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 kevinlovett1976
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 1
proper waiting period after a breakup?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
How long do you think people should wait to start dating after a breakup? 6 weeks? 6 months? I've always tried to start dating again quickly. You don't get over something sitting around thinking about it and.....to put it another way......if your puppy dog dies and you don't bury it quickly.....it starts to stink. On the other hand, when I do move on quickly, many get the impression that I didn't love them. Fact is, I do the needed to get it off my mind. It stays on the mind because you do love them, even for some time after the fact. Thoughts are appreciated.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 2
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proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:06:35 PM
I prefer to give an appreciable amount of time at the end of a relationship. It allows me to think more clearly going into the next one...

Jumping from one to the next doesn't allow a person to truly know themselves, so they tend to become the person that whomever they're dating is looking for...
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:08:21 PM
I think it takes time to get over a relationship.
Time to reflect on what happened, and how you contributed to the breakup.
Then time to correct your portion so that you do not do it again.

Think of the person that you are now dating.
Do they have your FULL attention?
Or are you just using them to assuage your pain?

You need to be in a healthy state to find someone.
Or you are just damaged goods.
I know I don't want any damaged goods.

I want someone who is healthy and willing to give me his all.

How long that takes is up to you.
But to go running from one relationship to another is like
jumping from one frying pan to another.
I've done it.
And I've gotten burned.

So this time I worked on getting myself fixed.
Because healthy people will attract healthy people.
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:10:55 PM
I just consulted the Proper Waiting Period Handbook. You must divide the length of the relationship by 2, multiply it by pi, and then calculate its square root. I hope this is helpful. If you would like a copy of the Handbook, I can get you a exclusive copy for only $19.99, payable in 3 easy installments.
 Titus_Maccius_Plautus
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 5
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:12:11 PM
Depends on many factors:

How long was the relationship?

How emotionally involved were you?

Were you the dumper or the dumpee?

Have you developed coping strategies to get over it?

There is no fixed time period allotted to get over a relationship. It is very subjective. For some people it may take months, for other years.

One thing is for sure, the more you sit around and feel sorry for yourself, the longer it will take.

I'm not saying try to jump into another relationship as quickly as possible because that can also be self-destructive. Go out and have fun.

Titus
 kevinlovett1976
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 6
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:12:48 PM
blueberry pi???? moon pi. mmmmmmmm.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 7
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proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:16:55 PM
~OP~ There is no time frame. Some people get out right away, others wait a long while. I waited two and half years after opting to leave someone I loved dearly, I waited less than a week after a break-up that wasn't nearly as significant to the heart. Personally? I think it's all just a matter of how the break-up went, how long the relationship was "dead" before the actual leaving and actual "official" end of things as well as the circumstance that was the demise. It's all just a matter of personal preference. JMO
 kevinlovett1976
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 8
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:18:39 PM
all over a period of 4 months. where did i leave that flying delorean?
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 9
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:21:51 PM
Do you want that in minutes, hours, or days?


I do move on quickly, many get the impression that I didn't love them.


Why would you care what they think... you just broke up dude... seriously, do you really think your ex gf spends more then the blink of an eye thinking about "gee did he really love me?"

NO, she moved on... and she's hoping you do too soon cause its creeping her out to the point of considering a restraining order
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 10
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proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:24:56 PM
hi again op,
short memories on here i guess and you enjoy the responses!
so glad to see you resolved the breakup with your girl on your previous thread. i personally think expressing your apologies to her were perfect. for you and for her.

regarding the waiting time after a breakup.......whatever works for you is fine. you get to make the rules on this one. cause it has to work for you. course you do have to make sure you are not there using some unsuspecting girl for the rebound, cause that is not nice.
kaylee
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:32:47 PM
[blueberry pi???? moon pi. mmmmmmmm.]

Good choices, but I prefer pecan (because I love nuts), with whipped cream on top, of course.

P.S. I'm new here. Can you tell me how to get the box with the previous quote in it?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 12
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proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:38:46 PM
^^^I was going to private message you ~ but I don't live in your area, so I'll show you how to quote here.

[ quote] (with NO spaces between characters)
and then insert your copied text and then close it off with:
[ /quote]

It'll look like this:

[ quote] (with NO spaces between characters
and then insert your copied text then close that with this:
[ /quote]


Bold and italic are the same: [ i] [ /i] and [ b] [ /b] work the same.

~OT~ It probably just took me longer to type how to quote than some people wait to date after a break-up. I have decided that if I'm in that position again, I'm likely not going to let any moss grow on me. I'm getting old ~ why waste time licking my wounds when I can be out enjoying people/places/things. Remember OP ~ you don't have to get "serious" ~ ~ you can date just to have social interactions with the opposite sex if you want. Good luck to ya.
 Jer13601
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 13
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:47:08 PM
Seriously? How old are you? Break ups suck for both. Are you a man or a momma's boy? Guilt kills. Get some focus man. I would suggest that you learn what true love is and to date for that reason instead of "baggin uglies." Maybe you're not ready to date.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 14
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 5:35:22 PM
4 months is not much of a relationship. You dated for a few months and were fond of each other but it didn't work out.

If you feel ready, you probably are.
 Morning_Face
Joined: 5/26/2010
Msg: 15
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 5:42:05 PM
Some people go for "dating but nothing serious" to keep themselves busy. But going for a new relationship while you don't feel completely healed from the previous one will only leave the two of you in a deeper mess. It took me almost two years after my longest relationship of 8 years ended for me to look for serious dating. When you feel your head and heart are at one and the same place with no bitterness or anger, you're ready for serious stuff.
 forumjunkie942
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 16
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 5:57:47 PM
I feel most people will be "ready" when an attractive option shows up.

If someone here on POF had the worst divorce in the history of the world, and once the papers were signed, she saw George Clooney outside the courthouse and he wanted to date her, what do you think most women would say?

I will say this though, while I don't think there is a hard fast rule, I think if a guy says to a girl that shes the love of his life and he believes he's madly in love with her and she's the one and then a month later they are broken up and 2 weeks after that he is nailing 3 other women, then what exactly does that say?

I had neighbors once who were engaged, many many years ago. They broke up. She broke up with him. In a week, I could hear her slurping and grinding and moaning and getting her ankles bent over her head about six ways from Sunday from a bunch of different dudes showing up at her place. My take on it is, how much could she have 'loved' the guy, if they were together and engaged and then a week after its over she's getting pumped out?

I think people can choose for themselves how long is enough, but my observation is those who hop from bed to bed and relationship to relationship fast, it rarely seems to result in sustained relationship success period for that person down the road. Maybe some have success that way, and if they do, good for them.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 17
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 6:13:25 PM
About 6 hours.There is a difference between being ready for a new love and easing your anguish.Get laid.
 azul14
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 18
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proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 6:22:44 PM
Lots of variables... It depends how deeply in love you were.....

You can go out meet people, but your heart might not be into starting a relationship quickly. It may take your mind of the old relationship for a while, but eventually you have to deal with the heartache... so, is it fair to rebound and use someone...

 singleuseful
Joined: 5/23/2011
Msg: 19
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proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 6:26:32 PM
Ok now for manly truth ,go away vixens ,smirk , how long was this interlude ? 1 month ? give it an hour ,2 months= 2 hrs ,,,,,,3 months ,your slipppin .4 ? you nuts ? ok = 1 hr/week dated well a week/month That should = 3 .2 months and your free

After that it alllllllllllllllllllllllllll changes can you believe 1 week for every month is the standard for up to ,cant remember,well either 3 yrs or the divorce

hope that helps
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 20
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 6:50:03 PM
It seems nowadays one too many people are jumping right back in after a recent breakup.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 21
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proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:42:52 PM
Everybody is different, and then every relationship is different so there really isn't an absolute time frame to wait. I do find that generally, one full year works best because it allows you to experience various anniversaries and special occasions on your own at least once.

There are risks in dating too quickly. You might think you won't get over a breakup if you sit around thinking about it, but if you don't spend enough time digesting what really happened and what your mistakes were, you are going to shortchange yourself from learning the lessons behind the breakup. And why would you care about whether an ex thinks "you didn't love them" or not? You are trying to move on; nobody can fault you for that. I doubt the ex would even think much about you after the breakup, especially if she had dumped you. If she did, most likely she would respect you for taking steps to take care of yourself.

My advice would be to take as much time as you need to learn from the breakup before starting to date again. Otherwise, you'll be carrying all the baggage from your last relationship into the next one, making it incredibly difficult on yourself and the next person you're with. And if you really want to speed things up, practice No Contact, but that's another topic altogether.
 dwmitch
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 22
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proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/4/2011 1:11:35 AM
There is no set time. Took me eight months after a nearly four year relationship before I started putting serious effort into trying to date. I've seen some people go from a ten year marriage to a two month rebound just as soon as the papers were signed to a committed relationship a month after the rebound.

Then again, I've seen people spend two years bouncing around, going from "relationship" to "relationship" in rapid succession thinking they were either over their ex or hoping the "relationship" would get them over their ex. All they ended up with was a string of rebound relationships and increasing disillusionment.

There's no hard and fast number. Just do yourself a favor and hold off until you pass the "I miss my ex. Why couldn't we work things out" point, because you'll be expecting things from the next person that they can't or shouldn't provide and you'll end up getting yourself and the person you're with hurt.
 _roxy_
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 23
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/4/2011 1:18:56 AM
I have no clue how long you should wait. Just don't wait too long. I always meant to have some 'alone' time and get back out there. 6yrs later and I'm still not back in the saddle, don't be a fool like me and wait so long you forget how to :)
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 24
proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/4/2011 5:04:30 AM
I have always lived by the motto...best way to get over a man is to get yourself a new one. Obviously that is not working out all that well.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 25
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proper waiting period after a breakup?
Posted: 9/4/2011 5:16:37 AM
As long as you are not using people, or leading them on in order to give your mind 'other' things to think about, then move on anytime you want to.

I think it is classless to run right out and get another when your heart is still aching for someone else...this just spreads YOUR hurt over to other people and it is selfish.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > proper waiting period after a breakup?