| | Planning a date with a single momPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Hi, I'm hoping any single parents could help me out here.
I've been on two dates with a girl I went to HS with and we reconnected (now both 23) and she has a 2 y/o daughter. So far I've driven out to her area (30-40 mins away from me) and let her pick a place to eat/activity. For the third date I wanted to make the plans myself and have her maybe come out to my area instead. Is it reasonable to ask her to come out my way and add 1-2 hours extra for a babysitter? Or would it be more respectful to minimize her driving/ finding babysitter time by going to her?
Both dates have been 3-4 hours, without driving, if that helps with time.
Thanks | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/16/2011 3:15:34 PM | My kids are no longer at home, but I was a single parent for a while... I think going the extra mile (so to speak) is going to be the norm for you if you want to create a relationship with this lady.
If you would like to do the planning you can always go online and seek out places near to her. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/16/2011 3:35:31 PM | I'm sorry, but if this is for real, and you actually have SO little idea how to handle yourself on a basic date that you have come here TWICE in less than a month for simple questions, then you are in NO way up to the needs of a single mother. This is one situation, where I think that "out of your league" applies in a REAL way.
I strongly suggest you be friends only with this nice lady, and limit your dating to people who are as inexperienced as you are. It isn't fair to this woman to saddle her with this much remote-control second-guessing. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/16/2011 4:01:49 PM | Sorry I'll just stop dating all together, it's too much work.
I have thick skin, and anything that has been said to me on here has not come as a surprise, but do you really have to bash me twice with no real advice? Please bother someone else who is less perfect then you. kthanks | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/16/2011 6:15:18 PM |
Please bother someone else who is less perfect then you. kthanks
If you think he's perfect, wait till his cheerleader shows up.
If you want her to come to your area offer to pay for the babysitter. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/16/2011 6:22:02 PM |
you have come here TWICE in less than a month for simple questions
Actually, I believe it's three times, but given his age I applaud him for asking rather than using his limited experience and just guessing.
Seriously, being humble enough to ask rather than assume is a rather mature trait... one that many 50+ year olds could learn from. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/16/2011 6:29:36 PM | She should be able to swing coming to see you once in awhile, you may as well determine earlier rather than later if she cannot do it, because that would be a dealbreaker for me personally. I dont think it should always be on one of the two to drive to see the other. Its her child, it's her responsibility and if she wants to date men from other towns/cities she better be prepared to go out of her way once in awhile.
Id ask what she thinks and go from there. Tell her you'd like to plan a date on home turf and guage her reaction. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/16/2011 7:35:30 PM | bipolarintense:
Oh god, I can only imagine the cheerleader
Janet_Always:
Thanks for understanding. Like most posts on here, I don't ask for solutions because I am completely clueless in a situation but rather just to vent a little and hope for useful tips. I already know my weaknesses, thanks.
femaleconnection:
Thanks for the advice. Not that I hate going out her way but its really the sticks out there. Not that my ideal date is a chain restaurant in cities but at least somewhere that has a few more choices, decent places to eat, bar, night life etc.
I was going to ask her to come out this way for the next date and I'm not afraid of asking, I just wanted a single parents perspective on this one. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/16/2011 8:15:19 PM | | You might also consider offering to pick her up. Makes things easier for her plus gives you more time together. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/17/2011 9:18:22 AM | | In order to maximise time with her and allow her to be near her child in case of emergency it would be kind of you to date in her area and make the drive. If you find it to be too much for you then you are probably not all that interested in her. Single women without kids at your age should be easy enough to come by. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/17/2011 1:13:45 PM |
Thanks for the advice. Not that I hate going out her way but its really the sticks out there. Not that my ideal date is a chain restaurant in cities but at least somewhere that has a few more choices, decent places to eat, bar, night life etc.
I was going to ask her to come out this way for the next date and I'm not afraid of asking, I just wanted a single parents perspective on this one.
My initial thought was, "Why is it a big dfeal to go to her if you really like her?"
Reading the above comments, I would say that it's best to stay in her area for at least a while. She will have a better level of comfort being near her kids IMO- if the sitter calls and says one of the kids is ill or injured- you're both in the area. Try to incorporate things you both like to do. If she lives in the sticks there's something she likes about it- find out what she likes to do and try seeing things from her perspective. Then ask her to come to your area/ near your area and see what you enjoy doing.
Pass this by her on the next date and see what her thoughts are. Case solved. | |
|
My I
| | Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/17/2011 7:22:11 PM | First off, if she does not offer to go your way and/or always has reasons for you to keep coming to her, you shouldn't bother with her. Relationships are a two-way street - it's that simple. If she takes more than she gives, that kinda stes the tone for things in the future.
With that said, she is a mom so you are in the position to put yourself out more often than her.
Where does the father of the child live? | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/17/2011 7:31:32 PM | Maybe this could be a conversation on the phone? You could always segway into it by just asking what she would like to do on your next date, and then listen to what she has to say and then say "well I was thinking it might be fun to..." See how she reacts, ask her if that would be something she would enjoy. You never know, she might be into it. Since you are concerned about coming off wrong, just ensure you sound casual and upbeat.
I used to live in the country (45 mins) and I always preferred going into town. Of course, I don't have children, but if I know in plenty of time and could plan, I don't see the issue. Unless of course it is a money thing. | |
|
mylai
| | Joined: 4/22/2011
Msg: 14 | |
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/18/2011 10:09:48 AM | | Sweetie I would go to her I'm a single mother in college and I work so I'm tell YOU go to her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/18/2011 1:42:17 PM | Does her ex ever take her child? Are her parents willing to babysit? I know when raising my sons I didn't have the extra money for a sitter very often.
I think you're sweet and very mature for considering her special circumstances. She may very well be worth this extra effort. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/18/2011 4:00:48 PM | A little more info based on the comments:
Father not around at all. Her parents are divorced but between the two and her brother, those are her primary options for sitters. I don't mean for this to sound bad but its the truth. She comes from a family that is well off so i don't think money for a sitter (if it wasn't family) would be a problem.
Like I said before, I am fine with going out her way. I'm not used to making plans with someone my age who has a child but I can work around it to make it easier on them. Also, just because I come here for some questions and tips about seeing a single mom doesn't mean I don't like it. If I wanted to hang out with a girl my age without a child I wouldn't be posting here.
Thanks | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/18/2011 4:57:07 PM | ^^^even with those as the only options as sitters, that doesn't mean they are not available and that they would not mind. I mean, it really depends on each situation. Maybe she hasn't dated in years. Us posters don't know that.
I still maintain you just bring it up casually as a suggestion and if she can't, then she can't. She may just like what you have planned and be excited for it. I know what you mean about being able to do more in the city. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/22/2011 4:39:59 AM |
I've driven out to her area (30-40 mins away from me) and let her pick a place to eat/activity. For the third date I wanted to make the plans myself and have her maybe come out to my area instead.
OMG.........30-40 minutes of driving?
Is that such a strain on you?
Don't date anyone less than5 minutes away..You are NOT serious about dating someone.
Is it reasonable to ask her to come out my way and add 1-2 hours extra for a babysitter? Or would it be more respectful to minimize her driving/ finding babysitter time by going to her?
No it isn't reasonable.
Not only should you go to her area, you should OFFER to help with a sitter.
She probably won't accept , but it is a nice gesture.
I would check your water supply..Someone or some company maybe flushing a lot of chemicals down the toilet in your area..possibly estrogen or hallucinogenics. | |
|
My I
| | Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 19 | |
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/22/2011 5:54:33 AM |
you should OFFER to help with a sitter
In my opinion, I think that is a bad habit. If the guy is paying for the date, paying for the gas and then paying for the babysitter, I feel that is one single mother to stay away from.
I can understand offerring to pay for the sitter if the guy has planned a date or night out that is longer than usual and/or is something special he wants her to attend. But I totally idsagree with the practise of paying for the care of her child - if she can't afford a sitter to suit her lifestyle (dating), that's a red flag. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/22/2011 6:26:01 AM | The child is only 2! Not many mothers are going to hire some teenager from the neighborhood for a very young child, but rather depend on family or very close friends. (I would hope so anyway) So the time she spends dating is going to be greatly dependent on the availability of these people.
Trying to have a relationship with someone in this position is going to be very challenging and he will more than likely be having to make adjustments that work for her.
But that's his choice. And as he said, if he only wanted to date a single gal without kids he would do that. | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/25/2011 6:39:15 AM | In my opinion, I think that is a bad habit. If the guy is paying for the date, paying for the gas and then paying for the babysitter, I feel that is one single mother to stay away from.
^^
Agreed. IMO, If the mom wants to date or have any kind of social life, its her responsibility to handle the babysitting. ALWAYS
When things get serious, then the man (meaning you) can offer to pitch in for babysitting cost.
However, this is a mom who's child is 2. Quite young! Communicate what she is comfortable with. Most likely you will often have to go to her.
If she ever offers to come your way, take care of details herself and shows up. She's a keeper ! | |
|
My I
| | Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/25/2011 10:24:04 AM |
The child is only 2! Not many mothers are going to hire some teenager from the neighborhood for a very young child, but rather depend on family or very close friends.
If a mother of a 2 year old is dating frequently she would most likely wear out her welcome with family and friends. I would also imagine family helps when needing assistance with personal matters (shopping, appointments, etc).... stop thinking family assistance is an entitlement for the mom while being an obligation for the family.
At some point lifestyle choices must be made to suit the circumstances rather than having others accomodate the lifestyle you choose..... I believe the term is "Grow up." | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/25/2011 11:14:30 AM |
If a mother of a 2 year old is dating frequently she would most likely wear out her welcome with family and friends.
If a mother of a 2 year old is dating "frequently", she most likely is not a very good mother, either. Family assistance isn't about entitlement or feelings of obligation. Nor do I think many grandparents would feel put out spending time with their grandchild. I certainly don't. | |
|
My I
| | Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 24 | |
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/25/2011 1:34:52 PM |
Nor do I think many grandparents would feel put out spending time with their grandchild. I certainly don't
Again - dependant on the frequency of her nights out dating and other reasons needing them to watch the child.
If a mother of a 2 year old is dating "frequently", she most likely is not a very good mother, either
Realisticially, she can be a very good mother but makes decisions that are an imposition on others. Dating a guy 40 minutes down the highway - which adds up to 1-1/2 hours of driving on every date - is an imposition. Who compensates for that? As per you... the guy and/or family accomodates her decisons - how is she put out? | |
|
| Planning a date with a single mom
Posted: 5/26/2011 9:28:51 AM |
Is it reasonable to ask her to come out my way and add 1-2 hours extra for a babysitter? Or would it be more respectful to minimize her driving/ finding babysitter time by going to her?
1... Understand this... to her, the child comes first...
2... See #1 again...
Now then, children are a constant source of worry, small accidents, sudden illnesses.. etc...
The CLOSER she is to her child distance wise, the more comfortable she will be...
If the child gets sick, falls, whatever, being an extra half hour from that child is an issue...
In the meanwhile, that extra distance, will weigh on her ability to relax and be comfortable with you...
I've been on dates that have ended in a split second due to a 'kid emergency'. Dinner for two in a nice romantic restaurrant, suddenly becomes a 'doggy bag' for two... and that's even when the kid is a teenager...
The closer you are to her kid when on a date particularly at such a young age will be a big help... and she will appreciate it... | |
|
Home
login 
