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| | Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?Page 1 of 15 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15) | When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person. We'd like to reach that connection on every level, but are we delusional to expect to find real "LOVE" at this point of our lives?
I was talking with a platonic friend, I met a year ago, from here, last night, and that's what he asked me, "What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?" When I thought about it I realized that it was that illusive feeling of "love". I'm looking to "be" loved and "to" love. Am I just being delusional? | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 11:12:35 AM | Not at all!! Met a man three years ago at the tender age of 45 (not on POF btw). Found him to be infinitely sexy - and over the course of a year, fell madly 'in love'. Now that I'm older and wiser, I'm actually taking steps to preserve the relationship - rather than look for reasons to take offense or bail. As my uncle used to say 'as long as you wake up on the right side of the turf, there's still time.' | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 11:13:03 AM | I wouldn't say it's "delusional" per se to think that love doesn't exist after a certain age. But it definitely is harder to make a connection. Once we've reached middle-age, there is bound to be some baggage and a couple of dealbreakers involved -- unlike when we were younger and relationships didn't come with ready-made problems.
The problems I have encountered, especially with on-line dating, is that I've not met one guy who didn't continue looking. And I'm sure there are plenty of women guilty of the same thing. It just seems impossible to keep someone's attention longer than a date or two before they get distracted by something they perceive as a better deal.
I first signed up on this site in 2005, met a guy shortly thereafter and was gone from here until 2009 after that relationship ended. And for the record, I found out he had an active profile the entire time we were together and even went on a few dates with other women. It was a long distance relationship, so I wasn't all that surprised. But when I came back in 2008 I couldn't believe that all the same men were still on here 3 years later! And now in 2010, 95% of those same men are still here.
If everyone wasn't so interested in waiting for the next big thing, there would be fewer people hanging around on here for years and years. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 11:14:20 AM |
When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person. We'd like to reach that connection on every level, but are we delusional to expect to find real "LOVE" at this point of our lives?
I didn't expect to find love after my divorce but I have. I also never expected the person I ended up with would be met online. I don't necessarily think the "spark" needs to happen right away though. There is no reason you are being delusional unless you have unrealistic expectations of the other person. I'm not quite 45, ok only 39 actually but my boyfriend would say it is certainly possible to find real love past age 45. He will be 51 next month and we have been together since around April of 2009. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 11:15:18 AM | Not at all.
I felt the same, actually. I thought I'd reached a point in life where I just wasn't going to find love again. Dated plenty of people, had fun, made friends, good times. But I just never felt the spark. Never felt loved or in love.
But then it happened quite unexpectedly. The right woman, right time, and suddenly I found myself feeling more loved and in love than I ever remember feeling before.
So, don't for a minute think it can't happen. Just accept how rare it is, and at our age ... well, we're tougher to fool. :) | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 11:29:46 AM | | We might be all wrinkly and crusty on the outside, but inside there's still pure mush! Of course we (well, most of us) hope to find love again. Otherwise, we'd have to conclude we're unloveable. NO!!!!!!! | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 1:55:56 PM |
When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person. We'd like to reach that connection on every level, but are we delusional to expect to find real "LOVE" at this point of our lives?
When I met mine, there was certainly the initial spark, but the illusive feeling of love? No, not at my age, what I found is a slow burn that continues to grow far after the initial spark. Maybe it’s an age thing or experience, but I don’t trust fireworks, there are far too many illusions behind that show. So to answer your question, no, I don’t think it’s delusional at all, I think it comes at this age with a bit more introspection and personal work with another, and it’s not always exciting fun. I only think it’s delusional if you expect someone else to magically bring it to you. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 1:59:52 PM | If you are expecting to experience that topsy turvy head-over-heels sensation that you felt in your late teens and early twenties, then you might be a tad disappointed (delusional might be too strong a word).
Experience has probably put subconscious safeguards in place to prevent that from happening again. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 2:03:33 PM | I do not think online or at least POF is the place togo4 luv...more like booty call IF U R LUCKY, & certainly ALOT of dysfunctional game playing on both ends | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 2:05:00 PM |
When I met mine, there was certainly the initial spark, but the illusive feeling of love? No, not at my age, what I found is a slow burn that continues to grow far after the initial spark. Maybe it’s an age thing or experience, but I don’t trust fireworks, there are far too many illusions behind that show. So to answer your question, no, I don’t think it’s delusional at all, I think it comes at this age with a bit more introspection and personal work with another, and it’s not always exciting fun. I only think it’s delusional if you expect someone else to magically bring it to you. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 2:51:54 PM | OP, the way I look at it is if it's reality it's not delusional. I feel the same way that you do. To have less than that would be false to the person I'm with, as well as myself.
I believe that we can find love at our age; further; I would say that age isn't the issue, per se, but that some people's perception of love has become altered based on their past romantic experiences.
Then the situation becomes one of finding like-minded and like- hearted people. Not easy, but they're out there. Look at it this way perhaps--if you feel this way,,,and I feel this way,,,isn't logical that others do as well? And some of these people may just be men?
;)
EDIT: Just read the above posts- there are two men who feel the same, both in happy ltr's after 45 years of age. I suspect there are others.
I've found a few great guys, OP, who felt this way- the timing was off. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 2:54:27 PM | @OP
Just my point of view but here goes...
The problem as I see it is that many young people think Love is in fact something you find. From my experience in life it has always been something that grew. But it does not grow in a void. You have to be prepared to take care of the garden so to speak. And then also recognize that no matter how caring you are, a hail storm can easily wipe out your efforts. But we don't give up...we plant another garden. Keep in mind that no matter how good
the quality of the seeds, life's lessons will repeat until we actually understand that love is infinite but cannot be roped in by our personal ego issues and desires. And age has nothing to do with it. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 2:58:49 PM | there's a big difference between having that spark that's the natural outcome of rapport and what you can build with a person over time, and going thru life expecting somebody to "give" you "the feeling"... as has been mentioned. it's certainly not delusional to want the former.... that's where love starts. i'm still holding out for that, but i'll be okay if it doesn't happen. love doesn't know numbers, such as age. but the latter is just a fantasy life that could never withstand the challenges that inevitably come with any long-term relationship.
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 3:22:29 PM | Thanks for the re-affirmation everyone. I'm the proverbial optimist and also believe that I'm not 'unique' in my desire to find and nuture a loving relationship with a partner at this age. We read so many negative and jaded posting on these Forums sometimes it makes you wonder what's happening out there?!
Keep the positive experiences coming! | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 3:23:15 PM | Well, I'm one that is thinking there is no hope for me,
so no positive up-beat post from me, sorry.
I have become disillusioned... just about totally.
It would be neat.. but I can't see it happening.
Certainly not according to every male profile I happen upon.
I'm not what they're looking for! By no means am I. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 3:35:05 PM | | OLP...^^^ there's always someone for everyone out there, and many say that they come when you least expect it. From your postings you display a quick wit and intelligence. There is definitly someone out there, looking just for you. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 4:37:56 PM | I would say you're subconsciously staying away from love to
protect yourself and not get hurt.
A lot of people do that.
(and don't realize it)
Get over that and love is just around the corner.
at any age. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 6:03:43 PM | | Stray cat...I've honestly asked myself that, but I really don't believe I am. I really just haven't met someone that I've been on the same page with; but you are certainly right that we all may have many conscious and unconscious issues. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 6:25:53 PM |
When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person
Personally,,,,I never "expected" anything from anyone when first meeting them. I'm "hoping",,,but never "expecting". I may even "wish" the odd time,,,but my wishes have yet to happen. I'm not one to dismiss the possibility of it all, but I'm also not betting the house on finding " the",,,or even "a" one.
All I know at my age is that it may happen,,,or it may not. Either/or,,,I'm still gonna wake up every morning,,,except that last one. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 6:43:11 PM | The problems I have encountered, especially with on-line dating, is that I've not met one guy who didn't continue looking.
^^^ This happens nearly all the time. It is the candy shop mentality.
When I met mine, there was certainly the initial spark, but the illusive feeling of love? No, not at my age, what I found is a slow burn that continues to grow far after the initial spark. Maybe it’s an age thing or experience, but I don’t trust fireworks, there are far too many illusions behind that show.
I like this ^^^^ I can relate to that feeling from the past. The last time I felt the initial spark (earlier this year), I was cautious, but ready for it to go somewhere... Unfortunately, he was still looking even after we became intimate... I was totally disappointed, and it kind of knocked me right out of the 'wanting to find that person' mode for a while.
I haven't given up entirely finding love at this age... But, I am not really looking anymore. | |
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| Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 7:00:02 PM | OK, if that's not it....
then next up could be maybe being delusional in who you might find.
I have a theory...
and it's not an exact science...
but the more detailed the description of a perfect guy....
the more unrealistic the profile.
Take this:
The only way to impress me is with sincerity and honesty. I'm looking for an intelligent, stable man, with a ready smile, healthy mind and body and a kind heart. I offer nothing less in return!
Now see, you listed 7 things you need.
If I was looking for that in a woman I could find that with my eyes closed.
But as to us guys......
geez.
well 3 of those would be good.
4 .....rare.
all....in your dreams.
literally...you'd be asleep dreaming.
LOL
OK, I'm not picking on you.
Mostly bored and teasing.
So take most of what I typed as just fun B.S. not to be taken seriously.
But kidding aside....
I don't have a preconcieved notion of who I may meet.
I set the bar pretty low.
Not settling.
Just learned my perfect sexy princess who will coo sweet things to me while cooking in a thong and explaining string theory..... is...well... a tad unrealistic.
dammit.
and I so want to know about string theory.
So I figure a girl who can tie a string...
while maybe possibly fitting into a thong(even if her butt sticks waayyy out there)
and can cook toast....
maybe I can date her.
more than that....
perhaps is abit unrealistic on my part.
I'll just have to learn string theory on my own.
I guess. | |
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than waste my time on someone who is always 
