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 mec44
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 1
Trying too hardPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have met a man on this site and it is off and on... he keeps on saying that I am trying to hard.. I guess I do not understand what he means by that... he knows I want a relationship.. but he says he is not sure what he wants.. I guess what I want to know.. is do I just sit back and wait for him to contact me??? is it wrong to text and call every now and then??? I am confused on how I am trying to hard...

someone please clarify for me???
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 2
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:49:54 PM
The only person who can clarify this is the man who said it. Ask him to clarify.

Or sit around waiting for him to decide for you.

Your choice.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 3
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:51:56 PM
OP - some girls when they WANT a relationship or to get married, they are on the prowl.

just like us men can get sometimes when we are on the prowl for a piece of booty.


both push and try too hard.

instead of just relaxing and letting things happen.

because when the other person tries tooo hard, honestly.


its a turn off.
 Spider_Woman
Joined: 7/18/2011
Msg: 4
Trying too hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:55:12 PM
Is there anything you want to do with your life other than snag a man?
Even something you want only half as much?
I hope there is, and if so, you should focus on that for awhile.
Sitting back and waiting for the phone to ring is not your best plan for 2 reasons:
1) it's boring.
2) it will make you boring.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 5
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Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:56:00 PM
"Trying too hard" *strongly* suggests he believes you want a relationship that is greater than he is comfortable with. (Even casual dating is a relationship, just not a serious one.) Or maybe he thinks you want the *relationship* more than you want *him*.

Either way, he's feeling pressure from you that he finds uncomfortable. Unless you can ease off and relax, you will lose him for certain. And if you *do* ease off and relax the pressure, you may lose him anyway. Just accept it, let him find someone he's more comfortable with, and you do the same.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 6
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:56:57 PM
Time to get some more cards in your hand.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 7
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:58:05 PM
How long are you willing to wait for the marriage proposal you say in your profile you are after? Are you willing to have a long term relationship without marriage? I think you should be trying hard to meet potential mates, lots of them, but not putting pressure on them to make up their minds. Pick one who knows his mind already and will propose.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 8
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:58:15 PM
It's sounds like he is saying that you are coming on too fast. How long have you guys been off and on?
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 9
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Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:58:22 PM
is it wrong to text and call every now and then???


When you say "every now and then", do you mean every two hours or so? Aaand do you expect him to answer right away, and if he doesn't, do you call/text until he does answer? THAT could be trying too hard.

You were extremely vague with your opening thread, so we can only imagine scenarios. Try to clarify it.
 mec44
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 10
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 7:04:45 PM
this has been going on for 3 months now... it seems like it is always on his terms... but I guess I am just going to go and do other things.. and yes I have other intrest then trying to find a man... but it would be nice to have someone to be with to talk about things...
Thanks all for the words of wisdom...
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 11
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Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 7:13:15 PM
OP, it means he's not the one.

If it's always on his terms, you're not really happy. Believe me, I know how that feels. And it's not good.

Do your thing and move on. I would break up with him, actually.

Go find somebody who's all into you. That feels much better. Trust me. You're just wasting your time with this one.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 12
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 7:19:33 PM
After 3 months I feel that he should have some indication as to whether or not he wants to be in a relationship. I think you should date other people. It's up to you if you want to completely shut him out, but I would definitely start exploring my options. And, Stop allowing things to be on his terms. If he calls you to go out, tell him you're busy. When he calls, tell him your busy. Things have been on his terms because you are too available to him.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 13
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Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 7:32:40 PM
This is yet another example of "He's just not that into you." A man that is really taken with you would not accuse you of trying too hard.

If anything, he'd be more apt to be worried about whether or not HE might be coming on a little too strongly to YOU.

This guy only feels lukewarm towards you at best. Drop him and find someone else who's just as taken with you as you are with him.
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 8:01:45 PM

I am trying to hard.


equals desperate.

Not good.
 ferruginous
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 15
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Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 8:02:22 PM

I am confused on how I am trying to hard...

someone please clarify for me???
I suspect that what he probably means is: trying too hard.
 Morning_Face
Joined: 5/26/2010
Msg: 16
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 8:12:57 PM
Leave this guy alone. You are wasting your time with him.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 17
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Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 8:29:54 PM
Trying too hard. Yeah. That's man code for "would you be my Gal Friday on weekday nights when there isn't a game on?"
 nowordscandescribeme
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 18
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:25:38 PM
Someone give the Op some Peanut Butter to go with the Fluff that some of you talk about in your responses to her.

I do agree with the fact that you didnt really give much info to base much of a response off of, but even in these posts, I see people automatically blame the OP, and not just in this thread, when in reality noone knows exactly either side of the Op or the one shes dating.

What it sounds like to me is that this guy, may like you, but may want to keep you around, because he just doesn't want to be alone, but also is waiting for something else to come around.

If two people like each other, you act on those feelings, and it shouldn't be weird, and one or the other shouldn't be made to feel like their trying to hard, when their only displaying interest towards the other person, but if the other person isnt sure of themselves or what their even doing with you, you trying to make things work can be projected as them trying to hard.

Happens often Op, seems like a lose lose, if you dont try enough it can be seen as you not being interested, if you try at all or what some may consider as too much, than you lose because you tried too much.

Just keep being you, and the right guy will come along, and things wont be so complicated.

Best of luck!
 Jer13601
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 19
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:29:54 PM
Plain and simple - he's lying to you and using you. He's getting what he wants without the commitment. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the deal.
 SngnArtist
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 20
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Trying to hard
Posted: 9/15/2011 1:12:07 AM
I'd add something here but I think overall nowords said it best :) Good luck to you
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 21
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Trying to hard
Posted: 9/15/2011 1:25:28 AM

he knows I want a relationship.. but he says he is not sure what he wants..


There is a much bigger issue here.

You want a relationship and he does not.

You need to end this based on that alone.

It's very very important that you're on the same page.


do I just sit back and wait for him to contact me???


Sit back and wait for him to magically decide he wants a relationship after all overnight?

Break things off. Date other guys. Find someone that is really on the same page i.e is dating with the goal of a LTR.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 22
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/15/2011 3:01:43 AM
Sorry,Op,but after three months of on and off dating,you shouldn't be feeling like this.

Either he's into you or he isn't and i really think you're wasting your time with this one.

Throw him back and try for another!
 Fire_Sta8tion
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 23
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/15/2011 12:45:01 PM
Good Evening,so this "man" don't know what he wants?? Oh dear am sure he knows what he want,can you ready my mind??

Also are you really,really sure that is he SINGLE?? Don't you think that is so weird that he don't get in touch often??

If was you after 3 months wasting time,maybe you should move on,life is too short and sounds that you are unhappy,sad with this situation,so make a move,good luck!!
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 24
Trying to hard
Posted: 9/15/2011 12:50:36 PM
He's already solved your predicament ... "he doesn't know what he wants." Sadly, I'm guessing it isn't you. And when he says you're "trying too hard", it sounds like you're throwing yourself at him. It really doesn't sound like he's interested, so you probably should stop beating yourself up and leave him alone.
 newreality2010
Joined: 10/29/2010
Msg: 25
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Trying to hard
Posted: 9/15/2011 12:51:39 PM
Eeek.

I would just do something else for a while and forget about him.
If he thinks you are trying to hard, I don't think you can come back from that.
I have to constantly remind myself that I want a guy who also WANTS to be with me.
I don't want to be with someone I have to coerce or cajole into seeing me.

But then again, I am still single, so who knows?
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