's not just the mother's age; it's the children's age.
I am mid 40s and I know other people my age that also are single parents with kids.
Mine are almost 18 and up. Some of them have kids that are under 10. Some women start young and are young when the kids are older; some wait a long time and are older when the kids are young...
I have in teh past known very young mothers who were not ready to parent who did party a lot; but the man wasn't the babysitter; he was the fellow partier; they got babysitters to babysit; though I always felt bad for the kids. (and for the mother; they truly missed ou on their kids)
There are more that are responsible; and don't go out a lot; which is why I think so many won't date a mother with kids; they have hit the ones with the tough schedules of parents with younger kids; or kids very active in sports where they have very few free nights.
Some are good about making quality time while still being a responsible parent.
So I'd make less assumptions and find out from the person themselves what THEIR story is; every person will be different; every situation will be different.
And you could be very surprised.
Good luck. | |
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