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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!      Home login  
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 VeggieGirl
Joined: 2/27/2011
Msg: 1
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I met my friend's room mate for this first time last weekend when I was there for a night of drinking. There was mutual attraction but apparently we're both incredibly shy. He asked my friend to text me asking if he could have my number or if we could cuddle, and I agreed to both. We spent the night in his bed cuddling, kissing, and some oral teasing for both of us. He massaged my back, and was generally really attentive. The best not-sex I've ever had! The next day we cuddled on the couch for a bit then showered together. I finally had to leave to feed my cats, and just before I left he asked for a bj, and I did so and got him off. I made sure he had my number, and was really hoping he would text or call me.

3 days went by, and late on the 3rd day I sent him a facebook message saying "Hey, I was wondering what's going on between us since I haven't heard from you. Was that a one night thing or what?" And 2 days since I sent that message there has been no response. Mutual friends have said he's a good guy, looking for a relationship, etc, and I got the impression that he wasn't the type to use a girl.

I'm going back there this weekend. Should I ask to talk to him in private? Should I just ignore him and see what he does? I'm so confused! I want to clear things up and know exactly what's what, it drives me crazy to be left hanging like this.
 mpdjaf
Joined: 2/21/2011
Msg: 2
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/2/2011 11:39:07 PM
Confront him, I feel he used you.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 3
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 1:13:56 AM
He was after the blow job really and I wouldnt confront him. Just forget it.
If a man is interested you will be in no doubt....Just be thankful you didnt go all the way. It seems that girls give blow jobs just to please a guy and really what do you get out of it???? He is just not that into you. Move on.....
 Coyotefeller
Joined: 8/1/2005
Msg: 4
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 1:28:52 AM
Some young guys are just stupid.
Seems like his loss !
Maybe it's not his fault....if he's gay...
...shouldn't have wasted your time
leading you on like that though!
 Johnjoejeff
Joined: 1/28/2011
Msg: 5
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History
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 1:44:13 AM
I think he is sort of lame. Remember he had his buddy ask you to hook up with him FOR him. So he is scared to approach you. And really, you guys don't know about each other. He will hook up with you, you're just going to have to initiate everything. He's scared to do it himself. This unfortunately means that he will be emotionally dependent on you in the future. Good luck with that.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 6
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 2:13:14 AM
Sounds like you were looking for a relationship out of this and he was looking for sex.
Slow down...or care less.
 Luke_Mpls31
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 7
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 3:10:35 AM
Wait a minute... a guy wanted to know if you wanted to cuddle?

Jeez. Guys today are really getting soft
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 3:18:41 AM
First and foremost, you can learn from this that the "mutual friends" would vouched that this guy was a "good guy" looking for a relationship, and would therefore make it okay for you to ignore any and all standards or limits you might otherwise set for yourself, aren't as insightful as you thought.

I think you ought to realize that "seriously looking for a relationship" does NOT mean that if he has sex with you, that that has any special meaning OTHER than the sex itself.

In other words, you are 20, and lots of people, including both you and he, are still just learning what a relationship actually IS. It could be ( and is most likely the case), that having tried you out very thoroughly now, he has realized you are not as well suited to him as he would like.
My advice would be, NOT to perform any more behaviors at all, if you think that by by doing them, you will get him to decide to be with you. Ignoring him to try to make him respond is game playing, just as having sex with someone to try to get them to like you is game playing. You could have a private talk with him, but as I clearly remember from my own 20's, you are not likely to get any really useful information from him. It's not necessary that he lie to you for how he responds to be useless, it's only necessary that he not KNOW whether or not what you've had of each other so far means anything special or not.

Usually in that age range (and for a long time after, I might add), having a sexual tryst of any kind is done simply because it's fun at each step along the way. Even if someone DOES promise wonderful things during it all, even those words are just a part of the fun.
Paraphrasing an old John Lennon quote, a relationship is what happens while you are focusing on all the rest of your life in association with someone. Sex and all the rest of it are all features and attractions of it, but the relationship isn't JUST made of those things, nor are the most successful ones established just to GET those things.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 9
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He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 3:27:34 AM

I'm going back there this weekend. Should I ask to talk to him in private?


Yes you should.
And if he got a BJ because that's all he wanted..slap him.
 mogrl42
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 10
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He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 3:49:33 AM

....Just be thankful you didnt go all the way

Call me crazy but oral sex to me is way more intimate than "going all the way"
 recreator611
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 11
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:48:38 AM
Maybe hes shy but he cant be that shy asking you for service......your a cutie....users all over....talk to him privately....either gonna work or not...good luck girl!
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 12
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 5:05:08 AM

I got the impression that he wasn't the type to use a girl.


Id say your impression was WRONG.
You were hoping to hear from him and you probably will.....
......when he wants another blowjob.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 13
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 6:16:11 AM

Confront him, I feel he used you.



The only way he could have used her is if he promised something and didn't deliver...I don't see where OP said he promised her anything!


If she wanted to know where they stood, she should have asked him before doing anything sexual....unless of course she wanted to be sexual...in which case they BOTH got something out of it!

I have just gone down on a woman and got nothing in return....I enjoyed it...how did she use me?


Yes you should.
And if he got a BJ because that's all he wanted..slap him.


Yeah, right.....commit battery because he blew you off...THAT's smart!
If he's smart he'll press charges....even worse than being charged...what if he jacks her sh!t up because HE's angry she hit him....?
Adults don't go around hitting each other because we can't control our own emotions...GEESH!
What lame and dangerous advice.


I don't get this whole BS about people boohooing about not getting what they want after sex...

If you don't want to be sexual, DON'T! Just don't mess around then cry when someone bolts.

It's each of our own responsibilities to CHOOSE to participate or not.
If you want to know where you stand .....ASK
If where you stand makes a difference whether or not you want to participate...ASK upfront.
If you WANTED to participate regardless....Then be happy, you got something too....grow up and stop whining!
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 14
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 6:53:10 AM
The best not-sex I've ever had!


Good not-sex is pretty wonderful. I love good not-sex. And the best not-sex… hmm, must have been pretty fantastic.


just before I left he asked for a bj…

This seems pretty forward to me, for a shy guy, but that's just me. I note there was some oral teasing for both of you already, so maybe your turn is coming.

And some girls really like to give oral and most certainly like all the other sexy play you mentioned. So I think you both had a pretty good time. That thought that he might have used you – I’d just hold that aside for now, and wait for a bit more info. Let more of the story unfold.


I'm going back there this weekend. Should I ask to talk to him in private? Should I just ignore him and see what he does?

Don’t ignore him. Be friendly. And don’t ask to speak to him in private. If you happen to be alone with him, don’t mention the sex-play or the facebook message.

Think about what you’ll want to say if he brings it up. Not a lot. Just a few words. Keep it light. And let him respond. You had a good time. But there’s other boys in the world. And you’re a cutie.

I'm so confused! I want to clear things up and know exactly what's what, it drives me crazy to be left hanging like this.

Totally understandable. But there is no what’s what. There is no crystal ball. There is no pre-established turning of events from this point forward. You are both hanging. Your task is to deal with that crazy-making uncertainty within yourself and not convey it to your partner nor project it onto him.

Be cool. And see what happens next. Maybe he’s a good guy who wants a relationship. Maybe he’s a good guy who doesn’t.

Maybe he wants a relationship but not with you. Or maybe he doesn’t know yet. Maybe he’d like some kind of relationship with you but doesn’t know what kind.

Maybe just for sexy play. Seems that part is going amazingly well between you, and a good lover isn’t easy to find. Maybe for more. That whole emotional part of becoming partners is something you haven’t explored yet, at least not in your opening post here.

But equally important is what you want. Do you really know enough about him yet to say what you want? other than to explore this a little further and see what it could be?

Could it continue with more sexy play while you get further acquainted? Cause that scenario is likely to come up if you two are around each other again. I mean, who doesn’t like good sex?

As for what he wants… you’ve lobbed the ball into his court already with the facebook message. You came across with some pretty large questions there.

“what's going on between us

He doesn’t know. Like I said, no crystal ball.

…since I haven't heard from you. Was that a one night thing or what?"

Without the tone of your voice to soften the content, that text could have come across sounding a bit confrontative. Along with the unanswerable largeness of the previous question, that might be enough to make a shy guy head for the hills.

So be cool. See what happens next. Relationships that start the way yours did are all one-night-stands. Until the second night. Let him breathe. Take a few for yourself.

And be part of what happens next. You’ve both got a hand on the rudder.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 15
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He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:14:28 AM
This kind of shit cracks me up.

Sorry honey. I'm so unpolitically correct
in situations like this, even my friends heads
blow away.

You know the guy from shit, you blow him
and take a shower with him and do other
oral things with him and you wonder
why he isn't contacting you.

Ummm...

Okay. Think about this real hard.

Just a little heads up ( no pun intended)
here-

I know it's 2011. I know all this is so very acceptable
by some and I know all your friends suck off random
guys but honey-

right this moment, how do you feel about yourself?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

Get a little self esteem and dignity about ones self.

He can give a shit. He used you. Make better decisions
next time.

He is going to talk to you- he is going to ask you to
blow him again too because you are a sure thing to him.

Now- what are you going to do?

A guy who is really sweet contacts you after all this
and stays in touch.

He is not really sweet. Get that shit out of your head.

He is a young guy who found a nice girl who was
willing to think there may be something if he was
real sweet to her.

 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 16
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:28:40 AM
^^^^ Why does NSA have to equal being used in a bad sense?

Why does her CHOOSING to be sexual equate to her having self- esteem issues?

Maybe she has great self esteem.....great enough to allow herself to participate in sexual activities without worrying that others may judge her!

I cannot stand when women promote women empowering themselves then chastising them for taking charge of their sex life in whatever manner they see fit!

Taking charge of your own sex life has responsibilities though such as:

Being the only deciding when, where and how you have sex.
Communicating your wants, needs and intentions.
Receiving communication as to the other person's wants, needs and intentions.
Being honest with yourself and your partner about your true motivations.
Never expecting sex in return for something.
Never expecting something in return for sex.
Never blaming someone for something you were also involved in...it takes two.
Never allow anyone to shame you for enjoying something with another willing participant.

The only issue between the OP and the guy is that the OP is possibly interested in more, but did not make that clear upfront nor did she ASK him what his intentions were.

I'm not saying you HAVE to ask upfront...just don't complain when you find out you assumed incorrectly.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 17
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He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:41:05 AM
Jco- I'm not shaming her.

I was 20 years old too.

I Also know at that age , as a woman I learned, like her
the hard way how this kind of shit ends.

I'm not smacking her. I'm trying to tell her that at her
age, a guy at her age is usually not on the same page.

She blows him- she sees relationship.
What does he see- another chance at a blow job.

Okay.
Honey sweety Jco- im not comming back here. My opinion
to her. That's all.

Oh one more thing- being free in your sexuality like jco says
also means accepting whatever happens.


---->>>>3 days went by, and late on the 3rd day I sent him a facebook message saying "Hey, I was wondering what's going on between us since I haven't heard from you. Was that a one night thing or what?" And 2 days since I sent that message there has been no response. Mutual friends have said he's a good guy, looking for a relationship, etc, and I got the impression that he wasn't the type to use a girl.<<<<--------


I rest my case.

If you have no problem with the possibility you may never
hear from him again then do your thing.

If you are too sensitive to silence which does happen
then make your decision accordingly.
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 18
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:45:40 AM
I think that sign with a guy's heart placed over his crotch and a girl's heart placed over her chest applies here .....
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 19
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:48:14 AM

I made sure he had my number, and was really hoping he would text or call me.

Well, he didn't... and I'm sure that if he was interested in a repeat performance, he would have.

I know it's disappointing as you obviously were expecting more -- but I wouldn't confront him or try to find out what happened -- or gossip about the incident to your mutual friend(s).

Leave it be. If you see him again, smile and be cordial like nothing ever happened.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 20
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:53:04 AM

Jco- I'm not shaming her.



Perhaps you may not have intended it as shaming but you DID say:


right this moment, how do you feel about yourself?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

Get a little self esteem and dignity about ones self.

He can give a shit. He used you. Make better decisions
next time.


That seems pretty snarky and judgmental...how do you feel about yourself?......assuming she SHOULD feel bad... Make BETTER decisions....how where her decisions ANYTHING but her own...they are neutral....there was no right or wrong decision to make.....the only thing she did wrong was have a lack of communication if she had expectations about all of this!
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 21
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:05:29 AM

I know all this is so very acceptable
by some and I know all your friends suck off random
guys but honey-

This is shaming. And demeaning. And it's based on complete fabrication.

Then to say you're not shaming her? That's just not believable.

You're directing your comments to a woman you've never seen, met or heard of. I don't think your comments have any basis. Your words don't reflect on her at all.
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 22
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:09:20 AM
Well OP .. here's my opinion .. IF the guy want to be with you he'll make effort on all fronts to get back to you, regardless if you call him, don't call him, wave a sign in his face or completely ignore him. .... And IF the guy doesn't want to be with you -- it doesn't matter if you gave him the most earth shattering bj ..... or had gravity defying sex ..... you won't hear back from him again.

... Thats just the nature of the beast ... the name of the game ... the law of the jungle .. so to speak .... to avoid future dissapointment my advice would be: wise up and make better choices next time ....

I also agree with this:



Slow down...or care less.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 23
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:26:59 AM
And IF the guy doesn't want to be with you -- it doesn't matter if you gave him the most earth shattering bj ..... or had gravity defying sex ..... you won't hear back from him again.

True, but this little gal is gonna have a full inbox for weeks to come because of her little confession on here

edit: And I agree with Curlygrl's assessment -- though I didn't say the words myself I was thinking them.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 24
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He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:36:40 AM
Wow I'm shaming and demeaning.
Like today is any different.

Ummm... Others have said what I have said
but they walked on eggshells.

I have a tendency to crack the egg.

Sorry gentleman if I have offended you but
seriously-
I stand by my post.

I actually was thinking of her as my daughter
and us having this conversation.

I would never want my daughter hurt by some
guy playing nice with her.

Maybe I was rough on her but if she was my daughter
I would tell her exactly what I said here.


Have a nice day.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 25
He seemed really sweet.... but haven't heard from him!
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:47:59 AM
Now I was going to agree with you curlygirl.

At 20 the young lady is naive.
And I'm sure her thought process was that he would stay.
Because "cuddling" was involved, and his/her friends (can't remember which) gave him a thumbs up.

This young man got what he wanted.
She didn't.

As for communication ...
Well, she's 20.
It's difficult for her to communicate her wants, when what she really wanted was a relationship.
Not give a blow job.

As for JCO, sure, communication is a GREAT idea.
However that happens more as individuals mature.
This young lady hopefully now understands this and learns from it.

Remember ... it is not a perfect world.
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