| I need some advice
Posted: 7/18/2005 6:09:07 PM | | I met a guy off this site and he is absolutely wonderful. We chatted and met back in March. We totally clicked online, on the phone and in person. He is absolutely wonderful except he has some baggage. Ex-wife issues and a bit of a bitter taste in his mouth about relationships in general. I know he's been through a lot of garbage and know he needs to be ready for anything new. So, we hang out all the time. We laugh, we cry, we talk, we vent everyday. I have fallen completely in love with him and he knows how i feel. He just doesn't think it would be fair to me until he's ready to settle down. He respects me and I respect that but how long should i wait? I believe he is worth the wait. I don't think I would be able to just "be friends" with him but I don't want to lose him...he's a great catch. How long is too long to wait for someone? How much patience should I have? He means the world to me and I know I mean the world to him..he's just scared I am going to hurt him. Would any of you be willing to wait if you believed that you've met your soulmate? Or am I being ridiculous....please help...thanx...princess | |
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| I need some advice
Posted: 7/18/2005 6:15:22 PM | Personally, I won`t date anyone newly separated or newly divorced...My rule of thumb is they have to be out of the relationship for AT LEAST 3 years...preferably 5 years!!!!! He`s not going to want to come out of a marriage or long term relationship and go into another!!!! My experience has been that you are just wasting your time...He`s gonna want to date casually and cut loose when he wants to.....Follow your heart...but I`m just telling you of my experiences!!!! Good luck!!! | |
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| I need some advice
Posted: 7/18/2005 6:34:21 PM | | well-I,m a capricorn too !Twice your age!''I have found it doesn,t pay to let a man know your serious about him -till he tells you he loves you !!''why is he looking -if he isn,t ready to make any commitments??''IF he justs wants an affair -he should be willing to say so -since he told you everything else!!IF YOU are ready to just have an affair-for now--go for it !!''I WOULD SAY TO WOMEN OUT THERE --''DON,T'' move in with a guy if you want to marry him !!''CRAZY''!!HE can have it all without a commitment!!You can find out all you need to know dating !!IT doesn,t pay to rush into marriage/or anything else!! | |
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| I need some advice
Posted: 7/18/2005 6:41:49 PM | 3 Years?
I've been out 8-9 months and I may be a little sour but there is NO doubt in my mind that it is over. | |
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| I need some advice
Posted: 7/18/2005 6:47:15 PM | | prancer..i know what you mean but we are not having an affair..it started out that way maybe but we have grown to respect each other and he doesn't want to hurt me..i truly believe that. We are now just friends..there are no benefits except the benefits that come from a truly beautiful and honest friendship. He says he just needs time to open up his heart again...guys out there..there must be someone out there that has been hurt and can relate...if you are out there please help me understand. It's hard to love if your heart has been smashed to a million pieces..it must be hard to trust, if everything that you have ever believed in, disappears...am I sounding crazy? | |
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| I need some advice
Posted: 7/18/2005 6:52:51 PM | oh my, newly seperated...eeeek! my advice is pull away, give him space..be there but not "too" there and let him feel your absence. He is prob more confused than you! Let him get what he needs out of his system which will prob be a string of shallow connections (if you know what I mean...) and if you are indeed his soulmate he will comeback to you. don't waste your time with someone who is not emotionally available to you. And remember that in order to be completely and fully in love with someone you need to have some of that love reciprocated so I think what you might be feeling is a deep infatuation. ;-)
and no you don't sound crazy, he needs to grieve and feel the pain he is feeling to move on...the last thing you want to be is simply a crutch to help him out of the dark days. You want him when he is a little more recovered because then you'll know he really wants to be there. | |
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gc33
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Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 7 | |
| I need some advice
Posted: 7/18/2005 10:55:08 PM | | Welcome to the rebound chick zone, population: you. | |
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| I need some advice
Posted: 7/18/2005 11:20:36 PM | | In the meantime you two could have some type of "hands off" relationship. Agree to call each other once a week every friday night or Sunday morning if you are drinkers. If you still want each other in a year, go for it. What to do in the meantime? I dont know, satisfy yourself a lot thinking of him. | |
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| I need some advice
Posted: 7/19/2005 12:28:49 AM | Princess221 - My advice to you is to hold on, but don't overlook other opportunities. I, too, was involved with someone like your "great catch", but we would breakup every now and then just because he was getting too close for his comfort zone. I would wait for him to call at home while he was out having a great time. My girlfriends would yell all the time about my waiting for him to call, but I would because I knew loyalty was important to him. After breaking up a few times, I got smart and accepted a date from another guy. My boyfriend was furious but he woke up and after that date he and I got closer. We got so close that we finally got married after almost 5 years of dating. I thought it was worth the wait in the end, although, I wish I had gone out with someone else sooner so my boyfriend would have woke up sooner. Unfortunately, after 7.5 years of marriage we divorced. I don't regret one minute of the time I spend with him and it definitely was worth the wait. So go for it! | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 7/19/2005 3:40:19 AM | | Hey Princess...You kinda answered your own question. You get on well as friends too. That is where any relationship should start. Without friendship and only the physical..what would you talk about wehn the newness wears off...and sorry to say it does. He sounds like a great guy, and if you care, then you owe it to him to not rush him into anything. It is so hard to trust yourself to play with fire when you've been burned.In the long run though....It makes for some pretty great s'mores when you wait for the fire to be right...lol Good luck to ya! Kitti | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 7/19/2005 12:40:49 PM | | He's been single for almost a year...I just want to thank you guys for all the great advice...sometimes i just second guess myself...and he is a great guy. I totally lucked out. I guess only time will tell....thanks again...i hope you all find someone as wonderful as the one that I found... | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| I need some advice
Posted: 7/21/2005 7:44:26 PM | Princess,
He's not quite ready to jump from the fire into the frying pan with you. I know you don't want to lose him, but you do sound a tad bit desperate here.
It really depends on how long he's been divorced, what you describe here is a fella who's heart isn't fully healed. His head says one thing, his heart is saying another. Both, head and heart have to be on the same wave length before he can go into a relationship.
He's not a wise choice for you in a LTR at this point, he will be incapable of giving you, what you truly need, want, and deserve. Only he is in control as to how long it will take him to heal.
In the meantime, live your life kiddo. Go out with your friends, do things for yourself, etc. You've got to have your own life outside of this guy. | |
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