| | how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | My ex husband emotionally left me after getting too involved with his work partner. I knew it but he wouldn't admit it. I left after a year and a half of feeling so alone. this was after 18 years of marriage. Now 3 years later I asked him to just admit it. Corse "they" didn't work out. He says he still loves me but is on his own journey. He will accept texts from me but won't answer . He wants me to just sit in la la land while he figures himself out. But he offers me nothing. I still love him but he just won't ever own up to his actions of what brought us here. I am a forgiver but he holds everything in silence and willing to lose me forever. Should I just move on? What is his silence deal? I know he is miserable. | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:21:22 PM | You have to ask this question after you've been separated for three years?
The first step is making a PoF profile. Congratulations.
Move on. Get divorced. Stop waiting for a man who's not waiting for you.
Who cares if he's silent and miserable, not your problem anymore....unless you make it so.
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:26:07 PM | | I can take harsh. I know I am not his priority. He just works and sleeps. Hes a paramedic. why can't he remember out love. ? go ahead let me have it. I have asked him to tell me the truth for closure. why won't he? | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:28:02 PM | | he is different that way. He acts like I left and ruined the marriage. I have asked him for closure and he won't give it to me . He will say he still loves me but is just silent. I told him to please give me closure. He won't but he is not mean otherwise. ???? | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:31:13 PM | Closure? You want closure? His reluctance to discuss this with you is all the fricken closure you need.
Fvck closure and get on with your life.
If you're not already filing papers, you should be. | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:31:16 PM | What are you doing??
Chasing him and begging him for attention
He is "accepting" texts from you but he doesn't answer them???
He is not even reading them!!
You alredy wasted, I don't know how many years
with a guy who does NOT love you
Why don't YOU love yourself and see this is a lose lose situation??
You still have many years ahead of you, where you could be living
with someone who CARES about you for a change.
Stop being needy and clingy
He does not reciprocate ANY feelings you have for him
FInd someone else!
Move ON, before you turn 65 and still chasing this guy | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:44:01 PM | | I am divorced. He just I think wants me to pay and he likes that he thinks he is paying me back for leaving. Yea I am trying to move on. I am just a person that has the ability to learn and return . I guess he doesn't. Yea I need to get a life. | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:45:37 PM | What makes you think that life will be all roses if and when he decides to come back to you? He's stringing you along OP , when a Man isn't interested in a woman anymore there is nothing you can do to get him back, you two are different people now, you're not the same as you were 6 months, 1 year ago, 18 years ago.
He doesn't know who is he and is out there " finding " himself, which is one of the reasons why he had the fling , I can tell you that he will take you back when he finds him self on the other end of desirability, and do you really want to be second choice?
My only problem with what you're doing is, eventually you will move on ( if you allow your self) and start dating, and as soon as you find a man and he finds out he will make a play for you , just to screw you up because he is alone and guys like him doesn't want the ex to be with someone and be happier .
Do your self a favor and walk away, closure is for relief pictures trying to save the gave for the starter, he will string you along as long as he can, forget about it and walk away now, it may not be fair that he doesn't give you the closure but that's the way life is.
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:55:48 PM | The more people talk, the more the real story comes out.
So you're already divorced, you're just hounding him for "closure"? You want him to admit that he emotionally cheated on you with his partner? You need him to admit all this before you "move on"?
Sigh. Get a big ole grip on reality OP, he's already moved on (because he's not responding to your texts [ugh]). Time for you to do the same.
Dear god in heaven, tell me there's no kids involved.....Never mind, I don't want to know. Good luck moving on, OP. Since it's been three years and you just won't let it go, I'll assume that you'll take no one's advice here. I'm certainly not going to feel sorry for what you've brought upon yourself in the time that you've already been divorced.
I'm not even making sense any more. I'm out. | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:10:31 PM | You are the one who decides when it is time for closure.
When you finally get sick and tired of being lied to, cheated on, ignored and made obsolete by a guy that treated an 18 year commitment with such little regard.
He is obviously completely done and does not want to speak with you. The reason for this is because he knows he was 100% wrong and you are guilt-ing him into a corner like the rat that he is, so his first reaction is to cower and avoid you.
You need to listen to what he is saying and doing, you can't fix this no matter how much you want to so you have to end it permanently. He never would have cheated if he was happy in the marriage. But that is neither your fault or your problem at this stage. Do you want to be with a man that does not love you?
Go find the love and peace you deserve. | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:14:46 PM | Great... another one stinking up my dating pool.
OP... do everyone a favor, most of all yourself.... and get off the dating sites until you're over your ex. You're out there advertising as if everything is hunky-dorry when the reality is your still in love with your ex. Let the guys out there find someone that is available in every sense... rather than thinking they have a chance with you. | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:16:08 PM | | why would want this loser back. he sounds like a total D-bag. I doubt he's miserable at all. He has you still in love with him and his freedom to bang anyone else, too. Does that make you happy? If it does, you need therapy. | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:19:37 PM | And to add to my post, if you cant walk away on your own, time to google therapy , there is no shame on asking for help, and being on a dating site looking for others is not a good thing
I personally don't think it's right to find someone to use to help you get your mind off another person. If you're still mourning the end of your marriage and you're still in love with the ex, you're not ready to date, Perhaps finding some hobbies that don't involve using other people to assuage your pain. | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:24:51 PM | Closure is what you do...it is not something given. When you decide to end/walk away from/no longer be a part of a relationship, you have decided to "close" that chapter and move on to the next. Closure is accepting harsh realities, even when there are no explanations.
It sounds like you are asking him for ANSWERS and ADMISSIONS (of guilt)...
It may be time to go & speak with a professional about grieving and understand that the unsettled feelings and emotions you are experiencing are NORMAL, HEALTHY and will also fade in time.
Best of luck! | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:35:47 PM | He wont give you closure because if he tells you the truth, it is over and done with. He would much rather keep you on the backburner in case he can't get anyone else as he knows there may a chance as you still love him.
Don't let him play the game. Beat him at it and stop the cycle. At this point, will it change anything if he admits what he did? | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 2:01:11 PM | Lady I stopped reading after your third post. WTH is wrong with you? You are in desperate need of counseling and reality.
Now you have a clear choice, you can experience the pain, work through it, and move on with your life. Or you can sit in the corner, punish yourself watching his selfish actions and live miserably, the choice is all yours.
Who cares what his deals are, or what he's trying to figure out. YOUR WASTING YOUR LIFE!!! Ya know, you only get so many days to tear off that calender of life, wasting them on a schmuck who was inconsiderate of you after 18 years of marriage, then puts you on the yo yo rack for 3 more, should be tied to a bumper by his balls and dragged for a few miles on a gravel road!
WAKE UP!! Your a good looking woman, who was in some sort of abusive relationship, that you would respond that "he may change", "he may come back". MAKES ZERO SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 2:21:49 PM | OP- no, you are co-dependent upon your ""husband""
he is still looking for a better OPTION...
he is not ""figuring himself out""
we all know who we are and what we want, unless we were the one betrayed... | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 2:52:15 PM | OP, you want him to admit his having affair. Well, he won't and probably will never. The only way to make a cheater admits is to caught him in the act or to have a proof of his infidelity or else he will take it to a grave with him.
I agree with other posters here. It's not easy at all to move on but you have to start some where. | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 3:33:42 PM | closure is an overrated concept.
Delusion really.
Don't ask for it.
Make it.
By being happy with someone better.
gotta let go first.
and not be afraid to strike out on your own.
It isn't seeking closure that prevents that.
But fear of the unknown.
But once you take that step...
it isn't so bad.
And you'll feel silly for having hung on for so long.
good luck! | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 3:41:09 PM | Get to a professional and get talking!!!! Don't forget to copy your initial post here, and the answers that followed(including your responses). I'm serious here,it will help the person that you will be talking to.
The "when" you are asking about?????? Over 3 years ago.
Make sense????? That's why you should go talk to someone,,,,,again,,,,a professional!!!! It will become soooooo clear, you will wanna kick yourself in the bum, that is,after you, talk to a professional!!!!! | |
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| how do I know when to walk away? I cant make sense.
Posted: 8/29/2011 3:57:38 PM | I'm curious about your statement that he's making you pay for leaving him. Seriously.
You state that he cheated on you and you left and now he's on his own little journey and that journey doesn't include you - but you ummm you want closure and he is paying you back because you had the nerve to leave him? What part of that makes any sense?
Others have said it, closure is for yourself. You don't get it from someone else. Yeah it'd be really nice to know the truth, to know all the dirty details, but do you *really* wanna know all that? What purpose would that serve? Closure won't come from that.
It's well past time that you moved on. | |
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