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 TeamBrandi
Joined: 3/31/2011
Msg: 1
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?Page 1 of 1    
So I have been trying out this POF dating site and have met several guys and dated some. Unless they seem like "the one" I feel the need to keep dating but don't have any objection to still hanging with the other guys occasional because I'm always fun to be around so want to still date them but keep searching for the right one.

Now the question is, when I meet a guy from POF should I say I'm dating/talking to other guys even though it's not serious, just more like hanging out? I don't want them to think I have this long list of guys that I'm sleeping with but I've been asked almost every time....
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:05:19 PM
No need, logically. Anyone who dates in any manner OUGHT TO assume that they are not exclusive, unless they specifically talk about and agree to that. This doesn't mean you wont run into people who assume in the other direction.

This is something that comes up fairly often here, so you can probably find other threads talking about it.
 getanet
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 3
Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:08:09 PM
That's not their business. However, it's interesting that was the impression they had each and every time? Kind of feels like your profile review and some of the comments there are filtering into real life too, no??

Don't take this the wrong way, but you really just emanate sensuality. Are you especially flirty too and guys start to go into jealousy mode right away maybe? I think its safe to say you could attract anyone you want. Perhaps making sure the guy is equally "desirable" whom you go out with is the key so those insecurities do not arise? Do you get a lot of looks out in public that the guy would be picking up on? Probably.

In any event, they should be damn glad to be out with you and feel like the "big cheese" on the date.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 4
Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:10:37 PM
I personally think it's ethical to make it clear that you're dating other people.
 Silent Steel
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 5
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:20:20 PM
I am so distracted at the moment..................................lol....Im sorry whats the question?

If guys ask, yes you tell them.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:20:55 PM
At your age, I'm assuming it's a "given" isn't it????

Honestly, why wouldn't you be playing the field at your age???? I say go enjoy, and do NOT become "exclusive" for at least a couple more years. That way you will slowly learn the difference between a man and a boy. Don't worry, the "boys" show themselves fairly quickly,again, especially at your age.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 7
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:38:05 PM
I would mention it if there is to be a date #2.
So he can play the field as well
and not get wrapped up in only you.
 montyturbo
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 8
Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:40:30 PM
If it just dating then no, why should you? Obviously if the subject arises you should be honest about it!
 Lolita_LeBron
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 9
Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:41:22 PM
I always thought if there was nothing sexual going on between two people and they are just dating, it was like hanging out with a good friend so dating other people is not bad. As long as you and the other people you date are not MARRIED. You are being honest about it, which is more than I can say for other people on this site.

If you feel a person is taking a special interest in you, but you aren't with him, tell him. Either way, it all depends on the people you are dating. Most people with small children don't want to get serious right away because of their responsibilities being split into so many directions, that splitting it again to let someone into your life may prove to be too much.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 10
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:46:15 PM
When you're asked, you shoud be honest with them and tell them exactly what you wrote


I'm dating/talking to other guys even though it's not serious


Telling them that will make it clear that you are actively looking and, have not yet found what you are searching for.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 11
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:47:46 PM
There's no need to bring it up or avoid it on a first date. On a second date, you might want to mention it - especially if it's clearly leading to a third date. On a third date, it should be out there because that's one where you're starting to get some idea if this might be going anywhere.

He should know before the knickers come off.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 12
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:53:15 PM

Now the question is, when I meet a guy from POF should I say I'm dating/talking to other guys even though it's not serious, just more like hanging out? I don't want them to think I have this long list of guys that I'm sleeping with but I've been asked almost every time....


I don't think you need to volunteer the information to a guy, especially not the first time you meet in person. It's not really any of their business until you both want to move to the Next Level.

Oh sure, they could claim it's because they are concerned about STDs or whatever, but it's not like meeting them for the first time is a promise that you'll sleep with them at some time, right?

It's kinda paranoid/creepy that they'd ask. If I were a woman, and a guy asked me that on a first date, it'd be a red flag that he expects me to be an easy lay.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 13
Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:48:53 PM
If your idea of dating is "hanging out - meeting new people" then no you don't need to.
However if your idea of dating is "having wild monkey sex" with multiple dudes then YES! You do need to let people "involved" know about the situation as it's a potential health hazard and affects everybody.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:51:09 PM
Unless you tell each other that you are exclusive and not seeing anyone else, is should be assumed by both that you are free to date whomever you wish. If they don't want to date someone who isn't serial exclusive with each man, then they can find one of those.
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 15
Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 5:00:07 PM
I don't want them to think I have this long list of guys that I'm sleeping with but I've been asked almost every time

When guys ask you if you are dating around, we want to know:
1. if we're buying drinks for another man's woman
2. who else is stabling their horse in your barn

Justification?
1. Some women have cheap boyfriends that don't feel the need to show them attention or spend money on them. Some of those will find the attention they want from other guys (suckers like me). At the end of the night, the women crawl back to their cheap-ass boyfriends, and suck his , mixing his baby butter with the food and drinks that we paid for. I know that buying you dinner and a movie does not guarantee us sex, but it shouldn't guarantee another man sex either. Let the bum find his own job, dump him, or look somewhere else for your gratuity.

2. Nobody wants to put any work into getting the town bike (everyone gets a ride). If you've had more wood in you than Home Depot, sorry, but you're not just worth the lobster bisque.

This is how guys think.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 16
Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:00:27 PM
I've never seen that this serves any purpose.
If someone asks I feel they either lack confidence or have very little to talk about.
If asked I would simply say that I date from time to time and change the subject.

If you date one person at a time and it's important to you simply say so.
Then they are either like- minded or not and you know where things stand.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 17
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:13:50 PM

I personally think it's ethical to make it clear that you're dating other people.

Agreed...


If someone asks I feel they either lack confidence or have very little to talk about.

While I wouldn't ask on the first date or maybe the second... I'd want to know by the third...
If I was to ask, it would be because I can't be bothered competing... I'm not going to waste my time in a dating lottery... I'd go find someone who wasn't dating other people... There are plenty of other people out there...
Lack of confidence is accepting stuff you don't like simply because you're afraid of losing the person...
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 18
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:18:36 PM

I always thought if there was nothing sexual going on between two people and they are just dating,

So as long the person you're dating is not having sex, just a lot of kissing, hugging, romantic dinners and fooling around, but not any sex oral or otherwise, you'd have no problem with it... ?
Then too, some people no longer think a bit of oral is sex either so where do you draw the line...?
Many people expect first date sex...
I think in the long run it's probably better to be upfront about it...
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 19
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:20:15 PM
sowrite

If you date one person at a time and it's important to you simply say so.
Then they are either like- minded or not and you know where things stand.



I didn't ask right away if my boyfriend was dating others. After 2 months and turning down dates I asked him if he was seeing other women. We basically had been dating exclusively from the beginning but I wanted to make sure he felt the same way I did since he never brought the subject up. I prefer to get to know one person at a time but others are perfectly fine with dating lots of people.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 20
Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:24:19 PM
Brandi - It doesn't matter if you don't have a long list of guys you are sleeping with; you only need a long list of guys who want to sleep with you --- this ALONE will trigger the question from every guy you meet. It's a back-handed compliment and a come-on.

Think about this -- are you going to STOP HANGING OUT with those TeamBrandi members you're only friends with when you find a REAL boyfriend? Honestly, if those guys are FRIENDS, you're not going to tell them to get lost. Any REAL boyfriend will meet them and learn to get along with them, because they are your FRIENDS.

Since you aren't going to tell them to all get lost, you may as well admit they are part of TeamBrandi and any guy you date better get it STRAIGHT in his head they are FRIENDS and nothing else, or he can walk away.

Act locally, think globally. In your world, those other guys are gonna stay. Don't pretend they aren't there - give fair notice.
 illmatic_one
Joined: 5/23/2011
Msg: 21
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Should I tell him I'm dating other people?
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:26:15 PM
Yes, that should be part of any pre-first date conversation. I think its respectful so that the guy understands that beforehand, so he has the opportunity to make a decision if he's willing to accept that, should he develop feelings or want to pursue it further after the first date. And you can rationalize it as its none of they're business, or it should be expected, or nobody likes someone that fast, blah blah blah, but always put the shoe on the other foot.. There WILL at some point, be that one guy you meet either in person or online, that you become smitten with, just from the initial phone conversations and chatting that drag on until the wee hours, and you would want to know if he's really feeling you too so your expectations for what might be, are set for you as well....
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