| | I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways awayPage 1 of 1 | There is a female associate I know in real life. We go to the same function once a week, and she and I are friends but I don't think I've been friend zoned yet (i.e. we haven't chatted online much so far, we have sent emails here and there though)
There is a lot I still need to work on. I'm sure the same for her. However, one could look at both of us and maybe say she's out of my league. I don't think it's QUITE a pipe dream (plus, if she's attracted to me, then I'm pretty good) although I do think, with her status in the function we both attain, it's clear she's here and I'm "over there"
However, she always smiles at me, asks for my help and I sense we have a decent chemistry in the very limited sample size so far.
Later this month we're actually meeting up 1 on 1 for the first time ever to discuss some business. I think it's kinda secretly understood that it's also a bit of a "check out"... she's seeing if she's at all compatible with me and vice versa. Yes, we're meeting for business, but I think "check out" is also one of the perks.
Anyway, for those out there with experience chasing after girls (or guys) "out of your league" what advice do you have?
Should I just focus on improving myself first AND forget about her? Or should I work on myself WHILE keeping an open eye on her? | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 2 | |
| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/7/2011 6:36:06 AM |
I think it's kinda secretly understood that it's also a bit of a "check out"... she's seeing if she's at all compatible with me and vice versa. Yes, we're meeting for business, but I think "check out" is also one of the perks. I think this is all in YOUR mind. Just because it's that way for you don't ASSUME it's the same way for this woman. Secretly understood my tush, you might want to stop being delusional and come back to reality. | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/7/2011 6:36:52 AM | ooooh I don't like the mixing business with pleasure kind of thing , plus the average man is clueless when it comes to this kind of thing, you said you don't know if she likes you, plus she over there and Im assuming its long distance?
Look.... I would say just be friends with her but it sounds like you like her but my question is why do you like her if you don't really know her? you're basing it on her physical appearance .
Second the fact that you think she's out of your league puts you behind the 8 ball, women can sense this , its like they have spider senses when a guy is intimated by them.
Since there isnt enough info, I don't know what you should do except don't f uck it up and be someone or pretend to be someone you're not, and get this " out of my league" crap out of your head and get to know her first, and stop trying thy penis in this case. | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/7/2011 6:56:21 AM |
Anyway, for those out there with experience chasing after girls (or guys) "out of your league" what advice do you have?
Maintain equanimity.
Should I just focus on improving myself first AND forget about her?
No.
Don't forget about her.
Always treat her as a peer (unless she's like your boss or you are subordinate to her professionally), an individual, a professional, and not a means to pressing your happy button.
Or should I work on myself WHILE keeping an open eye on her?
Do you believe there is going to be a stopping point on working on yourself?
And if you do work on yourself, you think it's going to take and stick if you never exercise it? | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/7/2011 8:51:02 PM | I can't help you as there is no woman out of my league.
There are certainly women who are not compatible with me.
and certainly women who would not like me for one reason or another.
But I just don't build mental pedestals to put them on.
Nor should you.
If you start off with her above you in some way,
you probably won't get anywhere.
So ditch that notion and deal with her as just a woman.
same as any other woman.
but one that you may like.
more than that is silliness on your part. | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/7/2011 10:10:52 PM | Stop thinking so negatively about yourself. You're placing yourself beneath her by thinking she's out of your league
Stop equating her looks to your chances with her.
Step to her like she should be messing with a guy of your calibur.
to get to this point, you really need to start addressing the things about yourself that you are insecure about.
Be active about improvement. You'll be suprised at how feeling great about yourself makes women feel great about you | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/7/2011 10:22:05 PM | Ok OP I see that you're younger so you get a pass.
First, stop playing around. If you're interested... ask her out. Simple as that.
You remind of that "kid" standing in the corner at the school dance wishing he had the gonads to ask out the captain of the cheer-leading team... only to find out 10 years later (after she's already married with three kids) that she was wanting you to ask her to dance.
Stop acting like a 14 year old scared kid and start acting like a man. One of the biggest complaints from younger women (when dealing with men their same age) is that they [the men their age] act like scared boys and not men.
Man up. Ask her out - she already knows you're interested. Yes... she does... women know when a man wants more than mere friendship. She'll either shoot you down, or accept - either way she'll see you as a mature adult and not a pansy assed 14 year old to scared to make the move. | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/9/2011 6:34:22 PM | | Never assume you're 'out of a girl's league'. You may not be what she is looking for, but you won't know that until you actually get to know her. | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/10/2011 2:44:26 AM | You know, I just saw BTTF and George McFly reminds me a bit of ... me =P
All it takes is one moment, one true act of strength and love... | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/11/2011 6:00:52 AM | There are no 'leagues'. There are people who are attracted to you, and not. That is it.
When people find themselves thinking 'secretly the other person is doing this for that'....it is really just you assuming that because you are secretly using this business meeting for ulterior motives, that she is doing same...when the reality is, you have no clue what is motiviating her other than the business at hand, and you should not be going expecting anything other than the business at hand. If an opportunity presents itself...be prepared...but dont hold any expectations of it happening either.
I also dont suscribe to the notion of having to choose whether to better oneself OR try for a relationship. One should always be striving to better themselves, no matter thier dating status. This sends me the message that you only do what you think others want you to do, instead of being a man and carving out your very own identity. Thats pretty weak...and this mentality WILL be the reason some women are not attracted. A woman likes a man who is sure of himself, not a man who is willing to be whatver she wants him to be. A woman will get bored of that PDQ! | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/11/2011 7:46:07 AM | | It is quite simple. So simple people can't figure it out. You have one life to live. In this life you will come across oppurtunities. The questions you have to ask yourself are as followed. Will I look back at this and wonder what might have been? What is the worst that could happen? She says no and you maintain your professional relationship. That being said be true to yourself and respectful to her. | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/13/2011 8:26:02 AM | | there no such thing as been out of "your league" unless you put it there yourself. Just one thing thou its generally a bad ideal to be in a relationship with a someone you work with. Mixing work and pleasure usually ends up badly. I mean whats going to happen if she rejects you, awkward? Or lets say u guys do end up been together for a bit, what happens when you break up? | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 7/13/2011 1:01:50 PM | | I agree with the folks who say keep it Professional - it's not work ruining your career. OTOH, keep a mental note and keep her contact info for that day your circumstance changes. If either of you changes jobs and are no longer doing Business, you can call her and see about doing something Personal. "Don't Touch" doesn't have to mean "Out Of Touch". The least you can do is add her to your LinkedIn list of contacts. | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 10/30/2011 6:02:40 PM | If you feel she is out of your league
you've already lost.
There are no leagues except in your own head.
The most beautiful girl on the planet
could fall for a guy who knows that. | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 10/30/2011 9:30:32 PM | Just focus on being yourself. Ultimately, you want a woman to like you for who you are, right?
Having said that, some of the things that women are attracted to are
confidence (which you seem to be lacking)
kindness
generosity
an easy smile and an easy laugh
good hygiene
intelligence without arrogance
Let us know how it went. | |
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| I like her (a lot), but I'm a ways away
Posted: 10/31/2011 1:13:39 AM |
Later this month we're actually meeting up 1 on 1 for the first time ever to discuss some business. I think it's kinda secretly understood that it's also a bit of a "check out".
How could you make that determination?? Is this an unnecessary business meeting? Check her out and be flirtatious by all means but don't go overboard with it... it's most likely a business meeting...
Anyway, for those out there with experience chasing after girls (or guys) "out of your league" what advice do you have?
If you feel she is out of your league then she is. You have to feel you can get her for her to feel the attraction. The leagues are largely just insecurity issues.
Should I just focus on improving myself first
Clearly you identify you got some stuff to address about yourself. Yes you should focus on that. It will only make your relationships better. It's an investment not a distraction to your goal.
Or should I work on myself WHILE keeping an open eye on her?
If you can read the self-help books and look at her at the same time then sure :) | |
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