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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > People who don't post their jobs.      Home login  
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 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 1
People who don't post their jobs.Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
How come where people have in "Profession" they have things like

Profession: "I have a job" (well, that's good, since this is a recession, you should be thankful, but could you be any more vague as to what you do? lol)

"None of your business", "I work", "Ask me" (well at least they're admitting to tell you, just not everyone else)

What's the big deal of not putting "Sales" or "Construction" or whatever?
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 2
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 4:55:02 AM
Some are comfortable with sharing that information, others aren't.

There are expectations tied into what type of person you are based on your profession. It could be that they don't want those expectations to be the forefront of why someone contacts them.

Men see mine and automatically assume I am a nurse. From there they assume I work odd hours, make lots of money and am very nurturing and caring. Poor fools.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 3
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 5:06:11 AM
by-the-by you did not mention what kind of sales you were in. after all it could be anything from a counter person in a convince store to a international arms dealer....


Only so much can fit in that "Profession" box.

I just don't see what the big deal is. I tend to wonder it's because they're ashamed of their job...when there's really nothing to be ashamed about. You can only put one term in it, it doesn't have to be specific....it can also be a stepping stone into a regular conversation email conversation.

"Oh, hey I see you're in sales, what is the product you selling?"

Instead of having to ask, "Hey, in your profession it says, 'I have a job'....so what is it you do for a living?"


what difference does it make..... or do you want to be sure you don't date below your stature?


People seem to assume that me simply ASKING this question makes other people judge me (the OP) negatively automatically (seems to be par for the course with any message board really) as someone who thinks I might be dating someone beneath me....which is far from the truth.

So what's with being so defensive?


Men see mine and automatically assume I am a nurse. From there they assume I work odd hours, make lots of money and am very nurturing and caring. Poor fools.


So, do you ever actually TELL them what you do?
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 4
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 5:15:22 AM

So, do you ever actually TELL them what you do?


Only if they ask.

It's not really high up on the list of things I want to know about another person. I find that if I don't ask then often they don't. If they do, then it already points to a likely incompatibility of personality. Not always, but often enough that I have noted it in the back of my brain.

Also, I find that when I am dating multiple people I quit calling them by their names and just remember them by profession. I can keep them straight by calling them, "the prosecutor", the "emt" and the "cashier". Immediately it would bring to mind their face and the last conversation we had and it helped my friends to keep them straight when I was talking about one of them. I don't think that is an overly flattering way to remember someone so I try to keep it out of the mix. Haha.
 SouthBayNative
Joined: 10/15/2010
Msg: 5
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 5:29:53 AM
Because some of us for example, work with children and have to be very very very careful what we post and can and do lose our jobs over it. Some parents do internet searches in my field. That's why I don't post any other identifying info. I don't even have the true city I live in. I don't participate in any social networks and you'll not find anything written by me with my true first and last name online even though I've had internet access for 17 years now. I see articles all the time about people in my field losing their jobs over stupid things on a monthly basis. If I date someone I'm happy to dicuss my career. But I don't even tell them where I live unless we get into a serious relationship. So yeah, some of us have to be more careful than others and I understand that.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 6
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 5:34:03 AM
government covers it just fine.

then again....

if i posted that i babysit tax auditors for a living, it might scare off a whole lot of "undesirables"!

 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 7
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:10:56 AM
The big deal is that people should not be making decisions and choosing you based on what your profession is or how much money you make ( I lied about that and put $150,000) or whether you have a job in the first place. They should be making the decision to date you based on you (personality, sexual chemistry..etc) not your job. anyone who makes a decision based on your job is a gold digger.

Bottom line is I am not my job and if my date asks any questions about my profession I walk away because that is obviously all they care about if they are asking those kinds of questions.
 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 8
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:32:57 AM
Because I am not my job and if I would list my job, most people wouldn’t even know what it is, so why bother, it will come out eventually.

What someone else’s job is of no real concern for me. There have even been times when I have seen a certain profession and have felt intimidated, had to get over that one, but I can see how it affects some people. The pull downs are just general info and most can’t fit into the little boxes, what needs to be scanned is the profile.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 9
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:50:17 AM
The big deal is that people should not be making decisions and choosing you based on what your profession is or how much money you make ( I lied about that and put $150,000) or whether you have a job in the first place. They should be making the decision to date you based on you (personality, sexual chemistry..etc) not your job. anyone who makes a decision based on your job is a gold digger.


I never said anything about people choosing based on one's job, I'm just wondering why people leave it out....why, because you're afraid you'd be judged based on your job profession, and won't get dates because of it, forget 'em if they don't like you because of your profession, that's their problem and their loss.

I just find job conversations interesting to talk about, I mean, come on, it's a good chunk of one's life.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 10
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:56:52 AM
I think a lot of information on profiles really isn't necessary until
you start talking to someone. Usually the important thing to most
people is that someone works.

I think a lot of people stereotype and judge people based on jobs,
maybe some people want one less thing to be judged on before someone
takes the time to meet them.

My job is really not interesting to talk about for most people. In fact,
most people when they see my profession assume I'm an anal, boring, rigid,
frigid mouse sort, when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth.

What I don't understand is, why people want EVERYTHING there is to know
about someone or EVERYTHING there is to rule out someone on their profile.
It's like a resume, and what's not on it, you find out by talking to people.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 11
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 7:00:16 AM

I never said anything about people choosing based on one's job


I know you didn't but I was just stating why people should leave it out and why I leave it out.




why, because you're afraid you'd be judged based on your job profession, and won't get dates because of it.


I am not at all afraid, someone who asks that kind of question or requires that information to be in your profile is fixated on the job you do and not you.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 12
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 7:07:02 AM

I am not at all afraid, someone who asks that kind of question or requires that information to be in your profile is fixated on the job you do and not you.


Well, I would think the job is a "part" of you, I would think. I guess you have to judge for yourself if the person asking the question is intentions really are, and only time will tell.

Sooner or later, time will tell.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 13
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 7:07:39 AM
I couldn't stand profiles with, "Ask me," "Tell you later," etc written in the profession box. I also noticed some profiles just left the box blank. FAIL.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 14
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 7:15:32 AM
Do you have any idea how many men here have stated that any woman that asks
what a man does for a living......is automatically a gold digger?!!
People are paranoid!
Yes, some keep their professions under wraps because their jobs are on the line
if they get caught anywhere near something consider "sexual".

I do agree with you that our jobs are a huge part of our life.....and I also like to
know what someone does for a living. Not because I want to know how much they make, but because it tells me a bit about them. And you also find out if they like their job......are happy doing what they do.
If a man told me he drove a trash truck I would instantly want to know if he finds
any good stuff! Wouldn't matter to me his income or that some see it as a "lower class" job.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 7:20:54 AM
Your job may not define your personality, god help me if mine did. But it is no different to me than asking a person where they grew up or how many siblings they have. To refuse to discuss what you do 40 hours a week plus, reeks of complete paranoia. Part of developing intimacy is to develop trust. If you are so afraid that your success is all you are to others, then guess what your job IS who you are because your personal life will suck. If you consider your job to be beneath you or low on people's list for desired mates, then work on your education level or grow some self esteem. Working hard is admirable enough to most of us.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 16
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 7:26:20 AM

I'm just wondering why people leave it out..


When I first joined and occasionally used the dating side of the site, I never filled my profession out simply because I was in a fairly small town/city at the time, and whatever description I could have put for my job, no matter how vague I tried to keep it, it was still the only "one of a kind" place in the town I lived in. And, (while I might be flattering myself that this ever would have happened), quite frankly I didn't want looky-loos coming to my place of employment to see if I looked like my pictures, to 'casually drop in' to introduce themselves, or for whatever other reason.

No sinister reasoning behind it though.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 17
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 8:41:05 AM
quite frankly I didn't want looky-loos coming to my place of employment to see if I looked like my pictures, to 'casually drop in' to introduce themselves


Good idea, but maybe you could at least give us inquiring minds a hint?

OT: As others have said, some people don't want to be labeled by what they currently do..

By default our brains DO seek to quickly "Blink" label people and things we encounter..
Otherwise we may not be fast enough to identify the tiger in the jungle and evade it..

Many of those that failed to ID the tiger quickly got eaten, so were removed from the gene pool..
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 18
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 8:54:10 AM
I like openness and I view not stating their job as not being open. That simple.
I understand that there are people in positions like psychiatry who don't want to disclose that, but they can still list health care or some other alternative that relates to their profession.
I also feel that what a person does for a living does matter to a certain extent. In one of my messages today a guy is a filmmaker- ok--interesting, but does he move around a lot or what? Looking at his profile he says he loves his work but it's 'a nomadic lifestyle'. Hmmm-not looking for a nomadic lifestyle here. I also feel that it gives me some insight into a part of their life and into who they are- personality wise.
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 19
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:01:57 AM
I don't care if someone didn't list their job on a profile. But it's not a big deal to me if someone asks me what I do for a living. I think it's a basic icebreaker question along with where do you live, what are some of your interests / hobbies etc.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 20
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:20:54 AM
I dont want to be around people who put importance on what people do for a living.

I earn a good wage, I enjoy my work, but my life is not about my job. I am not about my job.

I used to be about my job as a younger lady, but in recent years I have learned that in the blink of an eye, your job can vaporize...yet we still remain...the person. Economy can take an entire trade and drop it...leaving the people behind.

What we do to earn money is not who we are.

Is it an interesting topic? Yes it is. But I dont select friends based on it and that topic can wait til we both agree we will meet, based on other things...like being similiar minded with morals, ethics and treatment of people. Once I feel the person is like minded enough in those categories, I will share things like what I do to earn money.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 21
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:25:18 AM
In my experience
when I've gone out with a man
that didn't specify their job

They are either unemployed
or have a job they are not proud of
Of course saying: "producer" or "entrepeneur"
means they are just lying , is more likely unemployed again.

An unemployed man
equals a fat woman
nobody wants to date EITHER

I don't care what people do for a living
as long as they DO have a J O B
Not a make believe, in the making, big pay off is in the future.

 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 22
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 10:04:32 AM
Perhaps they feel their job just like their salary is none of your business and should have no bearing on choosing them or rejecting them for dating purposes. Most will share that info privately if they feel a connection through a couple emails etc...

Surely you can find something else in their profile to write to them in a first message or to start a discussion.

That would be one of the least interesting things I can think of to use to start a conversation on here unless they have a very unique or interesting profession. Like lion tamer! I could work with that one.

Cowboy
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 23
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 10:08:45 AM
Look..the reality is everyone judges everyone else and people will judge you (good or bad) based on several things including your profession, so why delay the inevitable. If you someone list Ninja (which I hate) as a profession but it turns out they're actually an escort or runs an adult bookstore, you're opinon will change compared to if they said they were a doctor.

Maybe if you're in your early twenties what someone does for a living is irrelevant but if you're late twneties/early thirties and see marriage and children in your future then you do have to take your partners profession into consideration.

Im 32 and if I was an aspring rapper, I know a woman who was the same age as me with an education and a career would not take me seriously.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 24
People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 10:09:48 AM

An unemployed man
equals a fat woman
nobody wants to date EITHER


I think the employed fat chick would have a better chance.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 25
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People who don't post their jobs.
Posted: 11/11/2010 10:27:28 AM
Look..the reality is everyone judges everyone else and people will judge you (good or bad) based on several things including your profession, so why delay the inevitable. If you someone list Ninja (which I hate) as a profession but it turns out they're actually an escort or runs an adult bookstore, you're opinon will change compared to if they said they were a doctor.

Maybe if you're in your early twenties what someone does for a living is irrelevant but if you're late twneties/early thirties and see marriage and children in your future then you do have to take your partners profession into consideration.

Im 32 and if I was an aspring rapper, I know a woman who was the same age as me with an education and a career would not take me seriously


This is true, like it nor not. Anyone who says that they don't care at all what their SO does will more than likely have the same level of ambition or success (or lack of) as the people they end up dating.

If you feel a woman might be a gold digger, you will know soon enough into dating her and will be able to make your own choice whether to be there or not. Fact is, your job does say something about what type of person you are. Whether you are a go getter or not, whether you are creative or not, a caring person or not. It is no the only thing that says something about that but it most certainly does say some.

I tend to end up dating more creative hand on types of men and also some that work in offices. Certain jobs draw certain types of personalities. What's most important in the end is someone that I can relate to, that I have things in common with, similar goals, similar work ethics, etc. If one of you works very hard and the other is lazy and not very ambitious, at some point there will be resentment.

In any case, putting in your profile what you do or discussing it shouldn't be a big deal. It should be part of the natural get to know you conversation. If someone has a problem with it then there is more than likely some kind of underlying issue there. that would be a red flag for me. Unless you are the President of course.
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