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 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 1
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What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?Page 1 of 1    
Seems like a very simple question. As I've re-acquainted myself with the forum posts, I've noticed that a few people have had great success, while others seem to be having a hard time finding what they are looking for.

Perhaps folks need to figure out what a 'relationship' means to them before they go looking? I use to believe, maybe I still do, that a relationship is a special bond between two people that evolves from a friendship into companionship driven by passion, love, and the desire to be a unit.

So, what does the word relationship mean to you? Are your expectations reasonable when you begin that search for the 'the one'? Do you think that people's needs have changed so drastically and people have so many options now that wanting to be in a 'serious relationship' is not as easily attainable so folks tend to opt for being in 'a relationship of convenience'? Do circumstances in your life halt or offer better options when you are looking for a relationship?

The ever pondering and curious MM is looking to her forum friends for their thoughts.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 2
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What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 8:59:26 AM
I see it as an intimate partnership... not always even in the give and take, but over the course of time, working out to pretty damned close to 50/50...
 Pinayto
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 3
What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 9:09:45 AM
My idea of relationship was defined by my co worker. We were talking about lunch and how he is buying his lunch coz he have no time to prepare at home. So I told him, why not ask his wife to prepare it for him. I will never forget what he said, 'i don't like asking my wife to do something for me, me and my wife we are partners we are equal.' So i like to find a partner like that, that does not see me as his domestic helper who would do ALL the household chores for him. Especially if I also am working. But if he is the sole breadwinner then by all means I can do the housewife role, but if I am working too and you think it's ONLY my responsibility to keep the house then you are not relationship material for me.

Actually while I'm writing this, it made me remember how my parents also work as partners. They always do things together.
 Smiley_mcgee
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 4
What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 10:38:28 AM

Perhaps folks need to figure out what a 'relationship' means to them before they go looking?

IMO I see it as the opposite.
People should meet other people and then determine what the relationship that develops means to them.


I use to believe, maybe I still do, that a relationship is a special bond between two people that evolves from a friendship into companionship driven by passion, love, and the desire to be a unit.

IME a lot of people tend to follow that too.
But they've turned it into a recipe, and any deviation automatically means "something's wrong."
i.e. "Oh no, he wants sex, sex is beyond friendship, and I don't have an absolute guarantee that we are at least friends or that I can't hang the friend label on it at this point and go forward from there so I don't specifically know what it is, and that's too scary. So I better stop now, I need the security of the friendship first road marker, and it wasn't handed to me, so he must be a bad guy."

Or i.e. "We're friends, but there isn't as much passion as I thought there would be, so that must mean we aren't compatible and just friends. I'm not going to think if this is a good amount of passion, or if there are other things. I think I am supposed to be partly driven by passion, but instead I seem to be driven by compatibility, communication, loyalty, goals, or something else, or I have never really thought of what else is here, I just notice a lack of an amount of passion I idealize...so there must be something wrong and it's not the relationship I want or think it should be."

Or "I don't have a guarantee they love me. I said I love them, but they didn't say it back, and they haven't said it back in a time frame I think they should have. So there must be something wrong, therefore this relationship is bad."

Or "I desire to be a unit, this person doesn't make me feel like part of a unit. There must be something wrong with them and this relationship must be bad and wrong, because I'm not feeling like how I think I am supposed to. Doesn't matter how I do feel. I know I could feel better, with someone else, someone else could make me feel more like a unit, so I am going to go find that."


So, what does the word relationship mean to you?

Depends on the context in which it is used.


Are your expectations reasonable when you begin that search for the 'the one'?

That's really for my date to figure out. If my expectations of them are reasonable or not.
If not, they don't date me anymore. If they are, they are taken for granted.


Do you think that people's needs have changed so drastically and people have so many options now that wanting to be in a 'serious relationship' is not as easily attainable so folks tend to opt for being in 'a relationship of convenience'?

People's needs haven't changed. Just how they view them and go about fulfilling them.
People do not "really" have more options. Just fake options they tell themselves are options, fulfilling things they've convinced themselves they are fulfilling.

Used to be people could drink only water. Then came milk, beer, mead, wine, juice, cola, energy drinks, kool-aid, coffee, tea, tang, latte, etc. frozen, fresh, or powdered. Then came grocery stores bringing them all together into one place.
They are all still based on water.
You still have the same thirst and reason for thirst.
The same amount slakes your thirst.
The more you work, the better it tastes. The easier it is to acquire, the more it's taken for granted.
People want to take it easy, yet still have the same taste as though they worked really really hard. So people take it easy, convince themselves they worked hard, and thereby convince themselves it tastes the same as though they have until they actually have to work hard and then they realize the lie, and it all falls apart.
It still does the same thing, slakes thirst, still based on water.
You don't really have all those options, you are just layering rationalizations and denial and self deception over what you are actually getting and doing.


Do circumstances in your life halt or offer better options when you are looking for a relationship?

Certain circumstances in my life halt dating. Like when I am broke, or living out in the middle of nowhere, or in a place I have no wish to risk being tied down to for any social reason.

Other than that I don't look for relationships, just people, and let the relationship take care of itself. Rather than tell myself I want to be seen as sophisticated by others, so look for wine and reject whiskey. Or I want a quick caffeine fix so look for red bull and reject coke.

I'd rather just stick to water and let it do it's natural job or try what's available and look at all the qualities rather than ignore the ones that are there and feel victimized because the one I want isn't as great as it would be with something else (i.e. coke is sweet and tastes good, but caffeine isn't as high as in red bull, so something is "bad" about coke if I've thought ahead and told myself what I want is caffeine so will swallow the shit taste for the higher caffeine).
 sensualseekerns
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 5
What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 11:24:05 AM
I think too many people see the early enamored stage of being together as the romantic absolute that defines a relationship, and that is just childish.

Women in particular seem the ones that require, and even demand, that kind of life long arrangement. Then when that seems to falter they get defensive, reclusive, and hostile to the other person in the equation. Most mature women are not so easily tripped up by the romantic crap, but some go through life focused on it. Those women never find fulfillment that comes from the deeper trust and reliance on someone who loves you. They do not see the actions of love for what they really are, and instead depend too much on romantic extremes to define the strength of their togetherness. Women like that I have little time for personally. Better to tell them to get cable and go watch their soaps. Drama brought on by foolishness is the perpetrators own fault. Those that force such things on others are never going to be happy in any bond between two people.

It is sad that there are not more different kinds of appropriate words in the english language to describe the kinds of living and love arrangements that make up different relationships. Maybe that way there would be less conflicted communications and expectations unfulfilled. That alone causes most of the potholes that lead to a failed journey.

There is a kind of togetherness that defies all the social definitions of "relationship" and it has a level of comfort, trust, reliance, intimacy, and overall love for that other person that no marriage or social agreement can ever put label to. Now if I could find a woman who was on the same wavelength with all of those things then I would probably spend the rest of my life with her. But judging by the foolishness on these forums and the site in general -- I doubt to find it online.

However......

 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 6
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What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 11:39:37 AM

So, what does the word relationship mean to you?

It means that we care about each other, and that we do the best we can for each other, even if our “best” isn’t perfect.

Are your expectations reasonable when you begin that search for the 'the one'?

When I first got single, my expectations were completely unreasonable, which was good because it kept me from getting involved with anyone.

Do you think that people's needs have changed so drastically

Nope I don’t think people’s needs in terms of relationships have changed at all. I do think people have higher expectations of what a relationship should provide, and have trouble distinguishing between needs and desires.

and people have so many options

I don’t think people have as many options as they think they do. Just because there are a million profiles to browse through doesn’t mean there are a million options. Most of the limitations come from within, despite the fact that so many people think it’s “them” – whether "them" happens to be stupid women who want bad boys instead of nice boys, or stupid men wanting 22-year-old models instead of someone of more average looks.

now that wanting to be in a 'serious relationship' is not as easily attainable so folks tend to opt for being in 'a relationship of convenience'?

Do people settle for relationships of “convenience” more than they used to? (I think there was a time when virtually 100% of relationships were based on someone’s convenience, and it wasn’t the people in the relationship either.) And, what is meant by “convenience”, anyway? Which is more “convenient” – a madly passionate love match, or one of comfortable companionship and genuine caring?

Do circumstances in your life halt or offer better options when you are looking for a relationship?

Better options when looking for a relationship. Hmmm … I guess that depends on how you define “options”. If one is seeking a person of integrity, compatibility and other character qualities, then it would seem those ‘options’ could be found regardless of one’s life circumstances. If one seeks beyond characteristics to include looks, possessions, finances and status in life then yes, I think life circumstance would definitely play a part in how successful one is in their search.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 7
What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 11:45:58 AM
It can mean many things .

It IS regular or meaningful interaction of some sort between living beings to me.
People and animals
Men and women
Women and women
Friends
Lovers
I could go on.



Is one pound cake recipe the best?

I may think mine is and you may not, but it's still a pound cake.

You dont have to use almond extract or x amount of organic eggs but..I like it better that way.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 8
What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:35:26 PM
i just think that there are too many labels
friends,
fwb,
fb,
long term,
dating...
i dont know...ever since i have been on forums i learned all these different terms.
it makes it more confusing.
if people communicate and stay open with one another and honest they wont need all the labels and the relationship is between them and they can make it into what they want it to be.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 9
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What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:49:43 PM
A relationship is a bond. After that one has to define the "type" of relationship and the parameters of it...given that people have differing ideas of this concept, each much define theirs.
one word- c o m m u n i c a t i o n
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 10
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What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 3:06:05 PM
A relationship I generally think of as my interaction with anything else, living or not. I have a relationship with my guitar. With my mom. With my best friend. Not trying to get too academic or anything, but I don't see the word "relationship" as only pertaining to a sexual and/or romantic interaction. I use it too often with friends and family.

Also, when talking about dating somebody, it can be such a broad term...is it a casual relationship, serious relationship, open relationship, etc?

I try not to define my social interactions too much as it can get in the way of my happiness or general fulfillment. Oh...she's a "friend"? GASP! So that means I can't be sexually attracted to her?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
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What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 3:28:51 PM
She'll cook me soup and coo "poor baby" when I'm sick.
I'll rub her shoulders when sore and tell her how pretty she is.
We'll have lots of fun when healthy.

I'll have her back
and she'll have mine.
It'll be us against the world,
and we'll do fine.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 12
What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 4:07:11 PM
In our POF world I see "relationship" as shorthand for "ongoing relationship" , because "dating" implies that it could end at any time if we become bored or unhappy with that person.
When a woman says she wants a relationship, I think she wants an exclusive, ongoing relationship with that person. This necessarily involves spending time, communication, being intimate, willingness to smooth out bumps in the road, establishing guidelines and boundaries.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 13
What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 4:09:43 PM
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky. ~Rainer Maria Rilke
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 14
What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/6/2011 8:10:00 AM

Perhaps folks need to figure out what a 'relationship' means to them before they go looking?

I wouldn't say that... relationships themselves vary from person to person you're intertwined with, and evolve over time. But the basics of what a relationship should be, sure, be figured out... which we learn when we end our teen years. :)

I use to believe, maybe I still do, that a relationship is a special bond between two people that evolves from a friendship into companionship driven by passion, love, and the desire to be a unit.

It doesn't have to evolve from a friendship... most friendships don't evolve into a relationship. When you begin dating someone, a friendship (and then some) begins developing. Any friendship isn't isolated.

what does the word relationship mean to you?

It means to me, in most contexts, that you're beyond just dating, and that something's been established between a guy and a girl.... that isn't just going to blow away in the wind, friends & family aren't going to play any real role in things shifting between the two, and you're meshing lives -- not just the free-time parts of your lives here and there. It implies that things would have to be consistently on the rocks day to day for many days to end... unlike being in the Dating phase, where it can happen pretty swiftly sometimes but not be warranted of a WTF.

Do circumstances in your life halt or offer better options when you are looking for a relationship?

First, you should only be looking for a relationship with a person You Already Know And Are Beginning to Date. With that said, yes, circumstances of life affect the feasibility of having a relationship, and affects how well one could blossom.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 15
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What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/6/2011 8:35:24 AM
The word itself is being misused. Each of us has a relationship with every other person (and even animals) we can be connected to or compared with in any way (you can also use the word to compare inanimate objects). So, everyone can have some sort of a relationship with everyone else. But don't feel bad; many people use inaccurate terms very often. I think it's due to the dumbing down of people in general; when kids kept getting bad SAT scores, they simply made the scoring different so it looked better on paper. Now excuse me while I go do some heart (isn't that what people mean when they say 'cardio'?).
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