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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved      Home login  
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 JohnT1981
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 1
Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involvedPage 1 of 1    
where do i start really. i met me ex about for years ago, when i was 26 and she was 25. Now I've just turned 30 and she is nearly 29. I would alike to think it was fate how we met. My brother went on holiday and met a couple. They then visited us to chester from bristol. Then that couple split up and then she still visited him and brought 2 of her mates. One bing my ex. I could shave been working or away and never met her but i did, we hit it off. We didn't have sex the first night. She then left back for bristol with her mates and i just jumped in her car with a tooth brush and went to bristol. We ad sex that night, had a great day. Then i got the train back to chester. I then carried on doing that travelling from Chester to bristol every weekend after work for a few months then i managed to get a job in bristol and then moved to her place with her. After such a short period of time! which was prob wrong but felt right at the time.

Things were fine for the first 8-9 months. Then we started to take each other for granted, we argued. then we booked a holiday, a week before we were due to go, she tells me she met someone else and east going. So i went with my mate in the end, left my job in bristol and moved to chester. Without a job i went to Amsterdam to work. It was 7 weeks since we split and she rings me up out the blue saying my car insurance had left her bank. We got speaking again, and decided to give things another go. I moved back to hers and within a few months we had a dog and she was pregnant. My job is an aircraft engineer so i spend allot of my time away from home. During her pregnancy dealing with hormones and stuff things were tense. Then my daughter was born 2 years ago. Things turned from then. She was so protective over her we didn't do anything as a couple no more. I slept in the spare room as she had my daughter in bed. Even to this day that still happened. Then i had a job this year in Germany over xmas new year, had a mechanic come fix the cars. £ weeks later she says she is seeing someone else and that it was over. My head fell off so i ran away to Asia. I come back after 3 weeks, back into a job in bristol as i wanted to be there for my daughter. Finds out that things never worked with this other bloke. So we tried well i tried my best to put everything right again. But she just couldn't let go of the bad things, the arguments etc. So i spent the last 6 months really trying my best, yes we had out ups and downs, she started texting a few blokes but stopped etc. We even 3 weeks ago talked about me moving back into her own place which was meant to be mine, but we come to a disagreement over who was paying what for the mortgage. So i never moved in with her. Now last week she tells me she doesn't wanna be in a relationship with me.

Out of the blue i thought this was, i was like WTF, so then i give her a few days space, and it was the same decision. So i asked her straight 3 times was it cos of someone else, she said no. Now i find out on sunday when i went around the house her kissing touching and massaging straddling some other bloke on the sofa. Less than a week after she said this to me. All i ever wanted was a family and stability for me and my daughter and her. And she does this. This is the third time she done this. She even admitted to me last time she doesn't know y she does it, she knows the grass aint greener etc and that we will always be together.

So i kind of lost the plod, i didn't kick off with her, just told her that i was hurt and angered, and that id be changing my number so she couldn't contact me, and that any issues with my daughter and wen i want to see her should go through my brother.

im in 2 minds wether i should have done this now? changing my number etc, i really wanna make a clean break, but I'm scared she will come running back when things don't work out. But more scared of if thing do work out with this other bloke, and they settle down etc, what if i don't. and I'm left just being plane old single me?

im so confused and need help and advise how to play it. Id love to move on but scared incase i can't
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 2
Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved
Posted: 8/24/2011 3:49:13 PM
Both of you need serious growing up, I feel for this child of yours, how about you get your act and life together, let your balls drop and man up, you have a daughter, forget about your * ahem* relationship, its a joke, there is no relationship and from this relationship you have a daughter.

Concentrate on your little girl and leave the big girl or kick her to the curb, what person in their right mind would take someone back 3 times after they cheated or broken up over silly things.

You have a profile on here looking for long term and yet you still have this woman in your life, is that really fair of you to be looking for a innocent woman with this nonsense hovering around ?

You two need to sit down with counselor and sort out your issues, you have a child together FFS.
 AmityStorm
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 3
Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved
Posted: 8/24/2011 3:51:31 PM
From your point of view? I would say take some time out. Serious time out.
Sounds to me like you are both really confused?
I would say for the sake of your child to ignore the emotional issues you have with each other and both focus on that.

Forget the relationship...its not important. What is important is your child
 Titus_Maccius_Plautus
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 4
Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved
Posted: 8/24/2011 3:57:14 PM
Okay, you've tried many times with this woman and it has never worked out. I think it's pretty much over and to try once again would be fruitless.

Now, there is a child involved and she needs her father as much as she needs her mother. You need to find a way to create stability for her.

Children are strong and will make it fine through the separation as long as can find a way to create stability. Unfortunately, this means that you both have to sit down together and discuss what is best for the child without it becoming a shouting match.

The relationship is over. I don't think you can do anything about it. It's time to concentrate on your child.

Titus
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 5
Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:53:34 PM
Great advice. Both of you; especially her; do not have the maturity to be with one person. You move in with each other like it's changing a shirt and then go back and forth. This isn't a mature relationship.

Both of you have to grow up. She's not exactly the faithful type; shacking up with you, having a kid, then texting other guys.

If you were having unprotected sex in such an unstable situation then that is also a huge deal.

Fate is for those that don't want to take responsibility for their actions. Things don't happen for a reason, they happen due to our choices.

I agree; sit down and get some counseling; in time you will make the right decisions and find a good person. I wish you well,
 1in1000000000
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 6
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Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved
Posted: 8/25/2011 12:54:59 AM
1. Take the sensible advice of everyone here and accept that the relationship with your ex is over.
2. If she's that much of a swinger, how can you be sure that you are the father of her child?
3. You feel the need to name call the men that your so-called woman chose over you? It's not their fault. It's hers (and maybe yours as well). But don't be upset with anyone; what's done is done; move on.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 7
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Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved
Posted: 8/25/2011 9:17:12 AM
You have a daughter. You have lost the right to change your phone number and not communicate with her Mother. You cannot just globe trot and see the kid when you want to. Grow the fu*k up and think about the child, not your slag of an ex girlfriend.
 ilovehowiecarr
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 8
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Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved
Posted: 8/25/2011 11:56:07 AM
dude you can't make her go through your brother to talk about your kid. That's really immature and makes you look like a jerk who's using the kid to hurt her. It's your kid, not your brother's. Just make sure when you do speak on the phone or in person that you only talk about the kid and not getting back together.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 9
Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved
Posted: 8/25/2011 1:03:44 PM
This is the third time she done this. She even admitted to me last time she doesn't know y she does it, she knows the grass aint greener etc and that we will always be together.

What a mess. You can continue staying clear of her and not let her into your life. Keep her at a distance, only contact being because of the child. Go to court and get a custody arrangement immediately.

Or, if you think this woman is the one you want to spend you life with and you can grow up and work all this mess out, go to relationship counseling.

Choose one.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Really need advise. Relationship break up with a child involved