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 faith_____
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 1
How long should a first meet last?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
i guess it would depend on how we liked each other. I'm trying to plan for the option of us meeting up and not liking each other or no attraction. Though, he has all these things planned that I would guess would be 3 hours tops. I was thinking an hour and half if things work out well. He is driving to come see me.

What are your experiences with first meet ups? I have only had one but the person had one thing planned which worked. This guy wants coffe, walk, lunch and maybe a movie? but I shot the movie down I really want to get to know him.

I'm just trying to plan for worst case scenario and us meet up and both think wtf lol. or one wants to bail.
 lightningslow
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 2
How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 5:37:53 PM
Shortest date was all of 10 minutes, longest, well that lasted around 6 hours.

Second date was two days with someone
 oohlala21
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 3
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How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 5:46:05 PM
I think unless someone is being blatantly disrespectful it's only polite to let the date last at least an hour. I prefer to plan to meet for coffee or something casual like that, so if I'm not sure how I'm feeling about the person (or know it's not going to work) I can say I have to go meet friends at a certain time.

GOOD first dates for me last maybe 3 to 6 hours, I'd say. I feel like I need at least 3 hours to really get a feel for the person.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 4
How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 5:47:09 PM
How long should a first date last?

First MEETS!! First MEETS!! Gotta use proper terms if you want more accuracy! 30 min walk/talk
Or have you actually MET this guy before?? Then could be hours doing the usual..
 faith_____
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 5
How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 6:02:50 PM
havent met before.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 6
How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 6:17:36 PM
Even a bad first meet should usually last at least 45 minutes. I once met a man dressed in drag and sat there for about 45 minutes making small talk. It was the longest 45 minutes of my life mind you, but I stuck it out. Somehow I just don't see your first meet going that badly, so I think 45 minutes should be ok.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 7
How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 6:20:55 PM
Of course you can always tell him to meet you out front then do a drive by. I hear those are quite popular these days.

Or have a friend call you 15 minutes into the meet. If it's not going well then fake an emergency and get out. When I first started online dating I did that once. It was going well when my phone rang, I ignored the call. A minute later her phone rang and she ignored it, we both burst out laughing.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 8
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 6:23:42 PM
First meet, is that a first meet, not a date
30min to 40min tops

 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 9
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 6:26:43 PM
Wouldn't it depend on the meeting? LOL Lets see, 2 hours and 19 seconds. Seriously? It will all boil down to who you meet, and how long it is allowed to last. If there is a connection and you enjoy talking, it might last a while. Couple hours or so. There may be no connection, and the person might be a train wreck and it is done in 5 minutes.

Stop planning something you cannot control until you do meet. Do not go to a movie or somewhere you are unable to feel totally comfortable leaving. You cannot sit and talk in a movie, why not go meet up for an ice tea and take it from there?

First see if he is who he claims to be, and see if he likes you .
 faith_____
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 10
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 6:39:11 PM

Stop planning something you cannot control until you do meet. Do not go to a movie or somewhere you are unable to feel totally comfortable leaving. You cannot sit and talk in a movie, why not go meet up for an ice tea and take it from there?

First see if he is who he claims to be, and see if he likes you .


That what I think I'm planning on how to bail if i don't feel comfortable or something, that why I said no to the movies cause I cant talk to him and I cant really leave when I want to. I offered coffee. But Im getting the idea he wants to do a lot lol but I guess that will depend how it goes. He is calling it a date so I dunno the difference between a meet up and a first date aren't they the same lol.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 11
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 6:40:40 PM
I've had first meets last as long as two days to as short as driving two blocks.

All depends on the chemistry now, doesn't it.

How long should the last? As long as the both of you are feeling comfortable. Easy peasy.
 MagikMan59
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 12
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:03:04 PM
An hour or so. If the date is going well when an hour is up, makes looking forward to the next date exhilarating. If the the date is going poorly an hour is probably as much time together as the two people can stand.
I've had short dates that we both enjoyed so much, we decided to meet later that same day
and have a part-two. Of course I have also had bad dates that made me quite glad to end them after an hour.
A big part of how long your first date should be depends on how well you know the person before your date. That's my two cents.
 007Kev
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 13
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:08:03 PM
I honestly don't see the difference between 'the first meet' and 'the first date'. A date is just a meeting to get to know someone, doesn't mean you're 'dating' them and the first meet is the same definition. Also, assuming you're meeting this person with some intend to date them through the use of pictures and profile view, wouldn't that warrent a 'date'? And hasn't anyone heard the term 'blind date'? you're on a date with someone you just met, or the 'first meet'. In conclusion I still don't see the difference. And is the second time you meet, the first date then? Makes no sense.

I think a date should last from 30 minutes to 5 hours depending on the situation.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 14
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:19:05 PM
I like about an hour, two if it goes really well. Although I met a guy for a hockey game once and so that lasted the game. But we weren't directly talking to each other the entire time.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 15
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How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:40:40 PM
First one is a meet not a date. I schedule mine for 30 minutes or 2 drinks which ever comes first. I plan them in restaurant bars so if things go well you can always just grab a table for dinner and extend the meet into a date. other times you schedule a first date after a pleasant first meet.

First Dates have no time limit. Just depends on how things go. Had some go an hour and one went 4 days. Several went a weekend. Just go with the flow.

And for all those that say there is no difference in a first meet and a first date (rolls eyes...) you have not done this very long and have not been stuck for hours and $150+ dinner/bar tabs with gals you knew when you said "uhhh hello?" that all you wanted to do is bail and go home. You meet first for a SHORT first meet. It is just to see if you even want to spend hours with them on a real date or just run back to your car as fast as you can. I know in 10 minutes if I want a real date or not. This is not rocket science that I need to spend $150 bucks and 3 hours to know that I have no interest in proceeding. All I can say is those saying they expect the guy to pay and it should take at least a couple hours on a first met have simply not done this online enough yet. Sorry but a lot in real life is based on attraction just like it is based on their pics online. Problem is until you meet them you have no clue how accurate those pics online really are.

Cowboy
 AlreadyTakenBootboy
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 16
wow
Posted: 8/27/2011 8:36:37 PM
why not think positive! insted of the worse case? so many people seem to do that here.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 17
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How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/27/2011 8:44:48 PM

I once met a man dressed in drag and sat there for about 45 minutes making small talk. It was the longest 45 minutes of my life mind you, but I stuck it out.


I have to ask..why? Why, did you spend 45 minutes wasting time?
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 18
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How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:05:58 AM
A first meet can last as long as you want. My shortest was about an hour as it was a breakfast meet and he had work to go to and I had been up since 3 a.m. to drive my kid to a rowing regatta in his town. My longest first meet was 5 hours and included a swim and a long lunch. On average the first meets have been about 1.5 hrs.
 AxMurderer
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 19
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:10:23 AM
Keep the first meet short, but leave six hours or so open after the meet so if you click really well, you can go on a date right after the meet.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 20
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wow
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:26:47 AM

<div class="quote"> why not think positive! insted of the worse case? so many people seem to do that here. It's called learning from your mistakes and is a common trait in successful people. You get stuck for an hour or two with someone you wanted to just walk away from after 2 minutes while blowing a lot of money on a long dinner and you adapt and start scheduling very short first meets because you have learned the hard way that many MANY people do not represent themselves honestly on here. Hopefully as you do this awhile you will learn this secret also.

<div class="quote"> I once met a man dressed in drag and sat there for about 45 minutes making small talk. Then you wasted 45 minutes of your life is the very best thing I can say. And NO I would not of done this for 2 minutes sorry. I will sit for 2 drinks and chat to a women that had 10 year old pics taken 100 lbs ago if she is pleasant. THAT i can cheerfully do. A guy in drag. hell no.

Cowboy
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 21
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/28/2011 4:11:24 AM
wellll make sure he doesn't take you to a crack house or out to one of those places out in the woods where they make the moonshine (*cough*)

if he already has a half a day planned with you right out of the gate, that's a red flag right there in my book. it's just plain inappropriate.... shows lack of judgment and common sense. i'd rather spend an hour drinking coffee and talking to a guy in drag.

cowboy don't forget, the PINK rhinestone boots....
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 22
How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/28/2011 5:36:13 AM
I have to ask..why?why, did you spend 45 minutes wasting time?
To punish myself for not listening to my best friends advice. She told me under no circumstance should I meet someone who has no picture posted, or who refused to send me one before meeting. After that experience I never ever went against that advice again.

I have never ever walked away from a first meet without sticking it out for at least 45 minutes actually. And I have had every form of deception pulled on me. I use the 45 minutes as a lesson learned experience. Also I have NEVER ever mentioned anything to the deceptive person about the deception. Be it older than stated in profile, bigger than "Average" or a man dressed in drag. I think deep down they already know about their delusion, they don't need me making them feel worst about themselves in public.
I simple tell then at the end of the meet or in an email after that I don't think we are a match and move on. If they press for a reason I use chemistry, that pretty much bailed me out of "need to know why I'm being rejected" cases.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 23
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:53:57 AM
50 minutes. I find it rude to show up, look them over and bail in 30. You do need to chat. Maybe ordering the coffee and waiting for it counts as part of the 50 minutes. It's mostly for me--I don't like appraising someone purely on the physical. If he's not my type, I feel I should still treat him as a person, not a piece of meat. However, if he is too flirty, bearing down and touching.. leaving early is best. Even an attractive man acting presumptuous is creepy. A guy leaving in 30 minutes--interested or not, seems shallow and not a communicator, not my kind. No one has ever done that, and I wouldn't chagrin someone else like that. I figure they bothered to come out, why be a jerk and openly reject them?
I think if you've sufficiently talked, it should be ok and a pleasant chat anyhow.
I don't like "option to extend" because it puts you on the spot. Men confidently think we'll do that because they're decent and I rather not because I often can tell it's not happening by 50 minutes, and I am willing to only burn 50 minutes or these meets drain my energy for online intros.
And, I'd only do it if really motivated by the person vs just to interview possible candidates.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 24
How long should a first date last?
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:15:41 AM

... I once met a man dressed in drag and sat there for about 45 minutes making small talk. It was the longest 45 minutes of my life mind you, but I stuck it out. ...


I would plan for 1/2 to 1 hour. Sometimes/often, if you hit it off, it may go longer, so it isn't a bad idea to keep the time free. For example, meet in early afternoon, and if you hit if off, then you've got the whole afternoon and even evening. I've had a glass of wine meet turn in several hours of talking and walking and then finding someplace for dinner. It all depends.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 25
How long should a first meet last?
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:37:47 AM

This guy wants coffe, walk, lunch and maybe a movie

There's no way I'd commit to all this guy has planned if I've never met him before.

If someone goes the "this is a first meet not a date" route, then I'm probably going to give it 15-30 minutes. It's not a date so I'm not gonna rearrange either my schedule or my daughter's. Coffee/glass of wine...give each other the once over...move on with life.
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