| | where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.Page 1 of 1 | First, the whole "guys only want sex" crap, is so cliche, it's not even funny anymore. It's sick.
I even read a thread on this forum where a guy was wanting casual female friends (no sex or anything) and he was complaining the girls were turning him down based on their suspicion. Then someone giving him advice said that straight guys only care about sex from women. Well, that probably offended him, but certainly it offended me (as well as every other straight guy in the world that doesn't only care about sex.)
So the first question I"m really asking is: Why do you girls think that straight guys only care about sex?
Second question: I'm shy. Really shy. Probably too shy for my own good. I've never been in a real relationship before, and even if I did I wouldn't know how to go about it. If a guy wants to keep being around you, but never kisses you/plays with your hair/whatever, what would you do? Would you presume he only wants to be friends? Would you talk to him about it? Would you even be willing to make the first move yourself?
Third: Well this is probably more of asking for a favor than a real question. But... could you check out my profile and give me advice on how to make it better? I don't believe I've ever seen another guy's profile on this site so I honestly have no idea what I"m up against.
Last: Based on your actual experience with guys, do you find the "opposites attract" stuff to be true? Or do you prefer that the guy you're with has tons in common with you? | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/23/2011 4:01:02 PM |
So the first question I"m really asking is: Why do you girls think that straight guys only care about sex?
Because we are not interested in gong to mall to shop for clothing.
If a guy wants to keep being around you, but never kisses you/plays with your hair/whatever, what would you do?..
Chew through the straps.
Would you presume he only wants to be friends? Would you talk to him about it? Would you even be willing to make the first move yourself?
No.
Maybe.
Maybe.
could you check out my profile and give me advice on how to make it better? I don't believe I've ever seen another guy's profile on this site so I honestly have no idea what I"m up against.
Dating is not a competition, so it does not matter what you say or do, unless you are just here for sex. (see the irony there?)
Last: Based on your actual experience with guys, do you find the "opposites attract" stuff to be true? Or do you prefer that the guy you're with has tons in common with you?
The whole "opposites attract" crap, is so cliche, it's not even funny anymore. It's sick. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/23/2011 4:03:08 PM |
So the first question I"m really asking is: Why do you girls think that straight guys only care about sex?
Second question: I'm shy. Really shy. Probably too shy for my own good. I've never been in a real relationship before, and even if I did I wouldn't know how to go about it.
These two things are related. It's because of your background that you can't imagine why women are suspicious. A lot of men who've had more experience are going to tend to be looking for sex - albeit not JUST sex, many of them won't stay long where there is none.
That said, I know there are all kinds of guys out there, but for women it's just fairly common for men to claim they want something to gain trust in an effort to get laid. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/23/2011 4:15:23 PM | Opposite don't attract all that often and when they do they are usually doomed but every once in a while they work out. Also that depends on what you consider 'working out'.
If you are shy you are shy, that doesn't mean you won't find women who are attracted to you. Be yourself and don't bother trying to attract girls who aren't interested in you, that's a waste of time.
I don't think all guys only want sex. but it doesn't help that so many guys on forums say they do or that all guys do. I get tired of hearing it/reading it too. You'd think people would be intelligent enough to know that people are individuals and gender does not make you act one way or the other, you act like yourself. Lots of guys don't even like sex, just like with women, and some like it but are ashamed of wanting it, and some only like it once in a while and some like it but can't get any.....gender isn't the issue. I get the testosterone connection with a higher sex drive, but many women have very high sex drives and don't have a high testosterone level and not all guys who seek out sex where ever they can find it have high testosterone levels, etc., etc., etc. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/23/2011 4:36:18 PM | Why do you girls think that straight guys only care about sex?
Probably because guys generally care about sex first.
If a guy wants to keep being around you, but never kisses you/plays with your hair/whatever, what would you do? Would you presume he only wants to be friends? Would you talk to him about it? Would you even be willing to make the first move yourself?
You should learn this early. First, dating is about sexual attraction. If it weren't, a date would be no different than having a drink with your buddies. Second, when there's mutual sexual attraction between two (or more I suppose), people, things like kissing, playing with hair and all that other suff is what they want to do. When you say you're shy, what you mean is you would like to kiss some of those girls you hang around, but you're hoping there's a secret code you can learn to know whether or not she wants to kiss you so you can avoid rejection and being a little uncomfortable if it doesn't go as planned. There's no secret code. You have to just wing it and get used to being wrong. You also probably think you'll get ahead by not being ``too transparent'' about your sexual interest, (read: going on a date not getting a beer). Then, you'll seem like a nice guy as opposed to the guys want to get into her pants. (Read any of the zillions of nice guy threads for some illumination on how that will play out.)
Newsflash: Being transparent is how you let a woman know you want to date her and not just hang out and knit or crochet or whatever. Also, women actually do want a guy to get into their pants, so the only real question here is when. They're attracted to guys who want to see them naked because (a) it's flattering to know you turn someone on; and (2) making your interest known comes across as self confidence. Third. women are generally more hesitant to make the first move than you are, so although it can happen, if you want your odds to be higher than winning the lottery, you need to just do what you want to do and let the chips fall where they may. Fourth, if you just suck it up and make your interest known (i.e., make the first move), you'll get used to being shot down and it won't bother you. Not only that, youll figure out whether a woman's interested in you sooner rather than later. No matter who you are, some woman will tell you to get lost, so you aren't special in that regard. You're just afraid to take chances.
As for the opposites thing, it's more like compliments attract. Two things which are complimentry aren't necessarily opposites. Complimentary things fit together like puzzle pieces. Opposites can mean something totally different
------------.
That might be true, but I still think it's a valid criterion
I am a physicist. I have a phd and I assure you that you're mistaken. Being educated is not the same thing as having gone to school.
I'll bore him to death and he'll bore me to death as well...
Being educated means being interested in and knowing about a lot of things in depth, not knowing a lot about a very narrow field of study that is of interest to people who read academic journals. At worst, you should find that you and someone else knows less about one thing than the other does - your areas of expertise, whether that's relativistic field theory or machining. When you know more about someone else's area of expertise than the person with the expertise knows, then you can be bored.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/23/2011 4:36:24 PM |
Why do you girls think that straight guys only care about sex?
That's a generalization; I don't think straight guys only care about sex. Some do, some don't. It's how you approach people and how you behave that will make most people think that you're just interested only in sex (or that you're interested in more than just that).
If a guy wants to keep being around you, but never kisses you/plays with your hair/whatever, what would you do? Would you presume he only wants to be friends? Would you talk to him about it? Would you even be willing to make the first move yourself?
I'm one of those people who would not do the cliche "friend-zoning" a guy who does not make romantic/sexual moves the first couple of times. I am shy too, but if I like the guy, and feel that he is shy too, then I will probably make a move myself. But if he does not seem shy in general , then I will assume he 's not interested, or is taking it slowly, and will give him the space / time for a while. But after a while, if he has not made a move, then I will assume he's irreparably shy or is otherwise wasting my time, and just let go of him.
Based on your actual experience with guys, do you find the "opposites attract" stuff to be true? Or do you prefer that the guy you're with has tons in common with you?
Nope. I always look for people who have some stuff in common with me. Not everything (I'm not looking for a male carbon copy of myself, after all). We can each have some interests that do not overlap, but things like lifestyle , attitude to life , religiosity , education , even type of job (let's say he's a construction worker, and I'm a PhD student / soon-to-be-professor -- not gonna work out).. I actually say something like that on my profile. The other day I got a message from a guy who was upset about it, and told me that education does not make someone successful in life. That might be true, but I still think it's a valid criterion because I want to have a relationship with someone who can understand my worries (for example, if I am writing my dissertation, he can understand why I am so stressed, etc), and also, with whom I can converse about things that interest me. If we can't connect on that very basic level, it might work out at first, but soon enough we'll both find that we're not such a great fit after all... I'll bore him to death and he'll bore me to death as well... | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/23/2011 4:50:01 PM |
First, the whole "guys only want sex" crap, is so cliche, it's not even funny anymore. It's sick.
It's also true.
Well this is probably more of asking for a favor than a real question. But... could you check out my profile and give me advice on how to make it better?
<<<<<< The profile review forum is that way. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/23/2011 5:07:13 PM | You're not gonna win any points saying you don't care about sex.
Cus women do care about sex!
with guys they like.
You've just eliminated yourself from both possibilities.
Don't try the "just wanna be your friend" shy guy move.
hit on girls you like in ways you are comfortable with.
If you are intellectual, try that and expand on it.
Yes, women do appreciate you not trying to cyber grope em.
but don't neuter yourself to meet one.
Cus your sexual nature isn't what's holding you back.
It is your shyness.
so focus on what is the problem.
Not what isn't. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/26/2011 11:05:57 AM | Why do you girls think that straight guys only care about sex?
***Because they say they want a girlfriend/marriage/whatever, but then later they admit they only wanted sex. They say distance, age, kids, etc., is no obstacle, they really like you, then after they have sex they say it is a big obstacle. They say you're going to do some activity together but they want to skip that part and get to the sex. A nice old man from church (40 years older than me--this was some years ago) invites me to go birdwatching but what he really wants is sex. Or I have a relationship or even a marriage, and when all is said and done I realize the person had absolutely no interest in me as a person; he just wanted--who knows what? I know some men aren't like that, but it happens often enough to be a concern. So a woman is always on her guard. Pathetic huh?
If a guy wants to keep being around you, but never kisses you/plays with your hair/whatever, what would you do? Would you presume he only wants to be friends? Would you talk to him about it? Would you even be willing to make the first move yourself?
***Don't force yourself to play with hair and all that if you're not comfortable with it at first. I suggest that you contact the woman often, spend a lot of time with her, and then when the time is right you can talk about your feelings or hopes (if any). Eventually one of you will make the first move (touching/kissing); it will happen naturally. Many women will prefer this approach, so it's the old "be yourself" thing again.
Last: Based on your actual experience with guys, do you find the "opposites attract" stuff to be true? Or do you prefer that the guy you're with has tons in common with you?
***How opposite? If it's a matter of style, I think opposites can "complete" each other to an extent. I don't drink, smoke, swear, hunt, etc., but I prefer men who are a little rough around the edges, and they seem to like me too. Also, one person can be quiet and shy, and the other loud and sociable. As long as you can meet in the middle and appreciate what the other has to offer, it can be good. But if one wants to party all the time and the other wants to stay home, it could be a problem. Lifestyle opposites can be a problem: say one person has the TV blasting all day and the other prefers quiet. And if you cross moral boundaries, you will clash. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/26/2011 12:08:08 PM | try using this comment on the second date: "Look, I realize some men can be too eager too fast when it comes to physical contact, and I don't want to be 'that guy'. I like you and I want you to be comfortable so when you are ready make the first move ok?"
that helps with your shyness and, for me at least, was endearing. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/26/2011 4:04:00 PM |
Why do you girls think that straight guys only care about sex?
Because most guys do care a whole lot about sex. It's just how it is.
Based on your actual experience with guys, do you find the "opposites attract" stuff to be true? Or do you prefer that the guy you're with has tons in common with you?
Depending on the types of opposites, they may attract. But attraction does not make a relationship. In my opinion and from my experience, common grounds such as shared values, shared political views, a similar level of spirituality, similar goals or ways of life and at least some shared interests are crucial for a relationship that is supposed to last.
And some opposites - such as opposing political views - do not only not attract but are a huge turn-off for me. For example, the mere idea of dating a TeaBagger alone makes me want to puke. I would also never date someone who would not share my interest in protecting the environment, someone who was against gay marriage, someone who was a strong religious believer, a gun owner or someone who doesn't like dogs. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/27/2011 5:37:34 PM | | Quickest way to the bedroom is not my priority. Nor is it to "manipulate" the female mind. Really all I want is experience dating women, so when someone comes around that I just can't stop thinking about, I'll know the right way to approach her. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/27/2011 5:47:00 PM | different drum, you and a lot of others have been saying "we think that guys only care about sex because it's true for the most part."
There are also stereotypes about women. "Women all cause drama" and "are backstabbing (explicit)" ,"they gossip" and "hold grudges"
Well you know what? I'm a guy. There are some people that I have a grudge against who I will probably hold for the rest of my life. I've talked about people before, to "get even" with them harassing me.
Does that make me a woman? Or a gay man? Or even "an exception to the norm?" You can all have your opinions on that, but I can have mine. And mine is no. I judge people by the individual. Not by the gender. There are also "white people are like this, black people are like that" crap. Think I buy into that either? I don't.
To be fair, I was asking for input. And that's exactly what I got. I thank you all for your responses, even if I don't agree with some of them. Besides the whole "because men DO care about only sex" stuff, I actually have got some great advice from this thread that I would have never thought of on my own. Whatever your opinion is, I"m glad to have it. Continue to post if you want everyone. :) | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/27/2011 5:53:18 PM |
Really all I want is experience dating women, so when someone comes around that I just can't stop thinking about, I'll know the right way to approach her.
Then you do it the same way you do anything else. Practice. You wouldn't be asking this question if the subject was ``How do I climb the north face of the Eiger when I get there.'' The answer is obvious. Do a lot of climbing before you get there if you don't want fail in an unpleasant manner. | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/28/2011 1:41:03 PM | I even read a thread on this forum where a guy was wanting casual female friends (no sex or anything) and he was complaining the girls were turning him down based on their suspicion. Then someone giving him advice said that straight guys only care about sex from women. Well, that probably offended him, but certainly it offended me (as well as every other straight guy in the world that doesn't only care about sex.)
So the first question I"m really asking is: Why do you girls think that straight guys only care about sex?
Women have been burned far too often by skeevy guys to trust strange guys that claim only to be looking for friendship without any sort of verification.
It's your right to be offended, but understand that women also have a right to guard themselves against unscrupulous individuals.
Second question: I'm shy. Really shy. Probably too shy for my own good. I've never been in a real relationship before, and even if I did I wouldn't know how to go about it. If a guy wants to keep being around you, but never kisses you/plays with your hair/whatever, what would you do? Would you presume he only wants to be friends?
This physical contact stuff doesn't need to be a thirty story roadblock.
There's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable being touchy feely (at first) with someone you are interested in. After all, not everyone jumps into a pool when they swim, some like to step in gradually.
However, I'm assuming that you would eventually LIKE to be touchy feely with someone you are interested in. If you are, then start with something that is comfortable with both of you, like hugging when you meet or something. Take an incremental step up WHEN YOU ARE BOTH COMFORTABLE WITH IT, like maintaining the hug longer than just a friends hug until you feel comfortable enough to move onto something else. Gradually moving into the pool, man, gradually moving into the pool.
If you aren't ever interested in having some form of touchy feeliness, then yes, she's a friend, not someone you are interested in.
And with all that said, if she really can't deal with you working through your shyness at your own steady gradual pace, then she's probably not right for you in the first place.
I don't believe I've ever seen another guy's profile on this site so I honestly have no idea what I"m up against.
Well, there's more than a few guys that have posted on this thread. Why not check out their profiles? | |
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| where do I start? Too many questions demanding female perspective.
Posted: 6/29/2011 10:14:12 AM |
different_drum:
Because they say they want a girlfriend/marriage/whatever, but then later they admit they only wanted sex. They say distance, age, kids, etc., is no obstacle, they really like you, then after they have sex they say it is a big obstacle. They say you're going to do some activity together but they want to skip that part and get to the sex.
Perhaps you have a broken picker? Some men lie in order to get sex, but many men do not. Learn to choose more wisely.
And would you really be happier if men stopped trying to seduce you? Really? (Note to self: Do NOT date this one!) | |
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