|Facebook friends?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3)|
|Hoping this hasn't been asked before...and if it has- it is most likely in a different context.|
So, I recently was faced with this situation after just a few messages back and forth with this guy on here. He asked me if I had facebook. I said that I did and that I did not friend anyone unless I was dating them and even then I am weary of it and would usually wait until I knew them for awhile. The following is what ensued:
Him: I like to use facebook as a means to gather who someone really is...it's usually a
good indicator of who they really are. I've had previous experiences where
A girl didn't want to befriend me on facebook...(which in my opinion is not a big
deal) and she wound up being crazy.....so when a girl doesn't wanna be friends on
facebook....to me that's a huge red flag and makes me wonder whats she's hiding. I have trust issues. Sorry but I'm very honest and that's how I feel. I'm not saying that this is you, but I think you can understand my point of view.
Me: Then you would have access to all of my personal info and I do not know you either and YOU may be crazy...It goes both ways. I'm sorry you have trust issues. I do also to a certain extent. I think everyone does! The only thing I'm hiding is access to my personal information from someone whom I haven't even laid eyes on in person! Come on now! Could go the other way too: someone who wants access to your personal information right off the bat = red flag...just saying.
Ok, which position do you agree with?
I'm not saying one is right or wrong. It is just how he feels and how I feel and it is differently!
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:29:27 PM
|I would say no. Some guy kept asking me for my last name so he can add me to facebook. As if I am going to give my name to a total stranger. You can look up a person's address on the internet with their last name. |
He sounds like he wants to get to know you the lazy way and just look at posts to see what you do. I would run!
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:31:05 PM
|That guy is bloody weird!|
If you want to get to know someone, date them, ask them, communicate with them.
As to which i agree with, yours of course!
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:32:55 PM
|I have found that Facebook ends up being quite a pain particularly when relationships are not quite solid. So if someone wants to be my friends on face book I flat out tell them that I use it ONLY and EXCLUSIVELY for close friends and family, and I want to keep it that way. When we know each other, have dated for a while, known all my friends and even family and have moved to the realm of the exclusive, then they can be part of Facebook. |
I would say having "Trust issues" is a bigger red flag than not being invited to their Facebook page.
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:33:29 PM
|He met one crazy who wouldn’t friend him, therefore you are crazy.|
Now I myself met a woman on POF who was bat-chit crazy, and you’re here too. Sorry, but that’s two strikes. Do you have cats?
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:37:51 PM
|My FB is for family, real friends, and former students. I have never told a man on a dating site that I wanted to be his friend, but they have found me, anyway. I added one and he kept posting inappropriate things on my profile. I asked him to stop because I didn't want to read his crap, my family didn't want to read his crap, and my former students didn't want to read it. (I would delete the posts, but I couldn't get to them right away.) He became angry and unfriended me--as if I cared! Now, I just don't add them to my list. |
My profile is open for anyone to read and friends of friends can make comments, so there is no need for me to friend those whom I don't know. Anyone who would be upset over this is not worth knowing.
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:40:11 PM
|Sportsgirl, that guy has issues major issues and should be kicked to the curb , no confident guy would ever make that request... Guys like him with boundary issues do|
Bend him over and kick his ass to the curb
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:43:07 PM
|I have an novel approach to FB. I only "befriend" people that ARE my friends ! Imagine that ! I have to have spent at least a few hours with them in person , and know their last names, and where they live, and a little something about who they are at the very minimum. I do NOT befriend casual dates - not ever.|
Having "trust issues" is a whole 'nuther ballgame from using common sense and caution when meeting strangers online.
I think you acted with just the right amount of wisdom !
Meeting in person (another novel idea to some), is the way to learn about someone - NOT Facebook, or any other social network !
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:58:14 PM
|Thanks, everyone for the replys. |
I lost interest in him the second he brought up this topic and his reaction to it just made me even more disenchanted. I blocked him. I would not want to meet a man like this.
As for who I am friends with on FB, it is just family and friends. I never add someone who I am just "dating"...I learned that lesson.
Posted: 9/9/2011 3:31:15 PM
|I'd stop communicating due to his "I have trust issues" line.|
He's telling you right from the get-go that he has problems.
My position: I don't do facebook.
Posted: 9/9/2011 3:43:47 PM
|I'm with you all the way, OP. Some woman I talked to here wanted my last name right away, too (strike 1) and immediately sent a friend request on Facebook (strike 2), which completely creeped me out for the same reasons you listed. Some people seem to add everyone they've ever spoke to as a "friend" on Facebook. Not me. (Who really has 473 friends, anyway?)|
In this case strike 2 means you're out. I deleted her from my yahoo messenger contact list and didn't talk to her again. I had to laugh when, a few weeks later, she tried to initiate chat here on POF. Some people just don't take the hint.
Posted: 9/9/2011 3:43:58 PM
|You made up your mind, now stick with it. If that guy doesn't like it, tough nooggies for him.|
Posted: 9/9/2011 4:03:29 PM
|I'd ditch him. If he's not sharp enough to learn whatever he wants to know about you in regular conversation, he doesn't deserve FB access. On the other hand, I don't have any private information on my FB page...I use it for work. I friended someone I met on here who seemed a little rough around the edges but nothing totally unforgivable. After checking out his FB page, I dropped him like a bad habit. Based on some of the craziness posted on his wall, I could totally see us getting shot at or worse if we ever went on a date.|
Posted: 9/9/2011 4:13:44 PM
|~OT~ Facebook. *****sigh***** The death of many good things about the net. I will never understand people who are so hung up on that being a "test" of who someone "truly" is. I refuse to have a page there, nor any other "social networking" site because the people that I wish to know and that I wish to know me, have access to my personal email and if I want to know someone past the point of casual email? We'll meet and get to know one another. I've been told that I'm basically "odd" because I don't indulge the whole Facebook thing. I use that as a "weeding out tool" for my own self. If someone needs me to be one-of-the-flock ~ they'd never be happy with who I really am. To each their own. |
Posted: 9/9/2011 4:19:44 PM
|I do not belong to ANY of these media sites, I find them simply ways to encourage drama. Even if you can so called * limit who adds you or sees your drama * I think it is asking fro trouble. People get stalked, lose jobs, know too much of other people's business, and then wonder why they have so many issues . |
Why give that to a stranger? And like REDDRAGON said, why even continue talking to a guy who admits he has trust issues?
I just love people who go from one site to another, to another & to another. Then you throw in texting , sexting , why even bother meeting???
Both situations are tragic. Protect your personal life.
Posted: 9/9/2011 4:36:54 PM
|I usually feel turned off writing someone when they start this Facebook nonsense. Are they here to find someone (be in friendship or otherwise) or here to make me spend my entire day going back and forth emailing them both here and there? |
If someone wants to know me they can ask to meet me, not ask me for yet one more virtual medium. Booooring!
As for the trust issues thing, Facebook or not, I wouldn't be interested in writing him.
Posted: 9/9/2011 5:52:08 PM
|I don't even friend men I've dated for months. Too much drama. I use Facebook for family and friends only. |
He has trust issues yet expects you to trust him with your personal life before even meeting? You did the right thing.
Posted: 9/9/2011 6:10:57 PM
I have trust issues.
OP, in my opinion, probably the thread should have been called what has been quoted, not really anything to do with Facebook. It really is the heart of the matter ... it was just that he decided to use Facebook his venue to vent his insecurities.
Look, I know that people can read too much into social networking sites. Back in 2007, I had a girlfriend question if I had any friends because I really didn't have any friended on MySpace. Of course I had friends ... it was just that (a) I really never asked my real life friends to be MySpace friends and (b) at the time not too many real life friends were using MySpace at the time.
Now as for Facebook, I like it. It gives me a chance to keep up with my high school friends back in Coronado, California, allows me to keep up with former work associates and friends back up in northern Indiana, as well as family members. As for friending others, I usually don't have a problem with it because I really don't have anything on the site that would make me feel uncomfortable. I think if you just stay smart about it, there really isn't any issue.
Posted: 9/9/2011 6:46:05 PM
|I never FB people I date. I didn't even FB friend my last boyfriend, and we were together over 2 1/2 years. Nope. FB is for my close friends and family, and that's it. I think everyone should have their own little slice of privacy, and I like it that way. |
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:23:53 PM
|Who knows what he might do once you accepted his friend request? He might post harassing comments or something. You made the right decision.|
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:25:18 PM
|Faceook is the cause of many relationship breakups. It was one of the causes of my last relationship breaking up. You should limit your facebook time if you are in a relationship|
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:30:01 PM
|I can't take a position on f*c*book but the attempt to both push and manipulate is a double "huge red flag" which I'm happy for you that you instinctively resist|
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:33:54 PM
|Alot of people use Facebook as a popularity contest. I use it for friends and family. And I am actual friends with each and every one of them! Like you said, my personal info is on there and I don't need everybody and their dog looking at it. I agree with your thoughts on it and think he should have respected your stance the first time you stated it. Why you even had to explain yourself is beyond me. Delete and move on from this winner.|
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:52:36 PM
|I really don't see the big deal! I've done this with a few guys, and its a way for us both to see more pics of each other. You get to see more what they're like. See them with their family, friends , see their views, sense of humor and their personality. I don't put any personal info on my facebook. Besides, if I'm going to friend someone on facebook, I've already given them my cell# so we can text. I mean, I only do this with someone I'm setting a date up with. What is the big deal? Who cares? That is what people do now and how we relate snd communicate these days!|
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:57:49 PM
|eh...no...not until I determine they are trustworthy. They'll know where I work, see my daughter's picture, see who my friends are, etc. I don't let strangers know that much about me until I decide if I actually want to get to know them.|
Good move, OP!