| | boyfriend still goes on pofPage 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | hi, i met a guy on pof, been seeing him for just over three months.i deleted my pof account a little while into our relationship, he did say he wasn't going on pof on anymore.
i was helping a friend to upload pictures onto pof and searched my guys name...up he popped,i set up a bogus account to see if he would reply,he did saying he would love to chat.i couldnt hide my upset and told him what i had done, he said if it upsets me he will stop going online and that he was just chatting to friends he had made while fishing.i have logged into my account several times since and have seen that he has logged on...i dont know what to do? can i really trust him? | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 1:02:57 PM | | Relationship DOOMED. You already don't trust him, and you never will. Bring your profile back. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 1:16:14 PM | Lets hope we aren't dating the same guy... LOL --- just kidding. Mine deleted his POF account right after we met... saying "I won't go fishin anymore". That doesn't mean he didn't open a new POF - he stayed on his other singles site.
I posted earlier today about what to do about my suspicions. Listen to the people's advice... they're seeing clearly.... we probably aren't cuz we like the idiots.
I texted mine.... I'm done. Life's too short to hang on to something that makes you worry and wonder.
My parents were married over 50 years... and I bet a day didn't go buy that they were "wondering" how the other felt.... they told eachother.. and more importantly they showed eachother.
For our guys to show us that they are still searching the singles scene... that in itself answers are questions of "can I trust him... what should I do".
who know's... you might get back on POF and it'll match ya up again.. now wouldn't that be a hoot :-) But this time, you'll be all the more wiser.
I wish ya the best... I know it ain't fun going through this stuff... but it does make us stronger and wiser.
Next time, I'm walking once I have a doubt. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 1:17:19 PM | | In my opinion that would be a deal breaker. I should be more important then someone he talks to on POF as a friend. Maybe if he gets on for the forum he can put in his profile he is seeing someone and is only there for the forums or for friends. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 1:20:57 PM | i dont know what to do? can i really trust him?
Go to college for some education? no you can't..
Keep checking up on him with your "friends account" or your bogus (current?) one..
Come back every few days and give us updates, many Forumites live vicariously through the common melodramas that neophytes come up with weekly.. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 1:41:39 PM | Dating websites are very helpful. But some people just swear by it. It's like they are addicted to it. You meet someone, there is that connection between you but the guy still thinks that he can find someone ''better''
People just want to find the perfection, their ideal partner ''online''. It is impossible ! You should open your account again. And talk to the friends you made on here too =)
Only delete it when you ''sure'' about the relationship. With people you meet online, it is important to ''take your time''.There are a lot of things you do not know about them.
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 1:49:39 PM | | That is scary..he is a player. Let him go somewhere else and play..you deserve someone better. Someone to trust might be nice... | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 2:05:48 PM | Why does everyone make up a story about how they happened upon their lover on a dating site still looking? You didn't trust him, looked him up but after going to all that trouble, you didn't carry out your spying far enough. If you are going to go for entrapment, make sure you get far enough to know if he's really cheating or just talking to people, or for that matter, just talking to women....go for the whole thing or don't play the sneaky game at all.
The relationship is over, it barely started to be honest, and now you only know enough to drive you nuts and make it easy for him to make you feel crazy. Do yourself a favor and move on, and next time don't get so invested before you know who the person is you are dealing with. And if you are a snoop, own up to it, lots of people are, there's no rule that you have to follow the rules of others, tell the guy right up front, I will be checking on you so don't play games with me. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 2:30:42 PM |
i dont know what to do?
What are your realistic options?
Or is the question more of "I'm really attracted to him and still want him to stick around and give me what I want. So how do I get him to change his behavior to that which will guarantee that he will keep doing it. How can I get him to accept responsibility for my security, gratification, and peace of mind."
can i really trust him?
I don't know.
For all I know this is all in your head and you really just want to end the relationship and make it undeniably his fault.
I mean I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say something like
he did say he wasn't going on pof on anymore.
When that was only what was heard, and not really what was said.
So the only thing I can think to say for this 1000000th thread stating "I don't trust my (insert label here), I set out to prove it, and I think I have, showing I can't really be trusted either" is to move on to the next person.
You know you wanna. And it's the easiest thing to do. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 2:42:32 PM | Yes, relationship doomed. You can't trust him, and after you set a trap for him, he prooved untrustworthy, although I have to wonder what motivated you to search his name if you were just *cough, cough* helping someone else set up a profile.
If you feel you have to try and entrap someone the way you did, online dating is not for you. This speaks of trust issues that were around before you met the guy. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 2:47:04 PM | You haven't really said what you and he have discussed as far as comittment. One would defintiely think that 3 months of dating would "merit" some sort of relationship tie. BUT, if he told you he is no longer on the site and you caught him in a "lie"...well...he will lie about other things too. Exactly what are you willing to deal with? Aka/Is he really worth it? Put your name back out there girl....but don't expect him to graciously accept your move back into availability on the website...lol....funny how when the tables are turned, it isn't so gratifying. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 3:05:20 PM | Why in the world do people delete their profiles anyways? I just don't understand why you just don't log on them instead.
I've had this profile for like 3 years and already went through 3 relationships and countless dates. I dont even know what the thing says anymore and dont care.
For one, like the lady said above you should have set him up if you were gonna go through the trouble of making a fake account. Should have set up a meet and greet, and then you got your 100% answer.
He may just like hitting on/flirting with women and needs it for his ego boost. Or he could be the biggest cheat ever, you dont know now.
What I would do is remake your account and go fishin' too. Just play his game too, itll eat him up, because women get 10000000x more play on the net then men do. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 3:14:40 PM | | He could be addicted. Many people these days with facebook, twitter, dating sites, etc sometimes have a hard time giving them up, relationship or no relationship. That's giving a person the benefit of the doubt, but I agree that if he is still talking to others then he is not being faithful to you even if it is only for friendly chats. He can have friendly chats on a fishing or car racing site or some other site that does not involve dating if he wants to 'just talk'. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 3:27:31 PM | | It was only 3 months. You chose to delete your account. He had the right to keep his open. This is a social networking site. It is far too early in the relationship to throw a lasso around his neck. When I first came to POF the guy I met said he was going to delete his account now. I thought he was joking. He deleted his account and I have to tell you I felt uncomfortable. We just met! He turned out to be too needy. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 3:29:21 PM | Once this type of paranoia sets in, your relationship is over.
It's been just 3 months... chances are there are other little issues that you chose to ignore or that are starting to bother you as well.
Not everyone we date will make it into a serious situation.
Don't force something that wasn't meant to be.
You really are NOT that desperate,
so don't act like it. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 3:35:37 PM | OP you set yourself up for that when you created the fake account.
Three months does not a relationship make. Your only dating. It
doesn't sound like there is any commitment here at all......
But you might as well move on......perhaps take some time off
from dating and re-evaluate yourself and figure out what it is
you really want and work on those trust issues....... | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 3:42:53 PM | Back in 2007 I joined a paid dating site, 3rd guy I met and I started dating...we talked about the fact that we had PAID to be on there and agreed that if we dated anyone else we would tell the other person otherwise we would stay on the site (yes, this was all his idea but it seemed to be a good one!). 4 months later I caught him in bed with another woman (long story and Im not going to bore you with details; he had at that point said exclusive). Meet him out at a POF meet/greet a year later and he said that he had just gotten out of a bad marriage (been divorced only 3 yars) and wasn't ready for as serious as we had gotten...(dude had long term on his profile as his interest) but he was ready to settle down now and wanted me to go back out with him; I thanked him for the interest and said that I thought being friends was as much as I had in me since I had cared so deeply for him before.
Fast forward he found me on facebook and I noticed a year ago that he was in a relationship with someone now. When I rejoined POF I was surprised to find his profile on here and he sent me a message. When I told him I was surprised that he was on here cause on Facebook it showed him in a relationship he cut the conversation short with...Oh yea I am but I just come on occasionally to check things out. ....
I could never bring myself to trust him again to try and date him again...I liked him a lot and had wondered if i made the right decision but after seeing him still sitting on POF after being in a relationship for over a year with someone it just confirms that we wouldn't have been good together. It could be something as insignificant as ego that causes him to seek attention from other females. I also think it is funny that all his pictures on here are the ones he had when I meet him and he has the date of them as being made in 2011...
You were wrong to have snooped on your guy; he was wrong to lead you to believe that he wasn't on POF any more. You choked on setting up a time to meet him when you were chatting with him cause you were afraid he would agree to meet you and then you wouldnt have the opportunity to sweep it all under the carpet. You are looking for validation to do what you know you need to do.
I feel you took down your profile to try and guilt him into taking his down and it backfired on you. You want honest communication with him when you are trying to manipulate him into doing the things you want and then snooping on him when he didnt. Call your own bullshit and be honest with him about how you feel; you will find out who he is and he will then know who you are and then you might have a chance for a solid relationship. Continue to play this type of mind-games with a man will just piss him off. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 3:49:19 PM |
I feel you took down your profile to try and guilt him into taking his down and it backfired on you. You want honest communication with him when you are trying to manipulate him into doing the things you want and then snooping on him when he didnt. Call your own bullshit and be honest with him about how you feel; you will find out who he is and he will then know who you are and then you might have a chance for a solid relationship. Continue to play this type of mind-games with a man will just piss him off.
This is what the guy that I met made me feel like when he deleted his profile. I almost felt as if he was manipulating me to do the same. I never said I would delete my profile. A few months later he found me on POF and said "I see you're back" ... honey, I never left! | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 4:24:57 PM | You cant trust him, he's still looking and you are wasting your time
its curb time for the dude. | |
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Sînz
| | Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 22 | |
| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 4:35:29 PM |
Relationship DOOMED. You already don't trust him, and you never will. Bring your profile back.
^^ this. Your trust level will never be the same from this point forward and should probably just break it off now. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 6:09:34 PM | if I had true great friends from here that I needed to talk to.... I probably already have their real email address, or contact info.
He is chummin the waters, looking for a bigger, better different fish... you are bait. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 6:57:17 PM | As painful as it is...they're right. From what you've told us...not only did he lie to you about deleting his account, he also lied to you about remaining on POF to talk to friends previously made when he clearly took the bait to chat to you under the bogus account you made.
He's playing you...and you know it. | |
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| boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 7:19:00 PM | Trust is very difficult to regain once it is lost.
I have been seeing a guy for the past four years, exclusive...a long distance relationship that he said was all he wanted, needed or had time for. I fell for it.
I was down to visit a few months ago. We didn't talk online anymore, mostly by text or phone. He said he couldn't get online because his computer was messed up. I asked if he wanted me to clean it and I did. Imagine my surprise to find a POF cookie and account on his computer. Just a note...we didn't meet on this site. The cookie was current and he'd just checked his account the day I was flying in.
I didn't confront him then, I was blown away. I left a whole lot more lonely and quiet after the visit...and didn't speak to him for a couple of weeks. When he finally pushed, I told him what I'd found. He went on with a story about hearing about the site on a radio program, how funny it was, and he had wanted to check it out. He'd had the account for almost a year while we were dating...he was active and regular.
I lost trust in him, and was no longer sure if he was lying or telling the truth; I knew it was over. When there are hours between you and the person you love, you have to trust them. I loved him and it's over. I still hurt. He had introduced me to his family, his kids, his nieces and nephews...so I didn't just lose him, I lost a family.
Don't waste your time on this guy... if you are dating and having a sexual relationship...it should be considered exclusive. You will never be able to make him happy if he's addicted to the attention all the other women here at PoF give him. | |
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