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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial par      Home login  
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 122shell
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 1
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parentPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
My ex of four years (non-custodial parent) Has decided to take the kids for thirty days during their(mine) summer break.
Problem he wants to go off to work while the kids are left with tv and camaras to watch them while he works. children are boy(11) and 8(girl) i dont want them to be left alone for security purposes but i do want for him to get a feel for what its like to have the kids for longer then two hours every month. He does not comply with his visitation schedules as he should. I told him my concern about the kids being left by himself. His response is if i can pay for the kids child care then he will look for someone to keep them. I live about 25 min away from him but again i want him to see what its like to take care of the kids. As it is he thinks i only have to cook and/or wash for them and that they are able to take care of themselves. What should i do? i have checked my child support papers but it says nothing of childcare. Plus he always claims he is broke.
 tizzabelle
Joined: 8/20/2010
Msg: 2
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/14/2011 12:24:10 AM
Are they ever in daycare while you have them? If so who is paying? If daycare costs are not written into an agreement already, you could possibly try mediating the issue (Family Justice in Canada). Otherwise are you able to do the "daycare" while, he is working only? Are they good kids, do they generally get along? How much time alone are we actually talking about here?

I was told in the past that child support should still come to me if my Ex took the kids for a large block of time in the summer. Do you get child support... has this been discussed yet? Are you willing to give back a portion to help him with daycare for that month maybe. Realistically if you are both employed and the kids are in care regularly; then the cost is generally split according to earnings. For example if he makes 50% more than you, he would pay 50% more of the day care costs.

What about summer recreation programs? Are they generally enrolled in some summer activities? Can these be worked around his work schedule so, they wont have too many alone hours?
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3
Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/14/2011 1:39:25 AM
Tough one.

You cant force someone to parent the way you want them to. I am not sure why you are bent on him "seeing what it is like".....the only concern really is that the kids have proper supervision. If you recieve child support, why not use that to pay for daycare or a private sitter while they are staying with him? Or give him some financial assistance for the 30 days they are with him?
If you are able to, can you watch them while he works? If he is truly unable to procure proper supervision for the kids while he works, and a solution is not readily available, he may need to re-consider keeping them with him for 30 days straight, he can not just leave them alone.
Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/14/2011 6:02:22 AM
There is no set age when you can leave your children alone.
You have to decide if they are mature enough.
Yes you may be able to leave an 11 year old alone, however to have that 11 year old be responsible for an 8 year old.
Highly unlikely.

I would have some serious discussions with him around this.

My concern is for the children, not that he "see what it is like to take care of the kids".

How are the children being taken care of now?
Do you work in the day time?
If so, your children must be in school.
Therefore in the summer months they will require adult supervision.
A camp.
A babysitter.
Something.

If you have to spring the cost of this, then so be it.
You must have done this every year ... no?
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 5
Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/14/2011 6:13:27 AM
...but i do want for him to get a feel for what its like to have the kids for longer then two hours every month.

If you are worried about their security, screw teaching your ex a lesson... make it happen. Hire a daycare person or enroll them in a summer day camp or other activity that is supervised.


i have checked my child support papers but it says nothing of childcare.

You don't need to check your child support papers to act as a responsible parent, do you?

My concern is for the children, not that he "see what it is like to take care of the kids".

Agreed. You will also "see what it's like" to not have your children living with you for extended periods of time. Be glad the dad is stepping up this way and encourage that in whatever way you can. Help him out in any way that benefits your children.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 6
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/14/2011 6:23:42 AM

Problem he wants to go off to work while the kids are left with tv and camaras to watch them while he works. children are boy(11) and 8(girl)


If the ex took them to work and left them in the car, un-attended, the police and Youth Services would be called...so, the difference is his home/apartment and TV...OH yea, the difference is the stove, matches, iron, electricity, unsupervised rough play, the internet and all that goes with that...yada yada


but i do want for him to get a feel for what its like to have the kids for longer then two hours every month


OP...forgive me if I'm wrong....but, isn't there a lot of middle ground between 2 hours a month and a whole friggin month???? How about an exploratory weekend???to start....shakes head...common sense is so hard to find these days.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 7
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/14/2011 6:29:06 AM
They are definately too young to be left alone 8 plus hours a day.
Where do they go while you are at work????? If they are enrolled in a day care program when they are with you, then they should be there when they are with him. He just needs to drive them or arrange with you to assist.
He does need time with his kids but not because
want for him to get a feel for what its like to have the kids for longer then two hours every month.
 122shell
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 8
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/15/2011 10:20:38 PM
He only pays 300 a month for childcare. Everything for the kids is paid through there. I have to pay child care 150 dollars. all he pays for is just the 300 dollars a month. When school starts i buy them the clothes and the school supplies. He never worries to give me more money especially on months that i have to do extra expenses. The kids are in day care whenever i work and i pay for that. I was getting help from the worksource where i only needed to pay 150-200 dollars a month. childcare on his side of town is out of the question i no longer receive child care assistance during the summer months for them. and i dont know what tipe of summer programs they have available on his side of town. the programs are expensive. I will be putting them in the summer programs closer to my job. but he already told me that he would not have time to be driving them around to do their activities. The alone time would be about 8 hrs. He works about seven minutes away from his house. the kids would be alone with nothing to do other then being on the computer. with helping him with childcare he wants me to a pay it all.
 122shell
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 9
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/15/2011 10:21:21 PM
He only pays 300 a month for childcare. Everything for the kids is paid through there. I have to pay child care 150 dollars. all he pays for is just the 300 dollars a month. When school starts i buy them the clothes and the school supplies. He never worries to give me more money especially on months that i have to do extra expenses. The kids are in day care whenever i work and i pay for that. I was getting help from the worksource where i only needed to pay 150-200 dollars a month. childcare on his side of town is out of the question i no longer receive child care assistance during the summer months for them. and i dont know what tipe of summer programs they have available on his side of town. the programs are expensive. I will be putting them in the summer programs closer to my job. but he already told me that he would not have time to be driving them around to do their activities. The alone time would be about 8 hrs. He works about seven minutes away from his house. the kids would be alone with nothing to do other then being on the computer. with helping him with childcare he wants me to a pay it all.
 122shell
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 10
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/15/2011 10:23:34 PM
His response to leaving them alone is that they are old enough. I will need to see about finding someone to care for them if not then i will need to do that and have him pick them up when he gets out.
 122shell
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 11
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/15/2011 10:26:15 PM
No this is actually the first year since 2007 that he will be keeping them that long. He has kept them for about two days during his weekends when he does pick them up. the kids go to childcare when i am at work and i pick them up when i get off. Right now in june i am paying my mom to keep them while i work summer school. I work for a school so my hours are from 8-6
 122shell
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 12
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/15/2011 10:28:24 PM
Janet you are right. I get 300 dollars a month for the kids he never comes and ask if there is anything we need outside of that. I am a responsible parent and want him to be one as well.
 122shell
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 13
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/15/2011 10:31:23 PM
Yes big and bad. Having kids for a whole month is very different then having them for just a few hours(during this two hours he is with them.) thats what i try to tell him there are many dangers but all he can say is just they are old enough.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 14
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/16/2011 6:41:39 AM
Well, OP, I work at a child welfare office - and during the summer this comes up all the time. I can't say what the law is in Texas, or what the practice is in your county or town. I can tell you in my county it varies from town to town - one police department would take custody immediately; another may try to call the father (and/or you).

I understand that you feel he needs to learn how all-encompassing taking care of the kids can be, and I understand how unfair it can feel - but the first priority is the well being of your kids.

You can always call the local police or child welfare office for information; we get those calls all the time and have a pamphlet we send out. Maybe if he thinks you aren't just nagging him, he realize he can't go forward with that plan.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 15
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/16/2011 1:58:16 PM
Norristown Pennsylvania Cookie.....



Well, OP, I work at a child welfare office - and during the summer this comes up all the time. I can't say what the law is in Texas, or what the practice is in your county or town. I can tell you in my county it varies from town to town - one police department would take custody immediately; another may try to call the father (and/or you)


I might suggest the rules appear the same???




'Home alone' neglect laws vague
At what age is it permissible to leave kids alone?
Thursday, June 14, 2007
By Karen Kane and Cindi Lash, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Authorities and experts say it is not uncommon for young children to be left home alone -- sometimes as an act of parental neglect and sometimes for reasons beyond the parent's control.


http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07165/794063-53.stm

Darrell Sapp, Post-Gazette
Yesterday people still looked on in disbelief at the house where a fire claimed five young lives.
Click photo for larger image.
And the law is vague about when such acts constitute criminal neglect. There is no age threshold in Pennsylvania for when it is permissible to leave a child or children at home unattended.


State Minimum Age of child at home alone Reference

Pennsylvania None yrs Pittsburg Post-Gazette.com article June, 2007
Texas None yrs Texas Family & Protective Services
Maryland 8 yrs Maryland Family Law
Illinois 14 yrs University of Illinois Child Care Resource Service
North Carolina 8 yrs NC Health & Human Services
Georgia 8 * yrs Georgia Division of Family & Children Services
South Carolina 8 * yrs NBC Augusta.com

Hawaii None yrs Hawaii Department Of The Attorney General
Idaho None yrs Idaho Department of Health & Welfare

The following table lists legal age restrictions for children left at home alone categorized by state within the U.S. Please note that city and county ordinances within each state may have more definitive and restrictive laws. Call your State DHS or local child welfare agency to learn about age guidelines in your area




Janet you are right. I get 300 dollars a month for the kids he never comes and ask if there is anything we need outside of that. I am a responsible parent and want him to be one as well


So 122shell...you have $600 of financial resources per month for the children...........but I would assume you are looking at your contributions to the care of the children as well as the contributions of the ex...or does the requirement only come from him?



Yes big and bad. Having kids for a whole month is very different then having them for just a few hours(during this two hours he is with them.) that's what i try to tell him there are many dangers but all he can say is just they are old enough


Based on numerous State regulations...that seems to be support his position? Unless you are suggesting you have greater insight and understanding than those government rules and laws? In fact I seems that the number of states that have no minimum age and a number the states that use 8

Now as to my personal opinion...I would not leave children that young unattended...but then I also never forced my ex to take them just to prove a point....which was why the youngest would visit for the day with her mother.;..as opposed to going over night....for a number of years.....

But I have also known a few single mothers to say they were paying their mother $1,000 per month...to collect the 50% or percentage based on income from the ex...and never were required by dear old Mom to pay their share to mind their children....but then one can always try to say the father's Mom will watch the kids for 1/2 the price.....and I would suggest the tune changes...

122shell.....I work on the road.....so I could be anywhere from 1hr to 8hrs away from home....I paid the before and after school care out of my pocket both on days they were back with me and on days their mother picked them up....one day they walking home saw their mother drive by at 3:30...but she took until 6pm to pick them up....running up the bill....LOL...I told them not to worry....but they will and have always remembered that little game of costing me money.......and I went to local social services and they suggested 12....due to the distance I was as opposed to within a few minutes of home....



Yes big and bad. Having kids for a whole month is very different then having them for just a few hours(during this two hours he is with them.) that's what i try to tell him there are many dangers but all he can say is just they are old enough.


Not sure what you are trying to prove....or why you want to get rid of your children for a month.....In 9yrs...until last March break I never went longer than a few days without one of them in the house....easiest job is single custodial parent....no one to second guess you in the house...no one to tell you what you are doing wrong...no one to tell the kids they can do something after you have told them they cannot....no one to have to say yes dear....of course dear...whatever you say dear....and never have to worry about why the money is no longer in the bank when you are doing the groceries...and I cannot rember the last time I heard how things were done properly......mind you I never did really teach my daughters how to cook....just figure at one point they will learn a few things themselves...if they need to eat....

So why is it that you want the kids gone for a month? You want some free time to get some action perhaps?
 122shell
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 16
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/16/2011 8:27:04 PM
So why is it that you want the kids gone for a month? You want some free time to get some action perhaps?

No. He is asking to get them for a month but is not planning on having child care for them. I am fighting the fact that i dont want them left alone.

To whom ever said he gives me 600 month i only get 300 a month for both children. and that is it.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 17
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/17/2011 5:38:55 AM

So why is it that you want the kids gone for a month? You want some free time to get some action perhaps?


This is just an angry comment with no basis for the making.

OP, frankly, as the CS parent, you must put your foot down....unless there is a court order for month long visitation...I'd have to go with don't send the kids for an un-supervised month month with dad...in fact, now that he's shown what little common sense he has...I'd think a written plan of how he's providing supervison for his kids during that month would be in order before "I'd" concider sending them.

If there is a court order and you must send them...I'd be hyper-vigilant in calling the kids to see if they're left un-attended...
 Hopeful_10
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 18
Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/17/2011 3:25:52 PM
I went through similar issues for my 4 y/o I had to go to court and have the child support order modified, the father has to pay 1/2 of daycare expenses on top of child support. They garnish his wages, things went smoother then expected. By law Dad does have to pay for half the expenses, the kids are to young to be left alone. I am sure your state you live in will tell you that. When they are old enough to be left alone its only for short periods of time. Goodluck I hope things work out in your kids favor !
 Hopeful_10
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 19
Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/17/2011 3:32:43 PM
You have 2 kids with this man ?? I have to ask who did the numbers for your support ? $300 a month is so little, he must not make much with his job. I agree with you the kids shouldn't be left alone, childcare or a family member old enough should watch the kids when he is not available to.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 20
Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/17/2011 5:53:15 PM
If your Mother already keeps them for you while you work, why not just tell him he can go ahead and drop the kids off at her house while he has them, when he has to go to work?
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 21
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:22:45 PM

To whom ever said he gives me 600 month i only get 300 a month for both children. and that is it.


I never said he gave you $600....you receive $300...I would imagine you should contribute an additional $300 yourself......hence $600....


but i do want for him to get a feel for what its like to have the kids for longer then two hours every month.


Your original comments....seemingly suggest nothing about the reason as his desire to have the children?....So now it seems you change what you are saying????


By law Dad does have to pay for half the expenses, the kids are to young to be left alone. I am sure your state you live in will tell you that.


I am sure there would be plenty of fathers willing to only pay 1/2 of the expenses....as opposed to what they pay...perhaps you want to show where the state defines the children as too young?

I keep reading where these people are saying the kids are not old enough....while I agree with the premise...It would be seemingly be supported by a number of states that 8 is old enough.....so who are you...to suggest you have greater understanding?

I had my own perspective...so I paid for it myself....legally it would seem he is within his legal right to do as he suggests?



Latchkey Children Age Restrictions By State
The following table lists legal age restrictions for children left at home alone categorized by state within the U.S. Please note that city and county ordinances within each state may have more definitive and restrictive laws. Call your State DHS or local child welfare agency to learn about age guidelines in your area.

http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm



Hopefully....It suggests there is no minimum age in NY....per New York Children & Family Services

The OP in question....

Texas....also no minimum age Texas Family & Protective Services ...but it seems a number of states have defined age 8 as acceptable...and the OP youngest was ??? 8...

Now in my case I happened to pay for care until they were 13...due to the distance away I could be for work....

Now it was the BigbadNIrish who suggested he did not listen or read what supposed simple individuals on the web posted...but would look for proffesional accredited information sources...perhaps he has better information as to where the legal principle stands behind when you can leave children alone when they are within a 7 minute drive?

But would New York Children's services....or the Texas Family & Protective Services not constitute credible information or factual information?


How old must a child be to be left home alone?

Answer: Supervision of children is basic to the prevention of harm. Adequate supervision means an adult caregiver is accountable for the child's care. Although, there is no Texas law that defines a specific age at which a child may be left home alone, there are several factors that should be taken into consideration when deciding how closely to supervise a child, including:

the age, emotional maturity and capability of the child;
layout and safety of the home, play area, or other setting;
neighborhood circumstances, hazards, and risks;
the child's ability to respond to illness, fire, weather, or other types of emergencies; and
whether the child has a mental, physical, or medical disability.



Again....I had my own perspective of what was appropriate...so I paid the bill....


I'd have to go with don't send the kids for an un-supervised month month with dad...


Now that is a responsible suggestion...informing or supporting someone to withhold their children from their parents...when they are within the acceptable guidelines of the childrens service for the state they reside in.......does the state of Texas support that type of high handed action...where the parent seems to feel they have greater insight than state legislation?


He is asking to get them for a month but is not planning on having child care for them. I am fighting the fact that i dont want them left alone.


So seemingly he as a father...who wants to be active with his children is asking for his opportunity to have his children and supposedly within the context of Texas Law as defined by the Family Protective Services ....yet some feel they can make up rules as they see fit....nice to see you know or have greater insight than what is legal defined actions.....

The father is within his legal rights....even if it is reckless....he is within his legal rights to parent as he see's fit...as he is following the law....

I unlike the Irish guy...I simply go with following what is defined by legal principle...follow the belief that what is good for the goose is good for the gander...

And unlike Irish....I figure a woman is just as capable of earning an income as any father....


I'd think a written plan of how he's providing supervision for his kids during that month would be in order before "I'd" consider sending them.


I have no problem with this premise...but that equally opens up the suggestion of premise of a custodial having to provide the same...or even better...having a custodial having to present a written plan on how they are going to spend cs.....you want to require a parent to provide accountability...then you have to require both parents....to do the same....but there will always be those who are arrogantly assume they are above accountability....yet they demand it of others...
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 22
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:34:35 PM
How old must a child be to be left home alone?

Answer: Supervision of children is basic to the prevention of harm. Adequate supervision means an adult caregiver is accountable for the child's care. Although, there is no Texas law that defines a specific age at which a child may be left home alone, there are several factors that should be taken into consideration when deciding how closely to supervise a child, including:

•the age, emotional maturity and capability of the child;
•layout and safety of the home, play area, or other setting;
•neighborhood circumstances, hazards, and risks;
•the child's ability to respond to illness, fire, weather, or other types of emergencies; and
•whether the child has a mental, physical, or medical disability.
The number of children left unsupervised, the accessibility to other responsible adults, the length of time or frequency with which the child is left alone, and the child's knowledge of the parent's whereabouts are additional relevant factors.

From Texas Child protective Services
 HopeHappiness
Joined: 8/14/2010
Msg: 23
Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:37:10 PM
In virginia no child is allowed to babysit or should be home alone - under 12 yrs old.
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 24
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/17/2011 8:09:32 PM
You know your children best, and if you don't feel they are mature enough to stay home for 8hours alone you need to say so. (Mine are 10 and 8 and I won't let them stay home for 8hrs + alone)
Get over the vindictiveness and need to prove to the dad that parenting is tough. Protect your kids!
 122shell
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 25
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Who is responsible for paying child care if you are the custodial parent
Posted: 6/17/2011 8:18:36 PM
thank you just simple me. Best advice.
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