Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 _zebra
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 1
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
So I've seen tons of discussions on here where people get all fired up when a man's dating a woman & finds out she won't have sex with him.

The question I pose to y'all is this: what do you women think if you were dating a man and when the topic came around, he told you he wants to abstain from sex until he's married? I already know a lot of shallow guys who (upon hearing this from the woman) would just drop her like a hot tamale. I'm curious as to how women would react to this situation...
 Ms Cheevious
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 2
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 4:06:16 PM

I already know the huge percentage of shallow guys who (upon hearing this from the woman) would just drop her like a hot tamale. I'm curious as to how women would react to this situation...


I'd drop him like a hot tamale. (Guess I'm shallow too...)
 SSFascinate
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 3
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 4:10:33 PM
I would drop him too. Good sex is important to me in a relationship. What if we get married and he absolutely sucks? Doesn't like foreplay, gets off in 2 mins, has a small penis......um yea, no thanks.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 4
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 4:21:57 PM

I'm curious as to how women would react to this situation...

When I was about 25, for some reason, I got this weird idea that it might be better to wait a while for sex (though not until marriage). The result of telling a woman that and deciding to go home before getting to heated up when on a date, was she was in more of a hurry and pretty forwad about it the next time we went out. If you tell a woman you want to wait until marriage though, she might just think you're weird and bail out.
 _zebra
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 5
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 4:28:22 PM

What if we get married and he absolutely sucks? Doesn't like foreplay, gets off in 2 mins, has a small penis......um yea, no thanks.


yeah, because people are either born with sexual talent or they ain't. it's in no way or fashion a skill that (in most cases) improves with time & repetition.
the size thing... well that they're either born with or they ain't! and just because he wouldn't want you directly interacting with it don't mean you can't know anything about it. come on, do women who're holding off walk around in fluffy flowing clothes all the time just so nobody can see how big their boobs are?
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 6
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 4:44:31 PM

I already know a lot of shallow guys


I would never marry a woman unless I knew we were sexually compatible. It's important and it's not shallow.

Important...but not a sacred event.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 7
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 5:53:04 PM
Then his choice should be respected just as a woman's should be in the same situation. If the person you're with can't handle that choice, he or she is simply not the right person for you. There is someone out there who shares each person's ideals, you just have to find him/her.

Nutt
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 8
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 6:13:56 PM
I'd walk, you gotta kick the tires a few times before you buy it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 9
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 6:38:47 PM
There's a difference between a guy wanting to know me better before hitting the bedroom and a man who's saving himself for marriage. In my case marriage is a slim to none possibility so I doubt we'd hang out very long anyway. For both our sakes, we'd be better off moving on. : )
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 7:18:58 PM
I strongly disagree with applying the label of "shallow" to people, JUST because they DON'T want to bother with a relationship where sex isn't permitted before marriage.

That judgmental statement demands that the ONLY roles available for people to choose from are, the good, nice folks, who wait for marriage to have sex, and the shallow, self-centered hedonists who want it all now, with no commitment or concern for their "victim."

Thus I reject the way the OP is phrased, as not reflecting reality.

Now, it's quite possibly true that the OP's friends ARE shallow, but the fact that they expect to have sex as a PART of the process of selecting a permanent (or semi-permanent) mate would NOT be the determining reason for that label fitting them.


Oh, and I have seen this discussed in a few threads before (the male being the one who wants to wait), so if you want more information on it, you could search the older threads for it.

The fact that someone wants to wait for marriage to have sex doesn't make someone DEFECTIVE, but it doesn't make them SUPERIOR, either.
 complete_moron
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 11
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 8:59:36 PM
I would say the OP is talking about the 0.0001% of guys out there. I'm sure they are out there, but again..I would have a hard time to make a boyscout team out of them.
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 9:02:06 PM
Here's a story for you.

A couple decide to wait until they get married.
On their wedding night, they find out that they are not a good fit.
He is on the large side, and she cannot accommodate him.
They could not consummate the marriage as it was to painful for her.

She married him, so she felt it was for life.
He could not exist in a no sex marriage.
So it was agreed upon that he would seek sexual pleasure elsewhere.
After 30 years, and no kids, she asked for an out.
What a waste of 30 years.

I want to try the goods.
Sex is an important part of a relationship to me.
So ... nope.
NEXT!
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 13
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 9:16:08 PM
Situation already happened twice; once very early in life, I bailed. At the time, I did not want to get involved in something with someone who didn't know anything at all about it. Second time much later in life, I waited a bit, then bailed because it was used as a concealment device to avoid the subject of erectile dysfunction.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 9:52:13 PM
Compatible sex is such a huge part of a successful relationship. I'd want to know that we were compatible before I agreed to marry. Hot tamale for me, as well.

Do you plan to abstain until marriage? If yes, why?
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 15
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 9:53:31 PM
I've been in that situation. The reason I bailed only indirectly had to do with his abstinence. In other words, I loved him enough that I would have waited with him if there was any hope of it working.
 iwillcheatonyou
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 16
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 9:58:32 PM
Girl wouldn't allow it, the only time I ever lived with a girl I didn't have sex with her for a few days and she flipped out, thinking she was ugly...of course it was ok for her to withhold sex.
 714mia
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 17
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 10:03:10 PM
Well! i'm a Christian,looking for a Christian too.!!!!. ..i look at your profile ..u Christian tooo..i think, we know our rules like Christians ...God bless!!!
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 18
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 10:05:22 PM
The question I pose to y'all is this: what do you women think if you were dating a man and when the topic came around, he told you he wants to abstain from sex until he's married?


If we were just dating, it wouldn't be an issue at all, as long as he understood that I would be dating other men as well.

An exclusive relationship with him would be out of the question---much less marriage.
 Zemeckis
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 19
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 10:07:46 PM
No problem either way. Less sex or temporary absence of sex would not stop me from loving her and I would not quit. I am surprised how many people would drop their partner for this. I really am not happy to live in such a society where there are so many shallow people.
 1in1000000000
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 20
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 10:13:37 PM
Great question, OP, and also a great example of how not ALL women think alike, nor all men for that matter.

If I were dating a man and he let me know he wants to save sex for marriage, assuming I really, really liked the guy, and knew he was serious about the decision, I'd probably start celebrating the first day of my new life with my future husband, whether he knew that or not.

When I was, I think 27 years old, I dated a guy who had been celibate for several years--maybe six, seven or eight years. At the time, I myself had been celibate for only two years. I tremendously appreciated being with someone I really liked, with no sexual pressure, but just a good, clean, honest, getting to know one another as human beings relationship. I don't recall whether he was saving sex for marriage, but he had only had sex a couple of times, with the same person, when he was like 19 years old. I honestly felt like I had struck a gold mine in him, because I felt very comfortable and free to get to truly know him, without feeling like eventually sex would become the focus. It was a long distance relationship, so we only saw one another one weekend per month after our initial meeting, but talked by phone daily, oftentimes for hours on end. A good female friend of mine asked me how I managed to find such a fairytale man. And he kind of was that. There was really nothing I could complain about with him. But I found something to find fault with. I decided in my mind that he was too pristine for me. Not only was he squeaky clean sexually, but I had more notches on my belt than him, and for that, I didn't feel quite adequate. I already had two children, he had none. I came from a broken home, his parents were still married to that day. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, I was not. I had smoked cigarettes and the other cigarettes as well. He'd never taken one puff of anything in his life. So I decided he was just too pristine, and also not used to life really, like being on his own paying bills for years, the way I had. So I let the relationship slip through my fingers. It had nothing to do with our not having sex. I would love to meet someone today who had values like that. Sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship, and size is way overrated. Just like OP alluded to, sexual compatibility is not static either; compatibility is dynamic. And while some "small" guys have a "small", truncated mentality, not all do. A penis can't do anything all by itself, regardless of its size. Sex is biological and organic--it is all about the mind behind it.
 Riderboxer
Joined: 2/25/2011
Msg: 21
view profile
History
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 10:44:14 PM
My girl just yesterday said all I ever think about is sex.
Then she laughed and said,I dont blame you,I love it
too,probably more than you. Haha Does that answer
your question?
 forbiddenfish
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 22
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/17/2011 11:11:26 PM
My reaction would be...I would demote him of course to be my friend. It's easy that way because I don't sleep with my friends. I don't want to find out about our sexual preference or difference or physical chemistry after we got married.
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 8:12:40 AM

Well! i'm a Christian,looking for a Christian too.!!!!. ..i look at your profile ..u Christian tooo..i think, we know our rules like Christians ...God bless!!! ...714mia


Gotta laugh at this one!

A divorced Christian.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 24
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 8:19:23 AM
the scenario is patently absurd and speculative absent any arbitrary religious convictions about bodily functions. i won't even speak to the arbitrary religious convictions, but since i don't have any and i wouldn't date anyone who had them, i'd simply have to assume he was hiding something very, very small. plus, i need another marriage like i need a case of festering genital warts. GTFO!

boot meet ass.
face meet curb.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 25
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 8:59:55 AM
I'm shallow like that ... I need to test-drive the merchandise before I buy. I don't want to end up in another relationship involving bad sex, so I'd probably walk ...
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?