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 homersimpson086
Joined: 5/26/2010
Msg: 1
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Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?Page 1 of 1    
Would you agree these are deal breakers, i.e impossible combinations:

1) Someone fit and trim with someone large and inactive
2) Agnostic/Atheist with someone religious
3) Vegetarian with meat eater

Do you know any couples with these combinations? I would expect it to be rare. But then again chemistry is not a simple one dimensional thing..
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 2
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Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 11/30/2010 1:56:39 PM
My sister in law is religious and my brother claims to be an atheist, they've been together for thirty years. Go figure.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 3
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 11/30/2010 2:01:13 PM
I think that different personalities can actually compliment one another, and its more about understanding each others personality than having similar personalties.
I think that someone fit and active would best enjoy someone else who's active, and likely fit, but they could each do their own thing.
The same general thoughts with religion and diet.

I feel that core values are what's important. My faith is important to me and I'd love to share that with a SO; others may be fine not doing so.
Long term compatability is based around shared core values, mutual respect, common/ shared goals, etc. To each their own.
 Billy_Famine
Joined: 8/3/2010
Msg: 4
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 11/30/2010 2:02:59 PM
I've fit into category 2 and 3 several times, not a deal breaker what so ever.

As for category 1, I've seen my friend, a guy who must have some disorder (he drinks a lot, smokes a lot of weed, and eats 85% junk food) and has the body of a holocaust survivor, no joke. Yet I've seen him with some HUGE girls. I suppose that's his problem, but man, it's so hard not to think about it when he gives me details of what happened... personally, not for me, but to each their own.

In fact, I guess that's the bottom line. To each their own. I have dated Jewish girls that were fine with me not being jewish, I've gone out with vegans/vegetarians when I ate meat, and I went out with meat eaters when I was a vegetarian.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 5
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 11/30/2010 2:27:22 PM

1) Someone fit and trim with someone large and inactive

Pretty much, yeah.

2) Agnostic/Atheist with someone religious

No... A strong-atheist (against the belief of a god or gods) and someone notably religious in a cultural/literal way, yes. Someone who is religious in some sense and a weak-atheist (Agnostic; undecided; a-political when it comes to a belief in a god or gods), no -- that can be fine.

3) Vegetarian with meat eater

No... a Veg can be in different modes of thinking & expectations. You take a pure-bred Veg who doesn't buy anything directly or INDIRECTLY related to any death of animals, from farms or not, vs a guy who loves eating steak every other day, Yes. But someone who is a basic Veg for health reasons vs someone isn't? No, that's fine.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 6
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 11/30/2010 3:18:26 PM
They maybe viewed as incompatible to some, however, there are those can make it work, regardless of the differences.

Take Arnold Schwarzenegger (Republican,) and Maria Shriver (Democrat.) How long have they been married again?

Personally, I wouldn't get involved with an Atheist in a million years but that is just my opinion.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 7
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Posted: 11/30/2010 4:10:40 PM

They maybe viewed as incompatible to some, however, there are those can make it work, regardless of the differences.

And when you think about it, there is usually one dramatic difference between couples which doesn't seem to cause many problems (at least early on) and that's gender. You can't be more different than a man and a woman yet people keep trying to make it work.

Vive la différence!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 8
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Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 11/30/2010 4:16:08 PM
It all depends on how important it is to each member of the couple, some people don't really care what the other is doing as long as they can do their thing without being harassed by the other. Not all fit people demand others to be so, some very fit people are attracted to fat people, etc. The reasons couples stay together or break up are limitless and totally dependent on the individuals. You can't just list opposite and assume it would be a deal breaker. Heck some people like the clashing, we all know that many love drama, but it's not always going to be drama though, some people aren't looking for clones.
 4ums
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 9
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 11/30/2010 5:14:04 PM
I have dated professional athletes and those that frequent the gym and I am physically challenged.

I couldn't date someone that worshiped the devil, but at the same time, I have understood wiccans beliefs etc. Pretty much have dated an agnostic. That is what they feel and think, I don't have to necessarily agree, but I understand what they say.

Now dating a vegan, nope, couldn't do it. I am a firm meatatarian. I am sure that would turn a vegan off.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 10
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 11/30/2010 5:33:31 PM
OP: I haven't been in any of these scenarios. However, it is my opinion that if both parties can respect/are acceptable of their respective religions, eating habits and physiques they can live harmoniously.

Actually, I did have a co-worker who was a vegetarian and her hubby wasn't. They appeared to be doing well with this. They had separate cooking utensils and a certain way of handling the cooking/cleaning of the utensils.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 11
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Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:18:12 PM
Eh, 'dealbreaker' is a term I'm beginning to hate. It belongs more in the grocery store after disagreeing with produce prices rather than dating.

1) Been there and done that. It didn't bother me. You do see a LOT of couples with body types proportional to each other but it's not universal.

2) Been there and done that. Religion actually never hindered the relationship so that much was good.

3) Not impossible. As long as you aren't as**** and voracious as the wolverine that will eat and attack anything then you should be good. Eating plants still in the ground would be extreme also.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 12
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/1/2010 12:19:21 AM
My personal caveat is that "opposites attract arguments," primarily because I am self righteous about my points of view.
Therefor, I think it depends on the personalities and perspectives of those involved.
Not everyone weighs these topics in the same way...some people (not me) are more open-minded than others.

Schwarzenegger and Shriver are the classic political example.
Personally, I couldn't do it.
If, for example, my partner went to Beck's Restoring Honor rally--eh, that wouldn't work (unless I was allowed to throw a pie or tomato, or some other vaudevillian artifact to match the tenor of the event.)

My sister is vegetarian and brother-in-law is not, but they have many other common interests & outlooks.
I would tolerate a vegetarian partner because I respect the preferred environmental impact of a veggy diet.
However, it'd be a bummer since I like to cook and bake without restrictions.

Similarities in (absence of) religion, politics, music, outdoor interests, communication style, have all played a binding role in my current relationship.
It has been my most enjoyable relationship to date.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 13
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/1/2010 12:21:53 AM
None of these is a problem for me.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14
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Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/1/2010 5:19:44 AM
It boils down to the tolerance level of the two involved for differences. Some people are narrow minded and cannot see other peoples perspectives...two of THOSE types who have such a vast gap in beliefs wont get along in the long run. Two who realise there is more than 1 way to live a happy life (or skin a cat) will get along fine.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 15
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/1/2010 6:00:00 AM
I think it boils down to how emphatic one or both are about each. I'd say I'm a 'roll with it' kinda gal. None of those would be 'deal breakers' for me. In fact, the only deal breaker I've experienced so far was abuse. But that's something I feel very strongly about.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 16
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/1/2010 6:36:21 AM
Those would all be dealbreakers for me, although I agree that opposites attract occasionally. But vastly different lifestyles, religious or political beliefs can be relationship killers. I think it boils down to what your tolerance level is and how accommodating you can be.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 17
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Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/1/2010 10:59:19 AM
Would you agree these are deal breakers, i.e impossible combinations:

1) Someone fit and trim with someone large and inactive


I'm a fat woman and will tell you that, to my own surprise, most of the men that approach me are not fat. The thing is that I prefer men on the med to larger size.


2) Agnostic/Atheist with someone religious


This is something we see a lot. There are even lots of forum threads started by non-religious complaining about being rejected by religious.


3) Vegetarian with meat eater


One of my best friends is vegan and his partner is not. They've been together almost 8 yrs.

If everyone believed the same, felt the same and did the same this would be a boring world.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 18
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/1/2010 11:34:09 AM
I think in anything where they are in direct conflict with each other, they can and maybe should be dealbreakers. If a person is not only active in faith; but truly believes faith cannot be lived without it being shared with a partner, an agnostic/atheist would be a dealbreaker. I know two people married, one of htem is a TOTAL homebody who wants the beaver experience, family together all the time, the sit down dinners and them being each other's lives and the other one can't be home without panicking; schedules three months in advance; is never home for dinner and the more he gets angry at her bailing; the less she wants to be around him. They are mkaing each other miserable, and the kids even more so. Because either she wins, or he does.

but an active person and a sedentary person, those can work if the active person has other tihngs they share with the sedentary person; BUT if the active person makes the sedentary person always tired (or the sedentary person drives the active person crazy because they're ALWAYS sitting on their keester) then yeah, maybe disconnect.

It depends on how they interact; how tolerable both people are, and how willing they are to meet in the middle on those things, while sharing other things.

With enough else in common it's possible to still get pasta dealbreaker; but not recommended. Most dealbreaker things chafe to the point of resentment down the road by both parties, when they clash with each other. Better to avoid the swimming sharks altogether, both directions. But just plain differences? those can be awesome to have each other share their strength with the other. Differences are good; differences that are bound to breed direct conflict? Not so much
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 19
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Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/1/2010 12:09:20 PM
No, can't say I would agree.

1 - When I was younger, I used to question the guys that were interested in me because they were the fit, athletic types. The thing I heard most often was, "men should be hard, women should be soft." The older me doesn't question it. I see more disproportionate couplings than I do couples that are both HWP or both fat.

2 - Meh, it happens. Depends on the religion. Some are very strict with the whole equally yoked thing.

3 - The vegetarians I know live this for health reasons and have no issues with meat or meat eaters. I've never encountered the 'meat is murder' variety.

There are no universal deal breakers. There are only individual ones.
 onion2k
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 20
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/1/2010 4:45:52 PM
If there are differences you have to put the effort in to work around them, but if the relationship has potential that won't be difficult. You'll want to put the effort in.

In short, anything can work.

Similarly though, the stupidest things can make it impossible for two people to have a relationship even if everything else is perfect. People break up because they can't compromise over the fact they support different sports teams.

The answer is to be willing to give it a try and see, and not fear the hurt of it failing.
 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 21
Incompatible lifestyle/personalities ?
Posted: 12/2/2010 6:18:21 AM
Why couldn't a fat, steak loving athiest fall in love with a skinny, vegetable eating Christian?

Is there a punch line?
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