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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Men that say "I'll never get married again"...      Home login  
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 shefish7
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 1
Men that say "I'll never get married again"...Page 1 of 1    
Is this something that you really mean? I know a guy that told me that he'd never get married and didn't want kids. But he's been married for 7 years and has a child. LOL But on the other hand, guys that have been married a long time, since they were in their early 20s, their kids are almost out of the house, etc. say they'll never get married again. What if they do meet the right woman that totally steals their heart away? We all know that being in love in your early years is much different than being in love later in life. Your thoughts?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 1:06:18 PM
We all know that being in love in your early years is much different than being in love later in life. Your thoughts?

"Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience" Thoughts are to LISTEN..

IF you want a man to pay attention to what YOU say,
then pay full attention and believe it when he is talking about his vision of a future with YOU..
 4x4fan
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 3
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 1:31:32 PM
People say all sorts of stuff.
Most marriage vows say something in the form of "...to love, honor and protect until death do us part", but yet the divorce rate is over 50%.
Marriages, vows, promises and idle statements are all like a used car salesperson. At the time when you are making the transaction you have to believe what you are being told but deep down you know the warranty ain't for sh*t!!
 a_lonewolf
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 4
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 1:35:50 PM

We all know that being in love in your early years is much different than being in love later in life. Your thoughts?

Exactly, so when you get married early on, why would you want or feel the need to get married later on?
When people are young they think that getting married will provide them with the everlasting love of their life, if it doesn't work why would you repeat getting married? It doesn't do squat for your lovelife. Just finding the right person to be with should be the goal, not to get married.
It always boggles my mind when you find that some people have been married 3 or 4 times and still single. What is the definition of insanity again?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 2:19:45 PM
I don't believe in making broad sweeping statements of that sort. You can make plans, but you have to play the cards that you are dealt. You just might meet someone and fall madly in love.

Conversely, I don't like the ones who are searching desperately for someone to marry. If it happens, it happens. Try to enjoy your life, and take one day at a time.
 MandySandy
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 6
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 2:29:38 PM
I made that decision a long time ago never to remarry. Since then I have children, a dog, a house and a man (who I never married). We have been together for more then 10 years. There is no pressure.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 7
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Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 2:49:42 PM
My attitude is: Never say never.

When you say you'll "never marry again," you're basing that decision only on the people you've met. You fail to consider those whom you might meet -- and who may change your life.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 8
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Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 3:17:36 PM
If a guy tells you that believe him.
He wouldn't have said it otherwise.

Find a guy who doesn't say that.
And quit chasing emotionally unavailable males.
as you will never change em.
 Justplainjohn
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 9
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 3:59:30 PM
If a man has survived one marriage and divorce and then tells you he will not get married again ... he has good reason to say so.

Why does falling in love and wanting to be with someone have to end in marriage? Especially if you are past the family building stages. The men that I know would be happy to make a serious commitment to the right Lady but none will want to get married again.
 a_lonewolf
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 10
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 4:18:56 PM

And quit chasing emotionally unavailable males

how is this linked to people who don't want to marry or marry again?
So if a guy who is 65 years old says he doesn't want anymore biological children, does that also make him emotionally unavailable and not worthy of having a committed relationship?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
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Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 5:07:59 PM
If you want to MARRY him.... yes.
Just date him... no.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 12
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Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 6:00:54 PM
Maybe they have decided that "marriage" is not really what they once believed???? You could go in all kinds of directions with the "marriage" thingy, and actually if you do a search, you will see there are allllllll kinds of reasons some never even want to get married ONCE!!!!!(I know shocking isn't it).

And I really don't want to hear the word "committed" and "marriage" compared again here in these posts. Really. I don't. It just about makes me puke.

 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
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Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/14/2011 11:01:54 PM
It's something I really mean. I'm more careful about how I express myself, so rather than phrase it as a firm psychic prediction, I would say that as of now, I can see no reason why I would ever want to be thus legally entangled again.

It has nothing to do with willingness to commit, at all. I'm actually EAGER for that. I just can't imagine, now that I'm aware of them all, that I would ever WANT to sign again for all those "blank check" things that come with marriage. It seems like a lot of work to go through, in order to add people and complications to my life that have nothing to do with being with someone I love.
Every time I want to do anything at all important in life, I have to have my wife sign extra forms indicating her concurrence. Every change of an address, every shift in a bank account, every activity that the government or big businesses (like insurance folks) thinks MIGHT have something to do with a spouse, has to have the both of us show up together and go through MORE than twice as much nonsense as a single person does.
 shefish7
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 14
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/15/2011 5:58:18 AM
I tend to agree. You never know who you are going to meet in the future that may change your life.

I also agree that finding love again later in life does NOT have to end in marriage. Nothing wrong with 2 people that love each other, build a life together if that is what they choose to do, but not have that "license" to do it.
 Iced1071
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 15
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/15/2011 7:22:48 AM


Is this something that you really mean? I know a guy that told me that he'd never get married and didn't want kids. But he's been married for 7 years and has a child. LOL But on the other hand, guys that have been married a long time, since they were in their early 20s, their kids are almost out of the house, etc. say they'll never get married again. What if they do meet the right woman that totally steals their heart away? We all know that being in love in your early years is much different than being in love later in life. Your thoughts?


The marriage vows also say "For Better or for worse"

how many people you actually believe follow that?

Sure seems to me its usually "For better"
 DrawnToTheWild
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 16
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/15/2011 8:14:59 AM
I've said it :D

Do I mean it? When I said it I absolutely believed it and meant it. It's usually said in the heat of frustration, not always, but history is still playing on that person's mind.

I got out a of a relationship that was a lot of work... I'm not a lazy ass by stretch of the imagination, I give 150% to the relationship I'm in, but still I felt like I wasn't giving as much as was expected. How much of that was my perception and how much was her expectations is another thing, but in either case I said "if that relationship ever ends, I'd never marry again... or even have another woman in my life. You're all too much work."

As a guy who likes a simple, easy life, it's tough to be around demanding women and the longer time goes on, the more demanding you all seem. So it's not hard to see how we say we don't wanna get married again, we don't want any part of that.

But if someone came along who was a total sweetheart and just fits us, softens us and makes us the man we want to be without making it seem like so much work - or if she makes the hard work feel like it's totally worth it; if I can't get the thought of her out of my head day and night. Damn straight I'd get married again, in a heartbeat.

As for kids, there are days I say I don't want more kids - usually because the 2 I've already got are wearing me out and frustrating me because they won't listen, do what they're told or they've slaughtered my apartment 15 minutes after the cleaners left. But the other 95% of the time they're wonderful and I'd have another kid in a heartbeat... if I was a perfect fit with the woman I was having them with.
 DrawnToTheWild
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 17
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/15/2011 8:24:06 AM
The problem with the "For better or worse" statement is that nobody really thinks about the "or worse" part when they're saying it. It's easy right now, the relationship is still young, the worst its ever been is a couple of minor fights about leaving the toilet seat up... chances are, you barely even know each other yet.

I don't think anyone should live a miserable life just because they made a promise they didn't understand at the time they said it. In order to say "for worse" you have to know how each other will be at their worst... and until it happens, you probably don't. So how can you promise that?

What if it becomes evident over time that you're not a good fit for each other and that continuing down the path is going to be toxic to both of you? Perhaps it's better for you both to get out now than psychologically destroy each other over time.

So the dilemma is do you really stick around for the worse and honour your vows, living a life of misery, or do you break your vow with the potential for happiness?

At what point do you tell the person you're with that you have doubts about the longevity of the relationship and get out? It may be that you don't have the opportunity to see how each other is at their worst... that your whole life, right up to your wedding day is the best of the "better" and you're still living the honeymoon phase... and then something happens and you realise that the person you're with can't be relied on or trusted when the going gets really tough... and you realise you made a huge mistake... too late now, you made a vow...

So when it comes to "for better or for worse" the only way you can promise that is to have gone through some of the worse together to know that you can both handle the worse - and the worst of each other.

Otherwise all you can do is make your best guess, take a shot in the dark and hope it pans out the way you want it to by saying "I do". The problem with guessing is it's not a science, it could all go horribly wrong.
 CzechDiva
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 18
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/15/2011 9:18:06 AM
Men are always saying they don't want to marry us, but when we get rid of them , they can't wait to get us back.
Once he realize you won't be his house mama, he will come around !
 Iced1071
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 19
Men that say I'll never get married again...
Posted: 7/15/2011 11:17:27 AM
I don't think anyone should live a miserable life just because they made a promise they didn't understand at the time they said it. In order to say "for worse" you have to know how each other will be at their worst... and until it happens, you probably don't. So how can you promise that?


You make it sound like their stage of misery is permanent. As if people don't go through phases.. Marriage is like a roller coaster, there are going to be ups and downs in every facet of it. Its how you react when times are tough that shows your true character and who you really are.



What if it becomes evident over time that you're not a good fit for each other and that continuing down the path is going to be toxic to both of you? Perhaps it's better for you both to get out now than psychologically destroy each other over time


A great marriage isn't based on how compatibile you are with someone - its how you two work together with the incompatibilities.


At what point do you tell the person you're with that you have doubts about the longevity of the relationship and get out? It may be that you don't have the opportunity to see how each other is at their worst... that your whole life, right up to your wedding day is the best of the "better" and you're still living the honeymoon phase... and then something happens and you realise that the person you're with can't be relied on or trusted when the going gets really tough... and you realise you made a huge mistake... too late now, you made a vow...


At what point do you easily give up on someone if you love them? Why do people only assume that they're partner is never going to grow or snap out of their funk? You married them for a reason, and they're still probably the same at their core.

If you love someone based on certain aspects and qualities of them, thats conditional love and any marriage is doomed.

A marriage is what you make it - and as long as both parties are willing to work at it, you both are in love,then I don't see how it can't work. All I see are excuses and people living in fear of "oh it might not work" or "oh it can't work" instead of actually putting in an effort.
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