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 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 1
dating divorced versus widowedPage 1 of 1    
i don't know if this topic has been covered before, but i couldn't seem to find anything related to this. do any of you think dating a divorced man or woman is different from widows or widowers? i have no idea, i never dated a widower . is there any difference?
 flawed_gem
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 2
dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/2/2011 12:11:42 AM
I think, like anything, everyone is different. You can have a divorced man who still loves his ex wife, ie: the divorce was not his idea.
I think it would depend on how confident you are about yourself, could you let him talk about his departed wife without feeling jealous?
I am a widow myself, but my marrage was not good anyway. I have dated a man who had lost his wife to cancer, lovely man, and yes, he did talk about his wife a lot, it was obvious that he really loved her. I found that quality very endearing.
We did not continue dating beause he was obviously not really ready and was merely testing the waters, so to speak. We did remain friends though, I guess because I was ok with him talking about his wife. Time is a great healer, so you need to factor that in when dating a widow, have they had time to heal? was the marrage a good one?
But lie I said, you can have these problems with a divouced man as well.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 3
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dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/2/2011 12:16:10 AM
I'll say that there's a better chance of not getting caught in the bed by their ex if they're widowed.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 4
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dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/2/2011 1:16:39 AM
I don't know that there's any unique difference. As you know, some divorced people aren't ready to move on, and that's certainly true of widowed folks as well. You've got to be prepared to read the person, not the situation.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 5
dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/2/2011 2:48:51 AM

do any of you think dating a divorced man or woman is different from widows or widowers? i have no idea, i never dated a widower . is there any difference

Yeah, one's dead and the other's not.
There has to be a trillion threads on this topic already. Long, argumentative ones. Threads that go on and on and on..try harder. You'll find them...
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 6
dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/2/2011 2:55:32 AM
^^You're assuming the widower/widow had a happy marriage, for a start.
You're assuming the widower/widow is still grieving.
You're assuming the divorced person isn't over their marriage, either. Or they're not over their divorce.
Too many assumptions..it's not always black and white..
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 7
dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/2/2011 3:14:03 AM
i don't know if this topic has been covered before, but i couldn't seem to find anything related to this. do any of you think dating a divorced man or woman is different from widows or widowers? i have no idea, i never dated a widower . is there any difference?
In my experience, yes, there is a difference, but it mainly depends on the man. Too many divorced men are bitter about their ex-wives and the divorce itself. They go on and on about what a witch and psycho their ex is, even if the divorce was 20 years ago! They also project onto me behavior their wife did and interpret something I say or do as having the same significance as something their psycho wife did. They also warn you about things that will turn them off, behavior their ex did, even though you have never done anything like that and don't do things like that.

I had a really interesting experience with one man. One of the thngs he told me about his 'psycho' ex-wife is that, when they had fights, she'd give him the 'silent treatment,' sometimes for days. This was one of his examples of what a (w)itch she was. Then the first real conflict he and I had, what happened? He gave me the silent treatment! Wouldn't answer my telephone calls, emails or texts. For such a long period of time, he destroyed any developing feelings and affection I had for him. Then, after a couple of weeks, he contacts me and acts like he expects me to be glad to hear from him. Yea, right. I don't play games like that. Meanness and cruelty are not part of how I do things.

Widowers, however, are usually not bitter about their ex's and not about women. I have much better experience dating widowers (current SO is widower). In my experience, they are generally used to a healthy relationship with a woman and are not bitter about having been ruined financially in a divorce. It probably depends on how long someone has been widowed. It the loss is too recent, he/she may still be grieving and not ready for a new, serious relationship.
 dothanlanae
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 8
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dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/2/2011 6:05:43 AM
one difference is that when a person is divorced, society won't judge them harshly if they begin dating again within a few months. A widow has to wait a lot longer.
I have been both a divorced woman and a widow, I know for me it was much harder to get over my husband's death than to get over an ex.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 9
dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/2/2011 6:25:48 AM
thanks for all of your answers, i'm sure this has been covered on here before but i just wanted some input. i was involved in a relationship with a divorced guy and although its over we remain friends. he lives far away. he blew into town about a month ago and was telling me about how his ex-wife didn't want him to come over to the house at a certain time because her b/f was there. he was very angry about it. i just think he's overly involved with her. when we were together i could see that but now i really see it....lol. the point is there wouldn't be that kind of stuff happening with a widower, as long as he has time to grieve and is adjusted. i know every person and situation is different. i guess i'll just have to take each person widowed or divorced as an individual case and leave it at that......
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 10
dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/2/2011 10:56:23 AM
A divorced person has failed at marriage. A widowed person may not have.
 DumbeBlonde
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 11
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dating divorced versus widowed
Posted: 7/3/2011 12:17:44 AM
^^^ Pardon me? Are you are being deliberately insulting? That's drawing one mighty long bow. Inplying failure is one heck of an anachronistic outlook. Go away.
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