Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Broke up with me but still contact me??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SimplyEric
Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 1
Broke up with me but still contact me??Page 1 of 1    
I've met this girl last august, everything went great, met her family and she met mine a few times. 10 days ago she broke up with me saying that she have lost that "flamme" inside her and gave me the "I'd like to stay friends" speech. I was crushed by her decision and I am trying to move on. But since then, she keeps texting, emailing and calling me to wish me good, to have a good day with kisses and saying she's sorry for the pain I feel. How should I interpret this? does she really care for me as a friend or wants me back or just playing with my head? I'm really confused by this behavior from her.
Thanks in advance,
Eric
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 9:17:40 AM
You cut her off Eric. I never believe the 'lets be friends' line. It usually comes with a large side of BS. You have friends, they will help you get over this and deal with the loss. Block her phone number, do not reply and allow yourself the time to move on.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 3
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 9:17:42 AM
Where does the confusion stand? She dumped you, and made it clear that she would still like to have you in her life as a friend, hence her still remaining in contact with you.

If you're so confused, then tell her you will not allow friendship and move on.

Problem solved.
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 9:21:45 AM
She might be feeling guilty about hurting you, she might be having second thoughts about that "flame", who knows. The point is how are you going to react. If you don't want to hear from her, let her know that. If you want to keep the "door open", then do that. It's up to you really.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 5
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 9:23:40 AM
My opinion, for what it's worth, since you got the "it's not you, it's me" speech -- this situation makes me think there's another guy involved and maybe she's been seeing him while you guys have been together. Now, in order to alleviate her guilt, she worries incessantly about your well-being, wants you to be happy ... yada, yada.

Don't try to interpret whatever she's doing as meaning anything. She's just feeling guilty. I have a hard time being friends with someone who dumps me. And if they start what she's doing, I don't even respond. I mean, who needs the aggravation of the head games?
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 9:28:03 AM
She's just trying to assuage her own guilty feelings for dumping you---therefore, by keeping you as a friend she doesn't feel like a total b!tch. I'd suggest that you completely cut her off and block all contact from her IF you are intent on getting over her and moving on with your life.
 SimplyEric
Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 7
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 9:48:06 AM
Thanks for the responses.
I still love her very much and inside me I feel like I should keep the door open. But some of you make lots of senses when talking about the guilt she might have. She have an history of dumping men and she might start to think that she's an evil person. We have a lot of commun friends, including her brothers, my daughter, on facebook etc... so to cut her off completely would be hard. So I guess I should have another good talk with her and ask her politely to cease this insanity.
Thanks
Eric.
 GirlyMuscle
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 8
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 9:49:34 AM
For me, there is not " lets be friends". Sorry, it rarely works out. Stop letting her contact you. Simple. If you have to change the number if she cannot get a clue. Who knows what she is really thinking, but by allowing it to happen, she is controlling the whole deal. I personally would not do that to a man. Done means done. And please cut all the Face Book crap. I really wonder why so many people do all that crap. No wonder there are drama and tons of relationship issues. People post all their business all over the damn internet then wonder why he said she said. It is like web sites and texting is running people's lives. Geez.
 SimplyEric
Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 9
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:05:28 AM
Girly, I totally agree with you on the FB thing. But I assure you that we kept everything very private about our relationship on there. Facebook is a bridge to a lots of long-distance friends and family for me...so no, I cannot live without it!
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 10
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:07:07 AM

So I guess I should have another good talk with her and ask her politely to cease this insanity.


Eric, ask her to cease? Just cut all conversation and contact off yourself! Why hand over any control to her. If you do, game's over.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 11
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:11:53 AM
for her, "let's be friends" means she will keep texting, emailing, and calling you because she knows exactly what she did and how you feel about it, but she wants you to return the "let's be friends" overtures and prove that you're willing to forgive and forget.

because if there's one thing a game-playing woman just can't stand to contemplate, it's the idea that a man would think poorly of her for playing games.

either she wants your approval, or she actually thinks that you should be satisfied with the consolation prize she's offering you. well are you? i don't think so!

now this is not to say that some people can't be friends after they break up. but the only time that really works is when it's a mutual and friendly parting.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 12
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:12:25 AM

"I'd like to stay friends" speech.


I call the the "just in case" speech.

Just in case she gets lonely, needs someone to take her out or doesn't get on with the new guy or likes the ego reassurance you still are pining for her.

If she cared about you she would leave you alone.

BE DONE!!


I'm really confused by this behavior from her.

Pretty clear from these nose bleed seats.

What you are doing is telling her is that it's OK to saw your arm off really slow.
Don't let her.
 SimplyEric
Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 13
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:17:36 AM
But what if she wants to come back?? why should I have to cut her off if my hope is her to come back to me?? Of course she is in control of her own decisions, I dont understand that part?? We always had to very good communication me and her, why should I have to forget about her? It never happened to you all to have regrets or confusion when dumping someone? I know it happened to me!?
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 14
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:21:36 AM
LISTEN CAREFULLY..... don't EVER make the mistake of thinking that her offer of friendship is a future back door to your past with this woman. it's *not*.

don't be a doormat, man.
 rocketship51
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 15
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:24:44 AM
Good luck w/ having the talk...I'd skip it and just stop responding, if I were you. IF she is behaving this way out of guilty feelings, don't be surprised if she tries to turn the tables on you when you have this talk, and ask you why are you being so "mean" to her, etc, etc.....

As to your being confused...I understand it. Yes, she gave you the "lets be friends" talk. Ok. So, her reaching out and sending a friendly msg is in keeping w/ this wish to remain "friends"....but the "love and kisses" type BS? No, that's NOT part of "lets be friends." Sounds to me like maybe you took her dumping you a little TOO well, and now she is no longer sure dumping you was such a good idea??? Lol!

Edit to your last post: IF this woman had come back to you with a big heartfelt apology and said she made a mistake and asked you to give her a 2nd chance, that would be one thing (in answer to your "haven't you ever broken up and changed your mind..." question). She is NOT doing that...she is dangling the "lets be friends" string (coated w/ "love and kisses") to keep you around should other things fail....

You're over 40...you ought to have learned this by now! I AM sorry, you know..it sucks when things end. But please believe all of us here that the lets-be-friends thing never works out well when you still have romantic feelings for the person.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:29:17 AM

But what if she wants to come back?? why should I have to cut her off if my hope is her to come back to me??


If that is your hope, you are hopelessly whipped. Why should you give her all that power whereby she's able to have you on HER terms only? Don't make things so easy for her. She'll have a lot more respect for you if you cut her off completely. If she REALLY wants you back that badly, she'll find a way.
 Whole 9 Yards
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:36:28 AM
F-her.
She wants to feel good about the breakup so she can move on.
This ain't about you.

Cut off all contact. Your friendship (or the thought of it) is the only thing she wants from you. Deny her.
In fact, let her think you hate her.
 SimplyEric
Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 18
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:39:30 AM
Just received an email from her 10 minutes ago....here's what she is saying:
(this is a translation because the letter is in french)

I am deeply sorry about your sorrow I caused...You have been wonderful to me and I'm taking a large part of the blame of our rupture. I am trying to see clear throughout this mess, to understand what really happened between us and I have a hard time with it. I just cannot believe it and I am still chocked about this unfortunate event. Can we call eachother soon?


....Please analyse this
 rocketship51
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 19
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:46:18 AM
She STILL doesn't have the "balls" to flat out say "Sorry I f**ed up and I'd like you to take me back, is there any chance of that?" (In French...of course...Lol!)

The woman does sound conflicted...but it sure also sounds like she, somehow, wants the responsibility for things ending to be shared, and for you to put yourself out on a limb for her....again. I specially like (sarcasm) the part about the "unfortunate event." So...what? Like your brake-up was "an act of God"???? My...my. Not taking responsibility for her actions...at all.

Me? I'd respond with something very neutral such as "What exactly is it you hope to accomplish by our having a conversation?"
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 20
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:50:49 AM
I am deeply sorry about your sorrow I caused...You have been wonderful to me and I'm taking a large part of the blame of our rupture. I am trying to see clear throughout this mess, to understand what really happened between us and I have a hard time with it. I just cannot believe it and I am still chocked about this unfortunate event. Can we call eachother soon?


translation: i wanted to end the relationship and i did exactly that, but i will pretend like i am as upset about it as you are. i'll even pretend that i don't even know what happened! what did i do?? i'm completely mystified! stupide!! console me, i am so fukking innocent (:crying:). don't you still love me and want me? aren't i really completely loveable no matter what i say and do? (:bats french eyelashes:) won't you stroke my ego and be my friend .... i feel so terrible! .....mon cherie!!! ....so that i can keep pretending to be something i'm not? my facade, it is très magnifique, no??


disgusting.

p.s. i'm guessing she found somebody who turned her crank a whole lot better than you did, but he dumped her already. i would not be surprised.
 SimplyEric
Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 21
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 11:20:51 AM
Motown, you seem to really enjoy this
I guess I'm a hopeless sucker when it comes to love. I see it as her being genuine about her feelings and all of you see her as a **** from hell. Just for your knowledge, staying friends with exes is possible as I am friends with all of 'em.
Will it be correct from me (I'd like to remain a gentleman about this mess) if I wrote her back explaining to her that I'm very hurt and being friends will take time and I need her to stay away from contacting me completely until I feel its ok (if ever) to speak again?
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 22
Broke up with me but still contact me??
Posted: 1/13/2011 11:24:16 AM
good god eric, do what you want. no there is nothing wrong per se with that approach. it is the potential fallout from it that seems to be, shall we say, interesting. it does seem that you can't quite manage to tear yourself away from this woman. gotta leave that back door open just a crack, man, just a smidgen. room to wiggle and change your mind. i think most of us are suggesting a really clean break, but if you want to play it differently, that's your perogative. please remember to provide us with a periodic update. we'd like to know how it all turns out. (what, you didn't like my translation?)
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Broke up with me but still contact me??