| | Catching up with an old flame?Page 1 of 1 | Would you allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to catch up with an ex who is back in town, if s/he tells you that the meeting is strictly plutonic but since they haven't seen each other in years and all the exe's friends are no longer in town so your boyfriend/girlfriend is in fact the only person her ex now knows?
Laughafter | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 11:19:18 AM | | Well I don't know about the "let them" part. You can't control what someone else is going to do. If your girlfriend wants to meet him, then she will. If you feel uncomfortable about her meeting him, then let her know where you stand, maybe even offer to go with her to see this guy. But definitely let her know how you feel, it's the best you can do, really. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 11:29:37 AM |
Would you allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to catch up with an ex who is back in town, if s/he tells you that the meeting is strictly plutonic but since they haven't seen each other in years and all the exe's friends are no longer in town so your boyfriend/girlfriend is in fact the only person her ex now knows?
As far as I'm concerned exes are exes. I don't date women who keep in contact with exes. My fiancee knows my position on exes, so she wouldn't even know an ex was in town. much less consider meeting for any reason. She can obviously do what she wants unless she wants to have contact with her exes AND date me. Then she has to choose which she wants more. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 11:45:24 AM | Too me, there's nothing wrong with being friends with exes so long as the romantic feelings are long gone and no chance of coming back(on both ends). Some people realize they make better as friends then lovers.
All you really can do is express how you feel about this and hope she does the right thing you would like her to do. If you trust 100% then, then this shouldn't be an issue... People know how to say no and walk away. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 12:01:15 PM | | Allow? I do not think we tell people what to do. However, I am one to avoid people who remain in contact with X's for a few reasons and to me, anyone who would even want to do this would be asking for trouble. I know some people claim to be great friends with their X or stay in touch with them. If their are Children involved, fine. But other than that? Why would someone really need to go meet up with their x and BS if it is the only person he or she knows is in town? Get real ! Maybe it is just me, I find it weird and uncalled for. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 12:23:25 PM | Would you allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to catch up with an ex who is back in town, if s/he tells you that the meeting is strictly plutonic
plutonic, maybe.... but if i catch them on venus, they're dead meat for sure.
but since they haven't seen each other in years
so what! that's why they're exes, huh.
and all the exe's friends are no longer in town so your boyfriend/girlfriend is in fact the only person her ex now knows?
you've left too much out of your story but just taken at face value i'd say "boo hoo, call the chamber of commerce, b1tch." | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 12:28:57 PM | If my BF wanted to grab a meal with an old Ex from college 20 years ago that lives out of town I would tell him to have a good time and never sweat it at all. I don't worry about ancient history. HS and college friends all get lumped together in my book when you are 50.
His Ex wife? I'd love it, they have two kids together and I wish they could sit down and break bread without fighting.
Some gal he dated for a few weeks after his divorce? Not so much, I would definitely wonder why she contacted him and what the reason for the meet would be, after all he has the lovely Carol Ann at home he needs nothing else!  | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 12:31:06 PM | If it is strictly just as friends I would want my present gal with me at the meeting. I mean why not if it is just Platonic right ? Wouldn't they want to meet the present gf/bf? if not why?
If they insisted on a private meeting with the ex I would say that would raise red flags all over the place.
Cowboy | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 12:42:53 PM | | You can't control what someone else wants to do. If you trust them then it should be okay if everything appears platonic and if its just platonic then why not tag along if you want to. If it's just catching up then it could be done in public over a meal or something as simple as a phone call. If it's a weekend spent together or something of that nature then that may be a different story. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 1:12:15 PM | If you trust them then it should be okay if everything appears platonic and if its just platonic then why not tag along if you want to. If it's just catching up then it could be done in public over a meal or something as simple as a phone call. If it's a weekend spent together or something of that nature then that may be a different story.
I'm not sure I understand this. If you don't mind your partner getting together with an ex because you trust your partner, what difference does it make whether your partner spends time eating a meal with an ex or spends the entire weekend with an ex? | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 1:31:12 PM | They didn't invite you?
Catching up with an old flame?
^^^^Whats to catch up?
They don't have e mail or facebook?
Disney Land is next................. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 1:40:01 PM | If the person is dating someone now and that person is not allowed to go, then I say flag on the play.
There should be no reason not to bring along the new S/O if the old ex has noting but a platonic visit in mind.
Id tell my bf to go, I trust him. If he asked if I would join, Id be happy he asked as it inspires even more trust, but Id likely not go along. I dont see any point in meeting an ex of the man Im dating as long as there are not kids involved. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 2:17:01 PM | Would you allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to catch up with an ex who is back in town, if s/he tells you that the meeting is strictly plutonic
It would depend on the circumstances surrounding their split, e.g. Did they break up due to infidelity? If the answer is "yes", my answer would be an unequivocal "No". | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 2:35:07 PM | | I'm not sure not wanting one's partner to meet an or stay in contact with an ex has to about trust. I trust my fiancee, but I still don't want to have her exes in our lives. My exes aren't in our lives. If someone's exes are that important, I'd say go date the ex and I'll find someone else. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 3:12:04 PM | | I'm not sure what planet you are on where you have the luxury of "allowing" your girlfriend to do something, but it is not here. Try to tell her NO, that would be more entertaining. Does she know you are on a dating site? Seems like you have no room to deny anything, Mr Doublestandard. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 4:56:10 PM | | Abelian I am with you on this. It sure is not a trust issue, it is simply a matter of leaving the past behind. Who wants to be hanging out with one another's Ex??? LOL | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 5:18:41 PM | OP: It depends on our relationship. If I trust him and vice versa, and they remained friends afterwards sure.
If you feel uncomfortable with this, ask her to come along. If they're catching up, I don't see why you can't be there. Assuming it's a platonic friendship and they aren't hiding anything. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 5:32:04 PM | | I'd have to wonder why someone I'm dating would want to "catch up" with an ex and suddenly want to cultivate a platonic friendship with him. There's a reason they are an "ex" , and the term "catch up" implies that he is someone that she hasn't kept in contact and remained friends with, and rightly so. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 6:13:09 PM | | I'm sure I'm the minority on my thoughts, but I have maintained platonic friendships with exes. We did not work out romantically, but remained friends. It doesn't mean we are FWB, but platonic friends. Nor that we talk every day/ hang out often, but we are friends. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 6:39:08 PM | | ^^^ in the minority but not alone Sabro...I too stay in touch once in a while with a couple of my exes who have remained friend and like you it is stickly platonic... some of my ex's have common friends or interests with me and I live in too small of a town and the skiiing/windsurfing/ golfing /cycling community is too small for me to not run into them from time to time. I don't spend prolonged periods of time together with them but I may run into them ( not literally ) with other friends at the ski hill or golf course etc on the odd occasion. | |
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| Catching up with an old flame?
Posted: 4/11/2011 6:53:34 PM | | I have one ex that I dated back in highschool for a few years that I still hear from once every other month or so; we didn't work out romantically but we always got along well and over time, developed a good friendship. | |
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