| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 3:29:25 PM | This guy I have been dating recently wrote to me that he is feeling a little freaked out by our long-distance relationship. He says he looks forward to seeing me when I return to his city but I wonder if he has lost interest in me. I seriously don't think he is a player... What does a girl have to do to keep a man interested other than withholding sex?
I am sometimes agressive to keep the relationship active. I sent him a sexy picture. This is something I would do for someone who I am really into. His email reply: he asked me to not be SO into him (he didn't comment on the pictures.) Even as I write this, it seems a bit hopeless... Is it over?
Why is it that a men seem to go into a cave after a girl has slept with him...
R. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 3:36:05 PM | OMG I know this guy! 
If he says he is freakin out! He is & he is not worth your time my dear!
Move on! Dont send him a ticket! | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 3:40:38 PM | | First of all, I'll let you in on a secret, withholding sex is more likely to get a man to LOSE interest than it is to keep him. You also seem more interested in the relationship than he is. That's not going to work, and you're either going to keep driving him away, or make yourself miserable. The simple fact is that some guys, especially in long distance relationships, just want sex. I know you probably don't want to hear that, but it seems like he got what he wanted, and now he's done. Sorry. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 4:02:12 PM | Hi butter-cup
I agree with what's been posted so far. A lady as pretty as yourself doesn't need to get into his head games...there are plenty of fish in the sea. When you mentioned him going into his cave I remembered a book written by 2 women called the "rules" or something like that....have you read that? Just curious cuz I do remember the saying "next" when a guy acted like your b/f. When you get back home you'll know for sure where his head is at but the reaction he gave you when you sent him a sexy pic is raising a bunch of red flags to me.
I also think a man will "cave it" when he's lost or is losing interest....and if he can't keep it together for a few months that you're away...he isn't worth your time and effort. Next him.
Good luck hon
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 4:04:14 PM | | I've never done the long distance thing, but if you guys get along fine and can deal with the miles, I say work it out. That being said, you gotta have some degree of trust in your affairs. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 4:16:35 PM | RE: "The Rules"
I wonder if he even realizes that I pulled out my worn and torn copy of the rules and he is in the process of being "Nexted". I used to be a perfect Rules girl but not anymore... They work until you relax and be yourself.. and then they loose interest anyway.... this is a common theme in my relationships.. OK.. Yes I am a catch.. so keep me when you caught me 
It seems that guys are happy go lucky and girls analyze. I wasn't sure what you mean by
That being said, you gotta have some degree of trust in your affairs.
please explain... | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 7:54:01 PM | (B-cup wrote:)"Why is it that a men seem to go into a cave after a girl has slept with him..."
Because we can....
"I seriously don't think he is a player... "
I do & you just got played.
"What does a girl have to do to keep a man interested other than withholding sex?"
Ummmm...how do I break this to you gently....Is it possible that the sex wasn't that great?
If "witholding sex" is all that keeps him interested you time would better be spent elsewhere.
If having sex is all that keeps him interested your time would better be spent elsewhere.
In my case that would NOT keep me interested. If your personality doesn't keep me interested it would be irrelevant whether or not sex was involved and truthfully, sex probably WOULDN'T be involved. I don't start with someone I don't intend to keep around for a while.
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 8:15:08 PM | | he is blowing you off... perhaps he feels that his space is being crowded... albeit you may not be there... but perhaps you guys talk very day on the phone or by email... I think he is taking the cowards way out.. he should just tell you that he is not interested anymore... | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 10:13:14 PM | I am feeling so much better... He didn't call tonight like he said he would... I can't call to break it off officially. (I deleted his numbers so I wouldn't be tempted to call him.)
He will figure it out when I make an order for my printing at his company, by calling the company directly. Thanks everyone.
R. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/18/2005 11:08:33 PM | | If you two have any more contact, ask him to buy you tickets to Miami to meet. There is my dumb idea (#14) for the nite. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/20/2005 7:46:49 PM | So the plan is go to Miami and I stand him up? That does him more good than I.. we live in Canada.. Miami would be to much fun! In fact, we had an idea to spend a week in Red Deer during our vacation and not leave the hotel room.
I have some business to take care of and I am just going to go through his boss and he will get the hint. I doubt he would contact me.. its been 7 days now.. It's over.
Is there there any point to try and remove a man who is in a cave? | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/20/2005 8:05:12 PM | I would move on, let him pursue you. I know, easier said than done. Learn from this experience. Don't regret sleeping with him, but for future reference, don't be so quick to hop in the sack with a fella. You've got to be emotionally intimate before the physical intimacy comes in. Don't withhold sex either, that's not being fair. You've mentioned you've just recently started dating him, it sounds like you two didn't know each other long enough.
Also, long distance relationships are very very complicated and it takes two very strong people to make it work.
He may or may not be in his cave. Men go thru a phase of uncertainty, actually we women go through that to. It's when you question if you want to proceed in the relationship or throw in the towel. It can be a scary phase. If a man feels uncertain, back off a bit. Live your own life, go out with your friends, and let him pick up the phone or email you. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/20/2005 10:19:06 PM | | It seems like he doesn't want to be with you. Leave him where he is and don't try to bring him back. If ever down the road out of the blue he calls you, tell him to get lost again. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/20/2005 10:51:26 PM | try to understand the cave, it is a COOL, dark and mysterious place us men like to dwell...as you are with your analysis we are with the darkness, we like it in there, not seeing just being. Let us go in our cave, if we don't come out in time we are hibernating waiting for the sun to come out...I think he just sees winter with the distance, move on and be my sun shiny day!
Local Cave Dweller, who likes to run naked in the forest. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/20/2005 11:04:21 PM | | So what did you do to scare this man back into his cave? Obviously he was into you, and now he is not. Possibly it is you... Just food for thought. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/21/2005 12:34:21 AM | To recap, I had written...
... am sometimes agressive to keep the relationship active. I sent him a sexy picture. This is something I would do for someone who I am really into. His email reply: he asked me to not be SO into him (he didn't comment on the pictures.)
I told him that I had plans to get the photos done up for about a year.
Why did he freaked out? Can you tell me your ideas? | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/21/2005 6:41:19 AM | butter-cup ... OMG!
I think I am this guy too!
But, please keep sending the photo's anyway.
====================
But seriously, I think by him saying; "not to be SO into him" ...
means just that.
 So don't be.
(Iggie him) | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/21/2005 6:52:10 AM | | Men are stupid anyway, you aren't the first this has happened to and you won't be the last....is he a cop? Pick up and move on with your head up high that mother ****er and all the others will burn in hell for sure.... | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/21/2005 6:06:52 PM | now now chacha, men arn't stupid, we may look like we are, we usually do our thinking in our caves, away from the sexy woman distractions, but if your all over us and we don't get the chance we don't know what to do with that and go right back in, surely theres a juicier doe out there.
This dude is freaked out he was having a good time, then you sent him these pics (show the pics!  ), sending dirty pics, (we can turn sexy into dirty, we do it all the time with fully clothed women in the boardroom  ) ...thats alot of trust to put in someone you just met sounds serious he needs time in his cave, give him a call when you need to put your order in, make like your ok with just hanging out (If you are), say bye and tell him to give you a call.
Enjoy it for what it is, don't get so serious, if you can't do the casual, don't play the withold game, be honest with yourself, take your time and figure out if hes what you want. If you do it may just work out, we just need a few nice quiet sleeps to reflect on the images of the day...
something in those rules is wrong, theres way to many beautiful women in here. Strange I can't find one that makes me go wow, ok i found alot, apparently its me I wasn't in the book? Oh well, i'll go fishing on the weekend then. | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/21/2005 6:16:19 PM | Buttercup...I think, in his own way, he is trying to tell you not to care soooo much...Why??? Because he isn`t that into you...or not into relationships or committment....It`s not important what he isn`t into...It`s THAT he isn`t into.....I think you are wasting your time....If he didn`t react with a `thank you` for the picture....that means he isn`t interested in you and a committment... You are attractive, my dear...move on...Lot`s of guys would kill for a chance with you... | |
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| Is my man in his cave or is it over?
Posted: 7/21/2005 11:32:00 PM | aw buttercup he sounds like a grade a ass your so pretty and i bet inteligent move on to the next guy that will devote more time to you like you deserve girly. | |
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