Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What does it mean when a guy asks "What are you looking for?"      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Tatsinda
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 1
view profile
History
What does it mean when a guy asks "What are you looking for?"Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I really need this question to be more specific, since I really don't know what kind of information he wants. So far I have it narrowed down to "from a man", but after that, I'm lost. Yes, I'm stupid.

Does he want to know if I'm looking for a relationship vs. a one night stand? And if that is the case, how do I know what HE's looking for? Also, what constitutes "looking?" Just how active do you have to be to be considered looking? Out in bars all the time, or does basically doing nothing but still wanting a relationship qualify?

How am I supposed to answer this?
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 2
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:41:14 PM
When men ask me what am I looking for, and they fail to clarify, I'll ask them to be more specific. For the most part, it is usually what am I looking for in a man or in a relationship. I explain from there, retaliate by asking them the same questions in return.

To me, looking is looking and there are no different levels of looking. If you are actively looking/searching, then it is just that.


And if that is the case, how do I know what HE's looking for?


How about asking HIM by giving clarification of what you would like to know?
 navycanuck
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 3
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:44:48 PM
I tell a man straight up that I am looking for a relationship and don't like game players. He doesn't like my answer; then he is free to leave. I am not going to give him an answer that will just please him. I believe in being honest.
 ferfoxache
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 4
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:46:38 PM

What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?

It depends.
It depends on when the guy says it, at what point in the relationship.
If it's pretty early IMO it means "who are you looking for me to be, do you have boyfriend expectations, I need something to tell me how you expect me to behave so I can decide and have control on whether or not I want to do it. I am looking for feedback because I need immediate gratification on knowledge in this relationship. I am also lazy. Rather than take the time and spend it dating you and figuring this out myself, I need you to hand it to me. Now."

If it's later in the relationship IMO it means "I think I am misreading what you are communicating. I thought it was one thing, but your behavior lately suggests I am a part of something else. So right now I am confused as to what's going on and I need clarification."

And it means something completely different if you are wandering around with a look on your face like you can't find your keys.


Does he want to know if I'm looking for a relationship vs. a one night stand?

Maybe. He may have an idea of what he already wants to see happen, but doesn't want to get judged for it, so gets you to hand him what you want so he can decide how much going after what he wants is going to hurt you.
Most people don't enjoy victimizing others, using them, so come up with tons of mental schemes to get around the judging.

He may not have a final relationship goal of either long term, short term, or one night stand in mind, so wants to see what yours is so he can decide if that sounds good to him too.


And if that is the case, how do I know what HE's looking for?

It's a stupid question to ask. IMO you should run if anyone asks it of you.
You only know what HE'S "really" looking for by his continued, consistent behavior.
And same as him.
You think anyone that wants a one night stand that goes out on a "date" is going to say "yeah, I really contacted you with long term or dating on your profile just to see if I could nail you tonight. You into that? We could go out to my car."


Also, what constitutes "looking?"

IMO "looking" is a stupid concept as it simply implies shopping, looking around, looking for your relationship and they are just a means to get there, rather than an individual in and of themselves.


Out in bars all the time, or does basically doing nothing but still wanting a relationship qualify?

I think you can safely say sitting at home doing nothing, not going out on dates, not meeting or talking to anyone new at all can be constituted as "not looking."
Whereas any action based on the desire to meet people and get to know people can be considered "looking."


How am I supposed to answer this?

Personally, I would say there is no good way to answer that and it's a stupid question, and then why.
Or I would try and get them to tell me who they think I am, and where the confusion lies.
Or I would say something like "my keys."
Depending on the context.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:49:19 PM
Only you can answer that. Have you asked yourself
"what I am looking for?" I believe if you ask ten different
people...you will have ten different answers!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
view profile
History
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:53:59 PM

When men ask me what am I looking for, and they fail to clarify, I'll ask them to be more specific.

Naturally.
 esp123
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 7
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:54:15 PM
I think they asked you that because they fail to read ya profile. Most likely them fellas are hoping you say something like not looking for a serious relationship, then they worm their way with you...
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 8
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:54:38 PM
How am I supposed to answer this?


Many people who ask you such a question are chameleons..










They want to know what shape/color/style/kind of animal you think you are looking for, so they can begin to try to conform to that in attempting to win you over...




how do I know what HE's looking for? Also, what constitutes "looking?"



Ahh, the age-old gender-bias dilemma.. Trying to see beyond the Basic Instincts to a possible future off POF..

Many people give up always fretting/projecting and finally break down and ASK their companion...
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 9
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:03:51 PM
OP if you are not comfortable enough with this person to have a relaxed and honest discussion I would agree with the poster who suggested getting them to answer the question first to try to prevent them from them telling you what you want to hear.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 10
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:07:47 PM
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
How am I supposed to answer this?

It is a simple question, but
it depends what you are doing while he does the asking....

If you have your hand in his pocket, tell him you are looking for change...
If you have only one shoe on, you are probably looking for the other.
If your hand is on his crotch tell him not to bother, you are just 'fondling'
If you are forlornly hovering in the house with a blank stare in your eyes , you don't know it, but you are looking for your pills.
If you have lost your way, tell him you are looking for directions
If you are looking for a relationship, ask him if he's got a spare one.
If you are looking for love, forget about it, nobody lost it for you to find.
These are only sample answers.... just tell him what you are looking for, woman!



 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 11
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:11:09 PM
Man: What are you looking for?

**Putting through Man -> English translator**
Translation: How much money am I going to have to spend on dinners, movies and aardvarks before you'll sleep with me?

Sorry about the aardvarks. Babelfish is not perfect.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 12
view profile
History
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:19:51 PM
Several months ago, I went out with a bunch of friends. We went to a place we often go to. We didn't know for about two hours that many of the people there that night were at a pof meet and greet.

This man kept chatting to me, flirting etc. After a while, he said "so what are you looking for in a relationship". When I asked if I could be honest with him, he said yes. "Absolutely nothing" was my answer. He disappeared quickly. Saved me dealing with getting rid of him.

I laughed till I had tears in my eyes when I found out the half the people at the place where there for a pof meet and greet.

Men or women can mean many different things when they ask what someone is looking for. We can ask what they mean, but only their actions over time will prove whether their answer is true.
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:52:00 PM
I remember when I started dating, someone asked me that.

I thought it odd.

So I went home and started thinking about it.

Back then I wasn't ready for a relationship.

Now that I've worked on understanding who I am, and why I've gravitated towards unacceptable men, I have finally figured out what I want. "Took me a lifetime to get to this point".

And my answer is ... happiness, because I deserve it!
 Perceptivegirl
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 14
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:55:02 PM
It means he is a smooth-talking narcissist who is calculating exactly what other bullshit he can come up with to get into your pants as soon as possible.

I mean, come on - if someone asked me that question, I'd piss myself laughing....
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 15
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:55:17 PM
its an easy out, early and fast. If you are not looking for similar things, it is the unplug now option.

ie I want kids good for you, we are done here.
I want another cigarette.... see above
I want to get married ..... see above
I want to go to a quilting bee ...... I am not dating my grandmother!

it is the quick discount that allows us out without getting involved or connected. And you should have asked it before you agreed to the date.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 16
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 9:08:17 PM
I'll give you a little secret here, you know what your looking for, and if you don't state what your looking for or tell people what your looking for it will take twice as long to find it.
Usually if someone asks this, it is because they want to make sure you are not looking for something that they can not deliver.
Or
They want something specific and do not want to waste their time beating
around the bush about it.
You can tell someone what you think they want to hear or hedge all day long, but in
at the end of the day you will be no further in getting it then the day you started.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 17
view profile
History
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 9:37:49 PM

Does he want to know if I'm looking for a relationship vs. a one night stand?


It depends on how the question is asked. If someone is asking you this by message or IM, chances are he is looking for NSA situation. If it's someone you have seen a time or two, he may just be finding you hard to read and genuinely wants to know whether the two of you are on the same page.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 18
view profile
History
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 9:53:07 PM
Everybody seems to be trying to read different motives into this question. To me, it just looks like one of those open ended questions designed to get a dialogue going. It doesn't really matter what you answer, it leads to further talk.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 19
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 10:00:33 PM

I really need this question to be more specific, since I really don't know what kind of information he wants.


Then tell him that you would like him to be more specific because you don't know what information he wants.


Does he want to know if I'm looking for a relationship vs. a one night stand? And if that is the case, how do I know what HE's looking for? Also, what constitutes "looking?" Just how active do you have to be to be considered looking? Out in bars all the time, or does basically doing nothing but still wanting a relationship qualify?

How am I supposed to answer this?


See the answer above. Each time you get stuck, refer to the answer above. Communicate.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 20
view profile
History
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 11:01:10 PM
Halftimedad has the only senseable answer I've read. I've asked the question myself and the motives you ladies are throwing out here are way off base. I know who I am, and if her list of qualities don't match, I'm not wasting any more of her time or mine. The smartest answer I ever got was "not sure, but I'll know it when I find it".....it's the same answer I would give, if ask the same question.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 21
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 4:17:52 AM

How am I supposed to answer this?


With a question of course.


What are you looking for?


From you or in general?

I had a guy ask me what I had to offer once......lmaoooooooooooooo
I asked ..........Right now?

He said yes..I said 20 minutes of my time.

I would get to what we both are looking for out of the way before a meet..
I have found the best answer is.....

An opportunity to see if we are interested in getting to know each other better.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 22
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 4:28:48 AM
did you abandon this fascinating dialog mid-stream to come ask us what it means? ok, i have consulted my professional manual of psychoanalysis and determined that when a guy asks, "what are you looking for", it really means "aren't you looking for a guy just like me??" however, it could mean "did you lose your car keys again, or your cell phone?"... depending on context as well as the expression on his face. but i thought that's what Q&A were for... to share and get information directly from and between the people having the conversation.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 23
view profile
History
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 5:10:48 AM
The ONLY time I've ever run into this vague form of the question, was during job interviews. In that case, the interviewer clearly wanted to know WHY I was applying for the job, whether I was just looking for a short-term paycheck, or a career. I would suspect at a meet and greet or another dating situation, it would be similar, translating as "are we just her to have fun, or are we exploring each other as possible long-termites?"
And I also suspect that Halftime hit why anyone would ask such a vague, poorly phrased, useless-as-a-stand-alone question: to get you to TALK about something, other than the weather.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 24
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 5:33:21 AM
The first thing that came to my mind was "what are you looking for" is "how long will it take till the sex part".

I musta woke up on the cynical side of the bed today.

Okay, so if I shake that off, I'd go with it just being a "lazy" conversation opener?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 6:19:32 AM
Hahaha, Oldladypurple, that was my thought exactly. It means, how soon are you going to have sex with me!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What does it mean when a guy asks "What are you looking for?"