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 iSlandeRon1967
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 1
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condomPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hey everyone. Not sure how to handle this... I met a woman and we were intimate for the first time recently. She had her tubes tied and I had a vesectomy but she expected me to have a condom ready which I didn't because condoms are differcult and that's why i had a vasectomy. I don't understand why would she get her tubes tied and then want to use a condom. I know some people will say it's new and because she doesn't know if I'm clean ( which I am ) but what will change later on?
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 3:26:46 AM
i'd say it's either because (a) she doesn't quite believe you and is afraid of getting an STD; or (2) she's afraid of passing one on to you. so either use a condom, or you both get tested and then reveal your results to each other.

p.s. herpes is everywhere but at least half of tests for it are non-specific. if this is a concern, be clear with the doc what you want to know so that the correct test can be performed.
 Son_House
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 3
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 3:52:55 AM
That's a bit of a red flag, my friend. Like the poster above said, she might already be aware she has something and maybe she is trying to "protect you." Not that that is a fail-proof or even mildly effective way of doing it.

My rule of thumb when sleeping with a new women is that if ANY red flags pop up, I put it off until we can both figure out what is going on and get on to the same page. If you notice any strange sores in unusual spots, any obvious rashes, bruises, etc. Or if, like what happened with you, they seem particularly set on doing something that at the time seems to make no sense or is strange.

If you really enjoy this woman's company, suggest that you both take tests together. Don't be accusing, just be honest. It is your body and you need to take as good a care of it as you can. The same goes for her. If she wants you two to continue being together, she is going to have to submit to a test.
 Chevgirl80
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 4
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 4:32:13 AM
Ummmm...think you need to take sex ed class. People can carry STD's, some of which are deadly!!!
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 5
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 5:10:47 AM

That's a bit of a red flag, my friend


Why would this be a red flag of any kind, in this situation? It's the first time getting intimate, after all. I could see it being a red flag if this was a year or two down the road in the relationship, but for the first time?

Have you both been tested a few times and shared those results with each other, OP? People don't use condoms just to prevent pregnancy, after all. Most likely it's because she wants to protect herself just in case you are carrying something.

And, once again I'm amazed at how many people are evidently ready and raring to go bareback with a relative stranger.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 6
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 5:22:13 AM

... we were intimate for the first time ... .. some people will say it's new and because she doesn't know if I'm clean ...
duh! you think?
Plus.. as others have pointed out.. you don't know if she's 'safe' either.


I don't understand why would she get her tubes tied and then want to use a condom.
see above


what will change later on?
ask her.
 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 7
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 5:47:42 AM
I don't care if you soak your tool in lysol, put a scrub brush to your ball sack and have had two vasectomies. No one would be getting that salami in, unwrapped unless we had the exclusive talk and got tested together. Pretty much just straight sex too until the exclusive talk, that means, condom and vagina only. No special treatment, no going down town, no frothy drinks, no back door entries. Nothing until we talk about being monogomous and getting tests.

You know your clean. She doesn't. You don't know if she is.

I know I'm clean because I protect myself. Some std's remain dormant so I have regular tests too as part of my physical exams. I love SEX, but I'm not so sure about DEATH yet.

 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 8
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 5:48:28 AM

what will change later on?

?

ask her

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


Get tested as said before.Together.

But then she may be one of those "sex is messy" people .

I have heard men and women complain about their partner jumping out of bed before the heartbeat returns to normal to wash/shower.

Can you say hand towel, coffee, brownies, snuggle and laugh?
 MissNoWhere
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 9
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 6:09:15 AM
My tubes are tied but I'm still not allowing anyone to go bareback. For goodness sakes, just because someone tells me that they're "clean" doesn't mean that they are. Do a bit of research on STD rates, you might be a bit shocked.

As the other posters have suggested, go get tested together. That way you know, via a 3rd party, that you both are clean.

To go bareback otherwise could give you somethin' that you can't get rid of or even something that can cause, potentially, death.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 10
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 6:20:54 AM
My goodness?

How can you possibly be so naive?

Have you not had this discussion with your children?

Are you not aware of the STD's that exist in the outside world?

Dating is NOT like it used to be.

It is now a matter of life or death.

So ... bottom line:

if you want to participate in extra curricular activity ... WRAP YOUR CHOCOLATE BAR!

(Spoken from the mouth of a mother.)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 11
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 6:25:33 AM
Have you both also been tested for STDs, and come up clean? If so - I see your frustration OP. If not, then you're at risk of contracting something without condoms, no?
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 12
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 7:07:40 AM
"Avoid the Clap" -- Jimmy Dugan

That's good advice!

 likemyrock
Joined: 10/21/2010
Msg: 13
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 7:14:30 AM

what will change later on?

Maybe nothing. Maybe hopefully your ability to talk to her about your sex life with her.
Besides the STD thing I know people that have gotten pregnant after getting "tied," and have gotten someone pregnant after a vasectomy. So if she is deathly afraid of having any more (or any) babies, expect as much protection as possible.


condoms are differcult and that's why i had a vasectomy.

Seriously? That's hilarious.
You were having sex one night, getting all frustrated with the condom, threw it down and yelled "that's it!" and stormed off to get a vasectomy?
 SouthBayNative
Joined: 10/15/2010
Msg: 14
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 7:21:21 AM
Actually aside from STDs it (a condom) helps avoid bladder infections which many many women are prone to especially during and after menopause.
You're welcome.
 rocketship51
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 15
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 8:00:44 AM
While it's theoretically possible to get pregnant when tubes are tied AND a vasectomy has taken place, I'm rather sure the odds of that happening are insanely small. But, when you've recently met someone, it might be too early to accept his word for the vasectomy.

However, I go w/ the prevailing theory that she thinks it is foolhardy to take anyone's word as to STDs. So, the only way you're going to change this situation is if both are tested, once a monogamous relationship is agreed upon and you know each other long & well enough to trust that it IS so.

What is needed here is for you to have a talk w/ the lady in question! Ask "what if" questions: if we get to the point where we agree to monogamy, if we both get tested then and come up clean, will you still require protection?

You're certainly allowed to have a pref. vis a vis condom & its use! But, so is she. You should find out if you have compatible views on the matter and make a decision thereafter.
 Son_House
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 16
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 8:03:12 AM
Wait, so from what you guys have been saying...you can't actually TRUST anyone when they tell you they are clean? You mean you actually have to take precautions?

Shit.

I need to go get another test done.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 17
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 8:33:50 AM

but what will change later on?


I have a prediction if you continue to have unprotected sex with women you hardly know. BTW...protection means...not only against pregnancy...but also disease.

Prediction....Sooner or later you'll draw the short straw and your member will scab up and fall off.
 Son_House
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 18
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 8:46:43 AM
^Revilors,

I know the scary media makes it seem like if you have unprotected sex just once, you're going to catch some horrible disease and suffer for years until you die. It simply isn't true. As long as you are engaging in sex with people you feel comfortable with and have amply discussed both partners' sexual backgrounds, as well as get tested regularly and keep the results on-hand, you really shouldn't have a problem. I know plenty of people, men and women, who engage in ONLY unprotected sex and haven't run into any problems.

Generally speaking, I always use protection when I first hook up with a woman. However, that doesn't always last the course of the relationship - sometimes it's a few months, sometimes a few weeks. I'm tested regularly as I mentioned above and I always keep my test results. I no longer head to the local bar for 'casual hookups,' and on the occasions that I do, protection is used. All of that being said, I had plenty of unprotected sexual trysts when I was a few years younger. It seemed like using protection was the exception, not the rule. So, I don't think you should always have an overwhelming, paralyzing fear that if you engage in it, you've written yourself a death sentence. Just stay on top of your testing and don't pick up people you meet on the side of the street.

Also, I'm not advocating unprotected sex. People should take charge of their bodies and be as safe as possible. But condoms certainly aren't a sure-fire method to prevent disease. If you want to eliminate the risk completely, eliminate sex from your life. Then you have nothing to worry about.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 19
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 9:39:22 AM

I know the scary media makes it seem like if you have unprotected sex just once, you're going to catch some horrible disease and suffer for years until you die. It simply isn't true.

Well...it only takes one time. And thanks for the education...but I spent several years in college and around 30 years in a career that involves predominantly disease and death. So I will tell you...that it simply CAN be true.


As long as you are engaging in sex with people you feel comfortable with and have amply discussed both partners' sexual backgrounds, as well as get tested regularly and keep the results on-hand, you really shouldn't have a problem. I know plenty of people, men and women, who engage in ONLY unprotected sex and haven't run into any problems.


First off...OP is telling us that it was his FIRST sexual encounter with this individual. He know no more of her history than she know of his. The difference is...is that she was smart enough to insist on protection. As far as your "people"...they are relying on luck alone. You don't have to look nasty to have a nasty disease. .


Generally speaking, I always use protection when I first hook up with a woman. However, that doesn't always last the course of the relationship - sometimes it's a few months, sometimes a few weeks. I'm tested regularly as I mentioned above and I always keep my test results.


Some diseases take 6 months or more before you can even detect it on a test. You need to be monogamous and tested more than six month later before you can consider yourself safe


So, I don't think you should always have an overwhelming, paralyzing fear that if you engage in it, you've written yourself a death sentence.


I have no fear at all. Because I know what is real and not what I want to hear to justify reckless behavior. It's not just my life I am responsible for.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 20
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 10:12:24 AM

She had her tubes tied and I had a vesectomy but she expected me to have a condom ready which I didn't because condoms are differcult and that's why i had a vasectomy.


Wow. Here I am thinking men had vasectomies because they don't want children, not because they didn't like using condoms. I learn something new everyday.

I wouldn't expect any man to be carrying condoms, which is why women carrying condoms is important.

Did you guys wind up having sex without a condom, or did someone have to run to the nearest store?
 Son_House
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 21
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 10:24:41 AM
I've spent plenty of time in school as well, including several health care classes and seminars for work. I am completely aware that it "only takes one time," but the same could be said about many different diseases and illnesses.

Like I said, I'm not advocating unprotected sex, but I'm realistic enough that accept that oftentimes it happens. But as for your first comment, that it "simply can be true," I think you are being willfully oblique. Like I mentioned, that can be true of anything. So are you saying that since one cigarette can, rarely, be enough to trigger a reaction in a person and kill them, that everybody should have an irrational fear of ever lighting up? Or since sometimes people get drunk for the first time and drive into a tree, nobody should be allowed to drink? After all, it simply CAN be true.

Also, your elitist attitude when you say "Because I know what is real and not what I want to hear to justify reckless behavior" is stuffy, and also not quantifiable. First of all, I don't think any of my friends (or myself, when it has occurred), have tried to justify anything through self-delusion. We all know the risks and we've all taken them at various times. And most of us were intelligent enough to learn more about our partners before ever doing it. Just because it is the first time you sleep with a partner, as in the OP's case, doesn't mean you have to be blind to their sexual history and the risks involved. As far as your statement not being quantifiable, I suppose that you could be one of the rare people in the world who never makes poor decisions, allows themselves to be fooled or deluded, and know without a doubt everything that is "real" in the world. But I doubt it.

Also, as someone who has worked in the medical field so long, I haven't seen you once mention that condoms aren't a sure-fire safety net. From your two posts, one could be led to believe that putting on a condom keeps them "safe." Maybe instead of advocating safe sex, you should be advocating no sex.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 22
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 10:54:49 AM
First off...I have no intention of being condescending.

Do you think that anyone that has gotten AIDS from unprotected sex would say..."hey...I knew the risks...rolled the dice and lost...and I'd do it again"?

And...I won't pick apart your beliefs. You are entitled to them. But here is where I disagree with your logic.


Or since sometimes people get drunk for the first time and drive into a tree, nobody should be allowed to drink? After all, it simply CAN be true.



The condom here...is to take a cab or walk. Now...you could end up in an accident in the cab or get hit walking down the road. Statistically...your chances are better not driving while drunk. Stuffy? Hell no. Go out...get drunk...have a good time. I'm in favor of good times. Just use your head (condom attached) and get home safe.

Parachutes don't always open. Doesn't that mean there is no sense in putting one on when jumping out of an airplane. YES...I know it's not the same as you would certainly die without as opposed to unprotected sex.

Anyone/everyone has the right to play the odds with their own life. Which is why I posted to this thread. He chooses to be more at risk. She does not. She would rather err on the side of safety.

To each their own.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 23
Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 11:29:25 AM
You are 43 years old and you are asking this question?
Where did you get your sex ed, at the .99 cent store?
Or were you sick at home the whole week when they were talking about STD's and AIDS in high school, you did go to high school, I hope.

You are CLEAN??
So, she should just take your word and do without a condom
because , let me guess, you don't like using condoms?
So, you thought, by having a vasectomy you would never have to use them again?
That's a great and fast way to get to STD freeeway, just keep going straight

Oh lord!!
 errant71
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 24
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 11:34:38 AM
It’s all about risk assessment and your individual tolerance for relative risk. Condoms, vasectomies, and tubal ligations are not 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. Even used together, they are not risk-free.

That said … condoms are even less of a guarantee (especially for a woman) against contracting an STD. Certainly condoms work well for some STDs … but they do not necessarily work well for HPV. HPV is a contagious field virus and, therefore, can be contracted regardless of condom use. If you don’t know what a field virus is … look it up and start studying (especially if you’re a woman).

HPV testing in women is reasonably accurate … but there is no reliable, sensitive test for HPV in men. Translation: men can be infected with high risk types of HPV (or low risk types for that matter) and unknowingly infect a sexual partner. A woman who is infected (especially with a high risk type) can develop cervical lesions which can ultimately lead to cervical cancer.

Engaging in sex is not risk-free … neither is engaging in life. We can all reduce our risk by condom and birth control use but the only relative guarantee is abstinence … then the only worry is immaculate conception!
 newreality2010
Joined: 10/29/2010
Msg: 25
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Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom
Posted: 11/13/2010 12:06:06 PM
Why are you worried about later on? Stop that nonsense and worry about today.

Today you are having sex with someone you really don't know and who also doesn't know you.

So wear one, or find a woman who really doesn't really care about STD's.

Unless she is a virgin, and if she is then go for it. I've read that having sex with virgins is a cure for HIV or AIDS. It's all the rage in Africa.
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