Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do all single moms have problems with dating?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lovelybaker4u
Joined: 7/7/2010
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I am asking this question because I want to know if I am the only single mom that has problems with dating and/ or geting asked out. Please tell me what your problem was and how you got it changed. I have been trying to get back into the dating game for awhile now and am having some problems.
 Pierced_Chick
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/1/2011 10:56:00 PM
It'll take some time considering you work and most likely a full time mom, i imagine it's hard for you to go out and meet new people or even get a small break for yourself? (No offense cause im with my son 24/7)

Maybe you should try doing the asking, and again please dont take no offense to my post.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 3:05:38 AM
No. Do you have access to childcare, or trusted family/friends who can help babysit? Not having childcare can be a hindrance. And there are some men who would prefer to be involved with women who do not have kids. But there are many who dont mind it at all.

I have dated, been in relationships, and married as a single Mother, never did anything special or out of the ordinary, just always been myself, yes i am a Mother and being one is a mjaor part of my identity, but i am also a woman just like any other woman, and have a lot to offer and have the same needs and desires.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 8:49:04 AM
Nope, I've never had a problem getting asked out on dates or with finding responsible child care if I accepted a date.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 5
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 10:23:07 AM
I know this is going to sound bad, but it depends on how confident you are or how hot you are, Hot women and confident women with kids has no/ zero/ nada /bupkis problems on getting dates, average women with low or no self esteem, the ones worried about their weight, finances etc, has the most problems with dating.
 jenn8131
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 6
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 10:39:55 AM
I get hit on all the time now more than when I was single cuz I have never looked better. I'm going on 30 and I look better now than when I did in my 20s. I do a 2 hour work out 5 days a week. 90 min yoga class 30 min cardio. I feel positive have a positive attitude and think that goes a long way. When you feel good about yourself it shows. Do I have time to date? Not so much but I think if the right guy came along I would make an effort but I've always liked my independence and have liked being single so for me there isn't much of a dating difference from when I was single to being a single mother except i'm in better shape now...

I think it just takes time. I think its best to be patient. I think its better to wait for what your looking for then rushing into one bad relationship after the next.
 tdg36
Joined: 1/25/2011
Msg: 7
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 10:51:42 AM
I am a single mum aswell, have been for 6 years, bad divorce so only now redy to date, but yes it is hard getting back into dating, your children always come first and not always easy to get childcare for going on a date, but stick with it, it will happen for you :)
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 5:31:19 PM
Many single moms let themselves go too much. Put on a lot of weight and/or develop habits that are not helping them to attract the sort of men they want/imagine they want.

You can offer easy sex and you'll get takers and you will also get white knight wannabees but in terms of finding a man who is going to be a long term partner and step dad to your child that's more challenging.

It is a war out there .. what are your weapons and how do they compare to those of your competitors ?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 6:04:50 PM
I didnt have trouble getting asked out, I had trouble managing relationships because I didnt have the time.

Face it, being a parent is a big job, and if you also work full time it is very difficult to sometimes spend the amount of time one needs to cultivate a meaningfull relationship. Least thats what I found. I couldnt really put an effort into dating until my son was 12-13-ish-basically when his social life stopped revolving around me.

I accepted this before I left my marriage-I knew as a single Mom I was no longer going to be considered 'the belle of the ball'. When I was single and no kids a single parent didnt hold a ton of appeal to me either.

Added to that, because I do have a son, I am more selective about what types of men Ill date. I probably would have hung out with a bad boy types in my teens, but when you care about who you bring home to your family 'bad' anybodies are just not cool, so I knew going in that I had a very small dating pool. And Im fine with that. Quality is worth the wait. jmo
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 7:19:54 PM
Well, to start, some of your interests are being a mom and hanging out with your kids. Well, I'd hope you'd enjoy it. Then, from the rest of your profile:


I am a single mom and I don't let just anyone meet them. They are my life!


Alright, we get it, you're a single mother.


I am an old fashion type of girl.


What does that mean?


I am divorced and have been for a while.


Your profile already says that in your status section.


I love to cook and bake. I work as a nurse aide and I love it. If you want to know more please ask.


Better.


If you just want sex then you need to move on!!!!!


Yawn. Why does every woman need to put this?


Most of your profile seems to concentrate on negative things, or the fact that your kids come first. I understand that your kids are important, as well they should be, but you're here to meet men. I wouldn't want to have it shoved in my face how I'll always be second best, and I'd imagine most men would feel the same way.
 Naadirah
Joined: 6/3/2011
Msg: 11
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/3/2011 1:51:15 AM
I wouldn't say I have a problem with dating, but there are challenges. The first one would be availability, most men assume that I do not have time for them. I'm good at prioritizing, if someone is important to me, I will make time. Many single men in my age group in my area do not have children. They either don't want any because it would interfere with their spontaneous, travel, party lifestyle or they are looking to start a family. I also find that men fear having to be financially responsible for someone else's child. None of these categories suit me, so the choices are slim. I find that younger men, 20s, do not have these issues, but I'm too Hung up on the age difference because my oldest is 22.

Meeting new people is difficult because I do not randomly go out. I work full time, take dance class once a week, own my own home, and am responsible for my family. I enjoy going out with my girlfriends, and tend to forget about attracting potential partners. Dating has become less and less of a priority.

I enjoy POF for the forums. It does give me options if I'm in the mood for male companionship, but I do not think I will find a long term partner here.

I also do not have available childcare for dates. Only because I do not wish to pay $50 for a sitter. I do not have family in the area, so no leaving them with mom. I do have joint custody, that gives me one week on, one week off. Half of my month, is when I schedule my social life. My time with my children, is theirs.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/3/2011 3:18:13 AM
Finding dates is one thing. Finding someone who will stick around is another. Which of the two are you looking for?
 am64501
Joined: 10/25/2010
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/3/2011 8:19:30 AM
I do have problems with dating, but probably not for the reasons you meant.

Arranging care for my kiddos, etc. is what makes things a little more difficult for me. I work full time, I have a life aside from trying to date - trying to juggle all of that is taxing. :) Surprisingly enough, I haven't met many people who actually take issue with my having children, but then again, I tend to associate more with people who either have children of their own, or have nieces/nephews/godchildren that they love dearly and so are just naturally child-friendly, or they are people I have befriended somewhere along the line and they know that having kids is just a part of who I am - they like me, so they don't take issue with it.

I think if you're having a hard time attracting men that WANT to date you, or that don't have an issue with you having kids - you need to look at the men you're going after. What are they typically like? Are you chasing the rich CEO who says he's a caring, honest man (key word here: says...people aren't always honest) - or are you chasing the 25 y/o guy who maybe has a kid of his own and is looking to find a connection with someone, or maybe the 21 y/o guy who loves going dirt-bike riding and clubbing? You can actually tell quite a bit about people by their profiles here, if you look close enough. 2 of these are probably obvious no's or are going to balk at the idea of dating a single mother, though as always there are exceptions.

If you mean you are having a difficult time actually finding someone to go out on a date with from the site - have you considered having people review your profile and give you some tips for things that might make you stand out and/or encourage more people to message you? (I didn't look through the profile reviews, so I have no idea if you have or not.)

You are fairly young - age may be a contributing factor, which isn't something you can do anything about. A lot of young guys aren't ready for the responsibility of children, let alone children that aren't their own. A lot still see single mothers as looking for a daddy replacement for their kids - and that will scare people off. (Yes, yes, I know, this doesn't apply to all guys before people freak out and go out of their way to prove me wrong. It doesn't mean ALL of them, but there are those out there that view it like this, like it or not.)

The only real advice I can give you is this:

1.) Smile. No matter how bad your day is going, no matter what else is going on, find SOME reason to smile. Even just smile at a stranger. Do it every single day. (Smiling makes you more attractive. No real explanation needed. Plus, it makes YOU feel better.)

2.) Be happy with yourself where you are. I tell pretty much everyone that is struggling exactly this. It's a lot easier said than done, but you have to be happy first. Don't let being single be a horrible factor in your life. Be happy, enjoy life, and let someone come along when the time is right. If you're happy on your own, finding someone to compliment your painting isn't quite so difficult. They become attracted to you by the very idea of you being happy, regardless of what you do or do not have.

3.) Be realistic and honest about your expectations - both with others and with yourself. Don't set out some ideal picture of the 'perfect' guy and exactly what you want. Chances are, you could be overlooking a guy who isn't necessarily your ideal but would be a great partner for you. Keep an open mind and don't slot people into stereotypes - this is one way to miss out on great people, either for friends or romantically.

Sorry, that was a super long-winded response. I'm good at that.
 _Angel_Live_Laugh_Love_
Joined: 7/24/2011
Msg: 14
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/5/2011 11:13:02 AM
Hi Philhelm,

I think it's great that a man is trying to help this woman answer a hard question about dating with kids, because a man's opinion is definitely needed with questions like these. However, I do not understand why you would ask why every woman needs to put "if you just want sex move on". I would think the text is quite clear.

I am a single mother as well, and even though my profile says looking for friends, you'd be amazed at how many derogitory, cheap comments I get regarding sex and one night stands. It is something that every girl on this site seems to have a problem with at one point or another. After I put "do not message me for sex/one night stands/etc, I found a lot less creepy guys were messaging me. It's unfortunate that us women have to do this -when our status should simply tell them we are not interested in that, but we have to nontheless because many guys think girls find that flattering. Lord knows why, but they do.

As for our children comming first in our world, the same principles apply. I have not yet ventured out into the dating world, mainly because many of the men I meet do not understand that I put my child first. Example: "no I don't want to go to this party with you until 2 am because I have a child at home and that 'party life' is something I believe a parent should not be indulging in after they have a kid, just one of the many sacrafices we as parents have to/want to make." I can understand how good men would not like it being shoved in their face, and for that all I can say is I'm sorry too many loser guys have made us believe that we need to shove it in a guy's face for them to realise they are not the center of our world.
 Singing_Geek
Joined: 12/27/2010
Msg: 15
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/5/2011 3:25:47 PM
Throughout my life I've dated many single moms and I've known numerous single moms.

One thing that I've seen in common with many unhappy ladies and ones in your situation is not having the proper priorities when thinking about your children.

If you have kids thats wonderful. You had a life before them, and I'm presuming you want to have a life after they leave. Yes, you have to take care of them and that takes a lot of time, but who in their right mind wants to get into a relationship with someone that will always consider them to be second banana to the kids.

Kids aren't going to explode if you aren't there micromanaging them at every hour. There are baby sitters, grandparents and, god forbid, the ex. It is so important that you allocate mom-time.

If you are going to date, you need to remember that person you were before you had kids; before the responsility, when you had dreams, plans and all that good stuff.

Kids can be included in those plans and dreams. But you need to be looking for someone who wants to be part of the dreams and be part of all of the stuff you wanted to be.



As for our children comming first in our world, the same principles apply. I have not yet ventured out into the dating world, mainly because many of the men I meet do not understand that I put my child first. Example: "no I don't want to go to this party with you until 2 am because I have a child at home and that 'party life' is something I believe a parent should not be indulging in after they have a kid, just one of the many sacrafices we as parents have to/want to make." I can understand how good men would not like it being shoved in their face, and for that all I can say is I'm sorry too many loser guys have made us believe that we need to shove it in a guy's face for them to realise they are not the center of our world.


Unfortunately this rather severe attitude has effect of chasing away nice fellows that may be interested. I don't mind dating a ladie with kids, but if all we do is go to your place and watch the kids, go to the park to watch the kids, go the mall and watch the kids, then no thanks. I'm looking for a lifetime mate, not someone I can perpetually babysit with.

You need Mommy-time; every person does. If you are serious about dating you need to create time to spend on you and your potential mate. Yes, there are limitations on what you can do, but I've yet to meet anyone who's schedule is so rigid that they aren't actually able t0 date.

I'm not anti-kid. I've just met enough ladies that regret not having spent more time on themselves as their kids grew up. You can tell who these are, by when their kids leave home or become independent they become lost because they no longer remember who they are/were.

Good luck.
 ShadowBunny
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/7/2011 3:55:30 PM
It's quite possible that you are simply denying the normal not-so-attractive-to-you nice guy. There are many men who understand that children come first, and are patient enough just to mean something to another's life.

I have been on this site for 10 months, and send about 10 e-mails a day, and it is hard to find somebody simply to respond. I am sure you get a ton of inquiries, but not from the ones you want to see.

If you're still having trouble dating over there in Kansas, I'll date you.
 PAHighlandlass
Joined: 4/6/2011
Msg: 17
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/7/2011 4:18:32 PM
Men are looking to date you not your kids.

Make sure your profile is about YOU. Adult you not Mom you. Talk about yourself and not your kids.

I am like you NO ONE meets my boys. They have an awesome Dad who sees them everyday. Yes I let my ex in my house whenever he wants. But that is a different post.

Every guy I date knows I have 3 boys and their ages but that is about it.

My issue has been guys being weird because my ex is at my house babysitting so I can go out on a date.
 WildAndFree3
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 18
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/7/2011 6:11:56 PM
Have you tried dating the single dads?
 MissStackhouse
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 19
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/8/2011 10:15:16 AM
nah - I've never had a problem dating and I've been a single mom for 15 years.
 lovelybaker4u
Joined: 7/7/2010
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/8/2011 11:31:30 AM
Lol, I love it! I wish my ex was that nice. But I do look for single dads but they are the same way as single men.
 red_fish
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/10/2011 5:15:59 PM
Being a single parent does have it's challenges. My girlfriend has two kids and I have three. When we were first getting to know each other our biggest problem was finding the time.
 irish634
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 22
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/11/2011 6:58:31 PM
[Quote]But I do look for single dads but they are the same way as single men.[/Quote]

I disagree with this. I am a single dad and have no problem dating a woman with children. Hell, I find a woman that interacts wonderfully with her kids very attractive.
 QueenOfHearts4
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 23
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/12/2011 9:36:14 AM
There needs to be more men like you Irish , honestly I get tired of seeing men giving single mothers a bad name.
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 24
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/12/2011 9:59:17 PM
My ex was a single Mom when we started dating. We'd mix things up, a date night for the grown ups and dates with her and her daughter and I. I ended up happily adopting her.

It all depends on the kind of man, I guess.
 karenl0523
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/16/2011 11:52:09 AM
My experience has been awful becuase I live with my parents and the guys don't understand me. I mean i'm a good hearted women with having a hard time finding a good job to move out of the house with, exspecially with this economy. Then the last one broke up with me to go back with his exgf that lives in Texas, but he lives here and she lives there. He not even sure if it will go ok even when she does move here in a year. I think aprt of that he was jsut not into me I think. I mean that was wrong to becuase he was at first into me and now he wanted to be friends. I don't like being friends with some of my ex's , cuz it would make it to ahrd to be friends with him, if I wnated more. I have a 15 year old boy in Sept. and been dating on and off for 6 years. I haven't had much luck in this, but I keep trying and hoping to find the right guy for my son and myself. I would say it can be difficult for me, but where I live shouldn't have anything to do with my dating, but sometimes the guys see it different I guess. It suck becuase I have alot ot offer someone to and I'm a fun mom to be around. I've been asked out by the wrong guys I guess and I'm Catholic to. It is frusterating i know that all to well. Good Luck and I know how it goes gf, it is hard not easy.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do all single moms have problems with dating?