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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?      Home login  
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 werewolf469
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 1
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?Page 1 of 1    
ok personally speaking i do not like to be bothered at all of a long day at work by anyone(not even my own family) and yet when i have my days off from work i find myself in the same situation,even when some of my family visits and i tell them that i just want to be left alone...overheard my sister saying this is not normal and that i need help but i don't think that i do....so what is your perspective on my situation?...does it sound like anything serious?
 stargazer1000
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 2
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 7:28:32 AM
If you're perfectly happy and don't see it as a problem then it isn't a problem. But if you're alone and not feeling particularly happy about yourself and your life, then it is a problem. Some people are just "lone wolves." They're most comfortable in their own company. But if you're also depressed about it, then yes, you might need to speak to someone.

Of course, it is somewhat telling that you say you are happier on your own and yet are seeking a relationship on a dating site.
 werewolf469
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 3
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 7:37:20 AM
yeah about that...my profile was created 2 years ago and never got around to change it and that was what i had originally wanted but after 2 years on this site...had to take picture down because of the rude comments.......and to to set the record strait i am perfectly happy and not depressed...i think am what you mentioned earlier....a lone wolf who craves my own company...other people think that i need help because i don't like to socialize and they think that is a problem..i however do not see nothing wrong with it....thank you for your honest opinion
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 4
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 8:05:12 AM
If you are content being on your own there is no problem with that we all have different comfort levels when it comes to being in the company of others. The is also nothing wrong with a loner wanting to date... you will just have to find someone who is comfortable giving you enough space.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 8:09:54 AM
I agree. It depends on WHY you crave it. If it's for internal reasons, such as that you are busy doing things that require you to be alone, it's usually fine. If on the other hand, it's an act of spite or revenge against the people who "should be paying attention to you," then it's a problem.
You sound fine, but since it WAS your sister talking about it, and she MIGHT know you well enough to have a legitimate concern, I would suggest you ask her what she has seen in you that made her DEDUCE that it was your being alone a lot that was to blame. Maybe you do have a concern, but just a different one than she suggested.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 6
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 8:29:01 AM
i have at least three different perspectives on this but in the end, each one is just guesswork on my part. the bottom line is there is nothing immoral or illegal or abnormal about wanting to be left alone, especially by your own family. your sister sounds like a real buttinski and a bit of a yenta. but then again, i could be all wrong! i would say if your desire for solitude isn't having a negative impact on your job performance, the people you work with, and the friends whose company you actually want to keep, then don't worry about it. you wouldn't be the first person on planet earth to be a loner or who wanted to avoid the relatives. my sociability depends entirely on the availability of what i consider to be worthwhile company. i can happily go for long periods being alone if necessary, which IMO is highly preferable to associating with boring, tedious people.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 7
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is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 10:19:58 AM
I like spending most of my free time alone. That's normal for me, since most of my work in both fields is dealing with a ton of people. I feel drained if when not working I had to entertain people.

It's only a problem if you wish you weren't and won't change it. If you're perfectly happy with it, why worry?
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 8
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 4:09:18 PM
Op, nothing wrong at all with wanting to spend time alone. I live alone and work in an office of 1 (me) and am alone A LOT!! It's my choice to be a private person and not many people can do that and stay sane. I talk on the phone, I have a great guy that understands my need to have my 'private time' and I also have 6 cats and 45 fresh water fish to take care of not to mention all my live plants so I'm good. My family lives 4 states away and that's just fine with me as well. :)

Nothing wrong with you at all as far as I'm concerned.

Kytten
 Snappy_Turtle
Joined: 2/27/2011
Msg: 9
is craving too much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 4:26:34 PM
I'm jumping in with an answer on this because I too crave alone time to a point where it is generally not understood by most. From my view, the weird way to be is the people who can't stand to be alone even for a few minutes.

Or it could be a sign of an annoying family. Only happens when "some of" them visit?

Perhaps their personality type (I'm talking about the Myers-Briggs test) is the opposite of yours. Just finding that out about people where you clash, can make a difference.

Possibly significant could be what you need the alone time for. Pleasureable pursuits which don't drain energy/time from the things you'd like to get done. well it's nobody's business. Actually -- it's your choice whether to waste your OWN time. I'd say if nobody is being harmed, then it's still your business.

Somebody gave me a book about HSPs (highly sensitive people) and after reading it I'd say if you're one of those, you may as well embrace it and enjoy the rewards it can bring, rather than try to change that about yourself or even apologize.
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 10
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 4:28:00 PM
If you like being solitary, then why are you here? Go, cancel the account and sit in a corner of your apartment playing with your toes. Buy a cat if you like. More toes to play with.


even when some of my family visits and i tell them that i just want to be left alone

It's a poor thing to ignore your family. You'll miss them when they're gone. Would it kill you to spring for Chinese once in a while? The stuffed mushroom caps are pretty good. Personally, I like the egg drop soup. I haven't had good egg drop soup in years. Maybe that's a good first date idea? Egg drop soup?
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 11
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2011 11:05:46 PM
There's nothing wrong with taking a break from the crowd now and then.

I like to have friends over, and I never have too much of my family because they live far.
I like my friends because they are good company, and I don't socialize with people I think of as boring or annoying. I don't have to.
At times I go though solitary spells, because my and everyone else's life gets hectic and we don't have time to meet. Then we keep in touch with calls and emails.

I like eggrolls better.

 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 12
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/14/2011 3:43:18 AM

i tell them that i just want to be left alone...overheard my sister saying this is not normal and that i need help but i don't think that i do....so what is your perspective on my situation?...does it sound like anything serious?



Considering i have been like this for most of my 20's...I don't think it a problem. I go to the movies, theme parks, everywhere alone now. The only problem is the people who don't understand your wishes....including family.

Alot of people have "fear" of being alone.....I'm glad I'm blessed with the gift of being able to run around alone...lol my only great quality.
 FrankNStein902
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 13
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/14/2011 7:03:24 AM

...is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?...

No that is not your problem.

Thinking that you have a problem because you are craving solitude is actually the problem.

So stop thinking you have a problem and poof problem goes away.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 14
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is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/14/2011 10:11:20 AM
Ask yourself some hard questions and answer them honestly.

Am I drinking to much?

Am I depressed?

With or without company can I have a happier life than the one I have now?

Good luck to you.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 15
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/14/2011 11:02:15 AM
Alot of people have "fear" of being alone.....I'm glad I'm blessed with the gift of being able to run around alone...lol my only great quality.
An awful lot of people have a fear of being alone and won't go out or do almost anything on their own. They seem to be afraid of being seen in public-- like at a coffee shop, mall, movie, and especially traveling--without a companion. They are afraid that people will think they are some kind of loser. It's amazing to me to care what people you don't know and probably will never see again think about you. For as many people who enjoy solitude, there are probably hundreds more who can't be alone. Anyway, there should be a happy medium: don't enjoy solitude so much that you push people away it would be nice to be with (family excluded, of course, LOL). Don't get too used to it that you forget how to be with other people, etc.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 16
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/14/2011 1:44:40 PM
I once heard a definition that said that introverts get their energy from being by themselves and extroverts by being with others

I don't think you're weird at all

I often need and crave alone time so that I can 'recharge'
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
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is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/14/2011 3:12:40 PM

An awful lot of people have a fear of being alone and won't go out or do almost anything on their own. They seem to be afraid of being seen in public-- like at a coffee shop, mall, movie, and especially traveling--without a companion. They are afraid that people will think they are some kind of loser. It's amazing to me to care what people you don't know and probably will never see again think about you. For as many people who enjoy solitude, there are probably hundreds more who can't be alone.

My feelings exactly. More should learn to find peace in their own space and rely less on others constantly for company. It's a very cool thing to not have to have a chaperone for everything you want to do home or out.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 18
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/14/2011 9:51:46 PM
It's a very cool thing to not have to have a chaperone for everything you want to do home or out.
It's also a shame that people will not live their lives, will not go out and do things because they don't have someone to do them with. How much do people miss out on because they won't do something by themselves? I'd much rather do something on my own than have a companion who is someone I am not interested in and whose company I don't much enjoy just so I don't have to do it alone.
 sum1reel
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 19
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/14/2011 10:09:27 PM

overheard my sister saying this is not normal and that i need help but i don't think that i do....

....and to to set the record strait i am perfectly happy and not depressed...i think am what you mentioned earlier....a lone wolf who craves my own company...other people think that i need help because i don't like to socialize and they think that is a problem..i however do not see nothing wrong with it....thank you for your honest opinion


so you basically answered your own question!......but it doesn't explain why your sister would be critical of you if you were always a loner!......i could be wrong, but this brings up the possibility of whether or not you may have suddenly changed, or whether or not you could be in some form of denial about what its really about!

dealing with family can often be difficult to begin with....I find that you have to be a bit diplomatic in dealing with them, and that involves some sort of social skills!.........yeah, you can shut them out, but there may come a time when you might need their help!!!.......in which case, you'd have to end up humbling yourself!
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 20
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/15/2011 1:35:07 AM
read your profile...please start that research group......great idea for you! alone time is a great practice in perceiving the paranormal.

life is a dance.....sometimes you will crave lots of alone time and at other times you will add human interactions to your comfort level. follow your bliss and don't buy into others expectations. i love my alone time and give myself permission to be alone anytime i feel like it, yet the truth is we not remotely alone.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 21
is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?
Posted: 4/15/2011 8:26:37 AM
but it doesn't explain why your sister would be critical of you if you were always a loner


Could it be that the OP's sister can only see his life through her own and she is taking it upon herself to try to save him - or is it something as simple as she feels he is not spending enough time with family ( he may feel he has better things to do with his time which is very understandable for many families )?
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > is craving to much solitude a sign that i have a problem?