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 riolan
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 1
Text message datePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Over the last year or so I've really started to notice how communication has dwindled within society. I met a woman on here, and we've been chatting back and forth for about a week, however, its been all text messages. Maybe its just me, but there's only so much that you can learn about a person over text messages. I've attempted to call her, or ask was she busy, can she talk, any other method to initiate an actual conversation. Am I just living in the stone age when expecting to hear a person's voice during the "getting to know each other" process?
 Lolita_LeBron
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 2
Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 8:48:24 AM
Ah, that texting monster again. You aren't wrong; plenty of people conduct their relationships via text messaging and then they wonder later on why they were so completely misunderstood. It helps once in a while to send a "quickie", but it should not be the foundation of communication within any relationship.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
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Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 8:54:47 AM
I have found that communication is almost everything. This includes communication styles. If two people don't like to communicate the same way in terms of frequency, quality, and the mode of communication, you might as well forget about it.

She likes to text; you like to talk. It's not going to work.

I also had a limit of how much time I was willing to spend with somebody before talking on the phone, and then before meeting. It wasn't a lot.

If I indicated to a man that I wanted to talk on the phone, and he wasn't equally interested in that, things never went anywhere.

I think it's much more important to focus on that aspect than to wonder why they are the way they are and whether your way is better, or whatever. Although, for what it's worth, I agree with you that you can't have real communication via text (I do like it for the flirty, just touching base aspects of it, though).
 saw1984
Joined: 9/14/2010
Msg: 4
Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 10:05:46 AM
i definitely agree, if she prefers to communicate only by text vs your want to have a voice conversation...the relationship doesn't seem too promising.

That is one of my pet peeves, a guy I'm dating relying solely on text communication--- a good way to get things misconstrued quick!
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 5
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Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 2:32:36 PM
I tell a woman I'm talking to that my phone number is a landline, so please don't text me. I really hate those "text to voice" services. Especially at 2 a.m.

When I'm getting ready to meet someone in person, I give her my cell number to call in case there are any last-minute changes or delays. I also tell her my cell is off most of the time and that's it's only for emergencies away from home, and that I don't text.
 warren_book
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 6
Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 3:32:18 PM

Am I just living in the stone age when expecting to hear a person's voice during the "getting to know each other" process?

I think so.
I don't really understand the phenomena myself.
I have met women that swear up and down they don't want a relationship with their phone either.
We have conversations about texting killing relationships.
About how bad texting is.
Then I get a bunch of deep personal texts and all communication devolves into texting with these same people. Sometimes text conversations on why texting is bad.

I think it has something to do with people really seeking out an emotional feeling.
On here to seek out relationships because they believe they'll feel a certain way if they just get to a certain label. Seeking people as cogs to fix or protection from emotional insecurity.
And you have to "communicate" to get there (to the desired label). And ejaculating emotions and time spent chatting means communicating anymore.
And how to do that and get instant gratification that you are still in touch and connected?
Text messaging.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 7
Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 6:17:54 PM
You want to get to know someone ? - then you go out on a date, ya know... face to face!

Rest of the time...texting is perfectly normal and an awesome way to keep in contact. Most of us don't have time to sit there and talk to people on the phone. I can do million different things during the day and yet still keep convo going with multiple people via TEXT. It's called multitasking. It's 2011... get on with times.
 DaveB951
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 8
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Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 6:50:06 PM
No way riolan... you are not living in the stone age. I am with you concerning the whole text thing.

IMHO.... It is fine if a relationship is established or becoming established to text a quick hello, or thinking about you but other then that, it is nothing but trouble and more or less akin to a fast food drive through window relationship.
 warren_book
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 9
Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 7:23:55 PM

It's called multitasking. It's 2011... get on with times.

University of Michigan did a study (around 2000) on multi-tasking and found it's bad for you.
Makes your information retention and focus shallow, causes stress, can actually reduce productivity, and other stuff I can't remember...probably because I was doing other things while reading about it ten years ago.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 10
Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 7:34:50 PM
I am inclined to believe that all this text messaging, and and talking to people online, is less about people wanting to make a connection with people than it is about wanting to keep people at arm`s length. There are no messy entanglements... its safe and anonymous and easy to talk people if you want to, but then you can just disappear...

I think the only way you can have true success is to meet and to talk to people in real life. Electronic communication is for the bored and the jaded... If someone only wants to send text messages, or talk online, then that`s all they were ever in it for. You`ll meet more people like that than not..
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 11
Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 7:38:25 PM
I agree with Lillimarleen's post.

Either call her and ask her out or talk and see if you want to ask her out.

You can always text to meet and see if she goes for it.

People are all geared differently cenomeno-
 BlueEyedGuy1974
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 12
Text message date
Posted: 7/5/2011 8:29:24 PM
Why not just ask her out for a drink and a chat. If by the end of the drink things don't seem to be going good. Then well end it there. If it is going good. Order another drink and keep chatting.

I've never liked phones myself and would rather be face to face. At the same time I find text messaging some what nice in that I can send a text when I have time. Sitting on the phone requires me to sit and do that one thing which a lot of the time I don't have time to do. So it is possible that she is just usually busy and can't chat on the phone. But she can send a text message once in a while.
 mr_ultimo
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 13
Text message date
Posted: 7/6/2011 7:35:40 AM
It doesn't bother me. I don' view it as much different from a phone call. I just set a date to meet and then keep in touch lightly until we get together. I don't write very much but I keep it light, funny and respectful. Be a man, get over it, quick! Good Luck!
 JD4Real29
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 14
Text message date
Posted: 7/6/2011 10:48:50 AM

I've attempted to call her, or ask was she busy, can she talk, any other method to initiate an actual conversation.


If you've tried to talk to her on the phone and she hasn't responded then she's not into you. You're just someone she texts for an ego boost.
 riolan
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 15
Text message date
Posted: 7/6/2011 1:58:02 PM
I've started to get that feeling. My 16 year old sister has friends that she calls "texting buddies" in which they do nothing but text. No face to face meeting, no phone conversations, just texting. Maybe a text buddy is along the lines of a "friend with benefits."
 riolan
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 16
Text message date
Posted: 7/6/2011 2:02:21 PM
That sounds like a good way around things, I will definitely keep that in mind.
 ocean_park
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 17
Text message date
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:15:17 PM
There is a time and place for texting. But I woud like to have some phone conversations as well.
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 18
Text message date
Posted: 7/7/2011 11:02:37 PM
Text buddies are men women reserved for a healthy dose of male attention via Text. With the rise of the text message this is becoming the norm.

Text communication is cool and all. But it shouldn't be over indulged in to the point where talking to an individual is foreign or awkward

Social Networking has generally made it awkward for people to interact and makes reading body language odd.
 riolan
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 19
Text message date
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:53:34 AM
I agree with you completely. I have a buddy on this site, and he said after meeting a female on here they exchanged numbers, and after about 2 weeks they finally met. That meeting he said was the first time he heard her voice. I was baffled that he could converse with a person for 2 weeks and never hear their voice, for all he knows it could have been a man pretending to be a woman.
 wvmark73
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 20
Text message date
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:59:07 PM
The way I see it, there is a time and place for all forms of communication.

I can sit on the couch and watch a movie with my son while texting with someone. Once he goes to bed, I can talk on the phone.

In general, text is not a very good way to get to know someone. Neither is e-mail. They are one dimensional. But you can learn about someone.

You have to strike a balance.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 21
Text message date
Posted: 8/4/2011 5:42:08 PM

(cenomeno) It's called multitasking.


*shrug* "Multi-tasking" is just a nice way of saying, "Doing many things at once, and doing a half-a$$ed job at ALL of them."


It's 2011... get on with times.


If "get(ting) with (the) times" means having my face glued to a cell-phone, being an ignoranus to people around me, then call me an old fogey...

Arlo...
 Pinayto
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 22
Text message date
Posted: 8/4/2011 8:40:20 PM
OP ugh, been there done that, for a year! Result: a year of wasted time,effort, money, emotions... just not worth it.

Learn from my mistake meet ASAP. Sure way to know if the feeling's REAL and if it's worth it.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 23
Text message date
Posted: 8/5/2011 12:27:45 PM

then call me an old fogey...


You are an old fogey. Half your life you didn't even know cell phones existed ... So that's ok , I guess ... You may get back to using smoke signals or whatever 'you people' used in stone age...

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 bardichawk
Joined: 4/2/2010
Msg: 24
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Text message date
Posted: 8/5/2011 4:05:24 PM
Gotta agree with Ceno here. I don't have time (or inclination until I'm really into you) to drop everything and talk on the phone. But text lets people chat and learn about each other while maintaining their daily pace. Date preferred but a great way to keep the momentum going between dates as well.

But, to each their own, I agree too that a difference in communication style is an indicator of other key differences and over time a deal breaker.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 25
Text message date
Posted: 8/6/2011 7:16:20 AM


(AT) then call me an old fogey...


(cenomeno) You are an old fogey. Half your life you didn't even know cell phones existed ... So that's ok , I guess ... You may get back to using smoke signals or whatever 'you people' used in stone age...

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GET OFF MAH LAWN, YOU DAMN PUNK!!!

Arlo...
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