| | Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I see a lot of threads about single dads who have a hard time dating because they have kids.
Personally, I prefer single dads because they know what it's like to be a parent. I'm sure I'll get slammed for saying this, but there's a different level of maturity that one gets from being a parent (not good or bad, just different) and I relate better to them. I can talk about the moment I let go of the handle bars on my kid's bike, and the guy knows exactly what heart-flutter feeling I'm talking about.
It seems more intimidating than impressive when a guy is able to travel across the world to parasail over the world's largest waterfall (Show me a guy who can do all that AND arrange for a childcare provider who can maintain emotional and educational support while he's away- THAT would be impressive!). 
So, ladies, I'm wondering if other single moms prefer to date guys with kids? If so, is it something that should be posted on your profile (Match gives this option; PoF does not)? | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2011 6:18:53 PM | | Yes, I only prefer to meet men who have children and I agree with your statement. I have thought that maybe I'm not being fair by excluding men who don't have children, but I will not be having any more children, but welcome a man who has kids. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2011 6:53:32 PM | The guys with kids always come up with excuses why they bailed on a date. If you like dating single fathers, that is you.
It seems more intimidating than impressive when a guy is able to travel across the world to parasail over the world's largest waterfall (Show me a guy who can do all that AND arrange for a childcare provider who can maintain emotional and educational support while he's away- THAT would be impressive!).
Who goes on vacation and DOESN'T take their kids with them? | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2011 7:08:02 PM | | Well I don't any kids but a nephew I see all the time and a neice. I actually tend to read a profile more if a man has kids and lets face it at my age group most of them or a good portion of them. I dont exclude men who don't though..a man who really cares about his kids is more likely to be the kind of person I'd want to be with. Just my two cents..plus I'm not getting any younger and soon will be to old to have kids. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2011 10:53:40 PM | | Absolutely not the only single PARENT that prefers dating single Parents. I was a single parent very young and other parents can understand that Friday nights go from body shots at the bar too burping sessions. That disney and ice cream will be a hot date. Kids provide a common ground u cant explain 2 the kidless. But I will say as a father a daughter. It was always easier 4 my friends with sons. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2011 12:55:18 AM | | I am new to this dating thing as a single parent. Not even divorced yet, but I only want to be friends and in the future, only date guys with kids. I cannot have anymore kids and i would hope for his sake he has children already. Children are, I believe a blessing, not a bother or hinderance. Single dads know they must put their kids first. The same way I do. But, as a single parent, we all have needs and could use someone who deals with the same issues we do, to relate with, understand, and encourage. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2011 1:56:38 AM | I also prefer men with children but won't exclude others. I like the idea of sitting on the couch with a beer and movie after the kids go to bed.
You can also get the same "rush" of excitment from hiding the little things like holding hands and kissing from your kids just as you did your parents! | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2011 2:12:55 AM | I will not date a man solely because he has kids.
I am not against dating men with kids, but the majority of the men i have attracted and been attracted too did not have kids.
I dated a single Dad once, thinking "oh we both have kids we will be a perfect match made in heaven" complete trainwreck and a mess, crazy as hell, nothing in common, NOT a good match. (I am not saying single Dads are all trainwrecks, just saying that just because another person has kids automatically makes them a match for you).
It seems more intimidating than impressive when a guy is able to travel across the world to parasail over the world's largest waterfall (Show me a guy who can do all that AND arrange for a childcare provider who can maintain emotional and educational support while he's away- THAT would be impressive!).
As i said, i have dated men with no kids (i married a childless man and am involved with a childless men right now), and NONE could up and travel on a moments notice. They had demanding jobs, bills to pay, and in my late husbands case, an ailing parent to look after (his Mother was recouping from a wreck when we started dating, and he stopped by her home about 3-4 times a day)..
And i think there is nothing wrong with having a little party time here and there, if one has a responsible sitter, returns to pick up the children on time, and is not wasted to the point where they cant care for their kids the next day. I actually took my youngest to the last party i attended, he was the center of attention and all the women doted on him, and he enterained everyone with his dancing (it was just a cookout and social gathering with some beer and wine, not like we were mosh-pitting and drinking moonshine).
Being a loving, nurturing responsible parent is always ones first priority of course, but dont lose yourself as a woman, everyone needs social outlets, and to develop friendships and relationships with fellow adults. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2011 10:58:27 AM | I think the reason I would go for men who already have children, is out of fairness to them as I don't want any more children. I would worry that at some point down the line a childless man would want children of his own, and I won't have anymore, which would probably result in the relationship breaking down if he felt strongly about this., as I do.
I don't totally exclude, however, I would be very cautious over dating a guy with no children.
Caro x | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2011 3:34:39 PM | | I have found that single mom like dating single dads. You need to make sure that the dad is in there kids life, and is taking care of them in every way. A dad that see there kids for 3 weeks a year is not a dad he is a loser sorry. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2011 8:00:27 PM | | I prefer to date a guy with kids only because I made the mistake of getting married to guy who didn't have children and we where married for 3 years and one day out of the blue he looked at me and said I needed to choose between him or my kids, so I said see ya later looser. My kids always come first. After that I have made a vow to never date another guy who doesn't have kids by choice. Now if the guy just can't have kids and he really wants kids then that might be a difftent story. But for me it was my ex's choice not to have kids and I was to blinded by so called "LOVE" to see it. Now I'm hurting and my kids are hurting b/c they just lost their second daddy. Their real dad is involed in their lives but he is only an every other weekend dad. So to me it is best to date a man with kids when you have kids. Yes it will make it hard I'm sure I haven't had a chance to find out yet, but I'm sure if you find the right one you will make it work some how some way. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2011 8:49:22 PM | | Being a single father with a young son is a little harder in some cases. Alot of women, especially younger ones, find it a detriment. It's really too bad though because there is soo much to offer. But then in my mind, I chalk it up as some woman being superficial and less mature. I mean sometimes they just don't want baggage and I can understand that too! | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2011 11:14:19 PM | | Try being a single father of a large family... it seams like there isnt many women who would date a single dad, let alone talk to one, and when you do talk, and tell them you have 6 kids that you care for and love................... silence! you never hear from them again. Very frustrating. My own kids do not hold me up from doing anything, agreed I only have them part time, and my time is theres when they are here. but I have alot of time to share with someone special, if they were to step out of thier comfort zone! | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2011 3:02:02 AM | Oh, am I reading this wrongly ?
To me a single dad is a dad (like myself) who has kids at home, for whom he has sole responsibility...ie, the male equivalent of a single mother.
I only have my youngest son at home now, but for me being a single parent has been a wonderful experience that has kept me young and brought me so much happiness.
Of course most female single parents have tended to be a lot younger than me because I've been quite an 'old' dad.
In the past my main concern when considering dating such ladies would have been whether or not there would be much (if any) disruption caused by their former partners.
I don't think any of us are looking for conflict.
As a single parent I've yet to go on a date, but I remain hopeful now that my youngest is almost ready to fly the nest. :) | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2011 3:17:43 AM | | i would like to date a man with kids too, as a mum of 3 children it would be nice to have someone who knows what its like and wont mind me moaning about my kids when they wind me up or telling him about what they did today. a single guy just wouldnt get that. its nice to have someone to share your experiences with who understands what you mean. yeah single dads....... | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2011 8:23:07 AM |
To me a single dad is a dad (like myself) who has kids at home, for whom he has sole responsibility...ie, the male equivalent of a single mother.
So what or where does that leave the role or position of non custodial parents...chopped liver...insignificant nothings?
Always love the custodial parent who had the need or requirement of minimizing or marginalizing the other parent as something less than equal consideration... | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2011 9:00:17 AM | | Disagree what if the father of a child suffers from issues like wife battering, drugs alcohol abuse....surely no rights should be given ? Or abuses their own child. Some men shirk their responsibilities and walk out before the baby is born. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2011 10:14:32 AM |
Disagree what if the father of a child suffers from issues like wife battering, drugs alcohol abuse....surely no rights should be given ? Or abuses their own child. Some men shirk their responsibilities and walk out before the baby is born.
What the he** does this have to do with dating a single dad?
Anyhow  moving on with the topic on hand....
I've dated both. Frankly, there are good, kind, caring men in both categories..single dad and childless men. However, to some degree, I personally would prefer a single dad who has raised his children and the children are older (pre teen, teen or grown perhaps)...or a childless man.
IN MY EXPERIANCE.....I've found that men with children approx. the same age as my son (6) overcompensate for the children not having a family that is together.
If they are recently divorced .....MOST (not all) are still bitter and 'MOM' has become enemy number #1. I can't tell you how many wasted hours I've spent listening to the blah, blah, blah bullshi* of "...and then she did this" or "..then she said this"..or worse yet...."I gave her everything...I can't believe how she destroyed our family" ...good god, get over it...grow up and move on. Finally, I got smart....when the ex's name comes into the conversation in 3 strike negative manner....I get up and leave. Frankly, I have better things to do with my times than listen to some sap yap on and on about how hurt they were by the ex...or what she did with the children (which in MOST times...is nothing beyond her wanting to not be married to him).
I've also found that MANY (not all) single dads take the 'my child is my life' a little too seriously. They want a woman in their lives but the little princess or prince is running their lives!! Again....I have my own child to take care of and if I make arrangements for a night out and have a sitter...I don't want my night cancelled because the 'princess' doesn't like daddy dating and he cancels because she's at the door crying alligator tears and he can't stand to leave her in that state.
Dating is a balance. If you can't balance....don't date!! simple.
I've found too many single fathers are not willing to put the time in for a relationship (I'm sure this can be said about single mothers also). However....the difference is ...more men want a cuddle partner because they are lonely. They want the sex (again because they are lonely and horny) but they don't want the relationship that comes with it. Quality time (meaning going out...making plans) with a woman means taking time away from the child and their guilt for not being married has climbed so far up their butts...that they truly are not ready for an actual relationship.
Sure....men without children can have their issues too. I'm not saying they don't. They can work too much, etc. But I have found that most are understanding that the child will come first in situations... and as long as the single mom has a good balance with her life...they will gladly date her. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2011 6:07:05 PM | On my "list" of pro's for a future partner in my life is if he already has children. But, I am at a different stage in my life. MOST, not all, of the men I seem to date have children that are older (college/high school), which I prefer. Not that I wouldn't date a man with younger children, but I'm at a time in my life when my kids are headed out the door, and I have more freedom. I LOVE kids, and have so enjoyed raising my own, but a potential mate having younger children is "iffy" for me.
I have three children, the youngest is now 16. Over the last 9 years, I have dated off and on. My biggest issue is having a man that understands that he will never sleep in my bed with my children at home with us....unless of course, we had exchanged vows. Men who did not have children, didn't really understand why I did this. For me, it is a personal respect issue with my kids. Men have come and gone from my life and they have watched and learned. My daughters were not going to see men come and go from my bed. Of course, what I did when they were away, or when I was away, was my own business. I'm sure as my kids got older, they knew I was sexually active, but I never put it in their face. Children learn what they live. I had men that never truly understood this, and those were the few I dated without children.
So, you are not alone. I've always preferred men with children, and men who spend time with those children. To me there is nothing more sexy, than a good father. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2011 8:52:42 PM |
Now I'm hurting and my kids are hurting b/c they just lost their second daddy. Their real dad is involed in their lives but he is only an every other weekend dad.
I have a huge problem with this statement. First off, no matter whether their real father only sees them every weekend or every other weekend still means that their biological father is involved in their lives and should not be classified as "Well he's technically their father, but he doesn't see them everyday like the d-bag I married." He's their father. My son's father takes our son every weekend overnight sometimes 2 nights in a row. But I would never dumb down what he does as he's "technically the father". Second, please don't tell me you are in the habit of saying "Meet your new daddy..." every time you decide you are committed enough with a man to introduce your child(ren) to them? That's is a cluster f*ck combinations of disturbing behavior, detriment to the child(ren), and disrespect to the father that is actively involved in the child(ren)'s life.
So what or where does that leave the role or position of non custodial parents...chopped liver...insignificant nothings?
Always love the custodial parent who had the need or requirement of minimizing or marginalizing the other parent as something less than equal consideration...
I agree with this. A single father is a single father if he is actively involved in the child(ren)'s life, no matter how often he is limited to seeing the child. And for all intents and purpose, is single.
I too am one who prefers to date a man with children. Not that I have had any extreme behavior, it's just hard to find a man without children that understands that my designated date nights are Friday and Saturday when my son is at his father's. I try to explain that Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are school nights, Thursday and Sunday are my nights to actually spend time with my son, so Friday and Saturday are my only days left. They don't get why I won't just get a baby sitter or skip school. Unfortunately my schedule cannot be reworked. I have asked if they have Friday open, and usually they do, but for some reason they have to go see that movie on Thursday. Now don't get me wrong, I understand that people have their own schedules and routines, so I guess it really comes down to who has a schedule that jives with mine. Whether or not you are a single father. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/8/2011 10:57:36 AM | We all have different circumstances.
After the ex committing adultery and me moving out, I had limited but regular access to my boy (and 2 stepchildren) for the 5 years until she finally took up with ANOTHER guy and then left the country with him...after giving me one week notice of her intent.
I had to move 60 miles, find a house etc during that week.
That was 3 years ago.
No courts involved, though we were divorced in 2006.
I'm very happy I did, and now have my son living with me, and the 2 stepchildren visiting from college.
We're not all drunken wife-beaters. | |
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| Am I the only single mom who prefers to date guys with kids?
Posted: 8/10/2011 10:58:37 AM | Thanks for all the comments. A couple thoughts/questions:
Absolutely not the only single PARENT that prefers dating single Parents.
--Point taken. I should’ve said “single parents” in the title. Mea culpa.
You can also get the same "rush" of excitment from hiding the little things like holding hands and kissing from your kids just as you did your parents!
--I can definitely relate to that!
I dated a single Dad once, thinking "oh we both have kids we will be a perfect match made in heaven" complete trainwreck and a mess, crazy as hell, nothing in common, NOT a good match.
--I’ve definitely had my fair share of dates that were not a good match. I agree, even though two people might have kids, it doesn’t mean they will have things in common.
i have dated men with no kids (i married a childless man and am involved with a childless men right now), and NONE could up and travel on a moments notice.
--Yeah I don’t understand some of the profiles on here. Don’t these people have day jobs?!
I prefer to date a guy with kids only because I made the mistake of getting married to guy who didn't have children and we where married for 3 years and one day out of the blue he looked at me and said I needed to choose between him or my kids
--If you had chosen him instead, would you have had to lock the kids in the closet?!
If they are recently divorced .....MOST (not all) are still bitter and 'MOM' has become enemy number #1. I can't tell you how many wasted hours I've spent listening to the blah, blah, blah bullshi* of "...and then she did this" or "..then she said this"..or worse yet...."I gave her everything...I can't believe how she destroyed our family"
--The same could be said about ANYBODY who has ever had an ex, not just single parents, right?
Finally, I got smart....when the ex's name comes into the conversation in 3 strike negative manner....I get up and leave.
--Sounds like an interesting approach. After 3 years of dating mostly single dads, I can’t say I’ve ever been in this situation, but I’ll have to remember your three-strikes approach in case I ever do! | |
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