| | Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?Page 1 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | Was curious as to where someone might draw the line when thinking about starting a relationship. If you met someone, and were attracted to them, including chemistry, but later discovered that they were struggling financially, would you continue to date them?
I'm not talking, welfare, or buried in debt... I'm talking about a man/woman who works hard, pays their bills, but has little left over for fun such as traveling or eating out more than a couple times a month. They also take care of their business, and are not complaining of their circumstances with you, just down on finances.
Is money part of the deal for some?
Do some look for men/woman who have the same lifestyle as yourself financially?
Or are you willing to keep things simple and be creative in the things you do together because you enjoy being with them? | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 3 | |
| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 12:46:36 PM | | I would have no problem with it at all. I usually pay for dates anyway so it really would not come into play that much. On special occasions she could make me something instead of buying me a present, that would make the present much more special to me. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 12:55:31 PM | Financial stability to have their own apartment, car, insurance, etc? Is a must.
Be rich and be able to drop money on me ? No.
I am fine if someone is just making it. I know I am. College and bills are NOT cheap. However I am able to budget and deal with it.
But not making it, unable to pay the cell phone or light bill and run out and get a new car but shack up with mom or room mates....NO.
There are plenty of things to go and do that do not require large sums of cash. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 12:55:43 PM | | I've never given a woman's finances any consideration when deciding whether or not to date her. If she was looking for someone to support her, I had the option to say no instead of deciding to not date her, a priori. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:01:02 PM | Yanno OP... I was at first going to say that as long as he was working and trying, that's enough for me... but upon further reflection, I'm going to have to say I'll pass.
I'm saving for my retirement... I don't want to have to work an extra ten years to support another person's retirement because they failed during their life to invest in anything long term. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:02:14 PM | I've been on both sides of this particular situation:
Once I dated a man who had a lot of money. He had a beautiful home, car, and seemed to have money coming out of his a$$ (true..sorry). I felt uncomfortable with it because my lifestyle was not as extravagant as his. He would pay for most of our activities, and would go to a great expense at times. I felt out of my league with him and uncomfortable at times because of it. I could not help but to compare my home/car with his and feel a bit embarrassed.
I have also dated a man who I knew was struggling. There were times that I wanted to go out to dinner/music and offered to pay for the evening, but he felt as if it was his responsibility to pay because he was the man and so it made him uncomfortable with me. I'm completely okay with home cooked meals & entertainment by the way, but there are times that I wanted to go see a particular band or movie with him, but he wouldn't come because he refused to allow me to pay for it.
addition:
Lint Spotter I totally understand that way of thinking and I have considered it so much as of late. I will say that I have absolutely no debt, except for my house. I live within my means and don't even own a credit card. I worked hard to get where I am at now. Entering in to a relationship that may have the possibility of a long term commitment with someone who has debt, financial issues is difficult when you think of it down the road. I don't blame you at all.
TDH49/abelian that is a very good way to look at it. thank you
MsMuscle I agree..taking out the car/home is a big factor when dating someone at our age. I've dated men who were in college and in their 40's, its no easy thing to do. My concern when dating them though was being in their 40's and just beginning a career/or starting their life over at that age. It's a financial burden they were going to have for pretty much the rest of their lives unless they got lucky and landed a high paying job soon after graduation. Still, I did date them, but never looked at them as long term because of that. It was just too much for me at my age. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:06:31 PM | tdh49
I would have no problem with it at all. I usually pay for dates anyway so it really would not come into play that much. On special occasions she could make me something instead of buying me a present, that would make the present much more special to me.
I'm answering this for my SO since we have had this discussion in the past. He said he doesn't mind paying for things as he works full time and I don't. He also has told me he appreciates the fact I'm careful not to overspend. If we go out to eat I don't buy the most expensive item on the menu just because he's paying. I'm careful with my money and buy most things on sale. I buy shirts sometimes for him if I see a good sale. If he invites me to travel with him which is usually work related and paid for, he knows he will be covering my extra expenses as well.
If I was frivolously spending my money and his or expecting him to pay my bills I'm sure it would become a problem. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:14:03 PM |
I will say that I have absolutely no debt, except for my house. I live within my means and don't even own a credit card. I worked hard to get where I am at now. Entering in to a relationship that may have the possibility of a long term commitment with someone who has debt, financial issues is difficult when you think of it down the road. I don't blame you at all.
Mark me down in that category as well, OP. Debt or financial issues would be a complete dealbreaker for me at this age, which would be non-negotiable.
"Just getting by" would be okay for dating, but I wouldn't find it viable for long-term. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I were living paycheque to paycheque and never getting ahead, and certainly if I didn't have some emergency money stashed away and retirement funds well under way.
I understand that sometimes life just comes at one but, at the same time, there's generally always a way to plan for 99% of what might crop up in life, IMO. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:19:46 PM | That is why people need to plan. I won a lot of Scholarships, am debt free and might ( maybe less ) owe a total of 9K for a Pharmacy Degree which is priced out at well higher than average, and have a job now in my area of study. If someone is going into a new career that can support them or soon will afterwards ( which there are still no guarantees ) then so be it.
Today, people need to have different Degrees because the older one's are not cutting it, and a 2 year Degree now is not even worth what it was some time ago for a Career. I changed mine 3 times until I really did the research and now landed the job I need to move on.
If someone cannot afford the tuition and student loans, then it MIGHT be an issue. But if it is done the right way...keeping a high GPA, avoid loans and do not be in debt, things are all good.
When I meet students I tell them apply for anything they can Scholarship wise...work for employers who reimburse tuition....it is out there. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:26:42 PM | Well if you look at the 'big' picture..... most people, the upper middle class, to the lower middle class,have the greatest debt burden in the world,there is no such thing as 'job security',the economy is in tatters
I guess what I am saying, is people are not living within there meen 's , so the guy that looked like he had a lot of money, might not have had any ,
this can't be sustained ,things will get worse and worse
so I would have to say, go with someone who ,knows where he stands,lives in reality, and go from there | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:32:22 PM | I could date a woman and have in the past date a woman that doesn't have much money, as long as shes working, isn't one of those crazy lets buy everything and put it on the credit card then complains at month end. If shes working even struggling but is working I dont have a problem with it, its the dead beats, credit card spending freaks I have issues with.
Ive had problems in the past with certain girlfriends when we travelled, I fly first class if the flight is more than 2 hours, I cant fly economy and sit uncomfortably that long, plus the service is better in first class, and in the past even though I paid for the two of us, it was a argument about its too much money blah blah blah, and Im thinking I paid for it you don't owe me a thing its my treat to you.
So the next girlfriend Im involved with im taking her temperature to see how she feels about things like that. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:44:15 PM |
Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money? later discovered that they were struggling financially, would you continue to date them?
Yes.
Attraction, chemistry, and meeting someone I like is much much harder than making money.
Is money part of the deal for some?
Not with your built in caveats of they are doing something about it, not having money isn't a symptom of poor decision making skills, are working hard, and I already know I am attracted to them including chemistry, and they obviously want to date me since in the question there is no ambiguity there.
Do some look for men/woman who have the same lifestyle as yourself financially?
Yes. Most people do. Doesn't mean that's all they find or are willing to accept though.
are you willing to keep things simple and be creative in the things you do together because you enjoy being with them?
Just because they don't have any money doesn't mean lifestyle will suffer on dates.
Doesn't automatically mean dating style or whatever has to really change in any way.
Also, I can't keep things simple. I don't have power over them. If I want to date them and do something I will invite them. If I can't afford it then I think of something else to do.
If they are the type of person to be adamant about paying for themselves, going dutch, or trading back and forth then I will not force them to do something I want to do but will listen for alternatives they bring up. If they don't bring up alternatives, or simply wait for me to take them out and then resent me for it, I will not date them...but based on how the question is worded that would not happen.
Or basically, the question is simplistic and removes any real meaningful variable of moral ambiguity. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:49:58 PM | | Most people I know are not rolling in dough these days. I love to go out and entertain but I simply cannot do it the way I used to. So we plan casual activities, cook together and watch lots of movies. I have learned it is all about who you are with, not where you are. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:50:14 PM | Its very difficult in the first place to find everything you are looking for in a mate. I always felt a lot better if the person was at least in the same tax bracket as myself, or perhaps worth a tad more than me. Am I asking for Bill Gates? No.. I actually went out with someone who knew Steve Jobs, but that's another story.. The person who dates me is lucky I feel because I don't expect to be wined and dined every minute. I'm perfectly happy with a burger and a beer as I am with a bottle of wine at a restaurant overlooking the water. What worries me is the word struggle. Struggling now, could mean a lot worse down the road especially in the economy we're in . I'd prefer to date someone who lives within their means and is comfortable. Not stating rich here. I want to know that if we wanted to take a quick overnight trip to the city or a weekend escape someplace, I don't want to think that he's going to be eating mac n cheese every night for 6 months.  | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:57:45 PM | Ive had problems in the past with certain girlfriends when we travelled, I fly first class if the flight is more than 2 hours, I cant fly economy and sit uncomfortably that long, plus the service is better in first class, and in the past even though I paid for the two of us, it was a argument about its too much money blah blah blah, and Im thinking I paid for it you don't owe me a thing its my treat to you.
thats just plain crazy cdn iceman....you pay for first class instead of economy and more than one woman has complained about having to suffer in first class? screen new potentials thru your local exorcist lol.
dang life is rough, those poor poor women, shame on you!
exactly why are you single? | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 2:28:31 PM | I don't care if she is broke or not.
Has money or not.
As long as she is working or trying to.
I think women probably will give a different answer.
But most guys don't have financial requirements. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 4:54:13 PM | Some here have touched on it, but what you SEE is not really what they GOT. Unless you see a couple of monthly statements from ALL their financial exchanges, you really don't know squat about someone's "true" financial situation. (some of those banks that are no longer with us "looked" pretty good a couple of weeks before they sunk and drowned)
I honestly LOVE people who don't have "a lot" (according to our greedy self entitled society of today), and live a life they feel comfortable in. Remember, the more money you got, the more money ya spend. Today, the more "credit" you got, the deeper you are diving. Better hope you know how to swim. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 5:49:02 PM | [Was curious as to where someone might draw the line when thinking about starting a relationship. If you met someone, and were attracted to them, including chemistry, but later discovered that they were struggling financially, would you continue to date them?
I'm not talking, welfare, or buried in debt... I'm talking about a man/woman who works hard, pays their bills, but has little left over for fun such as traveling or eating out more than a couple times a month. They also take care of their business, and are not complaining of their circumstances with you, just down on finances.
Is money part of the deal for some?
Do some look for men/woman who have the same lifestyle as yourself financially?
Or are you willing to keep things simple and be creative in the things you do together because you enjoy being with them?]
In a case like the one that you just described, I would hang on to him and do some hard core research/brainstorming to come up with a list of things that he and I could do together that were free or cost next to nothing. It won't be easy but I think its do-able, and if he's a good man it would be worth the effort. I have enough quilting stuff, needle-work and other arts and craft stuff to keep an army busy for a looooooooong time to come lololol. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 6:05:31 PM | I married 2 men who had nothing and expected me to take care of them.
Will I do that again .... FCUK NO!
I learned my lessons, the hard way.
Lots of lessons learned.
I have struggled.
I have taken care of deadbeats.
I have taken care of children.
And I have taken care of myself.
I have been VERY careful with my money.
I know how to stretch a dollar into a 10 foot rubber band.
So ... will I date a man who doesn't have money?
Does he have a job?
Does he have the know how to make money?
Can he support himself and be able to retire on what he has when the time comes.
Because I can.
He better be able to, or there is no date. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 6:46:15 PM | Ideally , I prefer someone who is able to run his own show without any major crisis - and hopefully is able to afford to travel now and then , or pay for other amusements for at least himself. But I recognize that many are hurtin' right now, through no fault of their own.
My main criteria is that someone have their home (apt, mobile, whatever) that they live in alone, a car that runs and is taken care of , and some source of income - however meager. I'm not looking for someone to pay my way , or buy fancy stuff - I have far more than I need now , and feel very fortunate for that ! | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 7:24:49 PM | | Money has never been a issue for me when it comes to dating, I couldn't care less if they person has money or not. As long as there not on welfare because there lazy i'm fine with whatever. | |
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| Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/5/2011 10:56:25 PM | Absolutely!
I think for those who are better off on the wealthy end of the spectrum there are plenty of mates in the same field to chose from, not that it has to be wealth for wealth.
As far as I go, I would actually prefer a woman in this position, because that''s where I stand, and I beleve we would have alot more common ground, and would understand one another on a whole different level.
Sadly, I've been the It guy for quite a few women, but because of my so called "lack of success" ( in their eyes anyways) I was able to be tossed aside, as their quest continued for Mr Richpants
Alright I shouldn't post in these forums after having a few drinks!
On second thought, it does bring out my humor in a whole new light!
So I wont quit! Not now anyways!
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