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 overhere123
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 1
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Where to go when POF doesn't work?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Perhaps I just need to vent a little.

Over the last number of months I've had a profile open on POF. I've tried different descriptions and I've tried different pictures. Yes I have received some interest but it appears that of some of the interest I receive I usually read something in their profile that makes me believe we are not a compatible match. (Ie, some have kids and I'm just not in that zone to start a relationship with someone who has kids.)

I have been trying to sell myself as being a normal, responsible, hardworking, level headed kind of guy. I admit I have lived a low-key and quiet kind of life but the previously mentioned attributes means I haven`t had a history of using drugs, nor abused alcohol, or have any type of criminal past. My god I have never even received a speeding ticket! Why wouldn`t these attributes appeal to the women in my area? I`m a normal guy with no baggage.

I guess my desire to obtain that special connection with someone has become a source of frustration as there seems to be no one willing to receive what I have to offer.

Ok perhaps I`m not everyone`s cup of tea. If POF fails where do I go next? My quiet past means getting out there the old fashion to meet people isn`t going to be that easy so I was hoping something could come of this internet approach.

Anyhow, any constructive criticism is appreciated. At the very least, thanks for letting me vent.

Best of luck to all those that visit.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 2
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/4/2011 3:31:55 PM
First thing is you need to lose the " entitlement" attitude bud, just because you have a good job, decent education,responsible, loves God, country and Canadian Beer, doesn't entitle you to instant happiness and success in relationships, like everything else you have to work at it.

Improve your social skills somewhat, you're quiet, shy from what it seems, but guess what, there are women out there looking for that, you're in your mid 30's , up in Sudbury, not exactly a booming metropolis , and to find a woman that hasn't had children, is going to be a stretch, you might consider meeting women with Older kids that are out of the house, sometimes you have to compromise.

Finding a woman in her 30's that hasn't had children will be challenging but they are out there, You can meet any one any where, Forget the bars, try Martial Arts club, cooking classes, upgrading your skills at a community college or university, toast masters, church, wine tasting classes, Cycle club and other fitness clubs, the possibilities are endless , its up to you to put in the time, Rome wasn't built in a day, and macaroni and cheese isn't cooked in 3 minutes, not talking about that Kraft garbage the real home made stuff.

What you need to develop confidence, doesn't matter in the real world or online, if you don't have confidence its going to be a difficult climb for you.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 3
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/4/2011 4:17:36 PM
^^^ I do agree with ice.

You need to get out and DO things to meet people.
The more you get out and chat with others, the easier it is going to get.

What's your passion?
Do you like sailing, do you like biking, do you like hiking, find something and go DO IT!
I am sure in your community there are booklets sent out about community interests.
Take a cooking class, join martial arts, book readings at the local library.
I'm involved in toastmasters, and it has majorly increased my speaking skills.
This coming week we have a gentleman who is scared to death of speaking.
He is making the move to better himself.
You do the same.
You will feel so much better about yourself.

Internet dating is only one avenue to meet people.
It is not the end all be all.
Real life is so much better.
 ladysweet52
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 4
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/4/2011 6:17:34 PM
I think you're letting your frustration at not having much success on this website get the better of you and you seem to be awfully impatient as well, which doesn't help your cause any, ease up on it! Try to be more patient, these things like success on a singles website, doesn't happen over night, they take a while to get going! I don't let the fact that I'm not having much success on this website get me frustrated, there's no point in it and I try to be patient and not let it bother me on top of it! This is what you've got to do and just say the heck with it.

I checked out your profile, it seems to be a pretty good profile, except that part about not being like Brad Pitt, you don't need that on it. Other then that you need to post your picture again, heck you're luckier then me, I haven't got a picture of myself as yet but I'm working on that, to post with my profile, lol. I'm sure you're a good looking young man and a very nice catch for some young woman but practice some patience and don't let yourself get so frustrated, it takes a while to be successful on a singles website or even offline, besides you're still young and got plenty of time, right?
 aGent Lemon
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 5
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Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/6/2011 3:25:53 PM
Despite how truly great of a person you might be... the vast majority will just remain too skeptical no matter what you've written... even to sell yourself short and how attractive they think you appear. There seems to be seldom few who are compassionate enough to put aside such a prejudice, as if they're waiting for a sure sign from heaven.

So many people want to be very much in love, but not willing to give it much of a chance in fear of somehow getting simply rejected, heartbroken... or even vise-versa.

The irony is... when you finally do find yourself in that ideal relationship you most likely will gets asked where were you all this time that nobody else has really picked up on you. However... often at the start... they may try to keep test your nerves in almost every possible way... as if only for the sake of argument secretly trying to figure what sort of issue could you possibly have that kept you single... not realizing that such a behaviour of their own is perhaps the main reason why they can't ever be in what they would consider that ideal relationship themselves for believing the right person must be able to completely put up with that sort of ridiculous nonsense, meanwhile... what intellectual "wants" to sometimes... if not always... be falsely accused... to feel unappreciated regardless?

Anyhow... this is quite the world where anybody who innocently say hi might be taken offensively... but never let those type of people ruin you... instead... keep saying hello to everybody... and you might be absolutely surprised how many great people you can meet this way.

Just thought to share that little bit of info because I remember how frusterated it was for myself during my childhood thinking I'd be unfortunately single for the rest of my life, haha. So I'm somewhat returning the favor done for me.

Cheers
 Rozewater
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 6
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/6/2011 4:33:14 PM
So, you are asking how do people meet? Well the list can be long: at the workplace, in bars, at family/friends' parties, at weddings, at clubs/activities/volunteer organisations/political groups they join, at church or church functions/suppers, online datings sites, personal newspaper ads (not so common these days I don't think but hey you never know), professional matchmakers, or you just bump into them one day. There are no guarantees, the key seems to be though to go where people go wherever that may be.
 amc1986
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 7
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/7/2011 7:41:43 AM
there is no where to go. the truth is these dating sites don't work for men. i have a profile and no matter how nice of message u send to a women they don't respond, i get maybe four responses but its never anything that will lead to a pontenial date. i recomend men to read this article about online dating http://pofsucks1.wordpress.com/2008/01/07/online-dating-great-for-women-sucks-for-men/.

and the type of women on these sites. my advice to men is forget online dating, and i'm not joking.

tell me what you guys think afeter u read the article.
 amc1986
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 8
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/7/2011 8:00:13 AM
there is no where to go. the truth is these dating sites don't work for men. i have a profile and no matter how nice of message u send to a women they don't respond, i get maybe four responses but its never anything that will lead to a pontenial date. i recomend men to read this article about online dating http://pofsucks1.wordpress.com/2008/01/07/online-dating-great-for-women-sucks-for-men/.

and the type of women on these sites. my advice to men is forget online dating, and i'm not joking.

tell me what you guys think afeter u read the article.
 Sweet Euphoria
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 9
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Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/7/2011 3:33:21 PM
Why do people always have to complain about internet dating being against them? It's a free site, what do you expect? The average woman does NOT get deluged with emails. I can count on one hand how many men have showed me any attention since January. AND...the attention I get are from idiots that don't bother to read my profile and think I want to just mess around...lol

This site works, maybe not for everyone, and maybe it won't for me, but I know it works. My best friend found her husband on this very site. I know a few couples it has worked for. I've been off and on this site for a few years, and I'm still single. I don't think I'm a bad catch either. It's just the luck of the draw...and patience.

I think it's a bunch of BS that there are more men than women on dating sites. It's just people looking for excuses why they haven't found Mr. or Mrs. Right yet. Try thinking about it this way - at least you are wasting your time with some crazy nut job right now and missing an opportunity with a great person. Once day, you'll find someone. It might not be on line, but it doesn't hurt trying!
 Sweet Euphoria
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 10
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Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/7/2011 3:35:28 PM
^^^
I meant you are NOT wasting your time with some crazy nut job..lol
 lisac053
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 11
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Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/10/2011 9:18:12 AM
Just to say that I joined this site only by referral-a friend of mine found his next wife here. So..it is possible...
Try several things in parallel, keep building up your sociability, and something's gonna work for sure
 overhere123
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 12
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Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/11/2011 8:22:33 AM
Many thanks for your reply - you have a great way with words. Everything you have said I have always kind of known and identified within myself but never could express it in words the way you have.

I guess my original post stemmed from being a little tired, frustrated and feeling of hopelessness. I have been on and off this site for many years but its only been in the past year where I have been so hopeful of finding that compatible someone.

In the list of human hierarchical needs I've got a great starting base - I have a stable life, I am financially secure, totally healthy, a nice home, decent education.....its just the human connection with which I am missing. My shy demeanor and low self-esteem isn't helping with my search either. Can I truly "connect" emotionally with someone? I admit its hard for me to open up. I suppose I need to wear my heart on my sleeve more often and take more chances with people. I am afraid of getting hurt or let down. It hurts to get hurt....but I'm realizing that it hurts just the same when you don't actively try make that connection with people. Sitting back and waiting for people to write to you and watching all your friends get married is just a different kind of agonizing hurt.

Once again, I'm just venting. I appreciate everyone's input. Even the ones I don't necessarily want to read because they suggest I'm doing something wrong. It's not that I disagree with some of the statements....it means the statements are true and I need to change in order to be successful in my search. Change is hard.

Thanks
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 13
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Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/13/2011 3:08:42 AM
I'll be honest with you...very few women want to be with a guy with low self esteem. Nobody wants to be around a downer. You need to find a happy life in and of yourself before you try to saddle a poor woman with your downtrodden-ness.

So yes, you do need to change. Examine why you have low self-esteem. Maybe it's depression. Maybe it's body-image issues. Whatever it is, fix THAT. Don't worry about a girl right now because any relationship you have right now is destined for failure when she realizes she is the lynchpin of your happiness. Don't burden anybody with that. It's YOUR problem to fix.

And don't say your low self-esteem stems from not having a girl. It's the other way around.
 klewellen
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 14
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/14/2011 8:17:09 PM
Good evening. I prefer not to consider this as criticism, constructive
or otherwise. In fact I intentionally did not read your profile, just
this post.
My suggestion? Anything you define as frustrating, will simply continue
to be frustrating. I cannot say what "normal" is, each human is unique.
Perhaps a different approach might be found at meet up, best to google
this as I do not want to break rules by posting a link this is an online
site where you can find others just based on things that interest you.
The difference is that you are not in date mode, but just being yourself
in an environment where you are already comfortable, and are meeting people
just for fun. the key word here is fun, if the process feels like work,
there is no joy in it. I wish you success as well, relax and lead with
what you do desire, not what you feel does not appeal.
Hope this is helpful, not critical!
Karen
 Sweetest_Pizza_Lover
Joined: 2/22/2011
Msg: 15
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/16/2011 9:19:34 AM
POF does work. Maybe it's not the description, maybe it's your first message that sets off an alarm to whoever you're messaging. It's not as if you're trying to sell yourself, and let everyone know you're life story - you have to leave some things a mystery. Putting everything about you out there can be a little overwhelming to people.

And what do you define 'normal' as being? To some people, normal is overrated and it's not very attractive.
 Jack_Skellington
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 16
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/17/2011 11:59:03 AM
I've heard lots of success stories here and I've had a couple of promising replies but think about this....

Imagine walking into your local produce market. You start picking up.....I dunno....watermelons. You find the one that looks the best on the outside only to take it home and find it rotted. That's what most people do on this site, I'm sorry to say. Women say that men don't read their profiles but they're wrong. Women read them too. I see people complaining all the time that there are 'no good ones' out there, that everyone is either a liar or a cheat. But all they're looking at is the size of the guy's pecs or the woman's boobs. I actually read a profile where a woman said she was the most amazing woman on here, the sexiest and the best of the bunch. And you know what? She'll probably get a hundred responses a day. That's just the way people are. Frankly I wouldn't give anyone with that inflated an ego the time of day...but that's just me.

Remember - if someone is in love with themselves, they probably won't have any love left for you.

Just keep poking away my friend. All you need is to catch one woman's eye. Find something you're good at and talk about it on your profile. It may not be something everyone is looking for, but it might be something someone is looking for...

Good luck, and happy fishing...
 Cool_Magic
Joined: 2/25/2011
Msg: 17
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:57:37 PM
Attractive sells super fast. Is all. That it the only key. It's like selling a house.

"Why is my house not selling?" Because it doesn't have hardwood floors, or has only 2 bedrooms. or there is no ensuite bathroom, or old roof, and/or old furnace, or it backs onto busy street, and/or the basement smells like mould.

However, this house may boast a lot of old charm and a great location, which means, it will take longer to sell, but it WILL be appreciated once found by the right buyers.

Bottom line - time and patience are of the essence:)
 geoffonpof1
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 18
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/20/2011 7:32:59 PM
Do like most others,,,,,, Be Pissed off at the site, leave.. then return and se if things have changed

G
 NuyNuyNuy
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 19
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Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/22/2011 11:40:42 PM
.........................lol
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 20
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Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/23/2011 5:02:08 AM

Improve your social skills somewhat, you're quiet, shy from what it seems, but guess what, there are women out there looking for that, you're in your mid 30's , up in Sudbury, not exactly a booming metropolis , and to find a woman that hasn't had children, is going to be a stretch, you might consider meeting women with Older kids that are out of the house, sometimes you have to compromise.
This bears repeating.

Also, to add to the list of things that Ice has said to join, attend the festivals. Don't just attend, start watching the crowds, if you see someone that interests you, conveniently bump into them and apologize... bit on the corny side, but if the person is having a good time and is cheerful, this is a great opener to make small talk starting with something like, "Gee, standing room only here... is this festival always this busy?" Just be careful because there's a fine line between a deliberate bumping into someone and overt stalking...

Check out this calendar of events...

http://www.mysudbury.ca/Tourism/ThingsToDo/FestivalsEvents.htm

There's always something to do in this city... if you're actually interested in engaging rather than being a couch potato...

G'luck...
 Ciphery
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 21
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/24/2011 10:33:08 AM
I do have to agree somewhat with ice. There is merit to keeping posative and trying new tactics outside the net.
The truth is that women of substance DO face a deluge of mail. I know as some of my friends have a successful relationship that started here on POF and have asked them the same questions about success.

Truth is that stable,good job, not crazy, bla bla bla = MEDIOCRETY
You need to have something that makes you stand out from the crowd, and that aint easy nor is it an answer someone else can give you. It must come from with in you.

Think of POF as a catalog full of men and women. People like to shop. The more info you divulge the more you give them to pick apart, this one has kids,is a sports freak etc. (the perfect match is out there and I will find him/her If I just click on a few more profiles)
 TheSilentMan85
Joined: 9/1/2010
Msg: 22
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/25/2011 11:28:34 AM
You gotta go out. I know it can be intimidating to go outside and meet people in "real life", especially if you prefer to find people online...but if the online thing isn't working for you, you gotta go out and SHOW yourself and your personality to people.

I don't know if this accurately describes you or if I'm just guessing...but you're not gonna meet anyone by sitting at home by yourself. Go out. Go out every day. Talk to people you meet. Each conversation, each interaction will teach you something. "Well, I shouldn't have said that", or "That worked well! I'll have to try that again." It's hard to do, but each lesson you learn will make the future easier.
 Ontariogirl1960
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 23
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 7/31/2011 12:50:22 PM
I don't see a picture on your profile. I mean not even ONE. Some people have been on this site for years and not found someone. It is not easy to find the ONE. There are millions of great single people out there, all looking too so getting frustrated is certainly not helping. Lastly maybe you need to go out more join some clubs or associations or something that might work better for you.
 solvovivo
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 24
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 2/19/2013 8:29:37 PM
POF works great for me...

What's your profile look like? Do you use humor? Does your profile make them laugh?

Write a good profile that makes women laugh, and post several pictures of yourself... at least one where you're laughing and having a good time with some of your women friends... they could be your sisters, it doesn't matter... one pic where you're smiling... another one with your daughter or son, having a good time...

My profile starts with a list of things I like, then I toss crazy things in there to surprise the reader... No sexual innuendos, or riske' material, unless you're a very clever, witty guy... otherwise it'll turn women off.

Look up Oscar Wilde quotes and see what I've talking about...

Throw a few brainy quotes in your profile... I've got 3 in mine.

Above all, be yourself, but be creative...

Remember, in your profile, or in the real world... the greatest aphrodisiac is humor... If you don't believe me, do a Google search on just that phrase and look at all the articles on the power of humor and laughter... amazing...
 VixenLuv
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 25
Where to go when POF doesn't work?
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:56:22 AM
This site is FREE..
You get what you pay for after all...
Its not working for me as well..
and NO I do not get inundated with messages from guys,,
Not from the ones I am interested in anyway...

If you are serious about finding someone NOW..
maybe go to a PAID dating site?
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