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 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 1
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Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.Page 1 of 1    
Ok, so let me ask this to the ladies. If you've gone out with a guy a few times and you're really starting to like him quite a bit, and THEN you ask about his previous relationships and he's honest with you and tells you he's never had a girlfriend AND he's in his 40's or 50's. What would you do? Drop him like a hot potato? Keep seeing him since you really like him anyway? What? And if most women this guy meets don't want anything to do with him because of this situation, what should he do? Quit and forget about women for the rest of his life, or listen to his friends and relatives who keep telling him to never give up?
 Ice_Queen_211
Joined: 11/27/2010
Msg: 2
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Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/16/2011 6:20:49 PM
Well I think I would wonder why he'd never had a relationship, there's obviously a reason but what? Incarcerated for the last 25 years? Never any desire to be with or interest in women? Major social phobias?

My only concern would be that perhaps he was too set in his ways and doing his own thing and would maybe not be comfortable (down the road) "sharing" a life/home with someone else?

Nobody should ever give up on looking for love or feel they are too old or inexperienced to try.

I think though that you might benefit from stopping by the Profile Review forum and asking for some feedback there. While it's admirable that you don't smoke or take drugs or get drunk, it seems the majority of your profile speaks to this and that might come across as a little 'off' in terms of sharing about yourself and what it is you're looking for.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 3
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Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/16/2011 7:24:14 PM
I would wonder as to why you've never had a GF or has? a commitment phobia.

Also, I would wonder if you've experimented with the same sex. Not being rude, but just a query.

Don't give up on the situation ( no GF ). Just keep pluggin' along!

Have you any idea as to why you've never had a woman in your life, OP?
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 4
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/16/2011 8:40:07 PM
Never had a girlfriend and you're in your 50's? I would ask if you've been a guest of the government all these years, or was a priest or something?
 fanciness
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 5
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/16/2011 8:56:39 PM
Part of compatibility is having shared somewhat similar experiences. At our age, we've been either married or in a serious relationship before, so it would be weird not to even have that in common.

Honestly I would wonder why someone in their 50's has not had a girlfriend. That's pretty strange. I had a man in his 50's who has also never had a relationship ask me what the difference was between friendship and a serious relationship and it was a serious question for him. I just had to tell him that we were not compatible.

I think it's a valid question for someone to ask why you haven't had a gf at 50+
 E_keys
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 6
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/16/2011 10:08:14 PM
I wouldn't spend time "wondering what was up with him." It's most likely that I wouldn't have felt much of a connection with him in the first place.

When I was 39, childless, and two years divorced, I thought I'd have the most in common with childless men, and met several other 39 year olds who'd never had any relationship to speak of. I found I related better to men who'd been married and divorced from a long term relationship like me, despite the fact that they were parents, which was an element I found it hard to relate to.

But if I am really interested in a man, I'm not quizzing him looking for ways to rule him out of my life, that's for sure.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 7
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/16/2011 11:05:53 PM
If I were into him enough to have had a few dates, I'd be wondering what was up with that, and I'd be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Because someone my age who's never had a serious girlfriend is generally going to reveal some major problems, that probably won't be acceptable to me, sometime soon.

I'd give it a chance in case I was wrong about that - wonders in this world never do cease - but I wouldn't be expecting it to work out.

As to what a man in this situation should do purely for himself, to better things for himself, I kind of hate to say it because I do not think this is the be-all and end-all for most situations, but, seek therapy would be my answer. Short-term, cognitive behavioral therapy, specifically. That's the kind that teaches tools to deal with life situations. I think it can be useful sometimes, and definitely with this sort of thing.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 8
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Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/16/2011 11:51:21 PM
I don't know why I would care, unless there's some big issue about him that I should know.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 9
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 4:44:02 AM
if i really liked the guy, i wouldn't necessarily let that stop me. i would certainly want to know more about it. if i really liked the guy but i was on the fence about dating him because of some other things, then that lil' bit of info might be enough to push me over the edge of saying sayonara.

i think most women your age would prefer a guy with more life experience because there is a presumption that he's gonna know how to dance, so to speak. if people are running then they're probably thinking omg i have to start at square #1 with this guy and teach him *everything*. and/or omg, what's wrong with him and if nobody else could put up with him, what are *my* chances? so... you can't just drop a bombshell without a thorough explanation.

in the end, you are really not all that different than the rest of us. most of us get rejected consistently until we finally meet the person who is a good match for us and who wants to hang around. and even if that happens, many times it all ends in tears. the only difference is that according to you, you've got *one* reason for being rejected (never had a girlfriend) whereas the rest of us have more reasons for getting rejected than we can count or remember (too old, not wealthy enough, not thin enough, not blonde enough, too snarky, not snarky enough, not pretty enough, too talkative, too reserved, can't dance, won't dance, not stylin', no bling, likes banjo noise, doesn't like cats, too tall, too short). so when you think about it that way, you've actually got a bit of an edge on the rest of us, lol.



what should he do?

this is not about what you SHOULD. this is about what you WANT. what do you want? what are your expectations? notice the difference between what you want, where you are at this moment, and what your expectations are around getting where you want to go, and make the appropriate adjustments to keep yourself from feeling eternally frustrated, that's all. the situation is what it is, but feeling frustrated about stuff that's beyond your control isn't useful or fun.

if you quit, you are giving up. if that's what you want, then hey that's okay! if you quit, quit BECAUSE YOU REALLY WANT TO, not because you're just feeling frustrated that you can't get your way. but if you never give up, keep working at it BECAUSE YOU REALLY WANT TO. your success won't be written in stone but then again, neither is your failure. the only way to guarantee the outcome is to give up now.
 GirlyMuscle
Joined: 3/4/2011
Msg: 10
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 4:46:43 AM
I would wonder why. I met one of these to only find out he had been in Prison for murdering 2 people. So no, I did not continue the meetings for ice tea. I do find it different that someone would have never had a relationship at hat age. I can understand having a few relationships and NOT wanting one again ( that is the point I am at ). But the opposite? Not to sure it would be easy to work with. Might be like dating a child. Someone without any dating or relationship experience can be a handful I would imagine. It would really, REALLY depend on the overall situation. Connection, feelings etc. Any man who would do what his friends or family tell him to do would be dismissed from my life. That is just asking for trouble alone. I have met my share of men who cannot make their own decisions and that is just no fun. If OP this is all due to being shy as someone posted, I do wish you luck and hope you overcome it. But still, at your age? Never? Not any relationship, even a Gay one??? ( Hey you never know ). Now I would not think LESS of someone, but I would question if they can handle a relationship.
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 5:31:43 AM

Ok, so let me ask this to the ladies. If you've gone out with a guy a few times and you're really starting to like him quite a bit, and THEN you ask about his previous relationships and he's honest with you and tells you he's never had a girlfriend AND he's in his 40's or 50's. What would you do?


I would want to know why ... and likely start asking questions.


Drop him like a hot potato?


I think that would be a bit severe, unless there was a reason to run.


Keep seeing him since you really like him anyway?


If I liked him, of course I would keep seeing him.


And if most women this guy meets don't want anything to do with him because of this situation, what should he do?


Move on ... NEXT!
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 12
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 5:33:44 AM
I think I would quit telling people that I'd never had a relationship, get to know them as friends and see where life takes me.

I would think, in general, that someone of that nature may be lacking in either social skills, relationship skills or both, and that the lack of these skills would be apparent and that's what's not allowing for anyone you date to stick around.
I would question someone who's 29 years old never having a relationship. much less 59 years of age. I would get counseling and look let them guide you through the basics as well as learning and building the skills above.

Learn to build friendships with women first and learn about them as friends and go from there.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 13
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Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 6:00:09 AM
You are 59 and never had a GF? Yes I would think that would raise red flags all over the place. Most had a GF in junior high. We are not talking a relationship here. you said GF! Most people your age are not going to want to teach you how to kiss etc...

So that would not only raise red flags that would probably raise pirate flags I guess

And they would sail away.

Cowboy
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 14
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 7:07:26 AM
I find it curious that people tend to assume something negative without any investigation.

People say they want to be first or the only one but when they find someone unexperienced, they throw a hissy fit instead and assume he's incapable of doing anything right due to lack of experience. People spout nonsense without thinking. How do you define "girlfriend" ?

Some women don't go on a single date or even talk to a guy, but they point him out to friends and say "That's my future boyfriend!" Is that nuts, or what? Some guys will date a woman for a year, take her places, meet her family, give her money, sex her up, and still say "Nah, we're just friends". WTF?

So your definition is key in explaining your relationship history.

- If someone likes you, they wouldn't give it second thought.
- Someone who gripes about "training" is just making excuses to run away, because you will have to familiarize ANY stranger about your habits and preferences. The people who don't want to train simply want someone to read their minds and cater to them 24/7. Good riddance.
- No reason to quit, unless you just don't want a relationship at all.

Yes, the older you get, the less you have in common with any person in general. When you are young, you hang out at the same school, the same neighborhood, go to the same places - these are common things that help you establish a rapor with someone. How do you do that with someone who grew up a thousand miles away? Somehow you have to find someone with similar interests, or a similar background, or a similar attitude = hopefully all three.
 midlandtom
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 15
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Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 8:18:59 AM
Honestly. I BIG red flag. In your age. What would come to mind some major issues, major commitment fobia, ED, sexual orientation, some secret government work. If you want a GF I wouldn't tell women that you never had one.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 16
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Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 1:05:52 PM
It depends.

It depends on how "quite a bit" much does she like the guy. If she likes him lots, she'd probably be willing to stick around and find out why. But generally, many would stay away from a man who's never had a girlfriend by the time he is in his 40s and 50s. He's just got to realize that his situation is going to limiting, but not to the point of impossibility.

What should he do? It depends again. There is nothing wrong with giving up, and focus his energy on everything else in life. Ignorance can truly be a bliss and you can't miss what you've never had. OTOH, if he wants to experience romantic love, he needs to be prepared to share control with another (imperfect) human being. The nuts-and-bolts of sharing a life will be quite an adjustment for someone who's only known singlehood. And if it all doesn't work out, learn from the experience to increase the odds next time around. Focus on the process, not the result.

I've got to admit, men never having had a girlfriend by their 40s and 50s is far more common than I thought. The phenomenon is just not much advertised.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 17
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Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 1:38:32 PM
It would totally depend on the reasons you never had a girl friend. It would set me off to being very curious and cautious about you that's for sure.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 18
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 5:39:58 PM
Do you really have to advertise at 'hello' that you never had a girlfriend?
Can't you just say " I have not dated much" and leave it at that? Just be sociable and courteous and find other things to talk about.

If someone comes out to see you, go to a couple of dates - or five, until you figure out if you connect with that person.
Telling them that you had no girlfriend, and going on and on about it, is as bad as saying that you had 150 girlfriends and you couldn't make anything stick.


 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 19
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 7:37:04 PM
I would find it odd for a guy your age to have never had a girlfriend or wife/ex wife. I would want to know why. Depending on the reasoning, on whether would be a deal breaker or not.
 JstAnthrLonelyGirl
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 20
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/17/2011 9:57:19 PM
I'd probably be a little concerned. I would probably think he was either unsure of his sexuality, or he has self confidence issues. I mean to be that old and never to had a girlfriend? That is a red flag to me.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 21
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/18/2011 4:49:38 AM
Why do you have to tell someone that you haven't ever had a girlfriend? There seems to be a lot of sentiment in favor of not talking about one's past, so don't talk about it.
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