| | When is it considered cheating?Page 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | When you meet someone online and you hit it off and that person is still actively interacting with an online "DATING" website is it considered cheating? I have a friend who met a guy on POF and they hit it off great. I sware you would think it was love at first sight by the way she talked about this guy. They talk all the time, text, etc.. So I go and email the guy with neither one of them knowing about it and he "being a guy" responds. Not only does he respond, but he also gets my number and calls me as well. At that point I contacted my friend immediately to let her know what was going on.
On one hand I know it was wrong for contacting him in the 1st place because as a friend you just don't do that, but the guy freaking responded which in her mind never would have happened and on the other I'm glad that I did so she knows exactly what kind of guy he really is.
Bad situation and I know where I was wrong but my question here is.. IS IT CHEATING? | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/5/2011 10:36:57 PM |
When you meet someone online and you hit it off and that person is still actively interacting with an online "DATING" website is it considered cheating?
No. If there hasn't been the "exclusivity" talk, then all's fair. That's why it's call 'dating' and not 'insta-marriage".
I sware you would think it was love at first sight by the way she talked about this guy.
Your friend may have become more smitten than this guy did, regardless of how well she thought things were going between them. If she leaps to that conclusion (and assumes he feels what she's feeling) that's her fault, not his.
What kind of guy is he then? Obviously you and your friend expect him to instantly attach himself to her hip and be all hers, based on "they hit it off". Again, if they're only dating, and not taking that to an exclusive situation, he can pretty much do what he wants.
Bluez | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/5/2011 10:52:08 PM | well of all my long term relationships, when we commenced dating, that was it. nobody had the need to multi-date. when you meet someone you like and its mutual, something in your brain clicks on and says "wow, i'd really like to get to know this person better". and what better way to fvck that up than to explore some intimacy with other potential partners. if it doesn't work out then you start dating someone else in due time when that chemistry kicks in again, which i believe is out of our hands anyway. the only way this doesn't apply is if someone is a dawg that would fvck anything that walks. i guess thats why so many feel the need to talk exclusivity.
life really isn't that complicated, and real people don't want to mess it up when they meet someone that has the potential to rock their world. you did your friend a favor. hope she realizes it. she just dodged a heart-break and most likely some std's. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 12:04:06 AM | Why would you interfere?
Are you secretly jealous that your friend found someone?
Have they agreed to be exclusive?
Maybe they're open?
Some friend you are!
Trying to set him up so you can ruin things... tsk tsk! | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 12:24:24 AM |
well of all my long term relationships, when we commenced dating, that was it.
So tell us about your short-term relationships. You know, the ones that were NOT "it." Did you marry the first person you ever dated? Why not? That should be "it," right? Why are you on a dating site? After all, shouldn't you have married the first person you dated? Or are you cheating? | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 12:35:10 AM | | Sounds like your friend is either making big assumptions about what the relationship is or he's having a good time lying to her. Sounds like he likes her, are you sure he isn't under the impression that they are dating and NOT committed or exclusive? Just because she's hooked doesn't mean he is. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 1:15:52 AM | This is why I laugh when women say "no drama" on their profile... women == drama:
So I go and email the guy with neither one of them knowing about it
- Why are you getting involved in a relationship that doesn't involve you? You are neither person A or person B so C your way out of it.
he "being a guy" responds
- "He" being single and dating responds.
IS IT CHEATING?
- Was his penis anywhere near your hand, mouth, or vagina? Looks like your detective work as a friend sucks because you have no proof he would've cheated. He was probably trying to figure out if he liked you enough to keep knowing you even if you were "300lbs and flipping burgers at Wendy's"
I know where I was wrong
- Sad thing is you don't. You think you feel validated in what you did. Sad thing is you never would've proved he cheated unless you actually went through with it, so your efforts were worthless.
No, it isn't cheating until they have a talk about being exclusive. Use that PhD to figure out logically.
Why would you interfere?
Are you secretly jealous that your friend found someone?
This. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 1:54:11 AM | Has your friend actually met the man?
Are they in a relationship or are they just dating?
And why you, being 32, come to throw a spanner in the works? | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:11:27 AM | | ^^^ I was wondering the same thing. OP you say she met a man online and hit it off... Did she actually meet him in real life or have they just been talking online? | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:32:45 AM | Wow...and women like you are the reason why men think that all women personify drama.
No, it wasn't cheating. Unless he told your friend that he wasn't going to date anyone else, and she accepted that commitment, he has a right to talk to and pursue whomever he wishes. No, you may not like it. And yes, it may FEEL like a betrayal of your friend, but if you use your higher mental functions and apply a little logic you'd realize that you were actively cultivating drama the second you sent him the first message.
An earlier poster suggested that perhaps you're jealous and thus actively were seeking to hurt her relationship. Perhaps you should consider that perspective.
TDA | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:51:38 AM | I have a friend who met a guy on POF and they hit it off great. I sware you would think it was love at first sight by the way she talked about this guy. They talk all the time, text, etc..
your friend sounds a little impetuous and presumptuous. just a guess on my part, but the tone and specifics of your post as you presented them clearly suggest they haven't known each other very long, so there was certainly nothing approaching an engagement ring or any discussion about being exclusive. so i'm gonna go way out on a limb here and assert that as fact, otherwise you would have mentioned these important little details in your post. your friend sounds more like a little girl gushing about the puppy she's been wanting than an adult woman who met a guy she really likes and is enjoying getting to know him.
he "being a guy" responds.
he likes your friend too, but he isn't nearly as excited about her as she is him. maybe his expectations are a bit more realistic. that's his fault??
On one hand I know it was wrong for contacting him in the 1st place because as a friend you just don't do that,
oh spare me your conscience and pangs of guilt. you did exactly what you wanted to do with malice aforethought. you were on a mission. so what the fuck do you care about what's right and wrong? please. if that was such a big concern to you, you would have come here to ask about it BEFORE you immediately told your friend all about what he did.
but the guy freaking responded which in her mind never would have happened
but granted, your friend needs a dose of reality....
and on the other I'm glad that I did so she knows exactly what kind of guy he really is.
right, here is a guy who never even suggested anything like commitment, and has probably known this woman for... what.... 3 weeks? oh but they "talk and text all the time, etc." so in your mind they are pretty damn near close to being married because, after all, she wouldn't shut up about the guy. but because he wants to date other women, in your mind that's cheating so you engage in petty sabotage and then come here to ask about it after the fact.
what, you're looking for moral support now??
you and your friend... you both need a dose of reality.
i hope he sees this thread.
you owe them both a big apology... a HUGE apology. but since you're obviously so pleased with yourself, i'm guessing that's not gonna happen. ok then, i hope he keeps dating her long enough for her to start introducing him to her friends, because it'll be fun to see the look on his face when he encounters yeseniabaybeee (emphasis on baby). | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:52:48 AM | What a trouble maker!I wonder what was really going on? Me thinks, you`re jealous and decided to cause problems for your friend.
On one hand I know it was wrong for contacting him in the 1st place.
Has it dawned on you to mind your own business and stop acting like a child? | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:53:07 AM | Um..no, he wasn't cheating.
You however were well...if I told you what I thought about your actions OP, I'd be banned so I'll leave it at that.
Just because your friend liked him a lot DOES NOT mean he shared her feelings.
Geeez...They were not even in a relationship so how could he possibly be cheatring?
What's wrong with you? | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:47:46 AM |
IS IT CHEATING?
Only if they've discussed and agreed on parameters for dating that would make that cheating. If they haven't, then anything goes. There's a moral here: Assume nothing. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:53:08 AM | Everyone (especially my favorite Chill) covered the bases. No, he didn't cheat; yes, you are hampered by prejudice against men; yes, you are, by your own definition NOT a good friend.
The only thing left is the title question: When is it considered cheating?
Aside from the picky, pure semantic answer (It's CONSIDERED cheating as soon as you CHOOSE to consider it cheating), "CHEATING" is subjective. Realistically, it's cheating as soon as the person who defines the cheating lines says it is. Since there are at least TWO people involved, though, if either or both fail to COMMUNICATE where their borders are, they have no right to complain when the other person crosses them.
It's a funny coincidence (to me) that this entry comes right on the heals of another recent thread from an Eastern European woman, who also demanded that according to HER culture, as soon as a guy KISSED a woman, it meant he was exclusively dating her. Therefore, like the OP here (just with different test parameters), she was sure that since her guy DID continue dating others after kissing her, that he was a cheater. She blamed it on his being American, whereas THIS op blames it on his being male. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:57:44 AM | I think your second paragraph should have read:
On one hand I know it was wrong for contacting him in the 1st place because as a friend you just don't do that, but I decided to stick my nose in where it didn't belong and test and entrap this guy anyway, even though I really didn't know if they were exclusive or if he even likes her as much as she likes him, because secretly I can't stand to see my friend enjoying herself. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:44:52 AM | I noticed that the OP is not commenting. Me thinks she thought this thread would go in a different direction.
I think what the OP did is immature, hurtful, manipulative and reeking of jealousy. It almost screams out “Look your new boyfriend is more interested in me”. Not only that, but then you make sure to crash and burn any chances your friend has with this guy. While I do think the friend needs a dating reality check I also think she needs new friends.
I noticed the Phd and being a pediatrician also. If this is true it just goes to show that formal education does not mean the person is really all that smart. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:27:36 AM | | Not saying she was expecting him to instantly attach himself but what ever happened to giving someone an "Honest Chance"? What's the purpose of online dating if your never going to give any one person an Honest Chance? | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:28:40 AM | ^^^That's not how things roll with online dating (for many). They date as many as they can if they have the oppty to do so. It's like the "kid in the candy story" syndrome.
When you meet someone online and you hit it off and that person is still actively interacting with an online "DATING" website is it considered cheating? I have a friend who met a guy on POF and they hit it off great. I sware you would think it was love at first sight by the way she talked about this guy. They talk all the time, text, etc.. So I go and email the guy with neither one of them knowing about it and he "being a guy" responds. Not only does he respond, but he also gets my number and calls me as well. At that point I contacted my friend immediately to let her know what was going on.
^^Had you been my friend, I would not been happy with what you did at all!!!
You state they hit-if-off great, etc.......and then you go ahead and set him up? | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:30:21 AM | | Ahhh that is exactly what he said and I agree interfering was WRONG but no im not jealous, not at all. I just know she's a really good girl and deserves a really good guy!! Apparently when they supposedly hit it off it was on the grounds that they both had the same beliefs "giving someone an honest chance", "believing in fate", etc. etc. etc. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:33:53 AM | | I agree with you in so many ways, I know it was wrong for what I did but he made the choice to respond to me, flirt with me, get my number, and continue to call me. They are still talking and HE HATES ME, however he is no longer actively on this site and has begged her for her forgiveness.. I'm hoping he is a good guy and will treat her right because she is one of those girls that is loyal! | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:41:05 AM | He has every right to hate you. I'm sure it's not hate as much as an intense dislike, but I don't blame him,
Grow the fck up.
They HAD a chance, YOU came in and maybe fcked it up for both.
Great job...seriously. WTF were you thinking?!?!? | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:45:49 AM | I don't blame him for hating you. He was acting like any man that met a new woman and has NO IDEA where it will go. Nor was he in any way obligated to her after a few dates or phone calls.
Then her 'friend' gets involved, the game is called baiting or setting up a sting which is exactly what you did. You probably did more to hurt her chances of a relationship than help her. Don't be a bit surprised if they do manage to overcome your meddling that you are no longer considered a friend by either of them.
I would not want some gal I knew sniffing around a man I was seeing TRYING to cause a problem. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:47:06 AM | Testing someone shows a complete lack of maturity, dignity and simply being good natured toward a friend.
What you did, aside from being multi-colored wrong, was to upset the balance of their relationship. They had a great start and it's tainted due to selfishness IMO.
I would be asking myself why I felt I had to pry. Honestly. It's not to see if he would take the bait--there's an underlying reason why you wanted to see. If it's just being nosey or out of supposed concern for your friend, then it's just selfish.
I'm very discerning of my friends and I know that my friends have the judgment and character to determine if a guy is someone whom they want to date, etc.
It's their business who they choose to see, not mine.
At some point we all need to grow up and allow our friends to go about their lives without having to know the scoop of how their dating life is going --in detail---etc.
I'd say that time is now. | |
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| When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:47:48 AM | | Ahhh people I wasn't hiding just wasn't online. I posted for a reason wanted honest opinions and I got them. I obviously looked at it a different way and appreciate the responses because every story has two sides and now I see the other. Someone mentioned I should propose an apology to both and I did. Lesson Learned most definitely "MIND MY OWN F'N BUSINESS" as someone mentioned LOL. Thanks! | |
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