| | is he interested or not?Page 1 of 1 | Met a guy who attends the same school. We've been sending texts to each other everyday for the past week. We mainly talk about school. While he always initiates the daily text conversations, I have been the one bringing up the topic of hanging out. I don't know what to think because he texted "What you wanna do im so lazy." We ended up getting yogurt tonight (he paid) and rented two movies (I paid). Went back to his apartment to watch the movie. He put his arm around my shoulder at first. I didn't lean in or cuddle with him (my mistake). He eventually took his arm off to grab his drink and never put it back. He was also texting someone during the movie. Talked for a bit after the movie, he walked me to my car, and we hugged.
Do guys who just want to be friends put their arm on a girl's shoulder? I thought it was pretty obvious that I was interested by taking initiative and asking him to hang out. If he is interested, what should I do to let him know that I'm interested as well? Maybe ask him to do something on Sunday (the next few weeks are going to be busy for us)? | |
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| is he interested or not?
Posted: 8/12/2011 11:44:24 PM |
Do guys who just want to be friends put their arm on a girl's shoulder?
Not with ones they recently met and just hung out for movies for the first time...
If you knew him for a long time, years, and you needed some comforting after a bad break up then yeah maybe... I've gotten comfy with some girls I'm friends with and no intentions of sex... that I'm aware of lol
In your case, I'd say you need to be honest and up front with him, tell him you like him but want to be sure he likes you too for more then just a toy. Yeah its ok to use the word toy lol
Its ok to fool around, and its DEFINATELY ok to tell a guy STOP when you've reached your limit of affection without ruining chances of more... Kissing a guy on the lips is enough to say you like him for more then just a friend, you can still stop at any time... NO means NO. I'm cunfused why you wouldn't cuddle if you liked him tho... next time you worry, just snuggle up to him if he doesn't put his arm around you... snuggling is safe and says you like him. Kinda like your favorite pillow or blanket lol
If things go beyond where you want to go, just say "slow down, ok" and he should be fine with it... if not then get up and leave. | |
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Posted: 8/12/2011 11:49:56 PM | caren - he didn't go over to your place cuz he wanted to be your friend....
duh
doesn't mean he's ONLY looking for sex...but ya he likes you at some level....for now at least...
depending on how experienced he is at reading women, he made a slightly intimate move and you did not respond in kind, so he pulled back. (smart move on his part)
so keep going and see where things lead if you like him. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2011 12:14:37 AM | | You seem somewhat innocent and naive OP,which strikes me as odd coming from a 25 yr old. At any rate,its hard to say what his intent was,he could really like you and see where it goes or he could be after sex. Ill say that he probably really likes you since he didn't make any sexual advances at you,unless the arm thin is his way of playing it safe and to test the water. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2011 12:35:11 AM | He is inexperienced. He went for the arm around the shoulders hoping you would make the next move...kinda like chess..you didnt so he backed off. Your signal was you didnt want anything more than the movie..hence the hug.
If you want more, then make the next move or remain in the friend zone with him. Do it quick though.
FYI: I bet you anything he was being coached via texts by his buddy during the movie. | |
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| is he interested or not?
Posted: 8/13/2011 12:36:07 AM |
Met a guy who attends the same school. We've been sending texts to each other everyday for the past week.
Okay, so he wants to see you naked. Are you going to show him?
"What you wanna do im so lazy."
Close enough. When a man says, " I don't know, what do you want to do", ...he is saying , "Lets go get naked and bang one out".
He put his arm around my shoulder at first. I didn't lean in or cuddle with him (my mistake).
Fatal mistake. You just told him you were not interested.
Do guys who just want to be friends put their arm on a girl's shoulder?
No healthy heterosexual male over 12, wants to be just friends.
I thought it was pretty obvious that I was interested by taking initiative and asking him to hang out.
You're not very bright , are ya. Asking a guy to "Hang out" is like asking your girlfriend if she wants to go shopping.
If he is interested, what should I do to let him know that I'm interested as well?
Unzip his fly and place your hand in there.
Maybe ask him to do something on Sunday ....Sure, like , watch you strip for him. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2011 12:42:57 AM | | Ah yes,I overlooked the part where he said "I don't know,I'm lazy" in her response to her "what you wanna do" question. Yep he's after the poon-nanny. And I'm willing to bet he initaited the idea of getting the movies and goin back to his place. He had it planned out all along,but didn't wanna come right out and say it. Now none of this makes him a bad person,just means they should start keeping their dates in public. I assure you OP,next time y'all are alone,he'll try harder for the prize,even moreso if he feels he has nothing to lose. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2011 1:43:45 AM | | This seems pretty straight forward to me. You spent time together and that means you're both comfortable at least somewhat with each other. As for liking each other, have you ever considered just asking him? "I like you, do you like me?" Simple, blunt, and gives you a clear answer. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2011 6:55:33 AM | | last night, i said i wasn't going to watch the second movie because i had stuff to do today. he asked me what i had to do. I know he has dinner plans tonight but if I text him and ask him to watch the second movie today or tomorrow, is that showing interest? And if i do and he says no, does that mean he's busy or not interested? I feel weird coming out and asking him if he likes me. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2011 7:40:03 AM | Generally, I find UncleZeus' "**** him or GTFO" diatribes facile and tiresome, but in this case, I have to agree, in part, with some stuff he says and with what some other posters say.
OP, the man does not have sufficient enough attraction to you to pursue. This is evident in that he never initiated asking you out and when you pressed the issue, his response was "What you wanna do im so lazy." A man who has high attraction to a woman does not want to come off looking like a wuss. He will have a plan. He will make suggestions. He will try to gauge her interests. A man with a low-level attraction to a woman will say with this guy said to you. He finds you attractive enough that the idea of banging you was appealing to him, but when you gave off a vibe that it wasn't happening, he switched off. A man into a woman is NOT going to text someone else continuously while in her company. He was either lining up another girl or texting one of his buds like "Damn, this b----ch isn't putting out. Lame. Wanna get hammered tonight?"
If you ask him out again, expect him to be more aggressive in getting you to bang him. If it's a no-go again, I have a feeling this guy will stop texting you every day and he'll fade off into the sunset. If you DO bang him, expect a FWB deal until someone he has a higher attraction to comes along. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2011 3:40:14 PM | | Don't kill yourself trying. His idiotic responses and lack of respect are disturbing, how did you NOT pick this up????? | |
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| is he interested or not?
Posted: 8/13/2011 4:36:52 PM |
Do guys who just want to be friends put their arm on a girl's shoulder?
Ahhh! I was that guy a few weeks ago! The answer is no! At least in my case. I put my arm around a girl who I was sitting on a couch with, and she kind of leaned into it...slightly...in any case, I personally would not put my arm around a girl unless I was interested in either developing a relationship with her, or getting physical with her.
Or both. Ideally both.
If you're interested, tell him! Or instead of telling him directly, say something to him that's going to make him more interested/turn him on, and then ask him if he wants to go out again. | |
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| is he interested or not?
Posted: 8/13/2011 5:06:09 PM | | He's being respectful. Stop guessing and test his reflexes. Coyly plant a quick one on the lips. Have you asked if he's seeing anyone? Have you casually mentioned you broke up with someone? Time to get creative. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2011 12:39:32 AM |
Don't kill yourself trying. His idiotic responses and lack of respect are disturbing, how did you NOT pick this up?????
Well for a 25 year old this is a reasonable response. The real issue is (Because they arrived at a date no matter how the response was) he made a move and she rejected the move... or at least did not move forward... so he backed off.
One poster suggested that it is like a chess match. I think it is more like a dance. You are not trying to beat the person. you are trying to dance the same steps. If he wants to waltz and she wants to tango it will not work. You watched him try and waltz and even though you wanted to waltz too, decided that you were going to tango. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2011 3:10:10 AM | If he put his arm around your shoulder then yes I would say he was trying to send you a message, and yes, you maybe should have leaned in to show him the same message, he probably felt a little rejected by it which would be the reason why he didn't put his arm back. And the texting? If he's anything like me then he was probably texting a friend maybe for advice or because he was a little nervious.
I kinda see what you mean by showing your were interested by asking him to hang out, but the world is full of girls who just want to be friends and do that kind of thing, he may even think he is falling into the god-awful 'friend zone' with you.
The best advice I could give you is to be a bit more forward and obvious, rest your head on his shoulder next time you watch a movie, I guarantee if he is hanging out with you like the way you have described then you will get a positive reaction from him. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2011 6:07:28 AM | I'm not trying to be rude, but why are women so offputting
like if you wanted him to put his arm around you, why wouldn't you show him some affection as well. It's not a 1 way street. You just showed him the wrong signs, which is obvious and you pointed out, just be straight up with him. | |
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4x4fan
| | Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 18 | |
| is he interested or not?
Posted: 8/14/2011 6:25:03 AM | Sounds like he likes you but maybe he got the wrong impression when you didn't lean in, or do anything when he put his arm on your shoulder.
Really though, it was just the first "date" so to speak and you guys don't really know each other extremely well. For that reason don't read too much into what happend or didn't happen during your time spent with him.
Just go with the flow, make yourself available for another "date" should he ask but I definately think he needs to ask you t his time. You suggested hanging out the first time, now it's his turn. It would be ok for you to still initiate texts and stuff (be sure and tell him that you had a nice time) but he needs to do the asking for another date this time.
Good luck....sounds like a decent first get-together. | |
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| is he interested or not?
Posted: 8/14/2011 8:59:03 AM | Here's a CRAZY idea:
Instead of sitting around his apartment playing the game of "should we, or shouldn't we?"
Oh...I dunno... go on an actual DATE and see if you like each other without the uncertainties of sex hanging over you every moment! Go play some mini golf or something where you can get a little touchy-feely and see if both people respond in kind.  | |
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| is he interested or not?
Posted: 8/14/2011 5:35:36 PM | he is probably interested. some guys just don't know how to act in certain situations. the texting could be insecurity, he may feel like you are not interested or he might not know what to do if you are. a lot of people have a propensity for messing things up out of fear of messing things up.
you can give it more time but at some point you might need to realize they aren't going to make a move and move on to someone who is ready to be who you want them to be. | |
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